Chapter 4: Regret
911 Words
Maeve POV
He was gone. Just as he came.
Like nothing happened.
Just the same silence and students going about their normal day.
But for me it wasn’t.
It was the beginning of something but I couldn’t quite describe.
Silence itself felt heavier. I watched the bell for break over jingle and I dragged myself like a zombie towards the lecture hall.
The sounds of students cheer blurred in the background and my mind kept replaying two encounters.
The gun.
Blood.
Cigarette.
The smile.
His eyes.
Everything kept invading my thoughts.
I felt suffocated like I couldn’t breathe.
I was fighting the urge to scream on top of my lungs.
“Maaa…ee..ve, p..uulll yourself together.
He…he… already le..ft.”
I said, stuttering on my own words, trying to convince myself.
Yes.
Yes.
He left right?
He’s gone.
Yes that’s it Maeve.
That’s what I told myself. I walked to class, sat down and opened my books.
My hands shivered as I opened the books.
I tried focusing my mind into reading but I read the same sentence more than twice.
Every time someone passed I kept looking, my eyes darting towards every slight movement.
Then I heard footsteps behind me.
Steady and paced. My breath hitched for a moment and I stilled myself.
Then someone tapped on my shoulders from behind. I jumped in fright but it was just my best friend. Ariel.
“Maeve are you ok, you seemed frightened,” Ariel asked in concern.
“Ye..ahh yeah I’m good,” I said forcing a smile while evading her gaze.
I didn’t want her to see the panic in my eyes or the quiver of my lips.
Before she could continue, the lecturer came in.
Then lectures began.
All through I couldn’t focus.
My mind kept on drifting.
Then—
“Maeve.”
My head snapped up. It was the lecturer calling. Just normally as if to draw my attention back.
I nodded briefly but it still drew stares in.
After a while he continued on with the lecture.
Meanwhile I lowered my head again. But I wasn’t in class anymore.
And this was more worse.
My soul wasn’t working with my body again.
My mind ran on hyperactive mode, continuing to analyze every little murmur, slight ruffling of sheets.
I wasn’t even aware when the bell rang and the lecturer left.
Ariel’s voice pulled me back.
“What’s wrong with you since that first break?”
“Hhuuhh…huh.. I’m fine,” my voice was too fast. I breathed in and tried to calm myself.
“I’m fine Ariel,” I answered again.
She didn’t believe me.
She gave me a look of query.
“How can you be fine… you haven’t eaten since morning.”
“I even got you your favorite cupcakes. You didn’t eat… ooorrr… you don’t love me anymore?” she asked putting on her puppy face.
I smiled. She’s always been like this.
But I wasn’t ready to talk. At least not now.
“I’m fine Ariel,” I said more to myself than her.
I let that echo in my head then I said to her.
“I need to go. See you tomorrow,” I said finally giving her a quick smile and left.
I needed to clear my head. I didn’t even wait for a response.
“At least say you love me hmphhh,” I heard her yell behind me.
I smiled. She’s always been a good best friend. The best actually.
I walked home briskly.
The same building, the same road, but somehow I felt everything was off.
I opened my room. Scanned it.
It was exactly how I left it.
Chair was where it was.
Table untouched.
Clothes where I dropped them.
Everything was perfectly normal.
But I knew beneath it wasn’t.
I stepped inside and locked the door.
Paused and listened for at least something.
Then that faint tobacco smell wafted through my nostrils.
I scanned the whole room. No body was there.
Or maybe I was imagining the smell.
I said to myself even when I knew it was a lie.
I walked slowly, checking everywhere in my small but comfortable room.
Drawer, bags… everything but it felt fine.
And then—
Something dropped.
Slowly I turned my gaze towards the floor.
Small. Plastic.
My breath stopped and I bent slowly to pick it up.
Then—
I remembered.
In frantic rush yesterday I had copied it into this small offline flash.
I didn’t even remember fully doing it until now.
My grip tightened around it.
I stared at it.
I didn’t know if this was a good thing or bad thing.
If I decided to throw it away or totally delete it what’s the probability he won’t come back and then I’ll have nothing to truly protect myself with.
This small thing.
So small it changed everything.
At least I have something. I held it close to my chest, convincing myself with that thought.
But why… why do I even have this.
My hand lowered. I could hear my heartbeats reverberating through the room.
I leaned against the door.
Totally exhausted.
Totally drained.
For a second I closed my eyes.
Everything came at once.
The alley.
The car.
His voice.
My fear.
My mistakes.
I exhaled slowly. Not relief, just exhaustion.
I slid down the door frame, holding the flash drive tighter.
“I shouldn’t have been there… that night,” I whispered.
Then silence again
- Writer
