The Life of Nyx

A Prayer

"Then?". I asked

She replied, "I need your help to guide me in my studies".

That was unexpected, well not totally. Its indeed odd to find students asking a fellow classmate help to guide them through our their academic year. To think that she came with a request like that in a generation of minds so cooked up .

.

"Well you know what, I myself ain't that good in studies."

It's not completely true, I never really get to give my all to academics due to my health. Despite that I still landed as the strongest of the b-c group ,for which I need not question my potential too much.

"Please, even if it's the least you can give. I am really at my lowest, unable to do these least simple sums which you guys are able to".

Her request seems truly genuine. The tone which might make you guilty, if you reject it.

"I too think about myself with low self esteem when I compare myself to those who are more intellectual than me. I struggled really hard to come to this position and I don't think I have the capability to pick you up".

That low self esteem thing is indeed a lie but yet i have to come up with something to counterfeit her request. But, the struggling part is true. I would say I barely managed to get a grip while hanging from a cliff. At this point, saving another person would surely be a risk for me.

All of a Sudden, a wide lovely smile appeared on her face "That's not a concern, give me the least you can. Thankyou Thankyou very much.. Finally my prayers are worth it, I will presume you as my saviour who God Himself has sent me".

Wait, did she took my explanation as a yes?. Looks like I didn't express myself clearly. She even brought God in this. It's hard to reject now.

"Yeah I shall help you get through this, but I can't technically be your guide or something and please don't involve God in this".

Did I just accepted now? Well, to think of, this is an era where people only want the ones who are more powerful than themselves ,so that they can gain advantage. I don't think this girl would get that assistance she wants, through a fellow student. Atleast I will help her a little.

Hey eyes lightened even more brightly. "Thankyou", she said in a soft slow tone.

With that, she kept her pen down and held her hands together chanting with happiness. It definitely a prayer .

I just watched her silently, with expressionless face, acknowledging the fact that she herself will gradually leave me, after knowing the true cold nature of this person who she idealize.

After reaching home, I sensed some kind of irritation thinking about the kind of assurance i gave her. It's just childish. Maybe , she just had some sudden adrenaline rush on her studies and I went along with her. I only hope not to become a fun thing at the end.

The next day, I woke up fresh. Without letting that "guide" thoughts much into my head, I carried out my usual routine and arrived at school too early as always. An hour later, I swallowed my pill and entered the classroom. The first thing my eyes searched for, rather than my place in the classroom is that girl's face. When I did find, she had a slight astonishing look and then smiled lightly. She was sitting lonely. Pretty hard to think people like her would be lonely with that lovely smile, but that's reality.

I went to my place ignoring the girl, yet she came to me. After we exchanged some greetings, she had raised this question " I was watching the entrance gate for so long. But I didn't see you coming. Have you arrived much before?".

That explains her astonishing look before.

"You might have missed me".

Even though my orphanage kept us away from all the dark things in the world, everything seeks its way. Somehow, I came to know the horrors of the world, the betrayals, murders, suicide, depressions. After I left my orphanage and took in an apartment, those horrors were exactly in front of my face. I managed to hide so far. Every human has a dark side at their own level. I don't know the true nature of this girl. So , it's better not to take her close to my side.

With the entry of the professor she had to leave for her place. We have fixed seats, to put it more clearly, other students won't exchange. But during the limited study hour time we get at the end, we are allowed to shuffle, as people gather according to their groups and most seats are left empty behind.

After all the classes have finished, places beside me began to vacate and aurora came up to me with a math book in her hand and with that same lively smile.

Instead of those sums given as tasks to groups, we began with the common homework given to the whole class today. While explaining to her I found out she's way too behind than I expected. It's going to take a lot of effort, will she endure it?

With a confusing look, she assured me she was understanding. I kept my best to make her feel free to ask me.

A few days passed like that, she was enduring but I don't feel she was understanding. Later she was ignoring my explanation. Well, she wasn't ignoring me, but the subject itself. There's really not much I could help. Soon, she started becoming distant and again it's not from me, but from herself. Once, as a coincidence, she was seated beside a topper. I thought things might finally settle, but as soon as the professor left, she came up to me. I asked her why, when she could get better assistance with that topper. Then her reply was " Only you can help me". I don't know how to react this time. I just hope, that I have the potential to guide her as she wants.

