AFFAIRS OF THE HEART

VERMAN...

My guts rose before the rest of me as I crested the sandy hill.Anything could be on the other side .Brush.Another four- wheeler.A hippy gathering .A twenty-foot drop-off.The springs of the odyssey rang as the small vehicle's weight came off its wheels .I launched it off the hills as fast as it would go and almost got some air.The little machine's roll bars and wrist straps and harness formed an exoskeleton of hard steel.I wanted to throw it against the world and knock the world around abit.

nothing on the other side except more trail . I could ride for hours in the mojave around Edwards Air force Base without seeing another person .out in bluegrass country ,I used to scream .Walk outmy front door and push the stillness right out of me through my mouth.I thought it would be better agter I left those slow hills and slow trees and slow crops behind.I'm not military .I am just a basic man trying to figure out life with my amazing Monica.

But just between base housing is verman.

I thought about jerking the wheel as I came up on a scrap of hardy grass the color of sand.Hitting a clump with the side of the wheel would flip the little four -wheeler right over.The wrist straps keep me from automatically putting my hand out and getting it broken.I rotated my wrists against the nylon webbing.

Instead ,I set myself at thetallent hill around-a couple hundred feet.Mysterious millitary attanae sprouted from the top,artificially high,and a rutted dirt track speared staright up a ridge on the side .The little motor whined as i spent at the hill,determined to find a limit somewhere and thinking this could be it.I hit the abrupt incline and was tossed into the sky .I hardly touched the dirt,fat knobby tires slipping in grit .The motor struggled to maintain my momemntum,but gravity defied the chugging pistons.I rocked in myherness as though I could swim through the air to the top.On such a steep grade,I might not be able to get back down without burning out the brakes or racing down so fast that I crashed in a truly violent,uncontrolled way.

I shuddered with life.

The odyssey groaned and the smell of burning dust came from the overheating engine.I urged the machine at the last ,steepest portion.

My right front tire came off the edge of the rutand the last of my momentum bounced the front end high enough that gravity switched directions.The wheels kept going ,right over my head,and I sterreed the air in an unthinking attempt at control .

Upside doen and beyond ,I yelped my abondoned joy.The roll bars took the impact and the odyssey slid,upside down,about fifty feet downhill.Dust invaded my throat and eyes ,silencing and blinding me.

My lips shifted grit across my teeth and gums .My shoulders and chest ached where  the harness held me tight to the seat above me.When I opened my painful eyes ,my rashed wrists made a red counterpart to my white knuckles .My head sang,thick and brilliantly red,with adrenaline and gravity fed- blood.I slipped my hands from the straps ,reached the groud with pulsing fingertips .Did I want down or was I exactly where I needed to be,hanging upside down on a man-made mountain in the middle of nowhere?The flashing memory of my fertile attempt to control spurred me to laughter ,which turned into coughing ,which morphed into screams that shook with my shuddering abdomen and tore me open .

''Whats wrong?Are you hurt?''

Self-consciousness sprang into being.My voice stopped short .The entire picture came to  me clearly.The overturned four-wheeler with a deranged screamer digging into the sand under her head with fiery desperation.

Why did it have to be Angelica?I needed to be upright.I needed dignity ,faked or real,but for that I neeeded to get out of the harness .My fingertips burned from the sand and Angelica's  gentle hand covered mine .On the four-way harness buckle .Angelica  was my ex-girlfriend.She was my best one out of my very many encounters before Monica.Her hand on mine sparked a favorite fantasy:driving my hand into her p***y with hard thrusts from my pelvis,her hands cupping her t**s like offering.

''Come on .We'll get you out,but you have to be ready for the drop''

Right .I took a deep ,dry breath .I had no suggestions .

She didn't need any .She arranged herself under me ,inside the buried roll bars,With competent economy of action ,and ducked her head inside to sit up next to me .If I turned my head ,I could kiss her belly .We  both smelled sweaty and i wondered what she thought of my scent .Hers made me breathe deep and want to nose at her crotch like a dog.

She caught my upside-down eye and said ,'I've got you,Evans.'

