The Human in The Wolf's Den

Chapter 10: Awareness

One week went by too quickly for Xander's liking. He dreaded having to go back to that office. All week he had been mulling over his impulsive decision to see the pack psych. He felt such shame. The only thing that had Xander standing at the office door Wednesday morning was seeing Cassian everyday. He knew he needed to get over his fear and the only way to do that was therapy. 

"Come in." Dr.Silius called out to the person knocking at his door. He was surprised to see the alpha once again. He never thought the alpha would actually go through with the therapy sessions. Guess I really do have to buy those relationship books. 

"Hello Silius." Xander greeted. 

"Welcome alpha, please have a seat." Dr. Silius greeted gesturing to the seat in front of the desk. 

Much like last week Xander remained standing. 

"Very well then. You came to me with two issues last week. I don't think we can start on the relationship counseling until you get over the fear you have of the person your going to be in a relationship with. Who knows, maybe fixing your fear will make all the other problems go away." Xander didn't like how flippant Silius was acting about his issues. 

"You better be taking this thing seriously Silius. I am not above killing you." Xander growled. 

Silius paled and stood taller in his seat. "Of course alpha! I would never be so callous with your personal problems." 

"Good, now how do I get over my fear?" Xander wasn't a very patient person he wanted a quick fix. 

"It's not a straight forward process and it won't get fixed over night. The first step is being aware of your fear. Knowing that your fear is effecting your life in a negative way. You have already done this by coming to me. I would like to hear you speak a bit more about that though. Tell me in detail how you feel your fear is restraining you." Dr. Silius went into full out shrink mode as he listened attentively and made note of Xander’s key problems. 

"Its already obvious my fear is interrupting my relationship with my mate. That's the biggest reason I came to you in the first place to have a normal relationship with my mate. Maybe be able to have pups one day." Xander mumbled the last part unsure of the pups. He had just assumed he would need pups one day. 

"Ok, mate issues. Anything else?" 

"I can't go into the human world for things. I've heard that some of the packs are prospering due to their alpha involving the pack more in the human world." Xander grumbled. He wasn't sure he would ever be that close to the human world even if he got over his fear. 

"Very well. So your saying your fear is effecting your work as well. Very good alpha. Its a really good sign that you know just how much of a hold your fear has on your life." Silius was more impressed that his alpha was actually telling him all this. Most alpha's would be ashamed to. 

"Ok what now?" Xander wanted to get this show on the road. He knew in order to get better quickly he couldn't hold anything back. 

"You mentioned before that your fear of humans makes you turn to violence to cope. I think we should start by addressing you anger issues. I'm going to give you a few strategies that will help you stay calm under fearful situations." Silius suggested. "First, breath. Whenever you are approached by your fears I want you to 

take five deep breaths and then decide on the best course of action. Can you do that?" 

Xander was annoyed with such simple advice. What was the point of a shrink? Anyone could tell him to breath. "Yes I think I can manage to breath." 

Silius had to stop himself from smiling at the alphas obvious frustration. He knew being told to breath wasn't what Xander had in mind but he really didn't understand what happens to a person in deep fear of something or someone. 

"Alpha, I think therapy is going to be hard for you. Maybe if I explained a bit you would take my advice more seriously?" Silius waited for Xander to sigh then nod before continuing. "When you are confronted with fear your body has and adrenaline rush. This adrenaline is supposed to be used in two ways. Either to help you fight or to help you run. You obviously choose to fight. If you force your self to breath deep and calm it tricks your body into thinking you aren't in any danger. This allows you to think more clearly and not act on adrenaline. Does that make sense alpha?" 

The whole thing sounded pretty reasonable actually. Xander hadn't realized a deep breath could effect him so much. Grudgingly Xander nodded to the doctor and waited for more. 

"That is all for today. We have to take things slowly, get you used to it step by step. When you master stopping and breathing then we'll move on. Have a good day and good luck. Try pushing yourself to interact with your mate a bit so you can practice remaining calm." Silius suggested. 

"That's it? f**k this. I wanted to get fixed and you tell me to breath?" Before Silius could reply Xander was out the door. 

This is so stupid. I'm not going back. 

You have to for our mate. His wolf argued. 

Xander huffed and blocked his wolf out for the moment. Walking back to his room he decided he would try interacting with his mate as Silius suggested. He opened the door and wandered into the room turning the corner. His heart constricted in fear at the sight of the cage door hanging open. Xander’s mind was spinning. 

Deep breath Xander. 

He forced himself to breath and think. Once that was done he let his eyes sweep the room. He didn't like not being able to see his enemy. It made him feel vulnerable. He's not your enemy. Your just scared. 

"Cassian! Come out!" His voice came out harsh and filled with fear fueled anger. Deep breath. 

When he didn't get a response he walked the room cautiously. The bathroom door was closed. He twisted the door knob quickly and pushed it in still on the defensive, prepared for an attack. What he saw didn't make him angry out of fear. No this was just plain old non-psychological rage. His mate was in the bath and Jullia was massaging shampoo into his blond strands. The middle aged woman happily humming the entire time as Cassian splashed naked in the water. 

Xander was all action then. Jullia was thrown across the bathroom and into the closet door. A crack could be heard with the force of Xander’s throw. He wasn't sure if he broke Jullia or the door but he didn't care. He was too busy pulling Cassian roughly from the tub. Cassian let out a yelp of surprise but stayed quiet all the same. 

"f*****g w***e!" Xander roared as he threw Cassian into the open cage. He threw his shirt in after him and growled. "Put that on!" 

He turned back to the bathroom once Cassian was dressed and dealt with Jullia. "Get up. Get out. f**k off." 

Jullia now shaken and pale from her alpha's sudden attack could only nod as she ran past him to get out of the suit. Xander prowled back to the cage and began an angry pace in front of it. 

"f*****g whore.... No sense of decency.... My own mate..." Xander was grumbling the whole time, Cassian could only make out a few words through his masters clenched teeth. Suddenly Xander stopped dead, closed his eyes and took three deep breaths. This action mystified Cassian. The alpha had never done that before. The effect of the breathing was minimal but it seemed to have some effect on Xander as he stopped clenching his teeth. 

Turning to Cassian's cage Xander gripped the mettle bars as he squatted down to eye level of his mate. Once he was looking into Cassian's strange yellow eyes brimming with scared tears he closed his eyes once more and took three more breaths before he could speak. Cassian watched confused by the alphas behavior and waited for his masters next words. 

When Xander’s eyes reopened he began in the calmest way possible. "Why was Jullia washing you?" 

Cassian looked nervous at the inquiry. Had he done something wrong? Cassian couldn't figure out what. "I've never used a bath before... S-she always helps me while your gone. I didn't know..." 

Xander let out another growl. It had been going on for two weeks? Another three breaths as he noticed his mate shaking in his cage. At first Xander thought it was fear but then he remembered his mate was soaked. 

"Get out, dry off. I'll talk to you and Julia when I'm more calm." Xander compromised. He had to stay calm. He already saw the 

bruise forming on his mates upper arm where Xander had ripped him from the tub. 

Once Cassian was dried and changed Xander put Cassian back in his cage and walked out of the room.