The Affair

Arguing

John replayed their entire conversation over in his head. The only reason he could come up with for Marlena’s sudden outburst was that he waited until the last possible moment before he brought up Rebecca. If that was the reason, he still didn’t get it. When could he have said something sooner? The minute Rebecca left, they made love. After that, they talked about Roman and then Rebecca. One thing was for certain, he shouldn’t have said she was going home to her husband. For that he was truly sorry. He wanted to call her and tell her how sorry he was but he couldn’t take the chance on Roman answering the phone. Besides she might still be angry. There was nothing left for him to do tonight. He would have to wait until tomorrow and hopefully he would get the chance to apologize. John slowly stood and walked upstairs to his bedroom. It would be a long night and he knew it. He wanted desperately to know what was going on over there, but there was no way for him to find out anything without raising Roman’s suspicions. He lay on top of the covers and closed his eyes. If he was lucky, eventually sleep would come. He didn’t think he would be that lucky.

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“Roman please, not tonight. I’m not up for it.”

“Doc, I just think that there’s something else going on besides your headache. If you tell me I’m wrong, I’ll drop it.”

“What is it you want me to say?” They would have the conversation she dreaded the most tonight after all. He wasn’t about to let it go and she wasn’t about to lie to him and let him think everything was fine. It wasn’t and he knew it. She was already doing enough lying as it was and she hated it.

“I want you to tell me what’s going on with us. Marlena, ever since this afternoon I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything. One minute everything is fine and the minute I try to get close to you a wall goes up. Am I wrong?”

There was no way she could avoid it. “No, you’re not wrong,” her voice barely a whisper.

He must have heard her wrong. Even though his gut had been telling him something was wrong, he couldn’t believe she said the actual words. “Doc, what did you say?”

It had been difficult to say it the first time, but to have to repeat it was almost unbearable. She wished she could have taken it back, but she couldn’t. Again her voice was a whisper, “I said, no, you’re not wrong.” Marlena turned and walked away from him. She couldn’t bear to see his pain.

At first he just stood there, but now that her words had actually sunk in he wanted to face the problem head on. He went behind her. “Doc we have to talk about this.”

She turned to face him, “I know we do. I just don’t know what to say.”

“I want you to tell me the truth; I want to know what’s going; I want answers.”

The truth was she was in love with John; that was the truth. But she couldn’t tell him that, at least not yet. She couldn’t tell him the whole truth; she would have to settle for half truths and unspoken words. In other words, another lie, a lie of omission. “I don’t know if I have answers. At least not answers that will explain everything. I don’t know where to begin.” She walked out of their bedroom, her headache returning but now that she had begun she had to continue. She would have to suffer through it. The words were already out there. They couldn’t be taken back. “Maybe we should go downstairs where we can sit and talk.”

Roman followed her silently. They would talk everything over he told himself. This was just a minor setback, nothing to worry about. He knew she loved him. They would get through it the same way they got through everything else – together. If they made it through the whole John is Roman debacle, than this would be a piece of cake.

Marlena made her way down to the kitchen with Roman right on her heels. Between her headache returning and facing Roman she would need something stronger than the tea. Reaching for the bottle of aspirin Marlena knocked a glass off the counter. “Great.” It seemed she couldn’t do anything right tonight.

“Doc don’t worry about it. I can clean this up. You just take something for your headache.” Now that they were actually going to talk he found himself stalling. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, not tonight. Later would be better. “Why don’t we just talk in the morning when you feel better?”

As much as she wanted to, she wouldn’t take Roman up on his offer. She knew if she waited until the morning she would never get any rest. She probably wouldn’t get any after they talked but at least it would be over with. No they needed to talk tonight. “No, we’re already here so we might as well do it now. Besides, you and I both know neither one of us will get any rest until we talk.”

“I know you’re right, it’s just I didn’t want to. . . .” He never finished the sentence. The truth was he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say or how he felt. Instead of saying anything else, he simply stooped over and picked up the larger pieces of glass.

