I Thought I Needed Saving..

Chapter 12: A cold world

I paced back and forth in the narrow hallway, my thumb slamming against the screen, redialing Serena’s number over and over.

​“The number you have dialed is currently unavailable--”

​"f**k!" I growled, shoving the phone into my pocket and sprinting back out toward the main floor of the club.

​The heavy bass slammed into my chest, the lights flashing in disorienting bursts as I cut through the crowd. Theo spotted me near the exit, a drink in hand, his eyebrow raised. "Yo, are you okay? Where are you going?"

​"Serena," I choked out, not slowing down for a second.

​"Wait, what? What happened?" he called out, but I was already through the heavy doors, letting the cold night air hit my burning skin. I didn't have time to explain. I didn't have time for anything.

​I threw myself into the driver’s seat and tore out of the parking lot. The city lights blurred past my window as I pushed the car to its absolute limit, my hands shaking on the steering wheel, my heart slamming violently against my ribs.

​When I reached Serena’s street, I pulled up onto the curb and bolted up the steps to her front door. I pounded my fist against the heavy wood.

​"Serena!" I yelled, banging again. "Serena, open the door!"

​Nothing. Total silence.

​I grabbed the brass door handle and rattled it violently. Locked.

​"f**k! f**k!" I pulled at my hair, pacing the small porch in sheer frustration, breathing ragged and thin. I pulled out my phone again and hit redial.

​“The number you have dialed--”

​I let out a ragged breath and practically threw myself back down the steps, collapsing into the driver's seat of my car. I buried my head in the center of the steering wheel, the dark cabin suffocatingly quiet.

What the f*ck is going on?

I waited. Five minutes passed. Ten. Twenty. Forty. Every second felt like a blade scraping across my nerves.

​Then, the sudden, sharp vibration of my phone nearly made me jump out of my skin.

​I lifted my head, my heart in my throat.

Serena.

​I swiped the screen instantly, shoving the phone to my ear. "Serena?! Serena, where the hell are you?"

​"Cole..." Her voice came through the speaker, so weak, so utterly exhausted it barely sounded like her. "Come to Vance City Hospital."

​The line went dead.

​The smell of disinfectant and cheap floor cleaner hit me the second I stepped into the room.

​Serena was lying in the middle of the narrow hospital bed, pale, her eyes dark-rimmed and sunken. Beside her, sitting stiffly in a plastic chair, was her mother.

​I froze at the threshold, the quiet click of the door closing behind me sounding like a gunshot. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Slowing my steps, I walked over to the opposite side of the bed, putting the metallic railing between myself and her mother.

​I offered a small, awkward nod to her mom.

"Hi..."

​Her mother didn't say a word. She just stared at Serena, her eyes glossy and heavy with unshed tears, her jaw set tight.

​I looked down at Serena, my throat bone-dry. "Serena, what happened?"

​Serena’s pale lips trembled. She couldn't look me in the eye. "I lost the baby, Cole."

​The news hit me like a physical blow, a heavy dagger plunging straight through my chest and twisting deep.

​"What?" I choked out, taking an involuntary step back.

A deafening silence broke out.

"Wait. Wait, how? This can't be. Serena, is it.. is it because of me? Did I do this to you? Is it because I wasn't there enough? Was I stressing you out? Serena, how--"

​"What was his name again?" The sharp, ice-cold voice broke through my frantic spiral. Serena's mother turned her head slowly, looking at her daughter, ignoring my existence entirely.

​Serena’s voice came out faint. "Cole."

​Her mother shifted in her chair, finally turning her full attention to me. Her eyes were burning with a quiet, lethal rage. "Cole. Here's what you're going to do. From this day onwards, I don't want to see you anywhere near my daughter again. I don’t want to see any of your texts, and I don’t want to see any calls from you on her phone."

​"Mom, no..." Serena protested, her weak voice pleading as tears spilled over her cheeks. "Please, no..."

​"Don't you dare say no!" her mother snapped, turning on her, her voice rising. "Look where you are right now! If it wasn't for this boy teaching you about s*x at such a young age, you wouldn't be sitting in a hospital bed! He took your virginity, Serena! And you're only nineteen!"

​"Mom, stop!" Serena sobbed, trying to shift under the thin blankets. "He didn't do anything I didn't want! I gave him--"

​"You don't know anything!" her mother cut her off sharply, pointing a finger at her. "This boy probably manipulated you. Just look at him! All those tattoos on his skin... nothing about him seems good."

​"Mom, I swear he's a good person." Serena's voice cracked completely, raw with desperation. "Please, don't do this to me. I love him!"

​"Shut up!" Her mother stood up from her chair, turning her back on Serena. She gestured toward the door. "Young man, get out."

​I stood frozen on my feet, staring down at Serena’s disheveled, broken state. My chest felt hollow, like something vital had been carved right out of me.

"Cole, I said get out. Or is there another young man in this room?"

​I looked at Serena, my eyes stinging, blurring around the edges. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice breaking. "Serena, I'm so sorry..."

​"Cole, don't go. Please, don't leave." Serena sobbed uncontrollably. "Cole, please!"

​"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I repeated like a mantra, taking a step back, then another, until my back hit the heavy wooden door. I couldn't look at her anymore. I couldn't bear the sight of what I'd helped tear apart.

​I opened the door, stepped out into the bright, sterile hallway, and let it click shut behind me.

​I leaned my back against the cold wood, closing my eyes, my head thumping against the frame. But I couldn't escape her voice. Through the thin gap under the door, Serena’s desperate, ragged sobs carried right into the quiet hall.

​"Mom, why?!" she cried out. "It wasn't even his fault! It wasn't his intention to get me pregnant... I'm the one who poked those condoms! I'm the one who did him bad!"

​A suffocating beat of silence fell over the room inside.

​"What?" her mother's voice came through, sharp, disbelief echoing in the single word.

​Another beat of agonizing silence stretched out.

​"Serena... you did what?"

​"I didn't want him to leave me!" Serena screamed through her tears, her voice breaking completely. "He was the only one who was there for me when you and dad were never around! You guys don't care about me. He does!"

​I didn't stay to hear the rest.

​I pushed off the door and started walking down the endless, quiet hospital corridor, the white fluorescent lights humming softly overhead. Each step felt heavy, like I was dragging a mountain behind me.

​Outside, the night was cold and empty. The city stretched out before me in dark, indifferent shadows, totally unbothered by the quiet devastation left in that small room on the third floor.

​I got into my car, but I didn't start the engine. I just sat there in the dark, staring out at the empty pavement, surrounded by a silence that felt like it was going to swallow me whole.

The world felt like a cold place.

And in that moment.. I questioned my existence. I questioned the reason behind my birth.

A dry, hollow chuckle escaped my lips as tears streamed down my face.

It's funny how my life seems like I'm trying to find fun in a living hell. And everytime I do, I get a reminder of the kind of place I'm stuck in.

I f*cking hate my life.

I hate my parents.

I hate myself.

I just wish.. I wish I was dead.