How We End

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

{ D E A N }

I knew it was wrong the moment I finished speaking. I shouldn't have been so harsh on her but she just drove me f*****g insane. But, what I said to her wasn't right, especially after she opened up to me today.

"Got it." She said sternly.

At that moment I was scared because I couldn't tell what she was thinking, her eyes held no emotion at all, they seemed distant and cold, like she was building her walls back up.

Not like she ever really let them down for me but I saw a glimpse of what was on the other side. But it felt like she was locking me out again.

Completely.

Immediately the words came out of her mouth, she walked away and I hadn't realized it. I was thinking too much, about her, again.

God, this woman.

"Grace!" I called for her but she was far gone. I spotted her back at a far distance and she walked out of the house. I hurried after her.

"Grace!" I yelled loudly, trying to overlap the music.

Her back was shaking and from what I could see a black car parked by the sidewalk and there he was, Kyle. He got down from his car and hurried toward her to be her knight in f*****g shining armor, he was trying to get her to calm down, to comfort her, to be there for her and what hurt like a b***h was that she let him.

She had never given me that privilege.

I felt like someone dug a knife into my chest when she threw herself into his arms, her body trembling. He wrapped his arms around her, gently stroking her hair, her back, her skin. Touching her, roaming his hands on her, my Chip.

What was so special about him?

What hurt more was that I knew she was crying. I wanted to punish myself for making her cry, being the reason behind her tears, while she ran, seeking comfort in the arms of someone else. I should be the one comforting her and not be the reason why she cried.

She seemed to have calmed down, he gathered her in his arms and helped her to the passenger seat of his car. She let him. She let him open the car door for her and help her in.

She had never let me.

The ache in my chest was foreign, I couldn't seem to move. I just watched them, ever so pathetically, as they drove off. As he drove off with her.

I messed up really bad.

* * * *

I called.

So many times.

It rang for the first five times but after that she switched off her phone.

Great, just great.

What in the world was I thinking? I shouldn't have said all those things to her. My chest hurt, it hurt so bad that it was shocking to even me. My heart felt heavy, my head was throbbing and I felt a knot forming in my throat.

Was I going to cry?

No freaking way.

You're not a b***h.

You can't cry for such a little thing.

Fuck it.

She's just a girl.

But that was the thing, she wasn't just a girl. There was something about her, something about the way I felt around her, something about the way I got lost in her eyes when she looked at me, something about how she hid herself from the rest of the world, something about her type of beautiful and there was something about the way I was a complete goner when it comes to her.

Because I was falling for her.

Too fast,

Too deep.

And I didn't care.

I wanted her so much, but I was afraid she wasn't ready for that yet. I wanted her to trust me, I wanted to make her happy, I wanted her to feel safe with me. But as much as I wanted that, I also didn't want to ruin whatever I had built with her because deep down, I knew she cared about me. I didn't want to screw it up by telling how I felt, I knew that she'd turn me down and I knew what she felt for me is simply platonic but that was what hurt the most.

Because right from the very first moment, I felt drawn to her.

She was challenging and she was a challenge. She was fierce, brave and a woman of her own. She was like a jigsaw puzzle with a thousand tiny pieces and I would do anything, to figure it out, no matter how long it took.

But, I've f****d it all up with her.

I was over thinking again, it was becoming unhealthy.

I needed coffee.

* * * *

I parked my car in an empty parking space and pulled my key out. I took my coffee from the cup holder and got down from the car.

I barely had any sleep last night.

My eyes felt heavy, my body felt weak and all I just wanted to do collapse on my bed but today's class was really important and I couldn't skip it even if I wanted to. I took lazy struts toward my department and froze when I saw her.

Grace.

Her hair was up in a messy bun which made her look really adorable. She was wearing a grey sweater that was a whole lot bigger than her, hanging loosely on her shoulder, exposing her black bra strap. She wore black leggings and a pair of vans. She also had her bag hanging loosely on her shoulder and a cup of coffee in her hand.

Just like me.

I just stood there, watching her. It felt like all the air was taken from my lungs when her eyes met mine.

Her eyes were beautiful, they were emerald green, and I don't know if I was just imagining things but something flashed in her eyes before it was gone and her eyes turned cold. She tore her eyes away from me quickly and continued walking.

That hurt...

...so much.

My eyes followed her back and I watched, painfully, as I saw Kyle come into view. He walked up to her and ruffled her hair, making the bun messier and it looked like she cursed at him. I clenched my fists feeling like punching that motherfucker in the face.

