Until The Very End

CHAPTER 9: Welcome to Italy

            “Benvenuti in Italia.”

            (“Welcome to Italy.”)

            Those were the only words that Matt had said to his friend after they got out from the jet. It confused Rodolfo seeing Matt communicating with him very cold. They haven’t spoken to each other for a long time since they arrived in Rome, Italy. Rodolfo thought that something had been bothering Matt, and although he wanted to ask about it, he did not dare talk to him. He waited for Matt to start the conversation, just to make sure.

            At the airport, located 12 kilometres southeast of Rome, a wavy black-haired man with brown eyes and warm skin, about 179 cm tall around 30 years of age, wearing a royal blue formal suit, greeted them. A dimple on his cheek was seen as he talked and whenever he smiled.

            “Buonagiornata, CEO Williams. Bentorno di nuovo in Italia.”

            (“Good day, CEO Williams. Welcome back again to Italy.”)

            “Felice, non mi aspettavo che tu sia qui,” Matt was surprised to see Felice, the secretary of the company he came for.

            (“Felice, I did not expect you to be here,”)

            “Mi ha mandato qui il presidente Davis. In questo punto esatto. Mi ha detto che lasci New York a sua insaputa,” said Felice.

            (“Chairman Davis sent me here. At this exact spot. He told me you leave New York without him knowing.”)

            Out of the conversation, poor Rodolfo just watched them talk to each other. He’s trying to catch some Italian words as his friend and Felice replied to each other. He murmured the words he heard, but not all the time. Only those words which he thought was impossible to pronounce.

            “A tale proposito, gli a dirò quando arriveremo qui. Ma come faceva a saperlo?” Matt asked, looking directly into Felice’s eyes, hoping for an honest answer.

            (“About that, I was gonna tell him when we arrive here. But how did he know?”)

            “Il tuo assistente personale,” Felice started to explain. “Questa mattina, il suo assistente personale ha detto al presidente Davis che sarai qui per risolvere una delle tue società qui. Il presidente Davis la stava chiamando, ma ha detto che Matt era fuori portata, quindi tuo zio mi ha mandato qui ad aspettarti.”

            (“Your personal assistant. This morning, your personal assistant told Chairman Davis that you’ll be here to resolve one of your company here. Chairman Davis was calling you, but he said that Matt was out of reach so, your uncle sent me here to wait for you.”)

            “Perché?” Matt questioned again.

            (“Why?”)

            “Il presidente Davis era qui la settimana scorsa. E va tutto bene in azienda. Il presidente Davis l'aveva già fatto,” answered Felice, gaving Matt and Rodolfo a beautiful smile.

            (“Chairman Davis was here last week. And everything is fine at the company. Chairman Davis had already done it.”)

            “Ma perché non me l'ha detto?” he asked for the third time, his eyebrows were meeting on his glabella out of frustration.

            (“But why he didn’t tell me?”)

            “Immagino che tu abbia bisogno di una chiamata per una risposta,” Felice suggested, trying to help Matt with his question.

            (“Guess you have to make a call for an answer.”)

            “Grazie, Felice,” Matt said, smiling to Felice.

            (“Thank you, Felice.”)

            Matt turned around and saw Rodolfo’s weary face. He had completely forgotten that Rodolfo was with him. He felt sorry and stupid for not talking to Rodolfo. So, to remind Rodolfo that Matt was still with him, in case Rodolfo thought that Matt forgot about him, Matt introduced him to Felice just like he introduce him to Dhan. At this time, he finally uses the English language.

            “Oh, right. This is Rodolfo, a friend of mine. Rodolfo, this is Felice, the secretary of the company we came for, but it turns out it was already over.”

            Felice came closer and said, “Hello. It’s nice to meet you, Rodolfo.”

            “And to you too,” replied Rodolfo, grinning.

            “Well, it is nice seeing you here Felice. Although my uncle had already solved the company’s problem, we still need to stay here for a little vacation. I’m sure uncle told you that I am in college. And college is stressful, as we all know,” chuckled Matt, widening his right arm and set it above Rodolfo’s shoulder.

