The Affair

Out of Hand

John was listening to every word she said. An idea began to form in his head. She was right. She couldn’t tell him the truth right now, but maybe she could tell him part of the truth. He turned her to face her, his arms slipping around her waist. “Doc, I think you have to tell him the truth.” He put his fingers on her lips before she could say anything. “Shh, just hear me out.”

She nodded her head in agreement. She trusted John and if he had a plan she would listen to him.

“Now just listen to everything before you say anything, ok.”

“Ok.”

“Doc you said it a minute ago. We have always loved one another. Those feelings never left. Even after Roman came home and I married Isabella. We just buried them and pretended everything was fine. But it wasn’t. Those feelings began to resurface and there was nothing we could do about it. God knows we tried. I tried to stay away from you until it was impossible and you tried to stay away from me until you couldn’t run away any longer. Doc I know you can’t tell him the entire truth, but before the night we spent together in the penthouse, things must have been at least a little strained between you.”

“They were. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and the night on the plane and at the Titan Ball.”

“That’s what I mean. If everything was great between you and Roman, those two nights would have never happened and neither would the night at the penthouse. Doc, you are not the type of woman who can jump in and out of bed with two different men. Roman must have at least sensed something was wrong or not quite right between you.”

“He did. Roman was working a lot and so was I. We barely spent any time together as a family or husband and wife for that matter. The night at Chez Rouge was supposed to change everything. I made a decision to stay with him. I was going to resign from the Titan Board and limit contact between us. But Roman went out of town and we know what happened next.”

“Exactly, so tonight or whenever you get the chance, you can tell him that . . .”

She saw where he was going and finished his sentence for him. “Things were already strained between us before he left and we just can’t pretend that everything is alright now that he’s back.”

“It’s the truth, at least part of the truth. Well, what do you think?”

“I hate giving him false hope that things will work out between us, that I want things to work out between us.”

“I don’t think you have a choice. It’s either this or we tell him everything.”

“I know,” she said sadly. She moved from the comfort of his arms and walked to the shower. “It’s time I get home and face the music.” She turned the shower on. “I’ll be out in 5 minutes.” The blanket dropped to the floor and she stepped into the shower. The water felt wonderful running down her body. She stood there, with her eyes closed.

John leaned against the counter as he watched Marlena. He wanted to join her in the shower but first he needed to tell her about Rebecca. “Uh, Doc, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What’s that?” She took the bar of soap and began slowly rubbing the soap against her body.

John was so busy watching her as the soap made its decent down her body, he didn’t hear her question.

She looked over and saw him staring at her in the shower, “John, what is it you have to tell me?” Once she realized he still wasn’t paying attention to the conversation, she stood completely still.

Her inaction caused him to finally speak, “What’s wrong?”

“John, you said you had something to tell me and when I ask you to tell me, you say absolutely nothing. I had to get your attention.”

”Doc you have my undivided attention. That’s the problem. I can’t think about anything else but you standing in the shower without me.”

“Honey as much as I appreciate the fact that you get distracted by my body; can you tell what’s on your mind or can it wait until another time?”

It couldn’t wait. She had to know now. After all, he was supposed to go on a date with Rebecca tomorrow night and to the Policeman’s Ball next week. “No Doc. It can’t wait.”

Now that his attention was refocused on the conversation, she continued with her shower, “Ok, I’m listening.”

His words came out all at once, in one single breath. “Well, earlier when I was trying to get rid of Rebecca I sort of made a date for tomorrow night.” Maybe if he said real fast she wouldn’t’ get upset.

Marlena heard every word he said. “Excuse me.” She turned the water off, stepped out of the shower, threw a towel around her body and walked over to him until she stood directly in front of him. It didn’t matter that her body was still covered with soap. “You have a date with Rebecca tomorrow night.” She was furious.

“I can explain.”

Marlena said nothing.

”Doc, you know how much I love you. I would never intentionally do anything to upset you.” When they were married and argued, whenever he told her he loved her it would take away some of the tension, not all of it, but some of it. But not tonight.

Still she said nothing.

”Earlier today, when I left your office I ran into Rebecca in the elevator and . . .”

Now she spoke, “You made a date earlier today and you’re just now telling me.” Furious didn’t begin to cover how she felt.

“NO! Let me finish, I have to start from the beginning so you will understand exactly what happened.”

