I Thought I Needed Saving..

Chapter 10: The verbal clash

"No, Serena, listen to me-- don't tell them yet," I said into the phone, my voice tight as I paced the length of my living room.

​On the other end of the line, Serena’s breath hitched. "Cole, I can't keep hiding this! My mom already saw me sick one morning and asked me what's wrong. If she sees me throw up one more time she's gonna know, and I told you I keep getting sick in the mornings. I have to tell her."

​"Just give me some time," I pleaded, rubbing a hand hard over my face. "Please. Let me figure this out first. I want to take full responsibility for this, Serena. I want to be right there next to you when we break the news to your parents, okay? Just hold off until I'm ready."

​A long beat of silence stretched over the line before she finally let out a quiet sigh. "I don't get what's so hard about this, but okay... okay, I'll wait."

​"Thank you," I breathed out, the tension in my chest barely loosening. "I'll send you money so you get whatever you need. If you need anything else, you call me. Got it?"

​"Alright. I will."

​I ended the call and tossed the phone onto the leather couch, dropping my head into my hands.

​I knew I couldn't hide a whole f*cking pregnancy forever-- her belly was eventually going to show, and the clock was ticking down whether I liked it or not.

​I collapsed back onto the couch, staring blankly at the flickering TV screen.

Do I need to change my entire life for the sake of this baby? Should I just give Serena a chance? Try to actually build something with her, be a real partner, and figure out how to be a good father?

Could a guy as f*cked up as me even pull that off?

​While I was still drowning in those thoughts, trying to picture a future I had never once planned for, a sudden, sharp thundering at my front door made me jump.

​It wasn't the rhythmic, lazy knock Jax or Theo used. This was aggressive. It sounded like someone was trying to break the wood down.

Maybe Sienna had come back for a round two. Or maybe it was one of the other girls I’d ghosted this week, finally finding the nerve to demand a "talk."

​I pulled the door open, ready with a witty, dismissive line.

​The words died in my throat.

​Maya stood there, framed by the dim hallway light. She was in a dark leather jacket, her hair pulled back so tight it made her cheekbones look like glass. She didn't wait for an invitation. She shoved past me, her shoulder catching mine with enough force to send a jolt through my arm.

​"Whoa, princess," I said, closing the door and turning around, my heart doing a strange, frantic rhythm against my ribs. "I’d say 'come in,' but you’ve already colonized the living room."

​She didn't stop until she was in the center of the room. She turned on her heel, her chest heaving.

​"You are a disgusting piece of s**t, Cole," she spat.

No greeting. No preamble. Just pure, unadulterated venom.

​I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms to hide the fact that my hands were slightly shaking. I let the mask slide back on-- the heavy, gold-plated mask of Cole St. James.

​"How do you even know where I live?" I asked, my voice tilting into that lazy, arrogant drawl. "Don't tell me you’ve been stalking me. That’s a bit of a plot twist for a girl who has no interest in me."

​Maya let out a harsh, dry laugh. "Don't flatter yourself. You’re the most well-known disaster on this campus. I asked two people and had your address in thirty seconds. It’s not much of a puzzle finding out where the trash is kept."

​I winced inwardly, but the smirk didn't move. "Ouch. I thought after this morning, you’d never want to see my face again. And yet, here you are. In my home. At night. Should I be worried about my safety, or are you here to finally admit that you can’t get me out of your head?"

​"I'm here because you've f*****g hurt my bestfriend!" Maya shouted, her voice cracking. She stepped toward me, her finger pointing at my chest like a weapon. "She actually thought you liked her. She had no f*****g idea you were using her just to get to me. Just who the f**k do you think you are to make mess with my bestfriend? To make her cry, Cole?!"

​"I didn't use anyone," I said, pushing off the wall. "Sienna’s a grown woman. She made a choice. She wanted a night she’d never forget, and I gave it to her. If she’s crying, maybe it’s because she realized she can’t have a repeat performance."

"f**k YOU!" She spat on my face. The words hit me like a dagger, making my blood boil. But I didn't let the steam off, I just bit my lower lip and clenched my jaws so hard I could almost hear a tooth pop.

She turned on her heels attempting to leave before stopping on her tracks. She slowly turned, facing me once again. But this time around, her expression looked... softer.

I know this look. It's the one that says, 'you know what? You might not want to f*cking hear this but I'm gonna say it anyways'

​"Gosh, you’re such a liar," Maya whispered, her voice dropping into a dangerous, low vibrato. "You don't want anyone. You don’t even want me. You’re so terrified of actually feeling something that you destroy anything that looks like a real emotion in others. Because you’re f*****g empty. You're a black hole, Cole. You just pull everything in and crush it so you don't have to be the only thing that's nothing."

​I felt the temperature in the room rise.

She was cutting me open, layer by layer, and I was running out of ways to sew myself back up.

​"You think because you read books and talk about connections that you’ve got life figured out?" I snarled, stepping into her space, trying to use my height to intimidate her. She didn't move an inch. "You know nothing about life. Life is what I make it, Maya. I have the fun, I get the girls, I live without the weight you carry around. You're the one who's miserable, judging everyone from your ivory tower while the rest of us are actually living."

​"Is this living?" she asked, her eyes scanning my apartment-- the expensive, soulless furniture, the half-empty bottles, the silence. "This looks like a waiting room for someone who has nowhere to go. You have no one, Cole. Jax and Theo? They’re just like you. They don't love you. They don't even know you. If you disappeared tomorrow, they’d just find another body to fill the seat at the bar."

​"They're my boys," I said, though for some strange reason the words felt heavy and false. "We don't need the deep s**t you crave. We have a good time. That’s enough."

​"It’s never enough," Maya countered. "That’s why you couldn’t leave me alone. Because for once, you met someone who didn't buy the act, and it terrified you. It made you realize that without the smirk and the tattoos, there's just a scared little boy who doesn't think he's worth being loved."

​The room went silent.

The air felt thin, like we were at a high altitude. My throat felt tight, a lump forming that I couldn't swallow away.

For the first time, the mask didn't just feel heavy-- it felt like it was suffocating me.