            “I understand. I have been also there, and I have to admit, it’s not really what I expected it to be,” said Felice. “Anyway, shall I escort you to the hotel?”

            “Thank you, but no thank you,” Matt responded, sounding a bit rude. He hated to be. “Please, you’re a secretary, not my personal assistant. But I do appreciate it.”

            Felice couldn’t help himself but smile.

            “We will go straight to the hotel and take your day off until tomorrow. You seem…,” Matt said as pleasing as he could and then stopped. He looked into Felice's eyes and continued, “…tired.”

            “Grazie, CEO Williams,” replied Felices. He was being emotional.

            (“Thank you, CEO Williams.”)

            Matt and Rodolfo went out of the airport. Rodolfo thought that Matt was alright so, he started the conversation. But there were just too many people all the way out. All voices including the airport service announcer, the clattering sound of women’s high heels, and other sound created inside the airport were creating a loud noise. There was no point if Rodolfo talked to Matt at that time. Matt would have heard nothing if Rodolfo did speak. Instead, Rodolfo waited until he and Matt have already a free noise place. They took a taxi to go to the hotel. The taxi driver was so talkative that Rodolfo couldn’t start the conversation again.

            “Ciao. Benvenuti in Italia! Dove ci stiamo dirigendo?” the taxi driver accepted Matt and Rodolfo to his taxi. He looked at them at the rearview mirror.

            (“Hello. Welcome to Italy! Where are we heading to?”)

            “Ciao. A Grande Palazzo per favour. Grazie” replied Matt. He was reluctant to answer at first because of the driver’s tone of voice. It sounded like he was giving a death threat.

            (“Hello. To Grande Palazzo, please. Thank you.”)

            The driver seemed to notice Matt’s reaction so, he apologized while turning his head around to look at them personally. Not in the rearview mirror. "Mi dispiace. Ti ho spaventato?"

            (“I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”)

            “No. No, per niente. Ero solo sbalordito, credo,” said Matt, untrue. He doesn’t want to feel it to the driver, but it might probably because of the strange dreams he had.

            (“No. No, not at all. I was just stunned, I guess.”)

            “Va tutto bene,” he replied, turning to face the steering wheel. “Molte persone spesso mi dicevano che la mia voce è come criminali '”

            (“It’s alright. A lot of people often told me that my voice is as criminals’.”)

            Matt chuckled, not knowing what to reply to the taxi driver. He looked at Rodolfo, who was staring at the taxi driver. Probably wondering how Italian people act or behave. Still looking at Rodolfo, Matt touched Rodolfo’s shoulder with his shoulder, indicating to look at him instead.

            Few seconds, Matt waited, but it seemed that Rodolfo did not feel anything. Matt did it again once, this time, he remained his shoulder on Rodolfo’s longer than he did before, smiling. Rodolfo turned his head to Matt. He smiled back. None of the two saw that the taxi driver was watching them from the rearview mirror of the taxi.

            “What?”Rodolfo said as a response to Matt’s lame and ununderstandable move.

            Matt smiled even wider than before, revealing his teeth, and replied, “You stared at him as you want to do something with him.”

            “Huh?” Rodolfo’s face crumpled in confusion at what Matt has had said, then come to a realization. “Ah, no man! For a grown-up man like me, no, it is not gonna happen.”

            “Really? On how your iris stayed for too long and the way you blinked while having eyes on him has a different meaning in my perception,” joked Matt, choosing his words carefully to not get Rodolfo upset.

            “Wait, what? Why would you think of me as a man who is into…” he couldn’t finish it out loud.

            “Into what?” Matt asked.

            Rodolfo hesitated and looked outside. He was trying his best to hide his smile from Matt, who was starting to lean over while facing him. Unfortunately, Matt did not saw it. He leaned back and asked again the same question.

            “Into what?”

            Still, Rodolfo did not answer.

            “Okay, fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll look for it up by myself,” said Matt in a teasing manner.

            Rodolfo looked at him again.

            Matt winked at him. It was his turn at the window, grinning.

