Anywhere But Home

{9} You were f*cked up by the blame

Emily Roberts

If I was a sane person, I would be on my way home with my new phone, excited like a little kid that bought her favourite toy out of the store. But because I may have lost my mind, I'm here sitting on the bench, as I watch Christopher buy his third ice cream. Yes, you read it right. Third.

''How can you even do that?'' I gasped at him, as he greedily ate his third ice cream cone like his life was depending on it. ''Are you trying to see if you can still enter the new biggest loser season?'' I teased thinking that with that he would stop eating like a person that hasn't seen food in two years.

''I wish I was that fat.'' He said a taking a bite on the ice-cream that was fast melting because of the heat that was outside. ''Maybe with that, I would be less hot and the ladies would leave me alone.'' He added shrugging as he finished his ice cream in two bites, getting up and walking to the trash to toss the napkin away.

I rolled my eyes at his fail attempt of making a joke. ''What did you asked me to stay here Christopher?'' I mumbled trying to remain as calm as I could. ''Was it to make me hear you brag about yourself?'' I blurted grabbing my purse and getting up from the bench.'' Because if that's the case, I have better things to do.''

''Can you stop being so defensive?'' He asked getting up from the bench and walking towards me. ''I just wanted to get to know you better. Is that a crime? ''He inquired as his eyes pierced through my body.

''Why the sudden change?'' I mumbled, taking a step closer to him.

''What do you mean?'' He inquired and I narrowed my eyes at him. He was all over me a few days ago. I don't know where he is going with this.

''Well, to start, just a few days ago, you weren't the nicest person neither to me nor to Tori. Why would I, out of the sudden, decide to give you a second opportunity, when from what I've heard, you definitely don't deserve one?'' I asked. I don't know what this guy has on me to make all brave and fearless out of the sudden.

He sighed, pressing his lips on a thin line, contemplating what I just said. ''I know I was an ass.'' He stated blankly. ''I sometimes can't control what comes out of my mouth. And for that, I'm sorry.'' He added, not looking at me in the eyes. ''However, jeopardizing an eventual friendship, because of the mistakes I made in the past, seems stupid.''

''A week isn't that long.'' I protested back.

A look of frustration took over his face. ''What do you want me do say then?''

''I don't know. I don't know you and I don't know if I even want to get to know you.'' I hissed, regretting almost instantly the surliness in my voice. ''Look,I-''

''It's fine.'' He interjected, moving his hand forward and cutting me of. I really hate to admit it, but the look in his face right now, made me feel like the worst person on the planet.

''No, it's not.'' I took a step even closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. ''I'm sorry. Now I was the one who was an ass.'' I stated, giving a semi-side smile followed by a sorry look.

He looked at me. His stern expression disappeared and was replaced with a soft yet mischievous grin. ''You see? We do make a good pair of assholes.'' He uttered, earning a pinch in his arm by me.

''I will kill you.'' I warned, chuckling at the end, making him smile widely.

''That would be a funny thing to watch.'' He mocked.

''Just for the record, I have seen a lot of movies and TV shows, so I know really well how to hide a body.'' I informed. He looked at me and started laughing at my face. Feeling offended, I slapped his arm. ''Hey! Don't laugh at me.'' I gasped.

''Sorry.'' He said, between laughs, trying to recollect himself. ''But the idea of you, killing someone and getting rid of their body, it's just too comical for me.''

''You're annoying.''

''I have been told.'' He c****d his eyebrow.

''I really hope to god that you are an only child. Another boy or girl like you should be terrific for your parents to handle.'' I told him crossing my arms over my chest playfully.

''I had a brother.'' He turned around and didn't even look at me, he just seated on the bench again. ''But he is dead now, so they can't really complain anymore.'' He said looking in the direction of a family that was seating on the grass making a picnic. Oh god...

''Oh god Christopher... I'm sorry... I didn't kn-''

''It's okay.'' He cut me off, looking at me. The pain in his eyes contradicted what just left his mouth. ''It's been four years now.''

I didn't know well what I should say. Hell, I don't even know why he is telling me this... We barely know each other. Does Tori know about this? Well, she must... They were friends at the time I think... ''May I ask what happened?'' Curiosity got the best of me so I had to ask.

He looked at me and sighed grabbing his wallet, taking from there an old photo and handing it to me. ''That's him.'' He paused pointing to the guy standing beside a younger Christopher. God, they looked so much alike. His brother had the same height as Christopher, but his hair was dark brown and his eyes were green. ''Matthew was two years older than me.'' He informed with a sad smile on his lips.

He looked at me for a moment.

