Not Another Broken Doll

Chapter 12

“I’m done with work today. Where are we going?” asked Ruth, intrigued.

“Do you mind going for a ride?” asked Chris.

“Well, I only have the one bike…”

“I’m driving” he said and pointed at a dark grey Audi A3 parked in the street. “I drove in today so I thought we could use it?” he tried to be innocent about it. Ruth didn’t seem convinced. “Also, if there are any other idiots trying to take pictures of you and me, they’ll have to try harder to find us, don’t you think?”

Ruth liked that idea. It genuinely sounded like the best idea anyone had had in a very, very long time. She was surprised with her own reaction, finding herself excited for a change of setting. Chris went to the back to get his jacket and she found her own gaze on the mirror that they used to write up the prices of the menu. She saw herself there as if for the first time, and she liked what she saw, but only for a second. She was convinced she could trust Chris for real on that day. But at the same time, she was wary and tried to build shields around herself because she was not ready to let anyone in that close again. She looked into her own eyes as Chris came back.

“Have you ever been to Lübeck?” he asked, leading her out of the café and to the car. She looked at him, so relaxed and so at peace with anything life would throw at him.

“No, but I’ve heard about the marzipan. It’s traditional there, isn’t it?” She said and followed him.

They sat in the car talking about nothing in particular. Ruth had to admit that Chris had a great collection of songs on his phone, and she was pleased to listen to some of the bands they would be seeing live that weekend. She was also impressed with the kind of car he was driving. It did not look like an old model, and she couldn’t but help to wonder how successful the café really was if he could afford such a new car.

The landscape changed as they moved along the motorway. She could spot little towns with high towers and forests that had already turned golden. She loved the autumn. There was something about it that made her feel at peace with the world.

“Are you OK?” Chris asked after a few minutes of silence. “We are not far now”

“Good. I’m enjoying the ride, that’s all” She said without looking at him. A sad song started to play through the speakers. She straightened up in her seat and tried not to listen to it. “So, what is it with Lübeck on a Monday afternoon?”

“I just thought you could do with a bit of a change. I need to get some quality marzipan for the café as we have an order for an event we just received.”

“I didn’t know you did catering too”

“It’s Matthias’s new brain child.” Chris shrugged his shoulders as he changed lanes. “I think the client wanted Lübeck’s marzipan and he could not say no to that. In any case it’s good timing. I could also do with a bit of a break”

Chris took the exit and carried on driving until he found a carpark in the town centre. Ruth was curious but did not want to pry. She enjoyed the ride and was ready to be a regular twenty-four-years old girl exploring a new place. She smiled to herself thinking that at least she was still spending the afternoon with a hot guy, and that was a very normal thing for a twenty-four-year old to do.

Lübeck is a wonderful city, old and proud. It’s all made of bricks, and its monuments and streets are taken of a fairy tale book. Chris took her to the Holstentor, and found a nice terrace with views. Ruth looked at the gates of the city in fascination. The towers were cylindric and ended up in a conic slate rooftop. They were separated from each other by the city ancient gates, but they seemed to try to reach for one another from where she was looking. She wondered how long it had taken them to look like that. There were grass fields leading to the gates, and a gorgeous ivy covered the buildings around it. She could not wait to go in and explore the town, but Chris refused to take her in on an empty stomach. She looked at him, and she noticed that something was off. She felt her heart skip a beat. It wasn’t that she cared deeply about him, but he had proven to be a good person and she didn’t like the feeling she had.

“What?” he asked amused at Ruth’s expression.

“Well, since you drove us here, will you let me pay at least?” she asked.

“No” he laughed. Ruth nodded in resignation. She felt there was no point fighting that battle.

“So, you needed a break from the city too?” She asked, straight to the point. She knew that whenever she tapped into a bad feeling, she was normally right.

“I had a rough weekend, I suppose” he said, looking away towards the Holstentor. “I don’t think I’d ever paid attention to the fact that the towers seem to have moved a bit with time.”

“Good try, but you’re not good at avoiding questions” Ruth caught his attention again. “What’s up with you? You’re acting strange today.”

At that moment the waiter came to the table with some water. Chris made space and ordered some appetizers, grateful for the extra time to think how to answer Ruth’s question. He looked at her and she also seemed different today. She was relaxed, and he had her full attention. He did not really want to talk about what was bothering him, but she was right there offering her ears.

“I found out something that I was not expecting, that’s all” he said, trying to evade the inevitable. Ruth simply looked at him, and after a few seconds of awkward silence, Chris proceeded “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my ex-fiancé.”

“Your what? How old are you?” Ruth was surprised.

“Yeah. Well, I’m 28 I’ll have you know.” Chris found himself hoping the ground would part and swallow him. “She and I were together for a few years, and then I proposed and she dumped me for another guy in the same minute. I suppose you can’t really refer to anyone as your ex-fiancé if you were never really engaged, right?”

“Was it bad?” she asked. She was looking at him intensely.

“It was some time ago and I thought I was done with the whole story, but she came by the shop on Saturday” he looked away. “I wasn’t there, as it was Matthias’s turn to open. She just brought over some stuff I never picked up from the place we used to share.” He sighed “Ah, and she’s pregnant with the other guy’s baby.”