            Suddenly, he feels a strong pull from his right arm. Rodolfo grabbed it, took Matt’s head nearer to him, turned to Matt’s ear and whispered;

            “Into men.”

            Rodolfo’s force to keep still after speaking. Matt thought that there were additional words that his friend was going to say. But he was just there, head locked in the arms of Rodolfo.

            Few moments, Rodolfo loosen his arms slowly and Matt sits upright. Not meeting Rodolfo’s expectation nor the taxi driver’s, Matt hollered out in laughter inside the taxi. He kept laughing while Rodolfo watched him, half smiling.

            “That is not what I meant!” Matt said and went on laughing again.

            Seizing Matt’s wrist, Rodolfo asked, “Then, what is it?”

            Matt did not respond, like how Rodolfo just looks outside rather than answering Matt the moment earlier.

            “Hey, come on. What is it?” Rodolfo desperately asked once more. His face was even cuter this time.

            “I will tell you later when we arrive at the hotel,” Matt finally restrained himself from laughing, but there was still a grin on his lips, which makes Rodolfo asked himself his own question.

            “Come on, Tell me now,” Rodolfo couldn’t wait for an answer.

            “No. I’ll tell you later,” said Matt simply.

            “È davvero bello tornare ad essere giovani,” the driver joined them, who at first was only watching them from the rearview mirror.

            (“It’s really nice to be back on being youth.”)

            Both of them were aghast by the taxi driver’s out-of-a-sudden words, but they did not let the taxi driver see they were. They paid their attention and respected him. Though Rodolfo doesn’t understand the language, he listened closely and never left Matt and the taxi driver talking to each other alone.

            “Non è troppo tardi per lei, signore, vero?” Matt asked politely. Of course, the smile never fades away.

            (“It is not too late for you, sir, is it?”)

            “Ne avevo uno prima. Io invidiate voi due,” answered the driver. His voice was serious and, when Matt re-read the driver’s voice and emotions, he sounded like he was hurt inside.

            (“I had one before. Envy you two.”)

            Matt doesn’t want to ask for confirmation. Even more, he does not want to go into other people’s lives. He thought of something to answer, but, he was glad when Rodolfo ask for a favour;

            “Could you please translate for me what you are talking about so that I’ll know what to say?”

            “Sure,” Matt nodded and told Rodolfo what they had said. “He said that it was really nice to be youth again, and I was like ‘It is not too late for you, is it?’ Then he answered, ‘I had one before. Envy you two.’. Honestly speaking, do not tell him this, after I heard his voice said those words, I think he has these bad memories that keep on playing on his head every single day. And now, help me because I exactly do not know how or what to reply.”

            “Mi dispiace di non aver risposto. Ho tradotto e tradurrò tutto al mio amico,” he told the taxi driver, and went to Rodolfo. “I just apologize for not replying to him. And I inform him that I’ll be translating everything to you.”

            (“I’m sorry for not replying. I translated and will be translating everything to my friend.”)

            “Va tutto bene. All'inizio pensavo che non gli piace parlarmi, ma si scopre che non parla italiano. Ora capisco,” the taxi driver sniggered.

            (“It’s alright. At first, I thought he does not like to talk to me, but it turns out that he doesn’t speak Italian. Now I understand.”)

            “He thought that you don’t like to talk to him, but now he understands because you don’t speak Italian. Anything you want to reply with that?” Matt said to Rodolfo. His eyes were fixed on Rodolfo as Rodolfo thought of something.

            “How old is he?” Rodolfo asked.

            “Il mio amico vuole conoscere la sua eta', signore,” Matt told the taxi driver.

            (“My friend here wants to know your age, sir.”)

            The taxi driver looked at them in the rearview mirror, then answered, “Ho ventisette anni.”

            (“I’m twenty-seven years old.”)

            “He’s only twenty-seven.”

            “Voi due state davvero bene insieme. E invidio davvero il vostro amore l'uno per l'altro. Spero che rimanga fino alla fine,” the taxi driver suddenly said before one of them could reply. He wasn’t joking. His voice was true and full of happiness.