The aftermath of excitement had me shaking a bit .The sky behind her head was pure white and her face ,even in the shadow of the Odyssey,looked overexposed .Only the dark brows ,The deep red of her lips,and the monk of her black eyes contained enough contrast to coalesce in my blown -out vision.While I inspected her and tried to stop shivering ,She inched me away from the setback.She pushed an arm behind me as she loosened the shoulder straps and my shoulder pressed into her soft chest.

''Are you ready?"

Before I could squeak ,She pushed the pad in the middle of the harness and all four straps fell away.

I dropped ,my head and neck guided into her lap.She grunted and I let my legs fall out the side So I wouldn't jackknife right on top of her.My anklebone hit the ground hard ,uncontrollable,but her legs cushioned my hip.

Gently,she smoothed my haie back from my face.'Okay?'

''Yeah.''I croaked a bit over the word and cleared my throat before trying again .''You okay?"

I could not find the professional politeness I wanted to present to her,hiding my attraction towards her.

She had morphed into a gorgeous woman from the last time I saw her and this made me really anxious while talking to her.Of course there was the Monica Issue but she wasn't around and so she wasn't my problem at the time.I told her to join me but she couldn't ........something to do with spending time with her friends on a girls weekend.

''Angelica,I........''

''Dont talk .You need some refreshments..water'' preferential words burned my throat more than dust ,but I stopped .I didn't know exactly what I was to say anyway,Lucky for me she is still the kind,generous,giving lady I met 4 years ago......Who am I kidding she is obviously more attractive now.

Excuses?Explanations?

Why?I was just another nature...I was over out looking around,except that I would turtled my four -wheeler and been found screaming by an ex-girlfriend who apparently I had a crush on.

I scrambled off Angelica's lap,bumping my shoulder on the roll bar and scooting gracelessly in a semicircle that slid the back of my neck across her thigh.

''Slowly,''She gripped my shoulder and slipped out of the roll-bar cage after me.The blood that had pooled in my head ran downhill toward my feet and left me light-headed,So I lay on the coarse sand .The bright red sun beat through my eyelids .

''Better.''Angelica's sweet voice grated on my nerves just enough that I wanted to act adult and together ,like someone who didn't need commands and comfort .I wasn't sure I was that person ,though.I wanted to cry and whether it was from emotion or adrenaline crash,the heat of her body next to mine made me yearn to hide there.

''Can you move everything?''

''Arms,legs?Neck,shoulders ?"..

I wiggled obediently as she named body parts and everything worked ,though I ached over most of my body.

''Lets get you to my campsite.I have a first-aid kit''

Of course you do,I didn't say.

I tightened my abs-ow-and sat up before opening my eyes .It was the right move,since even the sand between my knees was brighter that I could handle.I blinked until my vision cleared and I cold see Angelica sitting next tome,waiting quietly.

I looked at the Odyssey.If Angelica  and I could roll it over,could we stop it from taking off downhill as soon as the wheels hit the ground?I didn't even feel up to trying.

''Come on,Evans.Let's see if you can stand ''

I watched her rise and put my hands flat on the hot sand.The incline was enough that standing wouldn't be hard,but she wold want to steady me.I wasn't sure I wanted to be touched.I didn't feel like I had skin.

The sand burned harder on my fingertips and I looked at my hands.My bare wrists looked bad,but my fingertips stole my attention.They throbbed in answer to my questioning look.Yes ,you f****d up so royally.Each one swelled raw and red ,and fine dust sparkled in the tiny drops of blood that welled here and there.

Angelica reached out and I jerked .She stopped ,a questioning look in her face, and then stood .I don't know whether I blushed at giving away......something...but she put her hand out ,fingers up,and spoke quietly.'Give me your hand'

I did ,going palm to palm in an arm-wrestling grip that didn't require me to hold on very hard.We pulled together and she put her hand under my elbow as I rose.

Her touch unraveled my calm enough to make me lean toward her,but not enough for me to step into her arms fro the hug I wanted so badly.

Her had slid up my arm and squeezed.A flickering question-did she just feel up my biceps?-gave way to the realization that she wasn't going to release my hand until I showed I could stand on my own.

I straightened and took a deep breath ,which started me coughing again .She let go so I could cover my mouth but stayed close.My head was so clear it felt empty ,and I could see for a hundred miles around .

''What the hell?"A carpet of lavender-flecked yellow spread across the sand,greens sparked against the ubiquitous tan,and even the Melody tees looked like they were having a good stretch.

