Oh God! What am I doing?

1648 Words
I dragged myself down the street in the dark to where I parked my car, my fists were clenched, my jaw locked. The streets were deserted now, just a long trail of streetlights facing each other. I got in and slammed the door so hard that the window rattled. Then I punched the steering wheel over and over and screamed until my throat hurt. “Ariel is so f*****g pathetic! She’s not even a virgin, so why is she acting like I tried to kill her? It was just a f*****g injection. Why would she even think I wanted to kill her… or maybe I should’ve? No…” I gripped the wheel tighter, my whole body shaking. It was hard to believe my dad had no hand in this. None of it made sense. What if she gets pregnant, what if Jayden finds out, what if the pack starts whispering, what happens to my reputation, my name? I turned the car's engine on and drove down to my family house, the tires screaming against the road. It was already very dark when I pulled in. My mom opened the door at the first knock. She smiled, so happy to see me like always, but her smile dropped the moment she saw my face. “Daniel, what happened, my son?” she asked, reaching out to my chin. I didn’t answer. I brushed past her and went straight to the study. I knew he’d be there. My dad sat at the head of the room like he was king of the f*****g world. Calm, clean and cold. I sometimes wonder if he was truly my father. He was really taller than I am, with a locked-up face and an almost perfect body because of his age. “What did you do, Dad?” I asked, not even trying to hide my rage. “What the hell did you plan with her about me?” He didn’t even flinch. He looked up from his glasses to see who was talking. “Watch your tone, boy. You’re in my house. And who the hell are you talking about?” I stepped closer. “Didn’t you have a girl seduce me? Did you plan that night? Tell me. Now.” He scoffed. He dropped the book he was reading and looked me straight in the eyes. “So you came here to insult me? "You chose your path, Daniel. Why would I want to meddle with your meaningless life?” I didn’t blink. “I came for the truth.” He stood. “Guards.” He called out, very annoyed. Just like that. His guards appeared like shadows out of nowhere, and before I could react, two of them grabbed me by the arms. “Throw him out,” he said without even looking at me. “Honey, no!” my mom cried out, rushing toward us. “Don’t do this. Please, he is still our son.” I didn’t struggle. I shook the guards off myself before they could touch me again. “I’ll go,” I said, breathing hard, my voice cracked. “I don’t belong here anyway.” I walked out with fists clenched. My mom tried to stop me, but I just kissed her forehead and left. I drove home without thinking, my vision was blurry, and my heart was sick. The whole apartment is quiet now. Jayden had got back to his house before I left to meet Ariel. I smoked the whole damn pack while sitting at the edge of my bed. Drank until I didn’t know what was in my cup. I punched the wall till my knuckles cracked and bled. I don’t even know when I passed out. The morning came fast. My alarm blew out. I did not bother turning it off. I just got out of bed. Stinking with an alcoholic smell and still had my clothes from yesterday on. I showered and cleaned up the mess last night. My head was still a wreck, but I knew what I had to do. I drove to a pharmacy outside the pack zone and bought Postinor and every other drug that could prevent pregnancy. Then I headed straight to her workplace. It was a small coffee shop at the edge of the commercial district. I walked in and spotted her immediately at the counter looking all innocent. She froze the second our eyes met. She turned away quickly like I wasn’t even there and tried to leave the counter, but I moved closer, pulled the bag of pills out of my pocket and placed them on the counter. “You need to take these. It’s not optional.” She shook her head, her voice shaking. “What are you doing here? You can’t just show up like this. And what is this?” I leaned in. “These are for your system. I don't want you to get pregnant. Ariel, please. Just take it. I don’t want problems. I’m trying to fix things…” “You’re only trying to fix yourself,” she cut in, loud enough for people to hear, which was unintentional. The room was quiet. Customers started pulling out their phones. Why was Alpha’s son arguing with a worker at a coffee shop? “What are you all doing? Put those phones down now,” I snapped, my voice sharp and low but enough to make half of them freeze. “I said drop it." Some did. Others kept recording like they wanted a piece of history. I turned back to her. “This is not about you anymore. This is about everything. Just take the f*****g pill.” “No,” she whispered. "I'm not your mistake to erase. I don’t trust you enough to take this from you, so I will take care of myself. I do not need your help.” I could hear her heart pounding really fast. I frowned in annoyance. I stepped back slowly. I turned and stormed out, heat building in my chest and fists. People’s eyes followed me as I got in the car, slammed the door and drove out. Inside the car, I started biting my lips so hard that I tasted blood. “Why did I go that far, why was I so stupid, what the hell was I thinking…” I lost control of my sense of driving. I was almost about to crash into a pole, then I slammed the brakes just in time to stop. My heart raced and my whole body shook. I leaned my head against the wheel and just stayed there, breathing, thinking, regretting. Suddenly, a flashback slammed into my memory of that Saturday night when it all happened. Ariel came towards me on the dance floor where I was with the other guys, as though our thoughts synced because I had been trying to get rid of the scent that came from her that kept tormenting me. So I kept drinking to get really high and probably pass out. Jayden was in the kitchen, so at that time, he was totally out of sight. I was already drooling from alcohol and so was Ariel. In fact, she needed help and I could not resist her either. We gummed our bodies together and smelt each other. I sucked on her neck and pulled her upstairs to a room and… and she followed suit with so much obedience and craving for my body too. Heaven knows I tried to stop myself, but I was already hard and there was no going back, not with the way she was holding onto me, like I was all she needed. We stumbled into the room, her back hit the door as it shut behind us and I kissed her again, her hands tangled in my hair, and she kissed me like she was starving. I lifted her up and her thighs wrapped around me so easily, as though we had done it before. She wasn’t scared, she didn’t hesitate, she just looked at me and nodded once and that was all the permission I needed. I laid her on the bed, peeled her dress off slowly, like unwrapping something sacred. Her skin was smooth, and her chest rose and fell so fast, like her body was racing against her own breath. She looked so damn beautiful, and deep down I wondered why I found her so attractive. She reached for my belt and undid it with shaky fingers, her eyes never blinking, never pulling away, and when she finally touched me, I let out a low groan that sounded like I’d been holding it back forever. I kissed her neck again, her shoulder, her chest, trailing my tongue slowly until she gasped and arched into me, whispering my name like it meant something. Her fingers dug into my back when I slid inside her, slow, careful, watching her face twist and then soften with every movement, she held onto me like I was the only real thing in the world. We moved in rhythm, not rushed, not messy, just full of heat and silence and the kind of ache that made you forget everything else. She kept whispering “please” in my ear and I didn’t know if she meant don’t stop or don’t leave, but either way, I gave her everything I had in me. And when it was over, I cummed, inside her, of course, and there was no protection at all. And there we just laid and slept heavily. Two drunk adults drown with each other's mere scents, unsure of what comes after. I snapped back to reality and realized that it was either the moon goddess was against my relationship with Jayden or she was working for my father, who must have planned that night. I sank into my thoughts and got lost.
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