By the moon, I swear

INNER STRUGGLES

GABRIEL

I watched as she struggled against me and finally pushed me off running to Tristan. Truth be told deep down inside me I think I always knew that Tristan would become an issue between us. There was a way they looked into each other’s eyes as if they were ready to devour each other. It was immense passion and anyone could see it. I wished she look at me like that even once but she never did. With me it was like a woman and a man. Plain simple no passion evoked.

I don’t get it. Everything was so perfect on her birthday. They say that when a woman loved she loved with all her heart. Was that a lie too like all her kisses? There was no way in a matter of days she got tired of me and her world only revolved around him. Was it the kissing? Was it the way I handle her? Where the hell did I go wrong? ‘Unless?’ I murmured underneath my breath re- encountering the whole birthday even all over again. When it hit me. She has always been in love with Tristan from the beginning. I was the one who was deluded.

Emptiness hit me hard in my heart creating a huge void in my soul. I loved her with all my heart. I thought she was my soul mate. To let another man snatch that away from me was impossible. I wasn’t ready. I will never be ready. I will stay by her side show her how much she means to me until she’s too hooked to let go. I will prove to her that am the better man. For once am being selfish and taking what is mine.

I am worried about her feelings for Tristan but am not worried about his for her. He doesn’t threaten me. Tristan always has a darkness clouding him. It’s like if he lives and breathes hell each and every day. He’s always on the edge of tripping to the darkness and there was only a thin thread holding him to the world of reality. Soon, very soon being as clumsy as he is. He will mess up and I will be there to help Amber collect her broken heart. I will be her anchor. And if by some miracle, he doesn’t mess up then I’m willing to play dirty. The world has taken too much from me and I’m not about to give it the satisfaction of making me miserable once more. I turned and left banking with all I have on Tristan’s downfall in my lover’s heart.

TRISTAN

The pain was too much and I couldn’t even stay in my own skin. I got rid of all my clothes and opened the window hopping the breeze would calm me down but even it could not cure me. I was too far gone. Broken once more beyond remedy. I tried to think only about the good things that we had been through together but even they could not keep me sane. The darkness was clouding me whole pushing me over to the other side. I knew I might hurt her if I let go but then what’s the use of holding on? I’m all alone suffering with no one to lean on. I should let it in even for a second and let reality escape me for a while. Closing my eyes, I embraced my darker side letting it take control.