Sighing he started. ''One night I had gone to Brian's house to make a Science project for school and it was my dad who was responsible for picking me up because my mother was out of town and I was too young to have a driver's license, but he got stuck at work so I called my brother and asked him if he could pick me up.'' He shook his head letting out a little smile. ''I remember clearly what his answer was like it was today... 'I'll go, but little bro just because I have my driver's license now, don't think I'm your private chauffeur' ...'' He said imitating what I supposed to be his brother's voice. ''That was the last thing he ever said to me.'' His smile disappeared and was replaced with an agony that I could feel with every part of my body. His gaze was blank and emotionless. ''On his way to pick me up, a guy that was totally drunk was driving without the lights on and on the opposite side of the road... making his car collided with my brother's car.''

''Christoph-'' I stepped a little closer.

''They say that he at least got a quick death. He wasn't in pain.'' He continued without facing me on the eyes. ''It was my fault. I blamed myself ... and so did my parents. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have left the house and he would be alive and making my life a living hell as he always made.''

''Don't say that. It wasn't your fault.'' I said grabbing his hand and squeezing it hard. ''The fault belongs to the person who got into that car despite the fact of being drunk. Not yours.'' I tried to reassure him, knowing deep down the pain he was feeling. ''Did they catch him?''

''They never caught the guy.'' He sighed running a hand through his light brown hair. ''There was only one other car on the road and that person stopped to help my brother.'' He said taking his hand off of mine and getting up and started passing around. ''Can we just talk about something else?'' He asked forcing a smile starting to walk again.

''Sure.'' I said jumping out of the bench, walking then by his side.

***

We stayed a good ten minutes walking around the park without talking. I caught him looking at me a few times and I think he saw me looking at him a few times too. I didn't know I would end up meeting someone as screwed up as me. I know the guilt he is feeling. I know what is like wanting to go back in time and change the past. I wasn't there when my mother needed me. I didn't think I needed to be. I guess we were supposed to learn something from these. But what and how? Losing a mother and a brother? Losing someone that is supposed to be by your side forever isn't easy. Seeing people that witness the best and the worst moments of your life and always supported you, dying before their time has come it's just not okay. It damaged us.

Something caught my attention making me stop passing and concentrate on my surroundings. Attracted by a melodic voice, I looked around to see where this voice was coming from. That's when I saw a group of people gathered around a guy playing on his guitar and singing. I grabbed Christopher's arm and pushed through the line of people until we reach the first row.

Sleep now under my skin

Make sure you'll try to

Conjure the wind

And ease my mind

Oh oh oh

Somebody call out to your brother

He's calling out your name

Ooh ooh ooh

Hiding under the covers

With no one else to blame

Ooh ooh ooh

You couldn't help out your own neighbor

You couldn't tell it to his face

You were f*cked up by the blame

''This guy is incredible!'' I whispered loudly into Christopher right ear, watching everybody around us with their phones recording this guy's performance. ''Hope this goes viral.'' I whispered to myself. Like, come on. This is what I call raw talent. Not that autotune wannabes.

''Those falsettos at the beginning... Wow.'' He added genuinely impressed by the heavenly voice of that guy.

I looked at him. I think I couldn't mask my shocked expression. ''What? Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I don't know how to appreciate a good man' voice when a hear one.'' He exclaimed, crossing his arms. I couldn't help but look at his muscles. His defined and glorious muscles. ''I did one year of choir at my local church.'' He informed, making me split the water I was drinking. He looked serious at me, while I tried to press my lips shut in order not to laugh. Choir guy? ''I was forced to do it.'' He added.

''I didn't even say anything.'' I replied, diverting my gaze away from him. Please don't laugh, please don't laugh.

''Your eyes did.''

''Since when do eyes speak?'' I inquired, now with my eyes glued to the performer.

''The eyes can say more than words.'' He said, making me look briefly at him. He was also looking at the performer when he caught my staring.

''That was really, really, very deeply profound.'' I teased, making him roll his eyes, still with a smile on his lips.

''And I'm the one who is annoying...'' He mumbled making me raise an eyebrow at him. ''Listen Emily...'' He grabbed my arm and pushed me aside. ''I have to go now.'' He informed, looking at the watch in his arm then to me. ''Please don't tell anyone what I told you today okay?'' He pleaded grabbing his headphones and placed them on the ears. I just nodded.

He slowly started running backwards. ''See you tomorrow potato head?'' He yelled from a far distance making a few people look at me. He did not just call me a potato head in the middle of unknown people.

Well, at least he is back to his usual self.

I gave an embarrassing smile and started walking in the opposite direction without even responding. ''He is a dead man.'' I mumbled to myself as I make my way to the mall.