Tears of love

1. The crush. [Part 1]

CHAPTER 1: The Crush.

I check the papers in my hands one last time to make sure everything’s complete. Once I confirm that it’s all in order, I run down the stairs two at a time, straight to the kitchen, where I hear my brother.

“Tyler!” I yell.

“What?” he answers, appearing behind me and making me jump a little.

“Can you drive me to the university?”

“What for?” he asks, looking confused—which makes me question how someone can be so damn clueless.

“Why are you like this?” I snap, annoyed that he’s forgotten something so important to me. “How can you not know?!”

He just shrugs, and I let out an exasperated sigh at his indifference.

“I have to turn in the papers for my enrollment. I’m starting college, first semester—ring any bells?” I say, unable to hide the frown on my face.

Tyler’s my older brother—my only family. It’s been just the two of us since our parents got divorced and decided to replace their presence with green bills that can buy us anything we want—except love, obviously.

I guess taking care of a thirteen-year-old girl when he was only eighteen wasn’t exactly the best thing that ever happened to him. I know it was a huge responsibility for him—still is, even though I’m eighteen now and he’s twenty-three. But he’s never complained. He’s always been there for me. He’s been my mom and dad since I was a teenager. And despite his bad temper and constant scowling, he’s the best brother in the world—and I love him. Except in moments like this, when he forgets his only sister is about to start studying photography at college.

“Oh, right,” he says with a teasing grin when he finally remembers. “Little Rora’s all grown up.”

Rora. His affectionate and embarrassing nickname for me.

“Shut up,” I grumble. I hate when he calls me that—it reminds me of that cringe stage of my life when my favorite activity was tagging along behind him and Jeremy, hopelessly smitten, dazzled by every single smile Jeremy ever threw my way.

“Ask Jeremy to drive you,” Tyler says, grabbing an apple from the table. “I have to drop off my own enrollment papers, and you know I’m at the other campus.”

Tyler’s starting his last semester of Literature at the University of Denver—the same university I’ll be attending, though in a different campus. He’s in the South campus; I’ll be in the main one downtown.

Since I don’t have a car, I’d been hoping he’d drive me when he could, but I can already tell that won’t happen very often.

“Fine,” I mutter, rolling my eyes dramatically as I drag myself toward the door. “I’ll tell Jeremy that my dear brother abandoned me and didn’t care…”

He cuts me off with a low growl.

“Don’t start your drama, Aurora,” he says, walking away. “Tell Aunt Anne I’ll stop by later—I’m in a rush.”

I nod, watching him hurry out the door.

Since Mom and Dad decided their jobs were more important than their own kids and left town, Jeremy’s parents have become the closest thing Tyler and I have to a mom and dad. We’ve called them “aunt” and “uncle” since we were little, though “mom” and “dad” would honestly be more accurate. They live right next door, and along with Jeremy, the five of us have always been like a family. Then there’s my best friend, Sadie Brooklyn—the best person in the world, and someone I wouldn’t trade for anything or anyone.

Smiling at the thought of seeing Jeremy, I head out of my house and walk next door.

Sadly, most of my life could be summed up as the most cliché and pathetic story ever told: I’m the dumb girl next door, hopelessly in love with her brother’s best friend—the one she’ll never have.

I ring the doorbell and wait patiently.

With all the enthusiasm in the world, I hug Aunt Anne when she opens the door. Then I walk in without waiting for permission, hearing her amused laughter behind me.

“Auntie, is Jeremy in his room?” I ask, turning to look at her.

“Yes, sweetheart, go on up.”

I nod with a smile. On my way to the stairs, I remember what my brother said and call over my shoulder, “Tyler says he’ll stop by later! He was in a hurry!”

I don’t wait for her reply and head straight upstairs.

I have to admit, the fact that Jeremy’s starting his last semester—same as my brother, but in Business—at the same university and the same campus as me, makes me ridiculously happy. It means more time together. And even if what we have is completely platonic, I still love being around him.

Jeremy and I have this weird code—five knocks means it’s one of us at the door. So, standing outside his room, I knock five times.

“Open up, Jeremy!” I shout impatiently when he takes too long.

“Coming!” he calls back.

I tap my foot impatiently, huffing. It can’t be more than a minute, but it feels like forever. When he finally opens the door, I’m greeted by his sleepy face. His blue eyes—same shade as mine—stare at me in confusion for a long second.

“What are you doing up this early? Are you sick or something?”

“God, Jeremy, it’s not like I never get up early.”

“Oh, right,” he says as realization hits him. “You’re taking your enrollment papers to the university, aren’t you?”

I smile because he remembered—something even my brother forgot. But that’s Jeremy; sometimes he’s more attentive than Tyler himself.

“Yeah,” I say. “And I need you to drive me, please.”

He nods right away.

“Sure, let me just take a shower and—”

“Are you insane?! I have to be there in half an hour! Let’s go now!”

“Like this?” he asks, pointing at himself.

I stop to look at him—and yeah, he’s wearing only sweatpants. Nothing else.

I don’t dare look too long at his bare torso because that would be weird. I’ve gotten really good at pretending I only see him as a friend. Staring at him in awe would ruin years of hard work pretending I’m not in love with him.

“Put on jeans, a T-shirt, and voilà!” I say, pushing him back into his room and following him in. I open his closet, grab a random T-shirt and jeans, and toss them his way. “Here.”

He looks at me with a smirk.

“You sound like my mom.”

I ignore him.

“Change fast! I’ve got thirty minutes tops!” I shout over my shoulder as I leave his room.

“Yes, ma’am,” he teases.

I go downstairs smiling at his playful tone.

The smell of heaven hits my nose, and like a detective on a mission, I follow it to the kitchen.