“Explain.” Her arms were folded.

“Doc, this afternoon when I left your office for the first time, before Roman, I ran into Rebecca in the elevator. I apologized for not calling, but explained how busy I was between Boaty and work. It’s not like I could tell her the reason I hadn’t called her was because we were together. She thought I might have been upset with her because she left me to go to work. Anyway, she asked me out to dinner tonight, but I begged off saying it was too short of notice and I didn’t have a babysitter. When I turned her down she asked about tomorrow night and I told her,” he raised his voice for emphasis, “I WOULD GET BACK TO HER. I had no intention of going out with her. Somehow we got on the subject of the Policeman’s Ball and she asked me to be her escort.”

Marlena raised her hand for him to stop. “You’re telling me not only do you have a date with Rebecca tomorrow night but that you’re also her escort to the Policeman’s Ball.”

“Damn it Marlena, listen to me! I’m not finished.”

“Wanna bet? Let me see if I have this right: You came to my office today, made love to me, left, sort of made a date with Rebecca, came back to my office, made love to me again – twice, asked me to meet you here at your loft, I make love to you- with Rebecca downstairs, you go back downstairs, make a date with her-no make that two dates, come back up here and make love to me again and just as I’m about to leave you decide to tell me about your DATES. I don’t think so.” She turned to leave.

He grabbed her arm and swung her around. “You’re not going anywhere until you here me out.”

“Let go of me.” Her eyes were blazing.

“Not until you hear me out.” Now he was angry. “You’ve taken everything out of context.”

”Did I say something that wasn’t true?’

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He was still holding on to her arm. “Yes, Rebecca asked me out earlier today, but, and listen to me, I HAD NO INTENTION OF GOING. All I said was I would check my schedule and get back to her. By that time, I realized I left my keys in your office and got off on the next floor. I never said I would go. SHE SHOWED UP HERE UNANNOUNCED. I didn’t invite her and I told you that. When I went down the second time, you were the only thing I could think about. YOU! HERE IN MY BED! WAITING FOR ME! I would have promised her the moon if I thought it would get her out of the door faster. I told you that when I came back up here. SHE BROUHT UP TOMORROW NIGHT AND THE POLICEMAN’S BALL. What did you want me to do? Tell me, what could I have done differently?”

“You should have said no.”

“And just when exactly would I have done that?”

“When she asked you the first time.”

“I explained that already.” He let go of her arm. “You know what? This is ridiculous. You’re mad at me for something that hasn’t happened yet; might not happen but you’re leaving me to go home.”

Marlena was still angry. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“You don’t think so. What’s the difference? You say Rebecca wants me in her bed, I know Roman wants you in his bed. Wait, I know what the difference is, I haven’t slept with Rebecca.”

“You’re right. This is ridiculous. I’m going home.” She turned to leave.

“TO YOUR HUSBAND.” The minute the words were out of his mouth he regretted it. “Doc, I. . .” He couldn’t finish the sentence. ‘I’m sorry’ just didn’t convey how really sorry he was; he didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. He walked out of the bathroom.

She was frozen in place. She couldn’t believe he said it. In a daze she turned the shower on and rinsed off. She was done in less than five minutes.

John heard the water running in the shower. Five minutes later he heard her leaving the shower and entering the bedroom. He should have never said it. But she made him so angry. Why didn’t she believe him? Or better yet, why didn’t she trust him? He believed her when she told him she wasn’t in love with Roman and wanted to be with him. What the hell was the difference?

Marlena picked up her clothes, slipped them on and stood in his bedroom for a few minutes trying to compose herself before she faced him. He should have told her sooner. Deep down she knew he didn’t want Rebecca; that wasn’t the point. She had no idea why she was so angry, she just was. Maybe it was because he made love to her over and over and never said a word until she was ready to leave. And as angry as she felt, it was when he said she was leaving him to go to Roman that hurt the most. She walked downstairs.

He stood in front of the door waiting for her. As she approached him, he could see she was still angry but he could also see that his words had really hurt her. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he wouldn’t.

She saw him standing there, waiting for her. She could see he was sorry and she wanted nothing more than to go to him, but she couldn’t.

They both needed a little time, space and distance. He opened the door and she walked through. Neither one saying anything. Both leaning on their side of the door. John standing there dazed and Marlena leaning against the door heartbroken. What started out as a wonderful day had turned into something neither one ever expected.