“Watch yourself, be careful.” Marlena walked over to the closet and got the broom and dustpan.

For some reason the sound of her voice telling him to be careful after she just told him they had problems rubbed him the wrong way. With just a hint of anger in his voice he said, “Doc, I fight bad guys everyday and you’re worried about me cutting myself.” He walked over to the trash can and dumped the broken glass.

As she handed him the broom she said, “I’ll always worry about you.” She meant it. Roman would always be a part of her life. She chose to ignore his anger. She deserved it and she knew it.

He finished sweeping and sat at the kitchen table. “All done; and no cuts.” He showed her his hands as proof. Sarcasm dripped from his words.

Marlena sat across from him, the aspirin still in her hand. She didn’t know how to start, what to say. The words just wouldn’t come. Stalling for time until she could find the right words, she stood and fixed herself a glass of water. After popping the pill in her mouth, she walked back over to the table and sat down. With heart felt sorrow in her voice she began, “Roman I don’t know what to say.”

“Well I don’t know what the problem is so I can’t start. It’s up to you.” His anger becoming more apparent with each word he spoke.

Again she chose to ignore his anger. She had no choice; it needed to be said. “Roman, things haven’t been right between us for a long time now. We’ve been living in the same house but we’re not really living together, we haven’t for quite some time now.”

“Marlena, I know things have been a little off lately but ….”

“It’s more than just a little off; a lot more. I can’t remember the last time we were happy, I mean really happy. Can you?”

“Doc, I didn’t know we weren’t happy.”

“You know that’s not true.” It was her turn to be angry. Now that they were talking she wanted him to admit there were problems in their marriage.

“Why are you getting upset?” He went from being angry to defensive.

Marlena pushed her chair back from the table and stood up. “Roman, I’m not going to play these games with you. First you want to talk and now you act like you haven’t been living in this house for the last few months.”

“I’m not playing games. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You say we have problems, I admit things have been a little shaky lately but to answer your question, yes I thought we were happy but apparently YOU’RE NOT.”

“It’s more than a little shaky. How can you sit there and say we’re happy? Roman things haven’t been right between us for months and you know it. We’re not on the same page anymore. We’ve been drifting apart for months. We both have jobs that keep us busy. It’s not like we work a straight 9-5 and then we come home.”

Now it was his turn to push back from the table and stand. “So what you’re saying is it’s my fault. I work too much. I spend too much time at the job and not enough time here. Is that what you’re saying?”

She was trying her best to reign in her temper but right now it was a struggle. “That’s not what I said. I said WE BOTH HAVE BUSY JOBS. Yes when you’re on a case you work long hours but if something comes up with one of my patients I do the same. I’m not saying it’s your fault or my fault, it is what it is – life.”

“So you’re saying the reason things are the way they are is because we’ve both been too busy with our jobs.”

Marlena stood there silent.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

“I know we spend a lot of time apart because of our careers but I think there’s more to it…” She never finished her sentence.

Roman stood before her, running his fingers through his hair. Forever the cop, always trying to solve the case and in this particular moment trying to find the solution to their problems. “Doc I think the answer to all of our problems is staring us in the face.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s simple. We have to make a conscious effort to spend more time together. We have to make time for one another. Don’t you agree?”

“Roman I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s more than just that.”

Roman was no longer interested in talking. He identified the problem (at least what he thought was the problem) and came up with the solution. Case closed. “Of course it is. All we have to do make the effort. The rest will come naturally.”

Marlena was exhausted; first her fight with John and now this confrontation with Roman. Neither one had come to a satisfying conclusion. She and John were angry with one another and Roman was completely clueless. “Roman, all I’m saying is you just can’t expect things to change overnight. They won’t and if you expect them to, all you’ll be is disappointed. I know what I’m talking about. Our problems go deeper than that.”

“Doc I know it will take time but we can do this. We love each other. There’s nothing we can’t do once we put our minds to it.” He wasn’t listening to her.

