After the hours

Romance in Paris

« La mode se démode, le style jamais »

Watching the rain through the window of her taxi, Cassidy looks at her watch. It is late in the evening. Out there, a few people are walking under an umbrella. Cassidy feels a bit sad, the rain makes her feel that way. She had taken a flight from Milan to Paris yesterday to attend to the Fashion week in the city of love. To her, Paris is a dream. It is the city of love, of laughs and most of all, of fashion. She used to come here often with her mother when she was young, but she never really got the chance to visit. That is why she was looking forward to visit tonight, right after the Prada show she attended. But apparently, the weather has decided otherwise. She is about to head back to her hotel when someone knocks on the car window. She gasps of surprise.

A dark-haired woman is standing there, in the rain, a cup of coffee in each hands.

The young woman immediately remember the person who is standing there. Sierra Asher, the journalist from Bazaar Harper. The woman that had caught her attention three days ago in Milan. Of course she remembers. Actually, Sierra never really left Cassidy's mind during the past three days. They had talked for a few minutes, and then said goodbye, convinced they'd never see each other again. But god knows why, she is now standing right right here. Cassidy can't help but smile as she rolls the window down.

« Sierra ? » Cassidy asks, confused.

« Hello again Cassidy. I've got two coffee. » She answers vividly, showing off the two Starbucks cup in her hand.

Cassidy stops for a moment, and then smiles. She is happy to see her again, she can not lie. She enjoys the woman's company, likes her attitude, her charm, and her smile. She radiates such a good energy, very grown and mature. Cassidy feels, in some inexplicable way, attraction more than admiration.

« Come on in then! » Cassidy smiles.

Sierra nods, opening the door of the taxi and going in. She gasps of relief, taking off her wet hair from her face and wipes off her runny mascara under her honey-colored eyes.

« Where are you going? » Cassidy asks Sierra.

« George V hotel. »

Cassidy tells the taxi to go.

« I'm sorry to show up like that, but I saw you at the show and I thought you might want to talk around a coffee. » Sierra says.

Cassidy smirks slightly, taking a cup of coffee in her hand. She is really flatted.

« Thank you very much. I wouldn't have thought we would see each other again.» Cassidy says.

« Me neither, but to be honest I was really hoping to. »

Cassidy can't help but smiles, tasting her hot coffee. She was never fond of coffee. She had tasted a few years ago in high school, but she didn't really like it. She had always wondered why grown-people adored these, but now she finally understands why. It is her first coffee in a while and she is not disappointed. Exquisite.

« Damn, this tastes way better than I expected. » The blond-haired woman claims.

Sierra almost chokes with her coffee hearing the woman's words. She swallows her drink hardly and raises an eyebrow.

« You've never drunk coffee before? » She asks immediately.

The expression in the dark-haired woman's face is so cute that Cassidy finds herself wishing she could capture this moment by a picture.

« Well I've never been a fan, but I think I just changed my mind. What kind of coffee is this ? » She laughs.

« Espresso. Coffee is the key Cassidy. You won't ever succeed in what you do if you don't drink coffee. That's a fact. »

Cassidy takes another simp, enjoying the soft warmth of the drink in her hand.

« I believe you've got time to learn a lot in this industry. How long have you been working at Bazaar? »

« Something like ten years. I feel so old now. » She jokes.

« Can I ask how old are you? » Cassidy takes advantage of her joke to ask her age. She knows the question might be inappropriate to some people, but she really wants to know.

« I'm 30. How about you? » She answers genuinely, apparently not bothered by the question.

« I'm 23. »

« You're very young to work at Glamour. »

« Yes I think I'm the youngest. I dropped off college really fast and Glamour is my first job as an editor assistant. I'm not the Editor-in-chief yet but I really hope I will one day. » Cassidy tells Sierra, who seems really interested and happy for her.

« So you want to be an Editor-in-chief? »

« That would be my dream. »

« If you work hard and put passion into your work, then everything should be okay for you. Trust me. » Sierra smiles softly.

« Thank you. » She smiles back.

The taxi finally stops in front of a big hotel.

« Well I think that's my hotel. Thank you for the ride. »

Sierra opens the car and steps out, trying to protect her wavy hair from the rain once again. Sadly, it doesn't work. She turns around once again to face Cassidy.

« My grandpa lives in Paris and he is holding a party tomorrow. Would you like to come? » She asks through the rain.