(“You two really look good together. And I really envy your love for one another. I hope it stays until the very end.”)

            Matt was surprised. Rodolfo was also surprised, not because of what the taxi driver’s said, but because of Matt’s reaction. Rodolfo didn’t see Matt as stupefied as he was in the taxi before. It questioned him, what did the taxi driver say that made Matt like that?

            While still surprised, Matt talked excessively, trying to oppose what the taxi driver said. “No, no, no… i-it can’t – I me-mean… we can’t b-be… uhmm, we’re…  we are n-not what you t-think w-we are… No, no… we’re just… we’re not, okay? No-non siamo quello c-che pensi che s-siamo. S-siamo entrambi single. Non più. Okay?”

            (“We are not what you think we are. We are both singles. No more.”)

            Rodolfo was even more curious about Matt’s behaviour, and how he replied. His eyebrows met due to his bewilderment. He looked from Matt, who had a face of red, to the taxi driver, who seemed to be calm and happy.

            “Veramente?” the taxi driver asked unbelievably. “Voi due non siete coppie? Dai. Smettila di scherzare.Voi due siete troppo belli per essere single.”

            (“Really? You two are not couples? Come on. Quit joking around. You two are too handsome to be single.”)

            “Lo giuro, non lo siamo,” Matt replied plainly, laughing.

            (“I swear, we are not.”)

            “Va bene, va bene. Non voglio discutere. Ma, ad essere onesti, voi due guardate insieme,” the driver said calmly with a cute smile on his face.

            (“Okay, okay. I won’t argue. But, to be honest, you two look together.”)

            “È per questo che ci invidi? Pensavi che io e il mio amico siamo coppie?” asked Matt, while checking up his phone for the time. He had completely forgotten to translate their conversation to Rodolfo.

            (“Is that why you envy us? You thought my friend and I are couples?”)

            The taxi driver took a very deep breath and started to speak, “Sì. In realtà, un anno fa, avevo un ragazzo. E proprio come voi due, ci siamo conosciuti molto giovani.  Eravamo matricole del college quando ci siamo incontrati allora. E non abbiamo altri amici che Marzia, l'unica donna che ci ha aiutato a tirarci fuori dai guai. Chiarisco che non siamo stati noi i piantagrane. C'era questo gruppo di ragazzi che nella vita non avevano fatto altro che scompigliare gli affari di tutti. C'è stato un giorno in cui ci siamo baciati. Non eravamo ubriachi. Ci siamo appena baciati di punto in bianco. Personalmente, mi è piaciuto, ma mi sono comportato come se non lo fossi. Ha fatto la stessa cosa. Rimaniamo migliori amici fino a quando non ci siamo laureati.”

            (“Yes. Actually, one year ago, I had a boyfriend. And just like you two, we met at a very young age. We were college freshmen when we met back then. And we have no other friends than Marzia, the only woman who helped us get out of the trouble. I clarify that we were not the troublemakers. There was this group of boys who had done nothing in life but to muss everyone’s businesses. There was a day that we kissed. We weren’t drunk. We just kissed out of the blue. Personally, I did like it but acted like I did not. He did the same thing. We remain best friends ‘till we graduated.”)

Matt did not expect that a story will unfold in the taxi. He has no choice but to listen to the taxi driver. Rodolfo did the same, although he does not understand Italian.

            “Avanti veloce al futuro, mi ha affrontato su quel bacio e ha confessato che gli ero piaciuto dal giorno in cui ci siamo incontrati per la prima volta. Ha detto che amava tutto di me e che la sua giornata non poteva passare senza vedermi. Mi ha detto che nonostante fossero passati anni da quando ci siamo baciati, non poteva dimenticare quanto fossero morbide le mie labbra. Certo, ho confessato. Anche a me è piaciuto fin dal primo momento che ci siamo conosciuti. A volte commetteva errori, ma era perfetto per me. Avrei solo voluto che fosse qui oggi. Eravamo felici,” the driver continued. As we went along to his story, Matt sensed that he was sobbing. This was probably the reason and answer from he had thought before – ‘I think he has these bad memories that keep on playing on his head every single day.’.

