[BTS FF] i work at a convenience store

EP:06 - Mixx

⚠️ Swear warning and depressed mood ⚠️ 

I wake up and realize I have to wash my hair today.

Cisco and Maryn still aren’t here, so that means Cisco can’t fix my shower. I don’t feel like paying over $100 when I can pay Cisco $25 and call it done.

Where the hell did they even go yesterday?

I get out of my bed and walk into the bathroom. I look at myself. My hair is starting to get greasy and my face needs to be washed. My brother’s huge tee shirt hangs on my upper thigh, the arm sleeves reaching my elbows. 

Wait...

I could just shower at the gym.

That seemed like the better plan. I only have one thing to do today and that’s filling up the vending machines at the dance studio downtown.

My parents wanted me to do ballet. I’ve been dragged there several times but the people there realized I didn’t want to do it and wouldn’t let me join.

My parents were pissed to say the least. 

I decide to pack my gym bag so I’d be ready to leave earlier and have time to shower without running into anyone. I use the bathroom and notice there’s a nice scab on the back of my head where I banged it yesterday. It’s sore and raised off my head. It throbs with pain. I just hope I didn’t give myself a concussion. Or an infection. I walk back to my room, wincing when I touch the bump. I grab an outfit to change into quickly after I shower: grey sweat-shorts, slim-fitted black tank top and a jacket. I put a pair of slides in with the bag and then set it aside. I pick out my gym outfit to wear there: exercise shorts and a loose crop top with a colorful bra (I like the ones with the zipper up the front), socks and sneakers. I get up and bring the bag to my bathroom. I collect my travel-sized shampoo, conditioner and body wash and throw them in the bag with a washcloth and towel. I was not about to use the gym’s towels. 

With my bag packed and my outfit laid out on my bed I get dressed for the day. Underwear, bra, shorts and a loose graphic tee with my vest overtop with my name tag on it. I slip on my socks and hightops and call it done. I go into the bathroom and wash my face. Cleanser, toner, moisturizer. 

I don’t feel like doing makeup today.

I exit my bathroom and make my way to the kitchen. 

What was there to eat for breakfast?

The fridge has yogurt, soy or nut milk (I couldn’t tell), eggs, bread and butter. 

Freezer has toaster waffles and sausage patties.

The counter has bagels and leftover banana bread Maryn made me. 

The pantry has cereal, oatmeal...

What am I gonna eat?

I find myself in the center of my kitchen. I can’t make a decision. My mind races.

Too many calories

We had that yesterday

I don’t feel like eating that

No, I don’t want that

Am I really hungry?

I decide to just drink some chocolate soy milk and take some Tylenol. 

Maybe the Tylenol would quiet the voices. And the throbbing pain in my head.

Stupid f*****g gravity.

I pour myself a small cup of chocolate milk. I take a sip.

Hmm…

I pop the two Tylenol pills into my mouth and chase it with the chocolate milk. 

I can’t finish the milk.

I’m not hungry. 

I remember when I was a kid I would force myself to eat even when I wasn’t hungry. My parents never wanted me to waste food. And I didn’t want them to think anything was wrong with me. I can go a while without eating. I’ve already tested it out before. But Maryn says I shouldn’t do that again because I scared her. 

I just wasn’t hungry. 

I get up, wash my cup out in the sink and then walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I end up standing in the bathroom for five minutes staring at myself in the mirror. I can’t find the energy to pick up my toothbrush. I pour some mouthwash into my mouth and swish for a couple seconds. I spit it in the sink, wash it down with water and then walk down to the store, locking both doors behind me.

I hear no voices. 

Cisco and Maryn still aren’t here.

Where the f**k did they go?!

There were still five minutes until we opened. I took a quick check at everything and saw everything was stocked and clean. I flip the sign to open and sit behind the counter. 

I sit there for a good 30 seconds before I realize I have to go and do a delivery today. I see a note of the cash register:

Ahnie~

Don’t forget! 

You need to do the drop off at the dance school downtown on Thursday. Please do it or I’ll be stuck doing it and then you’ll be stuck with Cisco all day.

~M

I stick the note back on the register and flick the open sign to closed. It’s 9 AM and I’m pretty sure the dance school is open. 

I grab a handful of lollipops from behind the counter and take them out to the van with me. When I get into the morning daylight I stop.

“What the hell-“ I say.

The van is all packed up.

There’s a note on the back.

Ahnie,

Maryn and I will be back soon! I packed the truck for you so you don’t have to worry about it. 

Don’t worry about a thing. We’re alright.

Cisco

What the hell is with all the notes?!

I check the van. Everything was there that needed to be delivered. The food was like the schools’ only more energizing and filling. There was a whole cooler with milk and energy drinks.

Figures.

I slam the doors shut and walk to the front of the van. I get in and start driving. 

The dance school is about 5 minutes away. I turn on the radio but it’s all morning talk shows. I turn it off, disgusted. At a red light I reach into the glovebox and pull out a CD. 

Hyunnie’s Mixx

I slide it into the CD player in the van and press play. 

I hear a familiar voice.

“So, uhh, I guess this is Ahn Daehyun-“

“Hyunnie!” I shout in the background. I was five. 

“Ahnie, I’m working on something!” He shouts back. He was 13.

In the background I hear my laugh.

I laugh too.

He continues. “Umm, I guess this is just gonna be a compilation of some tunes I made for you.” He pauses. “You don’t understand them now, but you will when you get a little older.”

“Who are you talkin’ to, Hyunnie?” Five year old me asks. 

“I’m making a CD.” He replies. I hear him pick me up. “What do you want to say?” 

“Who am I talkin’ to?” I ask him. I hear his smile in his words.

“You, Ahnie. I’m making music for you.”

“Really?” I say. “Hi, me!”

“Alright, that’s enough for now.” Daehyun says. I hear him put me back down.

“Daehyun!” I hear a voice call.

Father.

“What are you doing?” He yells. “I thought you said you were working on homework.”

“I- I am, dad.” Daehyun stutters. “I’m working on my music for the teacher at school.”

“You are to be working on your homework or stretching for gymnastics tonight!” Father yells. I hear him walk over to Daehyun. 

“Dad, I am working on homework!” Daehyun retaliates. “It’s for a teacher at sch-“

“This is done! No more of,” dad pauses gesturing at Daehyun’s computer setup, “all of this! It’s meaningless!” 

Daehyun stops talking. I hear him reach over to the microphone. He taps on the microphone in a special order. 

I figured this one out a long time ago.

. . .   — — —    . — .    . — .    — . — —

Sorry