Not Another Broken Doll

Chapter 22

“I wasn’t planning on bringing anyone over” Chris said, apologising for the inexistent mess “but you can’t go anywhere like that.”

“You need some ice” Ruth said as she saw Chris’s face swell up. She took a look around. He lived in a loft with direct views to the pier they had been standing not five minutes before.

“I’ll deal with it. The bathroom is to the left. I’ll find something for you to wear if you want to have a shower. There are clean towels in the rack” he instructed. He did not give her much of a choice, so she found the bathroom.

Ruth looked at herself in the mirror and she checked out the mess she had turned into. Half of her head was covered in white dust, her jacked was ripped and she stank of beer. She saw some blood drops on her jacket’s shoulder, and she figured that was Chris’, and it must have fallen on her when he took her out of the pier. She took her clothes off and walked into the shower. She rinsed her hair and took a moment to take in what had happened. When she finished, she towelled her hair down and used the comb she had in her bag to detangle it.

“Ruth?” She heard Chris’ voice through the door. “I’ve left some clothes for you to wear out here in the room if you want to change.”

“Thank you” she said “I’ll just be a minute”. She heard his steps walking away. She wrapped herself in the towel and she walked into the corridor and followed the only other door of the place into the bedroom. She saw a shirt and a pair of tracksuit pants on the bed. She put them on, and they were way too big for her, but it was better than what she had brought with her anyway. She looked around the room and noticed how soft the fabrics looked. The bed had white linen and the curtains were dark. There was a mirrored wardrobe against a wall, and small nightstand tables. She thought Chris was meticulously tidy for being a guy. She came out to the kitchen and she found he had washed his face and was sat on a stool pressing a bag of frozen peas against it.

“Let me see that” she asked, as she got closer to him. It had bruised, but it did not look too bad. She put the frozen peas gently back on his face “Well, I don’t think it is broken” she said “I’m sorry this happened.”

Chris raised an eyebrow and took the peas away from his face.

“Why do you apologise for things that you have no control over?” he asked.

Ruth took a very small step back. She had not thought about it, but her life with Gerard was full of pointless apologies. She was programmed to feel anything was potentially her fault.

“I don’t know” She said. Chris looked into her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to offend you” he said. “It’s just that none of this was your fault, OK? I bet they’ll be talking about this on the news tomorrow” he joked. “I’m going to have a shower now, but I made some sandwiches if you are hungry. I can put your clothes in the washer if you’d like me to” he said as he went into the bathroom. Ruth observed how his tattoo seemed to glow as he moved.

Ruth stood in the open plan kitchen and looked at the art pieces hanging on the bricked wall. Chris had mentioned that his mother had been an art curator so she assumed this must have been part of her collection. She saw a picture of a young Chris with a curly haired girl and she assumed that had to be Katrina, his sister. There was a blue punchbag hanging near the side wall. She looked at how the wall had suffered some impact over time as the brick wall had some damage. There was a dark grey sofa and a coffee table. The whole space was very manly, and Ruth could not help to wonder if this is what a single man’s den looked like. She looked out of the balcony window and she could see the lights of the show. She stood outside and she could hear the music coming from the pier. It was a bit chilly to stand out there with wet hair, but she didn’t mind.

“I’m sorry, your jacket is ripped” said Chris, fresh from the shower. He had her jacket in his hands.

“That’s OK. Better my jacket than any of us” Ruth shrugged her shoulders and turned around to see him. He was wearing a simple t-shirt and some tracksuit pants. “How is your face?” she got closer and saw that the swelling had gone down a little.

“It still hurts” he said, flinching backwards. “I hate brawls.”

“Have you had many?” Ruth asked, closing the balcony windows.

“Everyone has a past” Chris shrugged his shoulders. “I was not what you could call a model child. So, are you hungry?” he said, as he picked up the plate of sandwiches he prepared before. “I have some beer if you want.”

They sat on the sofa and watch the rest of the concert from afar while the clothes were in the washer. They spent more than an hour sat there until the fireworks started. Ruth stood up and went outside to the balcony. She had not seen any firework displays in a long time. She had always liked them.

“Jesus, Ruth, you’ll catch your death here” he said and brought her the throw he had on the sofa. “Do you like fireworks?”

“They can be beautiful, but they are also extremely dangerous” she answered. “I suppose that’s the deal with pretty things.”

“Every rose has a thorn, right?” Chris asked. Ruth looked at him. She felt her own thorns as if they were trying to speak for themselves.

“Yes, thorns.” She agreed. She tried to focus again on the fireworks. Chris seemed to be enjoying the view too. She looked at his arm, and noticed how the trees of his tattoos spread branches and casted shades on one another. She couldn’t help bug to doddle along with the tip of her fingers. Chris looked at her but didn’t flinch or react. He was letting her do what she wanted to do.