They were going around in circles. “I think we’ve talked enough. I’m going to bed” She began to walk into the living room.

He grabbed her hand. “So am I.”

She hoped he didn’t think just because they talked meant they would make love. It wasn’t going to happen. “Roman, you do realize that when I said I was going to bed I meant I was going to sleep. Period. That’s it.”

“I know Doc.” The truth was he was a little disappointed. He had hoped that by talking things out she might have changed her mind, but apparently not. “Doc I will wait as long as you want.” He pulled her close, gave her a peck on the cheek and smiled. “You don’t have any idea how that will be do you?” Before she could reply he said, “I’m just kidding Doc. I would never rush you.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s just that it’s been a while since we made love and today in your office the way you greeted me, I just assumed we would make love tonight.”

“I’m sorry about that. You caught me off guard. I was surprised to see you and relieved at the same time.”

“It’s good to know you worry about me.”

“I do and I always will.” It was true. Roman would always have a place in her heart and she would always worry about him. Marlena walked up the stairs to bed with Roman following close behind.

As they lay in bed together, Roman turned on his side to look at her. “Doc, I’ve been thinking. Since we both agree we need to spend a little more quality time together, how about we have a real old fashion date tomorrow night?”

”Roman I don’t think it’s fair to ask your parents to keep the kids again.” She was looking for any excuse not to go out. The last thing she wanted to do was go out on a date.

“First of all, they love keeping the kids. Secondly, they won’t have to.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Marlena, Carrie is a teenager now. She’s old enough to watch them.” He held up his hand to stop her from saying anything. “Besides, we’re not talking about leaving them alone overnight, just for a few hours. If anything happens, the Hortons can be over here in a flash. It’s time we let her do this.”

“I’m not sure about this. I know Carrie is responsible enough but Sami and Eric can be a handful at times.”

“Doc we have good kids and you know it. They’ll be fine.”

Their kids were good kids. Sami and Eric would listen to Carrie. She had run out of excuses not to go out. Besides she was tired. It was easier to just give in. “You’re right. I guess we can do this as long as we don’t stay out too late.”

“Great! It’s all settled.” He leaned over and kissed her goodnight. “I’ll call you at the hospital with all of the details.”

“Nothing too elaborate. I don’t want to overwhelm Carrie on her first try at babysitting.” It would only be for a couple of hours she told herself.

“I promise.” He rolled over and closed his eyes. It wasn’t the way he thought the night would end, but at least it was better than it was just a few minutes ago. Tomorrow night he had a date with his beautiful wife. This was just the beginning he told himself. Before she realized it, they would be back on track. As long as they loved one another, nothing could stand in their way. With that thought on his mind he slowly he drifted off to sleep.

Marlena lay awake on her side of the bed. By the sound of Roman’s breathing, she could tell he was asleep. At least one of them would get a good night’s sleep. She was too keyed up. Today had been a strange day. First John showed up at her office, then Roman, she left work early to meet John, Rebecca showed up at his loft, she and John had a fight and finally she talked to Roman about their marriage. All in all, a strange and troubling day. Thank God it was almost over. Surely tomorrow would be better. Now if she could only sleep. Somehow she didn’t think she would get much sleep. She lay on her back wide awake staring into the darkness of the room.

Roman, however, was sound asleep. He rolled over in his sleep and pulled her closer to him. It was the way they had always slept together; usually one limb, whether it be a leg or an arm, thrown over the other person’s body. It had been their connection. But instead of reminding her of the intimacy they once shared it only revealed how much things had changed between them. As quietly as she could, she extricated herself from him and moved to the edge of the bed. The last thing she wanted was physical contact between her and Roman. She closed her eyes and prayed for sleep to overtake her.

Marlena stayed awake at least an hour before she finally began to drift off. It was only after she practiced the breathing exercises she taught her patients did she finally find herself slowly relaxing. At last the need to sleep began to invade her consciousness.