Death Maiden

Chapter 10

The Girl's POV

The next day and the next and the next...! I even lost count of it, have been very awful, dreadful, tiring, exhausting, irritating and have been the most aggravating days of my life! I can't believe I was able to put myself into those stupid situations.

Like when we went for fishing somewhere in a river near our place.

Bakit ko nga ba 'yub ginawa? If it's not because of that stupid-!

We stationed ourselves on some part of the river. They put bars or wooden poles around the net. Tapos may ginawa pa sila para ayusin or i-assemble 'tong fishing gimik na 'to. All I did was holding the net until they asked me to stop. Nung natapos na, umahon na kami at umupo para mag-antay ng isda na mahuhuli sa lambat.

We sat and waited there for almost half an hour and there were still no signs of any fish caught on the net but I observed that there are a lot of fish 'outside' the net.

The males seem to be too carefree for the whole situation while I'm getting impatient of this whole thing.

From just 30 minutes, nadagdagan pa ng kalahating oras at isa pa, hanggang sa 2 oras na kaming naghihintay sa kahit isang isda na mahuhuli.

Until I couldn't hold it any longer. I guess I have to do this my own way. I quickly threw myself unto the river and swam, without giving them any chance to stop me, and caught a big fish with just my bare hands.

I held the fish in my hands, still alive. I turned to them and saw their looks of astonishment with what I just did. Napanganga ko ng literal ang bata pero ang matanda, from astonishment, napalitan agad ito ng disappointment.

"What?" I asked them, while I slowly walking towards them, because I don't know what I just did wrong. This is the purpose of this whole thing! To catch a fish!

"Patience! We're not here just to catch a fish but also to practice your ability to be patient! We need to catch the fish with the net and not with our hands! Kaya nga may dalang net tayo diba? Now throw the fish into the water!" He ordered and shouted at me.

"What?! You want me to throw the fish back into the water? Hell no!" I shouted. There's no way!

He narrowed his eyes at me. Not again.

With so much annoyance and anger, I given up the fish, which I know I'll somehow regret, and threw it rather harshly on the water with force which made a loud splashy sound. It took the huge fish 15 seconds before it swam normally.

"i***t! You're going to kill the fish!"

"Uggh....! Shut up! I'm done fishing!" Then, I stormed out from the water and walked back to where we came from.

And that's how our fishing activity ended.

The next activities that followed were wild boar hunting, bird and goose hunting, gardening, fixing the roofs or some other parts of the house that needs fixing, and logging of trees, among other tiring activities that we did.

Just like what happened with the fishing activity, hinabol ko ang wild boar as fast as I can. I was literally racing with the boar. I jumped into it and wrestled a bit with it hanggang sa nabalian ko kaagad siya ng mga buto niya sa kamay at paa hanggang di na siya makalakad pa ulit. Then, I was successful....or so I thought.

"What?" I asked, curious why they weren't satisfied with what I did. Napailing lang ang matanda and gave up a sigh while the child, just as before, was with his mouth opened.

And during the goose and bird hunting, with my swift movement and fast running, I was able to catch them before they could even fly away even higher, making the guns (for bird hunting) that we brought useless.

During the gardening? I crushed the whole plant with my hand. I couldn't hold it delicately and softly as the old man suggested. Nakakainis kasi. Ang rami pang dapat gawin sa pagtatanim kahit pwede namang ilagay na lang diretsyo sa butas sa lupa ang tanim tsaka dagdagan na lang agad ng lupa.

And when we fixed the roofs? Nalakasan ko siguro ang pagpukpok kaya ayun. Pinukpok ko lang kasi ng isang beses ng martilyo ang bawat isang pako para matapos na agad ng isang pukpok lang. Bakit pa kasi kailangang dahan-dahanin pa? Hindi ko naman akalaing nalakasan ko pala kaya ayun, nasira ko ang bubong and it made a huge hole on the roof.

And lastly, ang pangangahoy? I just cut every tree na makikita ko, which leave them with only just their roots. How am I supposed to know that we only need branches or twigs of some trees or just only chop or cut the dead or old trees?

How am I supposed to know all of those things beforehand?

Some activities were even repeated several times which made me even more annoyed. How can these aid me to change?

But it wasn't very long before I can finally see and feel the changes in me brought by those activities. Napansin ko kaagad na I can control my anger to some degree. I'm quite annoyed sometimes but only because they intentionally wanted to annoy me. And that's just it. I guess I can finally start my quest.

I woke up one morning finding the boy outside the house probably learning to read again. He had a newspaper in his hands. Nakaupo lang siya sa bench.

Sa 'di malamang kadahilanan, lumapit ako sa at umupo sa tabi niya.

"Uy ate, nandiyan ka pala?" Bumalik na siya kaagad sa pagbabasa.