“You asked me the other day if I had any tattoos” She mentioned “Do you want to see them?” she asked, feeling strangely brave after all that had happened so far that week alone.

“If you want me to” he said and gulped. He really wanted to see, but she had mentioned they were hidden. He had been friend-zoned the day before, so he was not sure he was really allowed to look.

“I’ve never showed this to any boys” she said as she walked back in. “But there is a lot you don’t know about me, or what happened to me, so it might take you a minute to process.” After all, Hannah had taken a good ten minutes to come to terms with it, she thought.

“Are you sure you want to show me?” he asked. He understood he was being offered to enter her life, a part of her she kept literally hidden from the rest of the world.

Ruth undid the buttons that covered her abdomen, revealing a maze of thorned branches and roses covering her from waist down.

“These are the ones I see most, obviously” she said. Then she turned around and pulled the shirt over her head, covering her chest with it, but revealing her entire back to Chris. “But the back is the best part” she said.

Chris took a good look at what was on her skin. Under her bra strap he could see a thunderstorm unleashing lightning onto the ground, and he noticed that it was the lightning that turned into the thorned branches on her sides and lower back. Above the dark cloud a phoenix rose proudly above the storm, heading towards her left shoulder in glorious detail and colour. In spite of the theme, it did look very feminine, and he could tell that whoever did this took special care in it. He noticed how the artist had worked some scars into the lightning, and he followed those marks with his eyes.

“It’s breath-taking” he said and he got closer to see the details better.  He felt himself become tense, and he felt a part of him boil in frustration “It must have taken you weeks to have it completed” he tried to keep his cool.

“Almost two month” Ruth said. She pulled her shirt down and she was surprised to feel Chris so close to her. He moved back and sat up next to her. “Have you got anything other than beer?” she asked. Chris got up and showed her a bottle of rum an she nodded.

“This is an unexpected turn of the night, young lady. One might say you’re trying to get me drunk” he said, as he took two glasses from a cabinet before coming back over and placing them on the coffee table. He moved to the washer to activate the drying program and sat back next to Ruth.

“Well, now that you’ve seen the phoenix, you have to know how it got there” she said, putting her glass on the table. “You will need this more than me.”

Chris grew serious. He put his glass down and took her hands into his. Ruth looked at him, not knowing what was going on. She felt the warmth of his hands on hers, and she sat up straighter. She could not decipher his look, so she waited.

“The past has never given anyone anything good” he started, slowly. “Everyone comes from somewhere. But I do not care about any of that” he said. “What I care about is who you are right now, right here. You have been through a lot in the last week and I am happy that you trust me enough to share your story.” He squeezed her hands and looked up into her eyes. “But you don’t have to. Not tonight, not ever if you don’t choose to” he said. “But there is something I can tell you: I am here. You’ve come a long way, and if you let me, I’d like to be there for you, if you want me to be. You obviously do not need me, but still.”

Ruth did not know what to do or even how to react. She was terrified of the intimacy she was presented with, but at the same time she wanted to be there. Overwhelmed, she felt a tear coming down her right cheek, but Chris was quick to catch it with his right hand and make it go away. She noticed his touch on her face for the first time and she knew she had been granted a power she was not sure she wanted to have. Chris pulled her closer to him and then got comfortable on the sofa. She didn’t say a word, but she didn’t need to either. She rested the left side of her face on his chest, and she felt safe as he embraced her casually with his right arm.

“Are you okay with this?” he asked, knowing that he had played all of his cards. He hadn’t lost sight that only a few weeks ago she had been vocal about her aversion to touch. He could feel her breathing, calm, and deep. She took some time to respond.

“I have been hurt too deeply, Christoff. I would classify as someone who is emotionally crippled. You should not be OK with any of this” she whispered.

“And yet you’re here now. A few weeks ago you wouldn’t even accept my help on a bicycle accident, and right now you’re sat on my sofa wearing my clothes and opening up to me” he pointed out. “There is no right way to deal with anything.”

“How did you become so cool with this kind of thing?” she asked, not moving.

“I had a very good therapist” he said and shrugged his shoulders. “Then I realised that life wasn’t waiting around for me. I had responsibilities and a sister to look after. It took me a while, but I had to get myself together” he explained. He took a deep breath before he carried on. “I lost Marie thinking she was going to be there for me forever. Now I think it was for the best, but back then it hurt. It still kind of does.”

“What are you really trying to say?” Ruth asked, lifting her upper body so she could see him better. She could feel her own pulse through her body.

“Friendzone is bullshit” he said as he kissed her.