TOO MUCH FOR YOU. ENOUGH FOR HIM

Chapter 2: Don't Read Much Into It

Zendaya’s POV

Upon reaching my apartment I couldn't help but think of what just happened today. I still hadn't replied to Ransford’s last message.

It was so funny because I was just getting more stupid day by day. I don't know why I keep going back to him. After all that he does, he just uses me for anything he wants. Who the hell does he think he is?

"Oh God I need to take a shower, I feel disgusted" I immediately dropped my bag and rushed to the washroom. I stayed in the bathhouse for more than 30 minutes almost 1 hour, letting the water wash away everything from my body. As if the water was going to wash away the kiss and fingering that I can still feel.

" I just hate myself," I said as I came out of my bathroom. Cleaning myself and put on my pyjamas.

" I'm hungry. I don't have the energy to cook" I just took my phone and ordered some KFC fries. It didn't take them long to bring the food. I ate everything as if I were a hungry person.

"I'm eating as if I've been thrown out on the streets" I said while laughing. Well, I hadn't eaten today, so I couldn't go to the cafeteria.

"The homework. Oh sh*t I don't have the questions " I immediately took my phone and texted my bestie.

"Beatriceeeeeeeee!!!!!"

Beatrice:" Oh geez what the hell is wrong with you"

Me:" I'm perfectly okay"

Beatrice:" Then why are you screaming my name" . She sent me an eye-rolling emoji

Me:" I want the homeworķ questions"

Beatrice:" Alright, alright sending it right away"

Me:" Thank you, love ya"

Beatrice:" Love you too"

I immediately did my homework and was about to sleep when I had a message.

"I'm so tired"

It’s funny how someone can make you feel everything at midnight and absolutely nothing by morning. My phone buzzed at exactly 12:43 a.m. I didn’t need to check. I already knew who it was.

Ransford. I stared at the screen for a few seconds, pretending I had self-control. Pretending I wouldn’t open it immediately but instead reply to him in the morning, like I always did.

I unlocked my phone.

Ransford: “You awake?”

Of course I was. He always asked like that, casual and effortless like he didn’t already know I would answer him. Like he hadn’t trained me to.

I waited, ten seconds, twenty, thirty. Then I replied anyway.

Me: “Yeah.”

The typing bubble appeared instantly. My heart softened before I could stop it.

Ransford: “Can I talk to you?”

And just like that, as if he had cast a spell on me, I was gone. I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling, already preparing myself to be whatever he needed tonight.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

There it was. That instinct. That needs to fix him. His reply didn’t come all at once. It came in pieces, slow, and deliberate, like he wanted me to feel every word.

Ransford “It’s Beatrice.”

My chest tightened instantly. Of course it was. It was always Beatrice.

Ransford “I don’t think she sees me the way I see her.” “It’s frustrating.”

I closed my eyes for a second, steadying my breathing. Even now, even here, in the quiet of the night, it was still her.

Me: “Can I ask you a question?”

Ransford“Okay, what is it”

My heart skipped.

Me“Who am I to you, Ransford?”

I swallowed slowly.

Ransford “A friend”

And there it was. That sentence. That dangerous, and devastating sentence. For a second, just one second, I let myself believe it meant something more. Maybe he was starting to see me. Maybe I wasn’t just second.

Me: " A friend?? Ransford, you see me as a friend?? I'm tired of this sh*t. I'm tired of you using me like a piece of paper anything you want. You only need me anytime you next s*x, but you ignore me like a ghost in school. F*ck you" and just like that i threw my phone somewhere and went to sleep.

But deep down, I already knew the truth. He needed me. But he didn’t want me. I always listened. I was calm, supportive, and available. Everything he needed me to be.

I took my phone and read his message “You’re important to me.” Important. Not loved. Not chosen, just important.

I cried myself to sleep, just thinking about all these things.

Morning felt colder. The kind of cold that didn’t come from the weather but from reality settling in.

I did my morning routine as usual and took my car keys. Driving myself to school. I don't plan to walk again, it was so tiring.

The campus was louder than usual. Or maybe it was just my thoughts echoing too much. I saw them before they saw me. Ransford and Beatrice. Standing just outside the faculty building. Laughing at something Beatrice said.

The kind of laugh he never gave freely. The kind he reserved for people who mattered. Beatrice touched his arm lightly. He didn’t move away. My steps slowed. I didn’t even realise I had stopped breathing.

I really didn't want to see him. I tried to dodge them but....

“Zendaya!” Beatrice spotted me first, waving brightly. Ransford turned. For a brief moment just a second his eyes softened. Then it vanished.

“Hey,” he said. Just that.' Hey', no warmth. I stepped closer, forcing a smile.

“Morning.” The silence that followed felt heavier than it should have.

"I was waiting for you so we could go to class together" Beatrice said

" Alright, let's go"

We bid Ransford goodbye and went to class. After class I went to put my books down in my locker, when I saw Ransford and his friend walking by, nudging him with a smirk.

“Ei, Ransford,” he said teasingly,

“you and Zendaya have a thing?. What’s going on there?” My heart stopped.

This was it, the moment, the truth. But Ransford laughed. He actually laughed.

“Relax,” he said, shaking his head.

“Zendaya? She’s cool. Don’t read too much into it.”

'Cool. Don’t read too much into it?'. Something inside me broke quietly. Cool? After everything? Ransford had already moved on, continuing his conversation like nothing happened. Like I was nothing, invisible, disposable.

I felt the need to leave there immediately. I walked without direction, my chest tight, my thoughts louder than anything around me. Why did it hurt this much? He never promised me anything. Never said he loved me. So why did it feel like betrayal?

I sat on a bench near the library, staring at my phone. A message from Beatrice popped up.

“Heyy, where are you. I couldn't find you in the locker area. You okay?”

I replied instantly. “Yeah. Just tired.”

Lie. Another notification appeared.

Ransford. Of course. “How are you?”

That was it. No apology or any explanation. I didn’t reply. Five minutes passed. Another message.

“Are you mad?”

Mad? Was I allowed to be? What was I supposed to do to him? My fingers hovered over the keyboard. I wanted to say everything. You embarrassed me. You made me feel small. You only see me when no one else is watching. But instead, I locked my phone.

School was over so I guess I should go home. I sent Beatrice a message that I was leaving. I went to my car and drove off.

That evening, my phone buzzed again. I didn’t rush this time. I let it ring. When I finally opened it, my chest tightened.

“Can you come over tonight?”

“I need you.” There it was again. The need, never want, never choose. Just need. I stared at the message, my thoughts spiralling. If I went, nothing would change.

“Zendaya?” Another.

“Don’t ignore me.” My hands trembled slightly.

“Are you seriously asking me to come, over?” I replied.

"Please Zendaya"

My heart dropped. What does that even mean?

"I'm not coming over, sorry, goodnight"

Silence filled my room as I slowly placed my phone face down on the table.

"Did I make the right choice?" I brushed it over and went to bed using the cloth to cover myself.

The air felt heavier. Because for the first time since I met Ransford Adams, I wasn’t sure I was going to choose him. And that terrified me.