Pinabayaan ko lang siyang magbasa habang ako ay napaisip. It's been almost a year since that day happened. I never thought na matitiis kong may kasama lalo na ng mag-ama na 'to. I've never been so calm and at ease in my life. If only I could be like this forever. What would I give to stay like this?

Then the boy interrupted my thoughts.

"A ma-n w-a...s ki-ki-l-led...'killed (kil-led)'? Anong 'killed(kil-led)'?" Tanong niya sa sarili with great confusion written on his face.

"Killed," I interrupted him,"silent 'e' 'yung pagbasa niyan hindi 'kil-led' kundi 'kild'."

"Ahh...killed (kild)."

Halatang bumalik na naman kaagad sa confusement ang expression niya.

"Meaning pinatay."

"Ahh...!" His eyes glowed like he just knew something worth knowing. "Kung ganun ang lalaki pinatay? Bakit naman kaya?" He murmured to himself.

Ang batang 'to, iba siya. He's willing to learn; he's willing to do everything for his father, for his love to his father is so tremendous; he is patient, honest, trustworthy and thoughtful; he gives sunshine in this darkest place in town; and most especially, this boy has the most selfless dream I have ever heard of.

"..we-nt t-o Te....Te..x...as (Te-'x'-as)....?"

"'Texas (Teksas)'. Isang lugar 'yan sa America." I corrected him again.

"Ah...okay." At pinagpatuloy lang niya ang pagbabasa and corrected him most of the time, with mispronounced words and gave Tagalog meaning or translation or explanation to them.

I envy this boy....buti pa siya alam niyang ang rason kung bakit siya nabubuhay.

Ako kaya? Kailan ko malalaman ang rason kung bakit ako nabubuhay kahit ilang beses na akong muntikang mamatay?

I looked up the sky at napaisip ako.

Ano nga ba?

I guess I'll start at that Academy. Maybe I'll find something worth it there.

Nung hapon ding 'yun, nagpaalam akong umalis muna sandali. The father of course didn't allow me to go to town by myself because it would be dangerous. There might be some enemy wandering around.

After a very long discussion and heated debate between us, he finally allowed me to go.

"Be back before 6 pm," he demanded seriously with great authority in his words. Weird. He sounds like a father now.

"Psh. Whatever." I just whispered to myself. I wore in my head a blue cap which I think belongs to the boy.

Pagkatalikod para pihitin ang doorknob, someone strongly grabbed my elbow. Napalingon agad ako.

"If something bad happens, umalis ka kaagad." Tumingin siya with so much concern in his eyes. Para tuloy siyang isang kapamilyang concern sa kamag-anak niya. Like a father would do to his child.

"Don't act like a-" seeing the look in his eyes, hindi ko tinapos ang sasabihin ko. "Whatever."

"Promise me."

I looked at him with questioning eyes. What's wrong with him now?

"I said, promise me." He wouldn't let this pass if I won't positively answer him, right?

Nagtagisan pa kami ng tingin bago ko sinabing, "Fine." There's no point in arguing with him now, kailangan na kailangan kong umalis. Hindi niya parin ako binibitawan. When I reassured him with a nod, tsaka pa lang niya ako binitawan.

"Mind you, 6 pm. 6 pm." Paulit-ulit niyang sabi.

"Oo na," sagot ko na lang sa kanya and with that umalis na ako.

I have to go to town kailangan ko pang magresearch kung saan 'yung academy na 'yun at may isa pa akong dapat na gawin.

Nakabalik ako sa bahay almost 3 hours had passed on the deadline kaya inaasahan ko ng maabutan ang ama sa sala naghihintay at hindi nga ako nagkamali. Pagpasok ko sa bahay, naabutan ko siyang palakad-lakad sa sala. His hands on his hips.

Pagkakita niya sa akin sinabi niya agad, "Young lady! Where the hell have been at late ka ng umuwi? Diba sabi ko 6 pm? 6 pm! And do you know what time is it now?" Now he sounds like a nagging old man.

"I know! I know! Nakalimutan ko lang 'yung oras buti pa nga't nakauwi pa ako!" I angrily retorted.

"Nakalimutan mo ang oras? That's it? That is so unreasonable!"

"Unreasonable?" I asked in disbelief. Now, I'm angry and literally annoyed.

I had a very long day and all I want is rest that's why instead of arguing with him I'd better be off in my room.

"Yes! Now tell me, you didn't get into any trouble did you? Did you!" He's clearly shouting now making my ears bleed. Ano bang ikinagagalit niya?

Tinalikuran ko na siya agad para umakyat na sa kwarto ko. I don't want to hear anything he has to say!

He grabbed my arm angrily. "I'm not done speaking to you!"