“Have I ever told you you’re the best?” I say, hugging Aunt Anne from behind as she puts a chocolate cake in the fridge. “It’s for me, right?” I try to grab the dessert, but she lightly swats my hand away.

I freeze immediately.

“Your chocolate obsession is going to get you in trouble one day,” she says, shaking her head—but there’s amusement on her face. “It’s for tonight, to celebrate your enrollment.”

See why I love this woman?

She’s everything my mother never was.

The emptiness Mom left in my heart, Aunt Anne filled effortlessly.

She’s perfect—and Jeremy’s so damn lucky to have her.

“Can I invite Sadie over to celebrate?”

“Of course,” she says, turning back to the counter to tidy up the mess of bowls and utensils. “Do you have all the paperwork ready?”

“Yeah, everything’s filled out. I’m just waiting for Jeremy to finish changing so he can drive me,” I explain, then shout, “Jeremy! Hurry up!”

“I’m coming!” he yells, jogging down the stairs, running a hand through his messy brown hair in a lazy attempt to fix it. “All set.”

I smile when I see he’s wearing the clothes I picked.

Jeremy’s really handsome. His brown hair matches those baby-blue eyes framed by long, thick lashes. His jawline is sharp, giving his face a strong, masculine look. He’s lean but not lanky, his abs faintly visible from years on the swim team.

“Jeremy, your dad wants you to stop by his office this afternoon. He said it’s important,” Aunt Anne says, snapping me out of my little daydream starring my brother’s best friend—who, by the way, is four years older than me.

Jeremy and Tyler are really close, and I know that if anything ever happened between Jeremy and me (which would only happen in my dreams), Tyler would lose his mind. He’s way too protective. My brother played the role of both parents—he was the one who bought me painkillers and a heating pad the day I got my first period. Sometimes I think he sees me more as his daughter than his sister, which makes him extra overbearing and borderline hysterical when it comes to my safety.

“Mom, I was supposed to go out with Sabrina this afternoon,” Jeremy says, frowning.

I ignore the sting in my chest at the mention of her name. I’m used to it by now, but hearing her name is always a brutal reminder of reality.

Jeremy belongs to Sabrina—not me.

“Sweetheart, then take her with you. But your father said it’s important.”

He nods, not looking too thrilled. I guess he doesn’t want to cancel his plans with his girlfriend—and even though it hurts, I get it.

“Okay, Mom,” he says, kissing her cheek. “See you later.”

“Bye, Aunt Anne!” I blow her a kiss and head to the door with Jeremy.

We walk to his car together. He smiles as he opens the passenger door for me, always the gentleman.

“You got everything ready?” he asks once he starts the engine.

“Of course,” I mumble, rolling down the window, focused on that task—until I hear his quiet laugh beside me.

“What’s so funny?”

“You and your thing with having the windows down, butterfly.”

I smile at the nickname.

“You know I only do it because the pictures come out better with the window down,” I tell him—though that’s not entirely true. I also do it because I love feeling the wind on my face. It’s refreshing, calming... Sometimes it’s the little things that make me the happiest.

I love finding beauty in simple things—that’s where happiness really is.

He glances at me briefly before focusing back on the road.

“Where’s your camera?” he asks.

My heart skips a beat when I realize I don’t have it.

“s**t—” I slap a hand over my mouth, horrified. My camera is like a third arm to me—an extension I should never be separated from. “Oh my God, Jer, I left it at home,” I whisper.

He raises an eyebrow, surprised, because he knows how obsessed I am with that camera. Then he laughs—amused that in my rush to get to the university, I actually forgot it. I can’t help smiling at the sound of his laughter. It’s my favorite sound in the world.

“Definitely a weird day,” he says, grinning. “First, you wake up early, and second, you forget your camera.”

“Why do you keep implying I never wake up early? I’m not lazy!” I whine. “All my classes are in the morning—you’ll see, I’ll be the first one in class every single day,” I promise.

He laughs again, that soft, musical laugh that fills the car. When it fades, I feel his hand gently squeeze mine. And that’s the hardest part—pretending his touch doesn’t affect me, pretending it doesn’t set every nerve in my body on fire.

“Don’t get mad, butterfly,” he says, taking his hand back to the wheel. “How about I show you around the campus after you drop off the papers?”

I nod, excited.

He gives me that warm smile before turning his attention back to the road.

I gaze out the window, watching the streets blur past, my mind lost in what-ifs—what if Jeremy felt the same?

I imagine him holding my hand, kissing me, introducing me to his friends as his girlfriend.

I smile at the thought—but it fades quickly when I remember he already does all that... just not with me. With Sabrina.

I know my crush on Jeremy is stupid. He doesn’t even see me as anything but a kid.

My love for him is pathetic because he would never see me that way. There are so many reasons why it could never happen. First, I’m his best friend’s little sister, and Jeremy values Tyler too much to risk their friendship over me. Add to that the fact that I’m younger—and he’s always seen me as a kid. Second, his family is basically my family. I’m pretty sure he thinks of me as a little sister. And last—but definitely not least—he’s in love with Sabrina.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much if Sabrina weren’t who she is, if I could find a reason to hate her. But she’s too kind, too considerate, too sweet. She’s the kind of woman who’s emotionally mature, has a promising future, and gives Jeremy the stability he always brags about. They never fight, they always get along, and they’ve been together for years—it just works.

She’s the perfect blonde with a friendly smile, athletic body, and top grades in Business.

I wish I could hate her, but I can’t—she’s always been nothing but nice to me. She’s polite, respectful, cheerful, and beautiful, inside and out.

Jeremy deserves her. And she deserves him.

I don’t belong in that picture—and I know there’s a part of me that’s genuinely happy to see him happy... even if it’s not with me.