He looked at me and we both exchanged glares. If looks could kill. He looked back at Grace, his glare fading away, he smiled at her as he hung an arm around her neck, resting it on her shoulder and they both started walking.

That hurt so much more.

She was letting this guy touch her, but why? Why the f**k? What was so special about him? It was so f*****g obvious that he liked her and he wanted her, and that alone made me feel like smashing his face against a mirror. Why was she with him anyways? Where was Christian?

Chris! Oh my God, yes!

I must talk to him, but I had to get to class first.

* * * *

Immediately our class was dismissed, I bolted out of the class and gave Chris a phone call. It rang out. I groaned frustratedly and was about to call him again when my notification went off with a text.

Chris: Can't talk right now, still in class.

Chris: What's up?

Me: How long is your class gonna take?

Chris: I'll be done in about thirty minutes.

Me: Okay. Meet me at Starbucks when you're done.

Chris: Dean Ryan, are you asking me out on a date? ;-)

Me: Bro stfu and meet me there.

Chris: Lol okay.

I placed my phone back into my pocket and I'm sure I wasn't looking where I was going because I bumped into someone. Someone short. I looked down to see a redhead squatting to pick up her books.

"I'm sorry." I said, squatting so I could help her.

She looked up at me.

"Dean?"

"Jenna?"

She shook her head and laughed, "Oh my God."

I handed her her books and stood back up, she doing the same.

Jenna was my childhood friend, we've known each other since we were still in diapers. Her parents and mine were really close friends so we'd always hang out together. We became best friends too, well not exactly. What we had was confusing, because when we were in junior year she kissed me at a party and we started hooking up from then. It was nothing serious and we promised not to let it come between our friendship. When we graduated from high school, I got admitted into Stanford and she got admitted into The University of Chicago.

We stopped talking for a long time and unfortunately drifted. I hadn't seen her in almost two years and it surprised me to see her here at Stanford because I didn't even know that she was back in California.

Surprisingly, she hugged me, "I've missed you so much."

"You too, Jenna." I hugged her back. "You too."

She pulled away and looked at me, "I didn't think it was possible for you to get better looking since high school but damn. . ."

"Thank you." I laughed softly. "D-Do you go to school here now?"

"Yeah, transferred here last week." She shrugged. "We have a lot of catching up to do, how about we go grab a pizza?"

"Sorry Jen, but there's somewhere I need to be right now." I told her. "It's important."

"Class?" She inquired.

"No. But we'll catch up later, I promise." I said sweetly and walked away.

* * * *

I saw Chris walk into the coffee shop and watched as he made his way over to my table once he spotted me.

"Hey." He said as he sat down.

"I messed up." I blurted.

"You messed up." Chris said back.

"I messed up real bad."

"Real bad. Like really, really bad."

"I'm so stupid."

"You're so stupid. Really stupid."

"Come on dude, you're not helping." I said frustratedly.

"I'm sorry but I'm just telling you the truth." He shrugged.

"How is she? How was she when she got back home yesterday?"

"Do you really want to know?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Well, when I noticed that she wasn't at the party anymore, I called her. Her voice was breaking but she told me she was on her way home with Kyle. I started driving home and when I got back she was just...quiet. She wasn't saying anything. I assured Kyle that it was okay and he could leave and I thanked him for driving her home. Immediately Kyle was out of the house, I sat beside her on the couch and she told me everything that happened. I really felt like shooting an arrow in your mouth because it was rare for me to see her so hurt because of someone's words. Grace rarely lets people in Dean, what you said to her really hurt her but what I don't understand is why it did so much." He finished.

I ran a hand through my hair, "I'm such an asshole."

"Well, look on the bright side..." Chris smiled.

"What?"

"Chill, there's always a bright side. We just don't know what it is yet."

"Great help." I said sarcastically.

"Apologize to her. In person, try and get her to hear you out. It's obvious that you regret what you did and you're sorry for it. Just try."

"Thanks, man. Really." I told him.

"Anytime."

"And I'll try to get her to hear you out. I'm sure she would, she just needs time to think about it." He said.

"Have I ever told you how awesome you are?"

"Well, you can say that again."

* * * *

I was seated on the black leather couch in my living room, staring distantly at the pitch black flat TV screen. I had a glass of red wine in hand, I drank from it as my mind wandered to where it mostly always goes to.

Grace.

I was going to do it. I was going to apologize to her tomorrow and nothing was going to stop me. I needed her to hear me out, I needed her to forgive me, I needed everything to be alright between us again because it had just been two days and it felt like I wasn't really myself anymore.