“Wow. I see” Ruth said, trying to buy time drinking some water. She did not like to see Chris upset, which she found strange. She barely considered him a friend, but she couldn’t help herself. “What is she called?”

“Matthias and I call her ‘the unspeakable’” Chris said and smirked. He was obviously still sore. “Marie.”

“Okay, then, mister” Ruth said as she lifted her glass. “For a whole afternoon without Marie” Chris laughed and played along.

“For a whole afternoon” he cheered.

After lunch, Chris guided Ruth through the streets of Lübeck and showed her all the spots he liked. The cobbled streets and the old buildings, the church and the marketplace. Ruth thought the entire place looked like taken off a Grimm Brother’s fairy tale, mashed up with the 21st Century. Chris had to stop to order marzipan to be delivered to his shop in Hamburg, so Ruth wandered into an old-looking bookshop across the street. Chris found her about ten minutes later checking some shelves. She was so focused he did not want to disturb her. He observed her browse different titles and he felt a quiver in his chest. He could have kicked himself for that, but he was too busy trying to memorize the way her hair fell on the side of her face. He took a step forward and pretended he was looking for her.

“Hey” he called. Then the quiver turned into a shake when she looked up from the book in her hands and gave him a slight smile. He thought to himself he was too invested to go back on his tracks now. “Is that any good?”

“I wish I knew” she answered and put it back on the shelf. “Did you get a good deal for your ingredients?”

“Always” he said proudly. “I was thinking, a few days ago you said you missed the sea” he hesitated. “I know it’s not the same but there is a beach nearby, and I was thinking we could go.”

“I would like that, but I don’t want to trouble you if you don’t want to. I bet you have things to do” she felt her body stiffen. She wasn’t comfortable with the idea of someone trying to do something nice for her. “You’ve done enough today bringing me here.”

Far from giving up, Chris insisted saying that he hadn’t had any holidays over the summer and he could also do with sitting on the sand for a bit. He was a bit disappointed that Ruth did not seem too happy with the idea, but he could sense she did not deal very well with certain things. They walked down by the river back to the car and drove for a few minutes until they found the beach. Chris parked up the car and noticed Ruth hesitating.

“Ready?” he asked

“Have you got a pen?” she asked, and he looked confused. He grabbed a pen and some paper out of the glovebox. “Right, let’s go” she smiled.

They walked into the sand and found a spot to sit away from the waves. They took their shoes off, and he saw Ruth breathe deeply. It was a windy evening and there were not many hours of sunshine left, as the days were getting shorter. The sand was full of debris and leaves, and the only other people were a young mum and her kids walking a small dog, who was adamantly chasing a ball.

“Promise me you won’t think I’m crazy” Ruth said whilst she wrote something on a piece of paper.

“You know you’re a bit too late for asking that. I know you are” Chris answered, teasing.

“I know, I know. Look, sometimes when we have a tough time, the best thing we can do is write it down to unpick it” She said as she finished. “Here, read” she gave him the piece of paper.

“’Today Chris is feeling down because he was reminded that life is unfair and things are out of his control. On the plus side, he took an afternoon off and had a nice time outside Hamburg and now he is sitting on the beach’” He read. “Very accurate. But also, not entirely correct” He grabbed the pen and added some notes. He gave the paper back to Ruth.

“ ‘Today Chris is feeling great because he was reminded that life is unfair and things are out of anyone’s control. On the plus side, he took an afternoon off and is having a nice time outside Hamburg and now he is sitting on the beach with someone he never thought he’d meet’” Ruth read out loud and laughed. “Yes, that sounds better. You see? Unpicking things. Now you go.” Chris turned the paper over and started writing. When he was done he gave the paper to Ruth.

‘Today Ruth is having a good day because she helped a friend and she has spent the afternoon in Lübeck, exploring a new place. She is sitting on the beach trying to be a great person for someone who would really like to get to truly know her’

Ruth smirked and she added a note to the end of the page and gave it back to Chris. He read it to himself and laughed. “ ‘though she is putting on weight because she is eating far too well’ that’s not true!” he said, and he put the paper in his pocket. He sighed and looked at the sea. The water was calm, but it was getting darker as the day was coming to an end. Ruth was hugging her knees, looking away into the horizon. “We should head back” he suggested.

“We should” Ruth agreed and stood up, shaking her trousers not to take any sand with her to the car.

They drove back in silence, listening to the music play through the speakers. They arrived in Hamburg and Chris stopped the car outside the university where Ruth had left her bike. Her phone rang and she picked up before leaving the car.

“Alaistar?” she said, sounding a bit altered. “No, I left Hamburg for a few hours.” Chris paid attention to her face as it grew angrier “About bloody time! No, don’t. I can arrange to fly tomorrow night. I have some things that I need to sort out first”

“Is everything OK?” Chris asked as Ruth hung up. She didn’t answer. “Are you going somewhere?”

“I have to go back home for a few days, that’s all” she said, not even trying to hide the emotion in her words. “I have a big rat to hunt.”