PRISON OF MY MIND

Bury & Hide

I spent 3 days, alone, asleep and running away from the thoughts and the responsibilities.

Who am i afraid of disappointing?

Why do i want to please people that i don't care for?

I want to represent myself nicely but i don't want to just mask everything.

I want to stop fighting with myself, feel whole and good about myself.

When it comes to doing the work...

I run away.

Some advices that i have found online was to shush down the distractions like the video games, films, serials, what ever you do to not think about things in short. and then you simply face with things.

Getting exercise is a great way to deal with stress.

I don't like to sweat, I don't like to get on the floor, the home workouts, running is really hard for me.

So yes we don't actually do something that we hate! But in this case, must find something to love...

Swimming used to work for me. It was effortless... well kind of. I tell myself that i cannot go back to swimming now. Yoga or stretches were really helpful for my body, mind but i don't like to get on the floor. I have 2 dumbbells i can just lift them.

So "when" is also a crucial question for me. Look i hate when i worry over silly things. So much so, now i shower every day just so i don't have to worry about when to wash my hair because a week is unfortunately not 8 days. I also have cleaning obsessions, that's the reason why i don't like to get on the floor i have a yoga mat and i can do it first thing in the morning cause i shower before going to bed.

Yes i create so much problems to myself. I'm trying to get over some stuff or we can say trying to get over myself.

Okay my problems are:

•Myself hehehe

•Exercise

•Sleep

•Food

•My academic life

•My uncertain work life (btw it doesn't exist yet)

•Human relations, Relationships (Not my strongest suit yet)

•Reading

•Learning ( Being an illiterate is difficult)

In these three days, i watched tons of things, played lots of, a game called, free fire and slept for so many hours and actually forced my self to fall asleep when i wasn't feeling sleepy.

I have to learn about X-Ray device. I will have my Midterm exams in 2 weeks.

So i know i still have some time and if i start i can take care of everything before the responsibilities crush me underneath.

In the upcoming weeks i expect to exercise, sleep and study.

Running away brings only more chaos and problems and things that are making us uncomfortable are telling us that something's up and needs our attention.

I don't know how to listen to myself. I'm used to neglecting my needs and emotions.

I've got lots of work to do.

But I want this for my self.

I want to become present for my self.

Words are easier than actions.

I want to become a healthy body and an intelligent mind.