Now I am extremely pissed off. I turned to face him. He was a few steps below me in the stairs. "Listen. I am NOT your responsibility. I am NOT your acquaintance. And most especially, I am NOT your daughter. So don't act like a caring and concern father to me because you are definitely are not!" I was definitely shouting angrily at him when I said the last part.

When I looked at him again, his expression softened. His eyes were sad. He looked away and slowly ungripped his hand over my arm.

I hurt him.

Tumalikod na siya at nagsimulang lumakad papunta sa kusina. There was silence in the whole room. No one said a word.

I saw the boy standing in the kitchen with tears rolling down his face. He was there all this time?

The old man turned his back towards me while washing the dishes.

"There are foods on the table. Feel free to eat it anytime ypu want," he said quietly.

I ran quickly to my room and shut the door harshly and threw myself into the bed, face-down.

Bakit? Bakit ganito ang naramdaman ko? This is the first time that I have felt like this. It's like I was also hurt and instantly regretted what I said. Is this what they call 'guilty'? Do I feel sorry for what I just did?

Damn! Why is this so hard to understand?

And then I thought of something. I felt that it is time. Time to move out on my own and find the reasons why I'm still alive right now. I got up and packed my things. I took a pen and paper inside the drawer and wrote something. It's already 3 am in the morning and I think they are both in their deep sleeps right now. I went down as quietly as I can and put the letter above dining table, where they can easily see it. I saw the food prepared for me at dinner that I viciously declined eralier. I pulled the nearest chair where I took a seat. I took a spoonful of my food and ate it and it put a smile on my face. This will be the last time I am eating this delicious of a food prepared for me. I'm gonna miss this. I washed my used utensils and decided to resume my escapade. I put the hood of my jacket over my head and went out but not before I took one last glance of what was once my home. This building held so much memories of my past and of my present. Too bad I have a gut feeling that I won't be coming back of this house after this. I looked at the father's and the boy's bedroom, they must be asleep. 'Good,' I thought. I hated farewells and goodbyes. I am not very good at it. "Thank you so much," I whispered in thick cold air and bowed shortly.

The coldness of the air felt like little icy crystals pricking on my skin as I ran away from the house. I ran and ran and never once looked back. I don't want to feel something. I don't want to feel guilty. I know this is the right thing to do. I know. I ran until I was able to get both of my feet at the nearest bus station. It didn't took me any more than 10 minutes before I caught one. Bumukas ang pinto ng bus at sumakay ako. I chose to sit at the farthest left corner of the bus, that seat where I wouldn't have a seat mate with me. The bus made a go and I managed to settle in. I looked at the window and saw a little droplets of water forming on the window outside of the bus. I looked back and could only see the roof part of the house before it vanished and all I can see are trees and grasses.

Lumipas ang gabi at bumangon na ang batang lalaki. At usual, wala ang ama nito sa higaan nila. Siguradong nagluluto ito ng pagkain nilang dalawa. Dali-dali siyang bumaba ng hagdanan only to find his dad reading a piece of paper on his hand. Tinanong niya agad ito, "Ano yan pa?"

Hindi nagsalita ang matanda kundi inilagay niya lang ang papel sa lamesa at nagsimula ng maghanda sa kanilang hapagkainan. Sinilip ng bata ang papel at sinubukang basahin ang nakasulat dito pero kumunot ang kanyang noo dahil hindi niya maintindihan ito. Nakita niya rin ang isang kulay green na maliit na bagay na hugis parihaba sa gilid ng papel.

"Ano to pa? Saan galing to?"

"Kay ate mo," sagot niya habang hinuhugasan ang bigas.

"Bakit?"

Hindi ulit ito nagsalita. Dun niya naramdaman at naintindihan ang nagyayari. Ramdam niya ang kalungkutan na nararamdaman ngayon ng papa niya. Hindi niya namalayang tumulo na pala ang kanyang luha. 'Umalis si ate,' he realized.

Matagal-tagal pa bago maintindihan ng bata ang nakasulat sa lihim ng babae para sa kanilang dalawa. Kailangan niya munang mag-aral bago niya ito lubusang maintindihan because the old man would always refuse to talk about it with his son.

'Dear old bastard of a man,

We both know that this will come sooner than you thought it would be. I can't stay much longer. Before someone else could pick-up my scent again, we both know that it will be over for all of us and I certainly don't want that to happen. I have to go on with my life from now on and on my own. I don't know what will happen but one thing's for sure, I will fight for the answers that I seek as long as I breathe.

I apologize for what happened last night but please know that you are the closest thing I ever had for a family ever since my family died. It's been so long since the last time I felt someone cared and I am grateful for that.

PS This is the account I made for you both. If you're smart as you always thought you are, you already then know the six-digit password. Use this as much as you want especially for the boy's schooling. Don't ever use this in illegal manner or for whatever illegal means or I will definitely hunt you and kill you myself, remember that.

-S'