Unbidden Awakening

The one where I fall apart in his arms

With my phone pressed to my ear. I sneak a glance at Max. His hands are in his pockets, and even though he stands casually, no one with all their senses intact can ever mistake him for casual. I inspected him further. Stacy was spot on in her observation. The man had a dangerousair to him, and it's a testament to my viceral reaction to him that I didn't notice it earlier on.

No matter how many times I've seen him, I honestly don't think I'll ever get used to his beauty. When I look at him, I know that God truly has his favourites. His hair, so black it seems to absorb the dark of the night, highlights the blue of his eye, and as for his bone structure,two words, My my.

"Callie, you there?" I'd totally forgotten I was still on a call with Neela

"Yeah, I'm here." Max takes his phone out, and I guess he gets a call because he walks a few feet away and starts speaking to someone on the phone. As I'm staring at him, I feel a wave of determination descend upon me.

Ever since the accident, I've been so afraid of wanting something for myself. I've been so afraid of wanting to let myself feel anything but guilt, shame, hopelessness, and pain. I am done with it. I don't want to feel like that anymore. He makes me come alive

"Neela," I call, still staring at Max.

"I think you're right. It was a date. "

For a few heartbeats, Neela is completely and utterly silent. The only sounds are the sounds of music in the background. Then, she releases a cackle.

"I totally called it." I give her an indulgent smile, even though she can't see it.

"I know."

"Good." She retorts, then promptly ends the call.

I place my phone back in the waistband of my maxi skirt all the while, hyper aware of the suit jacket I'm wearing. It smells like Max. Any other time, I might have just found a good place and curled up with it, but now, I'm resolute. Strangely, as much as the jacket reassured me, it also unnerved me.

The first step towards Max was the hardest. I must have walked further than i thought because he was a littledistanceaway from me, but i could still see him perfectly. You would think that after the way I filled my head with motivation, it would be easy.

"Just walk over to him, How hard can it be. Just one step, " I mumble to myself.

"C'mon Calista, don't be a wuss." i take two deep breaths and go for it.

The first few steps were good. I was confident and sure of myself. Only, he turned towards me, and all of my thoughts fly out of my head. All of a sudden, I don't know how to walk anymore,my confident strut became a disgraceful, graceless wobble.

I keep my eyes on his though, so when he stops speaking to the person on the other end of the call, I know, and when the corner of his mouth kicks up and he raises one perfectly shaped eyebrow, I decide I've had enough. I stop walking towards him, and instead, I gesture at him to come to me instead. He inclines his head and starts walking to me instead. In three strides, his long legs eat up the distance, and then he's in my face.

I feel a goofy smile come up to my face.

"Hi,"

"Hi," He responds. Before i can say anything else, he stretches out his hand. I don't understand, so I just eye it clearly confused.

He reaches for me, and I freeze like a deer in headlights. A million scenarios run through my head. Half of them involve a lot of kissing and a lot of touching. Instead, he takes my phone and opens it.

My phone isn't password protected. It hasn't been since I got a new one. I smashed the last one during a particularly serious panic attack and the one before that, Well, if a car accident can kill 2 people, a phone doesn't stand a chance.

He goes to my contact and inputs a number. A smile blooms on my face when I realise what he's doing. He hands me my phone, and the stupid smile is still on my face.

My phone lights up with a clearly drunken text from Neela

Ne are ouy

I smile and reply

Outside.

I am about to ask her where she is when I hear it. From behind me, someone calls out

"Nicole!"

Instantly, I'm taken back to the night of the accident. I hear my Moms voice, and NicoIe voice.

"Don't make that face, Callie,"

"What face? I'm not making any face, " I retort

"You totally were,"

I can't seem to get air. I know I'm having a panic attack.

"Please," i try to say, but it sounds like a strangled moan. Vaguely, I'm aware that Max is calling my name

"No,no,no,no," I mumble, but the memory just keeps pressing up a gainst me.

"I thought you were sick Nikky you're not supposed to be talking,"

"Yes, well, I'm never too sick to tell on you".

The memory plays in bits and pieces, fragmented

"Make it stop." I manage to gasp

Max is saying something to me, but I can't hear. My vision swims, then clears only this time I'm not seeing Max, I'm seeing my moms panicked face.

"I don't feel so good,"

"Nicole, what's going on?"

"Pull over Callie"

"but mom,"

"NOW CALISTA"

I close my eyes, and when I open them again, Max is holding me bridal style, and my face is buried in his chest. I feel lightheaded and definitely nauseated.

His face is devoid of emotions, but his eyes hold me captive. He's brought us to a secluded area behind the club.

"Put me down." My voice is very quiet. For a moment, he doesn't move, then ever so gently. He sets me down.

He opens his mouth as if to ask me for something, but I just turn away and promptly empty my stomach.

I retch until my eyes water.I notice that my vomit is clear. There's really nothing to bring up. I stand up straight and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

Max returns with the water, and he goes to get. He stretches the water out to me. I notice him eyeing my vomit, but he doesn’t say anything. I back away from the vomit, and he comes to stand beside me.

After a moment of silence

"Thank–"

"Your fr–" we start at the same time

He inclines his head at me, so I go ahead.

"Thank you," He looks at me with an unscrutable expression

"I saw your friend, she was pretty drunk so I put her in my car"

"Thank you." I take a mouthful of water, swish it around my mouth a few times, and spit it out.

"You lied." he says, his voice sounds harsh, and layered with an emotion, i can't exactly pinpoint. His stare burns a hole in the side of my head when i don't speak up. I know exactly what he's talking about, but I'm loathe to reply because I don't want to talk about it.

"I never lied." I turn my head to his and hold his stare. The hairs at the back of my neck rise. I've looked Max in his eyes so many times, but this time something feels different.

His stare is unblinking, and strangely, in a way, I can not fully articulate. He radiates menace. I saw glimpses of him like this in the club when he knocked Greg out, but not to this degree. but not to this degree. Some unknown part of me wants to hide and cower, but I jut my chin out resolutely, daring him to call my bluff.

Our stare down is broken when a drunken couple wanders towards us. They don't even notice us. They are too busy groping and kissing each other, but I'm grateful for them. I don't think our stare down would have lasted much longer, I would have caved.

I keep my gaze forward, trying not to look at him. He

"Let's go." He starts walking away. I look up at his retreating figure and follow behind. The silence between us stretches, eating a hole in my heart.