            (“Fast forward to the future, he confronted me about that kiss and confessed that he had liked me since the day we first met. He said that he loved everything about me and his day couldn’t pass without seeing me. He told me that although years had passed since we kissed, he couldn’t forget how soft my lips were. Of course, I confessed. I also liked him from the very first we met each other. He did commit mistakes sometimes, but he was perfect to me. I just wished he’s here today. We were happy.”)

            Hesitation to ask more questions about the taxi driver’s boyfriend filled him. But something was bothering him and forcing him to ask it. He pictured in his mind everything that the taxi driver had said. Again, neither Matt nor Rodolfo noticed that the driver was watching them from the rearview mirror. Rodolfo kept his mouth shut as he turned to Matt for translation, who was gazing outside, thinking.

            He remembered the place. Grande Palazzo was a few minutes away, yet he does not want to ask what he wanted to ask. He thinks again, with his feelings and deep thoughts. The taxi was already decelerating at its near stop, but Matt still did not ask his question. He watched the people walked by. And something caught his whole attention. A man on his trousers and t-shirt, holding hands with another man that was wearing a sunglass. They were giggling as they walk. Matt watched them opened their mouth as they talk. Moments later, the sunglassed man suddenly moved closer to the man’s face, who was wearing a t-shirt and gave him a short kiss on his cheeks. They laughed. Then the man on the trouser and t-shirt did the same, but his kiss was on the sunglassed man’s lips. Matt finally understood while the sunglassed man dropped his sweetest smile. They were a couple, living a normal and happy life.

            Seeing the two men, he gained the courage to ask. And he did so;

            “Cosa dicono le persone di voi due?”

            (“What do the people say about you two?”)

            “Intendi la society o l'intera comunità? Andiamo, amico. So che sei un americano, ma giudicare il modo in cui parli italiano sembra che tu conosca molto bene l'Italia,” answered the taxi driver, chuckling.

            (“Do you mean society or the whole community? Come on, man. I know you are an American, but judging the way you speak Italian seems like you knew Italy very well.”)

            “sì. Ma voglio sentirlo,” Matt snapped, leaning again to the window.

            (“Yeah. But I want to hear it.”)

            Rodolfo and Matt were not aware that they had already arrived at the Grande Palazzo. The conversation between the taxi driver and Matt went on as Rodolfo tried to catch their words and mimic them, half-bored.

            “Crudele, all'inizio, ma non sempre, non tutti gli italiani lo erano. Abbiamo subito discriminazioni in molti luoghi, specialmente quando andiamo in bagno pubblico mentre le nostre mani erano legate insieme,” said the taxi driver, looking in outside.

            (“Cruel, at first, but not all the time, not all Italian were. We experienced discrimination in lots of places, especially when we go to the public restroom while our hands tied together.”)

            “E dov'è il tuo ragazzo adesso?” asked Matt, feeling blue to the driver.

            (“And where’s your boyfriend now?”)

            “Morto,” he simply answered. Matt wasn’t sure if he heard the taxi driver sob or not.

            (“Dead.”)

            “Oh, um. Mi dispiace. Mi dispiace... io... Non avrei dovuto chiederti. Non intendevo...,” Matt started stuttering but was cut off when the driver cried out loud.

            (“Oh, um. I’m sorry. I’m sorry… I… I should’ve not asked you. I didn’t mean – “)

            “È stato per colpa mia! È tutta colpa mia! Non avrei dovuto dirgli di scappare. Se lo ascoltassi per rimanere in quella stupida riunione e ignorare tutti, non incontrerei un tragico incidente, non morirebbe cercando di salvarmi, e non vivrei da solo in questo mondo cercando da dove iniziare a sistemare quello stupido errore che ho fatto. La cosa peggiore è che non potevo iniziare! È difficile! Perché è facile commettere un errore, ma difficile da risolvere né affrontarlo?”