Marlena turned onto her street. Just a bit further up the block was her home. No, that wasn’t quite true. It no longer felt like a home but just a place she lived for the time being. She pulled over and took one last look at her face in the rear view mirror making sure she looked alright. She had been crying since she left the loft. Marlena put the car in D and drove the rest of the way. Finally she pulled into the drive way. The lights in the house were on, yet she remained frozen in her car. She had a migraine headache.

As much as she wanted to see her kids, she wasn’t looking forward to dealing with Roman, especially after her fight with John. Oh well, it was time to face the music. Marlena slowly got out of the car, grabbed her purse and walked to the front door. Before she could unlock it, the door swung open. Eric was standing there with the biggest grin on his face. Despite her headache, just the sight of him brought a smile to her face.

“Hi mom. Boy do we have a surprise for you!”

“You do baby boy. Let me come in and then you can tell me all about it.” She walked in her house and saw packed overnight bags on the couch. “What’s all this?”

“We’re spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa.”

She tried to pretend she was happy. “You are! That’s great. Where are your sisters?” Her head was killing her.

“They’re upstairs.” He yelled for them. “Sami, Carrie, mom’s home.”

“Eric I didn’t mean for you to yell at the top of your lungs.” She thought her head would explode at any moment.

”Sorry mom.”

Roman came walking out of the kitchen. Hi Doc.” He walked over to Marlena and gave her kiss. “So do you like my surprise? The kids are going to spend the night with mom and pop.”

Before she said anything she turned and looked at Eric. “Go upstairs and check on your sisters.”

Eric was just about to yell again when Marlena stopped him. “No more yelling. Go upstairs and check on them.”

Sheepishly he put his head down and walked up the stairs.

Roman couldn’t help laughing. “Eric is more like you than me, but sometimes I see bits and pieces of myself in him. I remember doing the same thing when I was his age.” Changing the subject he continued, “So Doc, you didn’t answer my question? Do you like my surprise?” He put his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. “This way we won’t be interrupted, if you get my meaning.” He kissed her again.

She pulled away from the kiss. “Roman I thought you wanted to spend time with the kids since you’ve been gone so much.”

”I did spend time with them, and now I want to spend time with my beautiful wife.” He leaned in for another kiss but she pulled back. “Doc is something wrong?”

The moment of truth had arrived. Now what? “To tell you the truth Roman, I have a migraine headache and I’m exhausted.” The words just flowed from her mouth. She really was exhausted. Fighting with John and dreading this exact moment had left her physically and mentally exhausted. “All I really want to do is take a hot bath, soak for a while and go to bed. I’m really tired. I’m sorry you went through so much trouble, but I’m really not up for it.” She could see the disappointment all over his face.

The same feeling he had in her office earlier today returned. “Doc is that it or is there something else going on?”

“What do you mean?” Please oh please let me get through this she thought. I don’t think I can take another confrontation tonight.

“I just get the feeling you’re not telling me everything.”

Just then Eric, Sami and Carrie came down the stairs. “Hi mom, bye mom.”

Her attention immediately focused in her children. “What do you mean hi mom, bye mom? Don’t I even get a kiss hello before you tell me goodbye.”

Both Sami and Carrie spoke at the same time. “Sorry.”

Marlena smiled down at her daughters. Even though Carrie wasn’t her biological daughter she considered her one of her own children. “That’s better.” She leaned over and they each kissed her cheek.

Eric picked up his overnight bag and said, “Ok dad we’re ready to go.” The sooner they got there, the sooner they would get desert.

Roman grabbed his keys and walked to the door. “Ok guys, everybody in the car. He turned and looked at Marlena. “I’ll be right back.”

As soon as the door closed, Marlena flopped down on the couch. Her headache seemed to be getting worse by the moment. I’ll just close my eyes for a few minutes before I go upstairs she thought.

*****************************************************

Fifteen minutes had passed since Marlena left to go home and he hadn’t moved. He just stood there leaning against the door. Finally he found the strength to make it to the couch. How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly? One minute Marlena was in his shower and the next minute they were arguing. He looked at his watch; she should be home by now. He shouldn’t have let her leave, he should have said something. They should have settled things between them. He closed his eyes in despair.