Cassidy smiles at the invitation.

« I would be very happy to come. »

« Great then come back here with a taxi at 7pm tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you here. »

« Thank you. And thank you for the... Cappu- »

« You mean espresso. » She corrects Cassidy.

« Yeah, espresso. You put words in my mouth. » Cassidy laughs.

« Only words for now. » Sierra drops casually as she purses her lips.

Cassidy looks at her, stunned.

« What? »

But it is too late for Cassidy to get a response, because Sierra has already closed the door of the car, leaving Cassidy and her thoughts alone.

Cassidy has kind of got the sickness of Paris. Yesterday still, she was in a taxi, drinking a coffee with Sierra, and now she is already attending at her Grandpa's party with the journalist. She has met her grandpa brievely, and he is as lovely as his granddaughter. He and Sierra doesn't seem very close but you could tell that they cared about each other. Sierra asks Cassidy if she wants something to drink several time during the evening, but each time Cassidy answers no. She never liked alcohol. She doesn't like the kind of parties when you end up dead on the floor at 3am. She is maybe still a young woman, but she already considers herself grown and responsible. She is working at Glamour, for God's sake, and she is the youngest of the staff. She doesn't have time for silly things anymore. Her career is more important than her having fun.

« So... Cassidy. Have you got a lot of boyfriends in college? » Sierra asks.

The topic doesn't make her uncomfortable but destabilized. She had just met this woman, who is way older than her, a few days ago and now they are already talking like true friends. It makes Cassidy wonder what they are. Are they? Friends?

« No. I don't have time for that... » Cassidy stutters. Her assurance and confidence seems gone for now. Sierra is quite intimidating, the young editor doesn't like that. Intimidating someone is the best way to get what you want in the fashion industry, Cassidy hopes this is not some kind of trick to get her fired or something. She doesn't even know why she accepted to know this woman in the first place, because she usually doesn't do that. She never had a lot of friends and once again, it is a part of the deal. But this woman, this woman seemed different, and somehow Cassidy wanted to get to know her better. She had felt from the very beginning that her experience in the fashion industry could be a great thing to talk about. She imagined Sierra as her mentor for a few second, when she saw her back in Milan.

« Why are you asking me that? Is this some way to get me fired? » Cassidy asks with her eyebrow raised, it sounds almost like a threat.

« What? No. » The journalist laughs. « I just think you're beautiful. »

« What are we doing Sierra? » Cassidy finally has the courage to ask what she's been wondering for the whole night. They both had been walking around for an hour now, visiting Paris at night. Cassidy could tell that it was beautiful, and that she would definitely go back one day. She loves the soft noise of the Seine at night, the architecture, and the soft green garden and squares everywhere. But what makes it even more beautiful is that tonight, she's not alone. Sierra's standing near her, walking and laughing. The editor seems oddly anxious around the older woman. Because she wonders what is happening. Are they friends? Probably. But Cassidy has never felt this way for a friend before. What is it then? Admiration? l**t? Love? That can't be love. People don't fall in love in 2 days.

« I guess we're... enjoying Paris. » Sierra answers, fidgeting her fingers with red-painted nails.

« But what are we doing, us? »

She can hear the journalist sighs.

« I don't know. » She answers.

Sierra slowly takes Cassidy's hand.

« I just know that I could kiss you right here, right now. » The older woman says, eyes filled with l**t. They both stop walking, holding hands, to look at each other.

« But what does this mean? Is there really... something behind all that, or just l**t? » Cassidy asks seriously. She doesn't even know if she's interested or not. She's obviously attracted to Sierra, she loves the way she talks or makes fun of random serious things. But she is not quite sure she is interested in a relationship. Long terms or even short terms.

« You ask too much questions. I just know that I want to kiss your lips. And your neck if you allow me. » Sierra jokes, trying to make Cassidy feel comfortable again.

Cassidy swallows, her heart beating like never before. She wants to say yes. For a moment, she thinks she is going to say yes and lean in to kiss her. She already imagines them living together in some apartment in New York. But there's something that stops her, though she doesn't know what it is.

« I will think about it. » The young woman replies simply, trying to avoid eye contact with her.

