The Affair

Decisions

It had been months since that day at the pub. John’s life has taken more twists and turns than he ever bargained for after leaving Mexico that fateful day. Although she wasn’t Marlena, he loved Isabella dearly and she was a kind and good woman who had been there for him at his lowest and never let him feel all alone in the world. They had gotten married 10 months ago, and their son, whom they named Boaty after the family that had continued to love John and treat him like family, was born at the wedding. It was one of the happiest days of John’s life. He had his son, his little slugger, and nobody could say he wasn’t his child like with Marlena’s and Roman’s children he had raised for all of those years. One blood test later and he had no rights at all to his children of years. No, Boaty was all his and he loved him more than life.

6 weeks after the wedding, Isabella came down with a cold she just couldn’t get over as much as John tried to nurse her back to health. After finally giving in to see a doctor, they got the shocking news nobody wants to hear: it was pancreatic cancer, not a cold. Knowing she had only a few months to live she made videos of herself for John and Boaty to have so they’d never feel alone.

When she died 10 weeks after the diagnosis, in John’s arms in Venice per her last request, John truly never felt more desolate in his life. The only thing that kept him going was knowing he had to be there for Boaty. He was only a baby and needed his one parent he had. It was as though losing Isabella opened the floodgates on his life and grief of losing Marlena and the children to Roman finally set in. He tried hard not to begrudge the man’s whose name he had once went by, but it was difficult to see him living the life that had been his a short time before.

Marlena and John stuck to their words, and had very few moments alone since that day in the pub 2 months ago. Marlena and Roman had been out to dinner when they got the call about Isabella, and though they knew it would happen anytime, the thought of what John must be feeling right now tore at her very soul. She told Roman she didn’t feel like being out anymore tonight, he readily agreed and they went home to spend the rest of the evening. She had been there for John as he grieved, to Roman’s reluctant agreement.

Roman was trying to be a stand up guy about the whole thing, but deep down, he was extremely hurt by the fact that Marlena could so readily believe he was another person, and take that person into their home and their bed. But he knew that John was an innocent pawn in the circumstances so he backed off and let Marlena do what she felt she needed to, which was help John process all of the grief he was feeling at once.

That started with stopping him from watching the tapes all day and night, when instead of helping it was hindering his healing altogether. When Marlena called him out on it by asking, “those tapes aren’t helping you at all are they?” He responded with, “I think it’s because I can tell she doesn’t have her normal light. She smiles and talks like normal but I can see the hint of sadness in her eyes and it breaks my heart to see.” After a few weeks of counseling he began to fully process and accept the mess that had become his life.

Marlena was the consummate professional throughout all of her therapy with John. But now that therapy was over and he was getting a grip on his life, she couldn’t help the feelings that were starting to bubble up from the surface. She stuffed them down and went about her life as usual. Life with Roman had finally returned to as normal as possible, she loved him and he was good to her and the kids. The kids had slowly come around to him being their father instead of John. John still saw them regularly but was sure to maintain the boundaries that made Roman comfortable with their unusual arrangement.

John was realizing his feelings for his beloved Doc had been full steam ahead since that night at the pub. He never expected them to resurface so soon after Isabella, but soon after therapy ended he found he couldn’t stop thinking about her and wanting her. Since he knew her family was the most important thing to her, and that he wasn’t going to be able to stay in this town long term and not be with her, he made the gut wrenching decision to leave.

He announced the decision to everyone at the pub tonight, and Marlena was shell-shocked but kept her composure in place. She knew they were having a difficult time maintaining their facade, but she had no idea he was considering leaving town, and her, forever. She went to his loft to confront him, but found that he was determined to go. As she was crying while driving home to Roman, she realized she couldn’t handle the thought of never seeing him again so she turned around and headed to the airport to try to talk to him.

They were just going to talk, she told herself she just needed to hear his reasons and be close to him one last time, then maybe she could reach some sense of closure. When she arrived in time and got on his private plane, at first he thought she was a vision his mind had conjured up. But no, here she was in the flesh.

She insisted that he shouldn’t leave his home with Boaty and that they could live in the same town. He immediately rejected that and stated how painful it was to see her around and always have to keep her at arms length. She said, “I didn’t realize this was so hard on you.” And he interrupted with, “don’t you mean on us?” And she immediately corrected herself to, “us, on us” breathlessly. She asked him through tears isn’t he sad to be leaving her and all he knows and he responds with, “I’m passed that, Doc, I’m free falling, with just the idea that I am never gonna hear you laugh, I am never gonna smell your perfume and I’m never gonna touch you,” John gritted his teeth, staring at the beauty in front of him, she didn’t know what to say, what to do. She gave herself a sound mental slap. She had to stop torturing herself with thoughts of him. It f*****g ached too much, but unbidden, his voice haunted her mind, his words gruff with s****l need.

She wanted to howl with pain. Come undone, hoping he’ll put her back together. Her knees buckled, and she choked back a sob as tears slid down her cheeks. She hadn’t accepted the idea that he was leaving. She didn’t feel it in her heart, and like a dope addict clamoring for another fix, she clung to the frayed thread of hope that he was joking.

Tears poured down her cheeks, her watery eyes never leaving his, when finally, his warm hand sent to catch hers, as he clenched his fist tightly around her long fingers.

Oh, God.

That touch.

Her skin. How long was he waiting for that?

Her mind was racing, her body on fire, how could he leave? She wasn’t breathing.

Wasn’t alive.

Was she alive?

Damn him.

She blinked, suppressing the burning tears in her eyes. How could one person pull her into such turmoil?

Her body was shaking; in fact, she shook so hard, her lips quivered. She pressed her lips to stop it from trembling, but her chest shook with the rising tide of grief. Her eyes locked into his blue orbs, as the sob she was trying to hold, escaped her lips and she shrieked, “Oh, God!”. Her voice trembled so badly, the words came out wobbled and almost unrecognizable.

He couldn’t bear it again. He couldn’t bear to relive those fleeting minutes in the loft when her hand was reached out to him, and he chose to ignore it, shielding her marriage and his heart, but not anymore, not right now. Quick as a viper, he grabbed the collar of her white coat, pulling her to him, smashing his mouth to hers, devouring her lips.

She didn’t want to fight. Her thoughts, Roman, none of it mattered. She just wanted him. Everything was so easy with him, second nature, like breathing.