The Killer I Love

Chapter 1 | I MET HER

"I will go with you!" the girl exclaimed to the elderly woman, her eyes sparkling excitedly. Her voice echoed through the hallway, filled with anticipation and eagerness.

"How about the one you're playing?" the elderly woman asked her with a tone of curiosity and intrigue, her eyes were searching for her reaction and the girl spoke.

"It's okay, I want to go with you," she said in a low, almost hesitant voice, dropping the ball from her hand as if she were making a conscious decision.

As a smile slowly returned to her face, she glanced at me. I chose to ignore it and followed Sister Jean. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice the towering trees surrounding the area and the well-kept rooms of the establishment. The atmosphere was serene, yet there was an underlying sense of mystery and unease.

Upon entering the canteen, we were warmly greeted by some elderly women.

"Welcome, son. The people here are kind," said the old woman, who appeared to be the local cook. She wore a white apron, her hair tied back. I couldn't help but notice her uneven teeth, including a rotten one on her lower jaw. It was a rather off-putting sight.

I couldn't help but wonder how the children here could maintain good health when the cook herself seemed to neglect her teeth. I felt annoyed seeing their smiles, which only fueled my frustration. However, I made a conscious effort to maintain an emotionless façade. I still don't care about them at all.

Everything around me seemed ugly, disgusting, and headache-inducing. I turned my eyes to the surrounding structures, trying to distract myself. I looked at the images hanging on the wall, wondering if they were pictures of those who looked alike and much the same as Sister Jean wearing the same dress and veil on their head, who were hiding sinister intentions behind their kind facade. My gaze then shifted to the tall stairs leading to the upper floors. The place felt unfamiliar and unsettling, like the one I’d used to call the beautiful place I spent my memories of.

"I am done showing you the dining area where you will gather and eat. And for that,” she said while pointing her fingers in the stairway. “Upstairs is your bedroom and your classroom, where we will teach you good manners, like helping others, praying to our holy father, and being a good child to the parents that will choose to adopt you," she told me, her smile appearing forced and insincere. I struggled to maintain a neutral expression, unable to bring myself to fake a smile like the ones around me.

For me, smiling was always associated with success, a trait my mother had ingrained in me. To some extent, they were smiling. It felt out of place, nauseating, and disgusting to my eyes. But there was an exception. Seraphine. I couldn't quite understand it, but her smile was different. It awakened a sense of disparate feeling, showing me that not all smiles were repulsive. I didn't harbor any resentment towards her, and my hatred towards her diminished even further. I utterly couldn’t hate her.

"What's in your box?" I lost my thoughts and looked at the girl who spoke. I watched her from head to toe, taking in her timid expression. I clutched the box to my chest closely and observed her. I noticed that she was only tall above my shoulders and that we were not far apart in age.

She touched my shoulder and repeated what she said. "What's in the box you're holding?" she asked, her eyes filled with curiosity. I was about to speak when the elderly woman interrupted.

"This is the basement. This is where we store old and unused things. You are not allowed to enter here, as there are many dangerous materials there," the elderly woman said to me and the girl, with a stern warning.

I didn't speak again and ignored the girl what she was asking me earlier. As we were waking upstairs, I caught her sad eyes looking at the stairs, her fear palpable from the way she hesitated to take the first step.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of empathy for her. It was clear she was scared and reluctant to go upstairs. I immediately became alert and carefully observed the rooms we had passed. I try to understand why the girl feels unease.

As we arrived at the second floor, the elderly woman introduced the first room that we had encountered.

“This is your small library. You can read here in your spare time. Only a few children come here because the rest do not know how to read yet. Leave it to us, we will teach you," the elderly woman promised with a smile, causing her kind words to put tension in the air. I noticed the girl's fearful expression as she glanced at the corner of the library, her eyes darting around as if searching for an escape route. I briefly went in to check the room, wanting to ease her fears.

The space was small, with only a table and four chairs. There was a book on the table, and it turned out to be the Bible. It seemed almost all the books in our room were about God or being a good child for the family to adopt. There were only two bookcases, and there was a space on the side of them that I could enter. A sense of curiosity and apprehension lingered in the air when I was about to enter the corner when the elder woman spoke, "Stay away from that area, it's infested with pests, like rats and cockroaches. You might get hurt. Come with me, I'll show you to another room," she said, concern etched on her face.

As I followed her, I noticed the girl looking worried, her gaze fixed on a small path behind the bookcases. I brushed it off and continued walking.

"Seraphine, let's go," Sister Jean called out. The girl remained motionless, lost in her thoughts, her eyes still fixed on the library room, clearly preoccupied with something.

"Seraphine tends to get lost in her thoughts sometimes," she explained to me before going back to lead the girl away. Suddenly, the girl let out a terrified scream as if she was afraid of the elderly woman.

"I don't want to go! Don't hurt me!" she cried out, tears streaming down her face."Seraphine, I won't hurt you. Come with me, I'll take you to Dr. Evelyn. Just rest for a moment," he reassured her, gently lifting the weak and disoriented Seraphine.