She thinks about it all night. She can't even close her eyes that night. The white sheets of her bed are covering half of her body, and thoughts are torturing her mind. It is the first time she has trouble falling asleep. And deep down she knows where that trouble comes from; it is because for the first time, she's not in control. She can't plan how things are going to be in advance, she can't make a few phone calls to make sure everything is still okay. It is not about fashion, and it is not about her career. She can't make a list of what she has to do with Sierra to make sure she doesn't miss a thing and doesn't screw up. She can't do that. But she catches herself thinking about what's gonna happen tomorrow, with Sierra. Will they kiss? Or will it just be awkward?

Cassidy obviously feels something for Sierra, denying it would be unnecessary. But Sierra's a woman. Not that it really bothered Cassidy, she never put herself in cases when it was about s****l attraction. And gender roles never really bothered her either, in fact, she didn't really care about Sierra being a woman, or a man. Cassidy can't make this as an excuse. But even though it doesn't bother her, she doesn't really want to go against society's will either. And she doesn't want to make a scandal, or to catch the press's attention. In fact, what really bothers Cassidy is the fact that Sierra is an older woman. More grown, more mature. More committed. That means Sierra would probably want to marry soon, and Cassidy doesn't have time for such things.

She doesn't sleep much for the two next nights either, always wondering what could be. She's been hanging out with Sierra for the three days, during her free time. They've been drinking coffee around a table most of the time, getting to know each other better. Sierra never mentioned anything about a relationship, and neither did Cassidy. The Fashion week and her trip in Paris is now soon coming to an end anyway, so Cassidy convinces herself that it is for the better.

It's her last night in that hotel, but she can't even try to sleep. Lost in her thoughts, confused about her own feelings. But tonight, it isn't only about confusion. It's about nostalgia, and sadness too. She doesn't want to say goodbye to Paris, and to Sierra. Sierra had taken her hand for the whole way back home earlier, and Cassidy can still feel her touch in the palm of her hand. She's going to miss her. A lot.

She sits on the edge of her bed and switches the lights on. She stares at her phone for a while, wondering if she should or shouldn't. However, she takes her phone and calls Sierra.

« Cassidy? It's late, what are you doing? » Sierra groans on the phone.

« Did I wake you up? »

« No, no. What's happening? »

Cassidy sighs.

« I wanted to talk about us. »

There's a dead silence between the two potential lovers for a minute. Cassidy's mind is a mess. She wonders what could be happening inside Sierra's head. Is it messy to her too?

Sierra finally takes a deep breath.

« I'm engaged. » She drops.

« What? » The young editor asks with wide eyes.

« My fiancé is waiting for me to come home in New Jersey to set the dates. I'm going to marry, Cassidy. » Sierra says.

Cassidy feels her heart shattering in her chest. She fights hard not to cry, swallowing.

« Why this then? Why us? » She finds the strength to ask.

« I thought that following my heart instead of my head would be a great idea for once. And I thought that maybe you could make me change my mind about this marriage. » Sierra explains through the phone.

« Is that what I am to you? A distraction? » She stutters.

Sierra chuckles sarcastically.

« Don't be ridiculous Cassidy. You weren't. I care about you, but your flight is set for tomorrow and mine too. We both knew this would come to an end soon. » Sierra says with a soft voice more than a bitter one.

« You're right. »

At that right moment, that's the only thing Cassidy finds to answer. She doesn't know how she feels. Sad, betrayed, or relieved? Relieved because it's all finally over. The wonders, the questions, the sleepless nights.

« I could fall in love with you you know. » The older woman later drops after a torturous silence on the phone.

« But you're engaged. » Cassidy immediately replies. She doesn't mean to sound rude, only truthful.

« And I love him. I'm just not sure it's enough to settle down with him, and share a life and a family. »

But Sierra is 30, and now she needs indeed to settle down and to marry. And even to build a family. Cassidy had expected that from the very first day she and Sierra had met. Even though she feels like she should be mad, she is not. She knows how hard life can be, she knows the sacrifices people have to make to satisfy others more than themselves. Decisions are our worst enemies.

« Well I hope you do love him at some point. » Cassidy says, and she smiles because she can hear Sierra chuckling.

« He's nice. I'm sure you'll find someone nice to take care of you someday. That's what you deserve. »

« Thank you. » Cassidy thank her.

« It's late now. I hope we'll be able to see each other tomorrow before our flights. »

« I hope so. »

« Goodnight Cassidy. »

That's the last few words Cassidy can hear before she hangs up the phone. That was the last time she heard her low hoarse voice saying her name.

They didn't see each other the next day. And never again.