            (“It was because of me! It’s all my fault! I shouldn’t have told him to run. If I did listen to him to stay on that stupid reunion and ignore everyone, we wouldn’t meet a tragic accident, he wouldn’t die trying to rescue me, and I wouldn’t live alone in this world looking where to start to fix that stupid mistake I did. The worst thing is, I couldn’t start! It’s hard! Why does it’s easy to make a mistake, but hard to fix nor deal with it?”)

            Tears of sadness ran down the cheeks of the taxi driver. His past with his boyfriend was pretty hard to carry to a man like him. The two, Matt and Rodolfo, was astounded to see a stranger cry. Their transient yet blissful relationship ended on a road of doom. But their love was undying, and that remains, though one’s heart will never be the same as his partner lived only on his memory.

            Both of them were worried, not knowing what to say, especially Rodolfo, who at first was mimicking them. They had forgotten why they were there – to have a short vacation and to resolve one of the companies that Matt held in Italy. As the taxi driver kept on weeping and wiping his tears with his bare bands, Matt and Rodolfo patted his shoulder. They were having a hard time reaching the taxi driver’s shoulder from inside the taxi.

            “No, smettila di dirlo. Non è colpa tua. Non hai commesso l'errore di proposito, stavi salvando te stesso e il tuo ragazzo dall'odio. Ed è questo che è il vero amore,” replied Rodolfo with his voice full of kindness and worriedness.

            (“No. Stop saying it. It’s not your fault. You did not made the mistake on purpose, you were saving yourself and your boyfriend from hate. And that’s what real love is.”)

            “A causa del mio amore, l'ho ucciso!” the driver screamed, trying his best to calm himself instead of crying. He felt ashamed.

            (“Because of my love, I killed him!”)

            “Matt! What is happening? Why is he crying?” questioned Rodolfo, worriedly.

            “I’ll tell you later. For now, we need him to calm down and give our sympathies,” Matt told Rodolfo. His watery eyes and pale skin made Rodolfo follow him.

            “No, ti sto dicendo che non è colpa tua. Pensala in questo modo, è stato il destino a portarlo via da te. Non sapevi cosa succederà dopo aver deciso di scappare perché non hai quella capacità di vedere il futuro. Non tutte le persone l'hanno fatto. Se puoi, so che sceglierai di rimanere in quella riunione o pensare a un altro modo migliore senza ferire te stesso e il tuo ragazzo.Ma il problema è che non puoi. Nessuno di noi può vedere il futuro nemmeno in pochi secondi. Non so nemmeno cosa succederà dopo. Vedete, è destino. Smettila di incolparti,” he convinced the driver to calm down. 

            (“No. I’m telling you it’s not your fault. Think of it this way, it was fate that took him from you. You didn’t know what will happen next after deciding to run away because you don’t have that ability to see the future. Not all people have. If you can, I know you’ll choose to stay on that reunion or think of another best way without hurting yourself and your boyfriend. But the problem is you can’t. None of us can’t see the future even in seconds away. I don’t even know what will happen next to this after. So you see, it’s fate. Stop blaming yourself.”)

            “No, a causa della mia stupidità e dell'essere troppo protetto, è morto. È solo che non voglio che senta di non essere il benvenuto a quella riunione.Così tanti dei nostri compagni di lotto ci fissavano mentre camminassimo tenendoci per mano. E posso sicuramente sentire che quelle persone sono disgustate e vogliono che se ne andiamo subito. Sì, sì, c'erano persone che erano felici per noi, e le apprezzo. Ma la sensazione di essere discriminato solo a causa di due uomini che si amano era ancora lì, e questo mi dà ansia, costringendomi a scappare con il mio ragazzo. Cosa c'è di sbagliato nell'essere gay?" the driver cried out.

            (“No. Because of my stupidity and being over-protected, he died. I just don’t want him to feel that he wasn’t welcome at that reunion. So many of our batchmates were staring at us as we go walk while holding our hands. And I can definitely feel that those people are disgusted and want us to leave right away. Yes. Yes, there were people who were happy for us, and I appreciate them. But the feeling of being discriminated against just because of two men loving each other was still there, and that gives me anxiety, forcing me to run away with my boyfriend. What is wrong with being gay?”)