"I'm deeply regretful for what happened. She will recover, rest assured. Please remain here for the moment, and I will call Sister Rose to escort you to your quarters," she uttered hurriedly before departing.

I followed her with my eyes until her silhouette was gone. I wanted to come along. I needed to understand why the girl had changed. I wonder why Seraphine was like that. Decidedly, Seraphine's name felt cumbersome, so I opted to address her as Sera. I am not an obedient child for someone that I don’t like, but for some reason, I obeyed the elderly woman's instructions.

As I stood there, I was consumed by curiosity about my surroundings. A noxious odor permeated the air, emanating from the smoldering refuse outside my window. I couldn't help but notice it wafting in from outside the window. Peering down, I could see the distant playground we had visited, and an elderly figure in a tattered cloak, wearing a cap methodically sweeping the area strewn with dry, fallen leaves from the trees.

The smoke seemed to be coming from his direction, where he was burning the accumulated garbage in a hole in the ground. As he caught my gaze, his expression turned from frown to anger. And I stared at him carefully. His anger also seemed to disappear when he looked at the girls playing in the playground and his expression changed. There was a tinge of lust in it as its disgusting tongue licked her bottom lip and bit it. Disgusting. I was repulsed by his behavior. Suddenly, I turned around when I felt a touch on my shoulder. I saw a middle-aged woman in an old-fashioned outfit like the one I’d met. She smiled and introduced herself.

"Hello. Are you Erl? I'm Sister Rose. Sister Jean sent me to show you to your room. Follow me," she said, leading me up to the third floor.

I hadn't noticed the closed rooms on the second floor, but I could see "Classroom" written on the door, and I could hear an echo through the hallway of the woman's voice teaching inside. As we reached the third floor, I saw two closed rooms labeled Girls Room and' Boys Room. Sister Rose opened the Boys' Room, revealing rows of small empty double beds. There were also several double beds, about 15 in total. It was no surprise that I had seen so many children both inside and outside the building. At the end of the room, Sister Rose pointed to a small bed under one of the double beds.

"Erl, this will be your temporary bed until we find a new family to take care of you. We will also be your family," she promised with a warm smile.

I remained silent and her words of reassurance felt hollow, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Their smiles felt insincere to me. I focused on the bed, which was surprisingly clean despite the white blanket and pillow with its worn appearance.

"There's a cabinet at the bottom of your bed, one for you and one for your shared roommate occupied upstairs from your shared bed," Sister Rose explained as she opened the cabinet.

"Feel free to settle in and take a break before the afternoon," she assured me as she tidied up my bed.

Without a word, I placed the box I was carrying into the cabinet room.

"What's in the box?" she inquired, peering at its contents.

I offered no response, simply meeting his gaze with an inscrutable expression. Though I didn't speak, I knew how to convey the message that some things are best left unknown.

"I heard that you're not ready to let it go,” she said and continued. “The other kids here are the same. Those items are the only memories they have left from their parents before..." Before he could finish his sentence, I abruptly shut the cabinet and lay down on my bed.

"I apologize if I upset you. I'll leave you to rest now," she apologized, turning to leave. As the door closed behind him, I rose from the bed and began to inspect the hidden contents of my fellow residents' cabinets, one by one.

The items left behind by their parents included clothes, jewelry, toys, shoes, notebooks, and other personal belongings. I couldn't help but notice that their clothes were all similar, and I had a feeling I would soon have the same. I also took a peek at the hidden letters in their notebooks. There were drawings of a happy, smiling family. I quickly closed the notebook and returned it, feeling disgusted by the sight, and imagining that the young boys were dreaming of being part of another family that would also hurt them again. It made me sick to my stomach.

As I was arranging the items I had meddled with, I heard the voice of a boy that startled me.

"What are you doing?" The child seemed to have been there all along, but I hadn't noticed his presence. I didn't turn around and waited for what he would say next.

"I'll report you if you don't tell me!” he said while raising his voice.

I didn't want anyone to find out, I didn't want something that would ruin me. I slowly turned around, and there stood the young boy who had been lying on the bed I had expected to have disturbed earlier. I wondered if the necklace hidden in his belongings belonged to him or his companion. But I knew it would cause trouble if I didn't sort it out quickly.

I changed my impression as someone who seemed clueless and looked at him sadly. Fear was also evident on my face, serving as my cover for my intentions. I didn't speak and just shook my head in refusal. I pleaded with both hands not to report me, while taking also a part of my inner thoughts saying, stay out of my life.

"Don't you know how to speak?" he asked me, and I nodded in response."Oh, you're in danger here if they see you,” he said while rubbing his head.

“I won't report you, and I'll be your friend," he said to me continuously with a smile. He added, "Don't do that again, it's not a good thing to do here. If you get caught, you won't just get a beating, the bullies also ridicule you," he said to me before leaving and saying he was going outside to play with others.

I observed him as he left the door. He looked kind and seemed to have a hidden aura of shyness and fear before he went out. I didn't feel like he would tell anyone what he discovered. He wouldn't feel at ease if I found out that he did.

I just went back to my bed and lay down for a moment. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and I was thinking about the face of the little girl.

Seraphine... Who are you?