''The flower?Amazing ,Isn't it?'' I Come out here after every rain,If I can' Angelica scanned the desert and I saw her absorb the short-term vitality of the wetted land.I burst into flower and turned to her,raising my lips fro her kiss.

She jolted and her expression flickered between surprise ,temptation ,and something else,Something that made her hesitates and pull away.I turned and stumbled blindly towards the upside-down four-wheeler.

'Come on Evans.My camp's this way'

She didn't touch me,just stood in my was.How she'd gotten in front of me ,I had no idea .Okay .We were going to play it cool ,like I'd never tried to kiss her.Like I'd never stomped on her heavenly moment with an unwelcome pass.

The ache in my ankle battled for attention with all the other places I hurt,and I focused on walking carefully up the steep garden to her campsite neat the fenced antennae.The last thing I needed was to humiliate myself further by falling.

Angelica's camp consisted of a small tent ,big enough to sit up in and shaded by a fly ,and a rock-edged impromptu fire pit.She went to her knees in front of the tent and unzipped it.As much as i wanted to,I couldn't look away from the curve of her waist and thickness of her haunches.

She pulled out a hicking pack. I stood awkward and waited for instructions .The first-aid kit was in the front pocket and she tossed it back into the tent ,leaving the pack on the dirt.'

Let's get out of the sun'

A distant urge to back away was no match for her magnetism I'm not one to get in trouble taking stupid dares,but I wanted to be in that tent with her.

She knelt to the side of the entrance ,her hands flat on her thighs ,for the split second it took to decide I'd do as she said .I creaked down to my hands and knees ,keeping my raw fingertips off the sand,and shuffled across the zippered threshold.

A flat pallet of dense foam spanned two -thirds of the tent's width,I shoved aside her sleeping bag so I wouldn't get it dusty.collapsed on my side ,and rolled onto my back.

Angelica appeared over my feet and crawled up next to me.She pushed the first-aid kit ahead of her in a yellowish-green glow diffused by two layer of nylon.I was taking up too much space .As she rummaged through the first-aid kit ,I tried to control my breathing .The heat of our bodies wrestled with the breeze coming in the shaded opening .Sweet pooled in my belly button and steamed in the crease of my thighs.

Without a word ,Angelica took my hand and cleaned the tips of my fingers with antiseptic.cloths.The sting helped distract me from her hip next to mine and her thigh under my arm and her strong hand turning mine this way and that.

She put my hand down beside my head,palm up and fingers curled,as through arranging me for a cheesecake photo,then took my other hand and pulled it across my body.

The angle of her shoulders and the curve of her back soaked into me.Leaning across me ,one dise of her waist formed rolls and the other stretched smooth.I wondered if she could smell my p***y.

She released my hand and stroked my collarbone .Hope and fear froze me.

'Your harness really messed you up.Let me put arnica on the bruises .'Her gaze flickered up to meet mine ,then she looked back at the strap marks.

''I dont..''Her eyes followed her fingers as they stroked my bruised skin and the shadow pain was nothing to the pleasure .

''Angelica ,I can't be calm with your hands on me.''

''Are you really after calm ,Evans? You seem to be running pretty hard from calm ,''She slid her hand over my throat and down my other shoulder.My chest arched toward her. Angelica surveyed the low topography of the chest ,my c**k was already getting hard .'Wouldn't you prefer excitement?'She put both hands flat on my chest  and pressed them against my ribs.

A wave of nostalgia moved me as I remembered when we were together back in high school,when I could have her any time i need or wanted or just missed her.She was always the one to intiate the first moves and this made me love her even more back then.Her signature move was her eyes,the wasy she looked at me sent pleasing tingles down my neck and i could never resist her. My urge to have her will grow each second as my c**k would grow and harden for her.

''Dont f**k with me Angelica.''I screwed my eyes closed and balled my sore fingers into fists .

''Shhhhhh.This isn't a tease,You are so tightly wound has it been a long time?''

''I get myself off just fine'' She never stop touching my chest,her grip changed to a slow pull and roll of my n*****s through the ribbed cotton of my tee.I never had an inkling of how a guy would like that until she did it...that first night with her.

Her laugh was low,indulgent.'I remember you orgasm fast and sleep slow'

I opened my eyes .How could she still remember that that was ages ago.