Christmas with the Gerard's

18

2 days til Christmas 

Turns out seeing someone’s brains can really knock you for six. I woke up mid afternoon today, only to find out that I lost an entire day. I sat in the hospital bed until late evening, my head throbbing, images of Sally’s head exploding running through my mind on a loop. I can’t believe Toby would be so cruel as to kill her, let alone blow her brains like that. Nan showed up alone after dinner to come collect me as I had discharged myself from hospital. Nothing more than can do for me. We sat quietly in the back of a black taxi, on our way to Avery’s house. After all the shootings at mum’s, her and nan had decided to stay with Avery. Theo had gone back to his with Pheebs and James had gone to his flat. Gabe was with Mallory and Colton had gone to his too. Tomas was in hospital still, the bullet had lodged in his shoulder joint and he had needed surgery. He would most likely spend Christmas day there.  

When we arrived at Ave’s, the whole family was there to welcome me. After a few cheers and hugs, we all bundled into the lounge and sat down to talk. Nan and Mal made everyone tea and after some awkward silences, James stood up and walked outside. I got up and rushed after him. He stood in the patio, just beyond the doors, I looked around at the garden in front of us, Ave had always been a simple girl, but I guess twenty years with Toby had changed her, their garden was one built for parties, the fake astro turf was soft and well kept, at the back they had a lovely wooden cabin which in the summer opened up into a bar, just next to that was another wooden cabin, this one housed the jacuzzi. James gently elbowed me in the ribs and offered me a cigarette. I took it, although I haven’t smoked in well over ten years but right now it’s all I wanted. I took a long drag, the smoke overpowering my lungs and making me dizzy, my mouth tasted disgusting and I coughed. James chuckled and I elbowed him hard while spluttering the smoke out. 

“It’s been years since I smoked.” I croaked out and he sighed. He reached for my hand and took the cigarette from me. He took a long drag and inhaled the smoke, I watched him swallowed it and then slowly expel it out of his mouth again.  

“Cordelia, I am so sorry. None of this would have happened if I had a spine, if I hadn’t lied about so much. I should have kept him away from Ave. I knew he was a s**t. I never expected him to grow into such a monster. At the end of the day, I loved him for so long, for so many years he was the only good thing in my life, but since you came back, I have been thinking that, maybe, he was the worst thing to have happen to me. To us. “He said solemnly. I watched him in silence for a few seconds.  

“You know that we have to tell them, tell her the truth, right? You saw what she did to me, what do you think is going to happen to you? “ 

“I will probably no longer be a part of this family.” He said sadly. 

“James no. We can sort it out.” 

“Delia, I have been Toby’s ‘Side chick’ for over twenty years. How do you think that’s going to pan out with them?” He said, his eyes glancing at the family indoors. I turned and watched them too, their smiles and laughter were just a cover for the horrified shock we were all in. “We have to go in there and tell them.” I nodded and James stomped on his cigarette. We walked in together and everyone watched us. We sat down but before I could I say anything the doorbell went. Avery stood and went to answer. We all sat in silence, until Avery walked in, followed by Heidi and Colton. 

“I called them” Toby said “I think they need to be here for this too.” He offered his explanation and I smiled. 

“I don’t know what I ever did to you Heidi, but I hope you understand what you did to me. Because of you I almost lost my family, again! I should never have left, but I was young and stupid and I was convinced none of you would believe a child over an adult. I wasn’t fully wrong, as most of you believed him anyways. But you all need to know the truth. James?” I called him and he swallowed hard. “In all honesty, this is more your story than mine.” I sat next to my nan and mother and waited with them for James to open up to his family.  

“I met Toby when I started high school, yeah we had seen each other before in junior school, but we always had different friends, that was until we were put together in the same classes. We clicked and became best friends. Long story short, we started partaking in soft drugs, like weed and poppers and ecstasy. Soon we realized that.” He stopped and looked at Avery and I knew he wanted to back down, but he swallowed dryly and carried on “That we were attracted to each other, at first we were just stupid teenagers experimenting, but things between us got serious fast. We were in love. I wanted us to be a couple, but Toby had a reputation to protect, so he kept saying. His parents wouldn’t accept it and well, money was more important to him than me. But I was so blinded I would have done anything for him, and I did. I started selling drugs for him when he got in with the wrong crowd, I started to take heavy drugs too, to cope with the stress and sadness. But the worst thing I did, the one thing I regret the most was letting into your life Ave. I’m so sorry. He convinced me that it would be perfect. If he was your boyfriend, and my best friend we could always be together. It’s f****d up, I know, but like I said, I was truly blinded.” Tears ran freely down his face, and I looked around, every one of us was crying. I never knew James’ side of things; I had always thought it was just him being horrible because of the drugs. He sniffled and walked to Avery, he fell on his knees in front of her and sobbed. 

“I’m so sorry. I knew, all this time, I knew he was the big drug dealer around town, I knew of his other affairs, I even knew about Sally. But I loved him. I’m so sorry Ave. Please?” 

