Pretend We Don't Feel It

Chapter 3: Pretending

The problem with rules was that they only worked when nobody wanted to break them.

Ava realized that three days later.

The summer morning sunlight spilled through her bedroom window, painting pale golden rectangles across the floor. Birds chirped somewhere outside. A lawn sprinkler clicked rhythmically from a neighboring yard.

Everything looked peaceful.

Normal.

Unfortunately, Ava's thoughts were anything but.

She stared at the ceiling.

And thought about Noah.

Again.

The realization irritated her.

Ever since the rooftop conversation, she had become painfully aware of everything.

Every glance.

Every smile.

Every accidental touch.

Every moment they spent in the same room.

It was exhausting.

Because now there was context.

Now there was meaning.

Now she knew that Noah felt it too.

And somehow that made everything worse.

Ava rolled onto her side and buried her face in a pillow.

Pretend we don't feel it.

Simple.

Reasonable.

Impossible.

A knock sounded on her door.

Three quick taps.

Then Noah's voice.

"Breakfast."

Ava immediately sat up.

Her heart betrayed her by beating slightly faster.

Which was ridiculous.

It was Noah.

Just Noah.

Her stepbrother.

The boy who lived down the hall.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

The fact that she had to remind herself of that every five minutes felt like a problem.

"I'm coming."

"Mom made pancakes."

Ava groaned.

"Tell her I died."

A short laugh echoed through the door.

Then silence.

Ava froze.

That laugh.

That stupid laugh.

It had become her favorite sound.

Which was definitely another problem.

The kitchen smelled like coffee and maple syrup.

Sarah stood at the stove humming softly.

Richard sat at the table reading emails on his phone.

The scene looked almost painfully domestic.

A perfect family breakfast.

The kind Ava had spent years imagining.

The kind she should have wanted.

Instead, she felt strangely disconnected from it all.

Like an actress accidentally wandering onto the wrong movie set.

"Morning," Sarah said brightly.

Ava forced a smile.

"Morning."

Noah sat across from her.

The moment she looked at him, he looked away.

Ava hated how much that bothered her.

Three days ago she wouldn't have cared.

Now she noticed everything.

Every avoided glance.

Every deliberate movement.

Every second he spent pretending she wasn't there.

Because she was doing exactly the same thing.

And somehow that made it worse.

"Big plans today?" Richard asked.

Ava shrugged.

"No."

Sarah smiled.

"You should go explore town."

Before Ava could respond, Noah spoke.

"I can take her."

The words surprised everyone.

Including Noah.

His expression shifted immediately.

As if he regretted speaking.

Ava noticed.

Of course she noticed.

Lately she noticed everything about him.

"That would be wonderful," Sarah said.

The trap had been sprung.

Noah sighed quietly.

Ava nearly smiled.

The town was small.

Much smaller than the city Ava had grown up in.

Main Street stretched only a few blocks.

Small cafés.

Independent bookstores.

Family-owned shops.

Everything looked frozen in time.

The afternoon sun bathed the streets in gold.

People smiled at each other.

Strangers waved.

It felt unreal.

Ava walked beside Noah in comfortable silence.

Something she was quickly becoming addicted to.

Most people demanded conversation.

Noah didn't.

He seemed content simply existing beside her.

Which made her want to stay beside him longer than she should.

Dangerous.

Very dangerous.

"You keep staring."

Ava blinked.

"What?"

Noah smirked.

"The bookstore."

She looked away immediately.

Embarrassed.

The bookstore sat across the street.

Large windows.

Rows of books.

The sight felt like heaven.

Noah laughed.

A real laugh.

Warm.

Genuine.

The sound hit her harder than it should have.

"You want to go in."

It wasn't a question.

Ava crossed her arms.

"Maybe."

"You've been looking at it for two blocks."

"That's an exaggeration."

"It isn't."

Five minutes later they were inside.

The cool air smelled of paper and coffee.

Ava instantly relaxed.

The tension she'd been carrying all week eased slightly.

Books had always been safe.

Predictable.

Unlike feelings.

Unlike Noah.

Unlike whatever was happening between them.

She wandered through the aisles while Noah followed.

Not hovering.

Not crowding.

Just nearby.

Close enough to find.

The realization arrived unexpectedly.

And stayed.

An hour later they sat outside a small café.

Ava stirred her iced coffee.

Noah leaned back in his chair.

The sunlight highlighted the sharp lines of his face.

Ava immediately looked away.

Then hated herself for looking away.

This was ridiculous.

She was acting ridiculous.

Noah seemed completely calm.

Completely unaffected.

Meanwhile she couldn't survive a ten-minute conversation without becoming painfully aware of his existence.

"What's wrong?"

His voice interrupted her thoughts.

Ava frowned.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

The answer came instantly.

Without hesitation.

Without judgment.

Simply certainty.

Noah knew.

Not everything.

But enough.

Enough to recognize when she was hiding.

Enough to notice the things other people missed.

The realization made her chest tighten.

"You're observant."

"So are you."

Ava laughed softly.

"That's unfortunate."

"Very."

Their eyes met.

The moment stretched.

Dangerously.

The noise of the café seemed to disappear.

The world narrowed.

Just slightly.

Just enough.

Then a voice interrupted.

Female.

Bright.

Familiar.

"Noah?"

Both of them looked up.

A blonde girl stood nearby.

Beautiful.

Confident.

Smiling.

The kind of girl who belonged anywhere she wanted.

Ava immediately disliked the feeling that appeared inside her chest.

The girl looked at Noah.

Not Ava.

Only Noah.

And Noah looked surprised.

"Gwen."

The smile on the girl's face widened.

"You disappeared."

Ava suddenly felt invisible.

The conversation continued.

She barely listened.

Because something unpleasant was growing inside her chest.

Something hot.

Sharp.

Uncomfortable.

Jealousy.

The realization shocked her.

Jealousy?

Seriously?

She barely knew him.

She had absolutely no right to feel jealous.

And yet the feeling remained.

Refusing to leave.

Gwen touched Noah's arm while she laughed.

The simple gesture felt like a punch.

Ava immediately hated herself for caring.

Pretend we don't feel it.

Right.

Wonderful plan.

Except feelings apparently didn't care about plans.

Or rules.

Or logic.

They simply existed.

Complicating everything.

Making everything harder.

Noah introduced them eventually.

Gwen was an old friend.

Nothing more.

At least that was what Ava told herself.

Repeatedly.

The problem was that the explanation didn't help.

Because for the first time since arriving, Ava realized something terrifying.

Noah had a life before her.

Friends.

Memories.

People who knew him better.

People who belonged here.

People who weren't temporary.

The realization shouldn't have mattered.

Yet somehow it did.

Far more than she wanted to admit.

Far more than she should.

And judging by the way Noah kept glancing toward her throughout the conversation, he seemed aware that something had changed.

The worst part?

Ava wasn't sure whether she wanted him to notice.

Or whether she desperately wanted him not to.

Either way, pretending was becoming harder.

Much harder.

And it had only been three days.