During this period, she started getting diverted too often. She wasn't concentrating on her studies and would ask me various different questions out of the topic. Like one time I found her staring at AO group students and then she said " Look how cool they are, we are working on a sum that took half an hour by us and was solved by them in a minute. We all are working on the same thing, then why do we have to invest more than them".

There's no wonder this question is raised. These are basically something every person face.

"Well, you know we all got different capabilities and different iqs. If not in this field, you shall have a natural talent in others. Natural talent is indeed a blessing, but in life, you don't have to invest everything on that.All you gotta believe is on your hardwork. These geniuses vs hard workers thing always goes on. It's true that first place matters, but what matters more is self satisfaction. Instead of looking at others and comparing, just watch your own progress and work more. The goal will naturally tend to reach you. By chance, if it doesn't, you will be left with much greater progress than others and with self satisfaction."

She looks half cleared "That's not it. I mean, we have to do more for this thing. But they are doing less and enjoying in remaining time. I feel like, we are just being punished more, they are all happily living their teen life".

She's talking about life with me,huh? "You know, those who are currently above you , all don't have that natural talent. They sacrificed that happiness for the goal, working dead hard you could ever imagine."

"So we can't be happy and enjoy afterall?"

I smiled at her for this mindset

"Then manipulate the things."

she was puzzled "Manipulate the things?"

"What is happiness according to you?" I asked.

She answered after giving a thought " um, being free, getting high marks with low effort, having natural talent, always laughing, doing every maths sum at first go...

I interrupted in between "you know those aren't possible right? What is the need of all these learnings if you know everything from the start. Nevermind, let me get to the point. These are your thoughts on happiness. what would be a psychopath answer on the same question I asked you.

She said doubtfully " killing people?"

"and that act brings what kind of feeling to you?"

"Fear, grief, sadness." she replied.

"Why are the answers different when the question is the same?"

she thought for a while " His mind is just messed up."

"Exactly , you need to do the same, mess with your mind. Usually people follow the majority calling it normal, and if they find anything abnormal , they blame it. Perhaps, you will be called a psychopath, if you try to explain kindness in a town in which only occupation is killing humans. The majority of people here believe hard work is a pain which makes happiness go away. Manipulate your mind to make you think that this hardwork is joy, You will be more joyous than any other and remember one main thing. You can never change completely, whether it's from good to bad or vice versa. The original personality you formed from childhood will always be lurking beneath, no matter how hard you try to suppress. The only key is you should Never give up ".

She nodded and looked straight into my eyes this time "Do you believe in God?"

why did the topic suddenly change all of a sudden.

"Yeah, I do believe. But not those idols, and by not worshipping the words and person you people say. For me, God is a positive thought Whose way is always life ward"

She fell silent and bowed her head downwards and asked in saddened tone, "Where do you live by the way."?

This girl's questions are never ending. It does look like she got bit hurt on my reply on her previous question.

" Which sum have you reached so far by the way?"

She understood it. Her lips curled up a bit making a satisfied look.

Her hand finally started moving , keeping the mouth shut. Even if the question was to be asked at the start, I wouldn't had any interest in answering it.

The bad things always keep coming at worst times. My meds are acting up during our first semester exam days. I couldn't explain or maintain proper behaviour towards her. The mood swings started reacting aggressively day by day, to the point which made her say in a sad tone " Are you the same person I first met ". This time I lowered my eyes. That's not my thing, yet I did that actually with my eyes, when her eyes weren't noticing. I don't want to explain about my disorder. Once one mouth knows it, the words will automatically fall into strangers ears through any means. Letting strangers know your weakness won't bring any good to you, instead it might backfire on you at needed times.

The distance went too much. That we almost stopped talking. Usually, she was the one who came to me, without any ego. She indeed does it now too, making attempts for a conservation.But the conservation wasn't just working , we were just exchanging few words formally. Slowly, only the muttering voice of prayer could only be heard from her. she wasn't talking. Neither was I, I never did either.

Today, when I arrived in class, I saw her face stuffed in books. Though it felt a bit odd not to be greeted by her smile this time, I didn't bother to disturb her. she sat beside me , but kept her silence, minding her own business. She is doing her work in a pretty ineffective way, but she is at it. Slowly she began to pace up making really good progress. A week has passed since she kept her silence. And then she asked all out of the blue

"Can I ask you something?".