“Please what James? You expect me to just turn a blind eye to the fact that my older brother has been sleeping with my husband for over twenty years? That you knew all of his shady dealings and not once you thought to yourself, my sister and her kids don’t deserve this?” Avery shouted. “You think I will forgive you just because he plied you full of drugs, got you hooked and used you?” She gasped and covered her mouth. Her words hitting us all like cold water. That’s exactly what Toby had done, he had gotten his hooks into James by making him an addict and then giving him the drugs. That bastard! 

“Wait.” Heidi shouted “How does this have anything to do with why Cordelia left?” Heidi asked. And all eyes landed on me.  

“I saw them.” I whispered. 

“What?” Avery asked. 

“I saw them.” I shouted “I saw them having s*x in the garage that night and when I was asleep, Toby came in my room and he threatened me, I panicked. Like I said, I felt that no one would believe me, I was sixteen. I’m sorry. Maybe if I had come to someone with it, things wouldn’t have gotten so bad.”  

“We are all to blame.” My nan said quietly. “We all knew something was amiss with Toby, that’s why none of us really liked him, but we did nothing to help your sister to see it. We all knew of James’ drug problems, but again, other than sending him to rehab we did nothing to find the root of the problem. And with you child, we knew something bad had happened, but instead of bringing you home and showing you, we loved you and would have believed you, we left you to it, content to getting the odd update from Theo and the yearly Christmas card. We are all guilty, one way or another. “She said between tears.  

“I’m sorry I helped him.” Heidi said. “I had hidden something in the garage and I was sure that’s what you had found. I couldn’t let you revel my secret to the family. But I guess, it’s time for everyone to find out. “She clasped her hands in front of her chest and sighed. “Twenty-four years ago, I had a fling, got pregnant and went away to have an abortion.” She blurted out and gasps were heard around the room. Everyone started asking questions but Heidi’s eyes never left my mum’s. “You knew?” She asked my mum and we all watched the two women.   

“Yes, I knew.” My mum said coldly.  

We all stood still like statues watching the two women talk. It was fascinating to see them. Mum looked like she was ready to attack Heidi at any moment. Heidi looked ready to flee.  

“You think he wouldn’t have told me? Heidi, how stupid do you think I am?” Mum sneered, and it hit me. 

“Wait?” I said “Mum are you saying?” 

“Yes. Heidi and your father had an affair, which produced a baby. He was devastated when he found out she had had an abortion. Not that he loved you, you were stupid to think it was anything more than a few fucks.” Mum spat at her. And Heidi crumbled.  

“You loved him, didn’t you child?” My nan asked Heidi and she nodded. I looked at my mum ad the pain and hurt in her eyes was raw. It broke my heart that she had gone through that without telling anyone. How could my dad do something like that to my mum? 

“I never told you or anyone for that matter, because well for one it’s humiliating and two, I got over it. He made a mistake. They slept together twice when me and your dad were going through a rough patch. They both took advantage of each other’s vulnerabilities. Heidi loved him and knew we were having problems, and he knew she wouldn’t refuse him. It’s a choice they both made. Things between us were bad for a while, but then he found out about the abortion and he was crushed. I forgave him, but I never forgot, I waited patiently for you to come to me and tell me, but you never did. You were always a coward Heidi, and it’s taken my daughter’s lives getting ruined for you to admit to it.” 

“I’m so sorry Amber.” Heidi sobbed. My mum shrugged her shoulders and smiled. 

“It’s been twenty-four years. Water under the bridge Heidi. Don’t think I will ever forget your betrayal. But I’m over it.” Then she turned to me and narrowed her eyes “And you, you moron, I would have never believed a word that man said over yours. Had you told us, James wouldn’t have had a choice but to confess. But what’s done is done. Nothing we can do now.” 

My phone rang and I looked at the id caller. I frowned but moved away to answer.  

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” I asked with a chuckle 

“I’ll rest when I’m dead. How are you?” Tomas asked 

“I’m fine. Well, as fine as you can be when you see what I saw.” I shuddered and jumped at the same time as I felt arms wrap around my waist. I turned my head and saw Colton’s blue eyes watching me. I mouthed Tomas to him and he smiled, then nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. 

“So, my dad is taking care of things for us. Toby has been found and arrested. The stuff he had on me has also been found and well, looks like I am going to prison for a couple of years for my involvement with him. My dad could probably bribe the judge, but I need to pay for my crimes. I will warn you; they want James too. I’m sorry, I tried to make a deal for him, but they are out for blood. I’m sorry for my part in hurting your family Delia. I guess I will see in ten to fifteen years.” He chuckled and hung up before I could say bye.  

Me and Colt stayed like that for a while. Until a knock at the front door startled us all, I knew it was the police, coming for James. I ran inside just as they walked in and started handcuffing him. Everyone was crying and asking them to leave him, but he simply gave them his wrists and let them pull him out. He turned before they got him out. 

“Ave, Delia. I’m truly sorry for destroying your lives. Everyone. I’m sorry. I will try my best to make you proud of me. Starting by paying for my crimes.” They walked him out and I collapsed on Colton’s arms crying.