The thought of her hating me made me sick to my stomach, the thought of her not wanting anything to do with me anymore was killing me and it scared me because that was a possibility. The possibility that I may lose her before I even have her.

I didn't know how to explain what I felt for her, it was all so new to me. I wanted her more and more each and every day. The need to always be there for her and protect her from everything was beyond me. I was mad out of my damn mind Saturday night when that douchebag treated her so badly, all I was seeing was red and it was hard for me to stop myself from actually breaking every single bone in his body.

God, I've got it bad.

The way I cared about her was appealing to even me. Everything about her was f*****g alluring and the thought of her happiness always gave me peace of mind.

The thought of Chip being with someone who wasn't me made my insides churn. Someone that was good enough for her, someone that understood her, someone that loved the things she did. Someone like her.

And God help me if that person was Kyle because I would lose my sanity.

Kyle or anyone else.

My grip on the glass tightened.

Grace, I thought, brings me to my knees.

The sound of my doorbell broke me out of my thoughts. I set the glass on the coffee table and stood up. I frowned at the thought of it being a drunk Michael, wanting to pass out on my couch again.

The doorbell rang again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I made it to the front door and opened it.

Imagine my surprise when I saw Jenna standing in front of me.

"Hey Jenna." I said, surprise in my tone of voice.

"Hey Scooby." She smiled softly.

Scooby was Jenna's nickname for me. It was because when we were kids I was obsessed with Scooby Doo. I had the backpack, lunchbox, T-shirts, socks, caps.

"Come in." I stepped aside and opened the door wider.

She walked into the house and made her way to the living room, her eyes wandering around. "Your place is beautiful, Dean."

I closed and locked the door.

"Thanks Jen Jen." I placed my hands in the pocket of my jean. "How did you know where I live?"

She simply shrugged and turned to face me. She was wearing a thin chiffon blouse on a miniskirt that hugged her hips tightly, ending a little below her butt.

But what I noticed most was her eyes, they were...sad.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked her.

"No." She said through a hitched voice.

Her eyes were glassy.

"Jen? Are you okay?" I asked, sincerely concerned.

"I'm not, Dean." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay Jen Jen." I hugged her close to me and sat us both down on the couch. She seemed to have calmed down so I asked, "What happened?"

"It's about my parents." She ran a hand down her face.

"What happened to them?" I asked, getting worried.

Rebecca and James Miller had been like my other parents. I hoped nothing bad had happened to them.

She sniffed, wiping her tears, "My mom and dad got a divorce shortly after summer two years ago. I saw it coming, their marriage wasn't going anywhere, they fought and argued constantly, they were both cheating, it just wasn't working out. My dad moved to Chicago and seeing that I was going to be in the University of Chicago, he asked me to move with him, stay with him. He's my father and I love him so I said okay. I stuck with him, I stayed with him through everything, every single bimbo he brought home. I still had contact with my mom but it wasn't the same.

Then one day, I got a call from your mom. She sounded worried and panicked and she told me I needed to come back home, she wouldn't tell me anything other than it was urgent and she didn't know what else to do. I took a flight back to California immediately. Apparently, my mom moved to Santa Clara because she couldn't bear staying in the same house where she built so many memories with the 'love of her life'.

My mom was a mess, she wasn't taking the divorce well. Sh-She tried to kill herself, Dean. She's become an alcoholic, she drinks and smokes a lot. She's become violent and she doesn't want to accept help from anyone. I had to drop everything, I had to drop my schooling in Chicago and transfer to Stanford, I had to move everything for her but she's just not okay. I'm just tired Dean, I'm so tired of having to play babysitter, I'm so tired of being the nice girl, I'm tired of eating all of her bullshit. I'm tired of all of it." She finished.

I wrapped my arms around her, stroking her hair, "It'll be okay."

I didn't know what else to say. My mom knew all about what was going on with Rebecca and she didn't tell me.

"She'll get better, Jen Jen. It'll all make sense in the end. Just be patient with her, give her time. Time heals our wounds, it always does." I said soothingly.

Jenna seemed to have stopped crying and looked at me. She cupped my cheeks in her hands. "You will always remain the only person I can come to with all my problems. You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

"It's no problem. I'll always be here for you." I said kindly.

She ran a hand through my hair and shifted closer to me. She began kissing my neck.

"Jenna, what are you doing?" I asked uncomfortably.

"I've missed you Dean." She said seductively and sat on my lap, both my legs in between hers.

"Jenna, stop this." I said firmly.

She pressed herself closer to mine, grinding back and forth. She took my hand and trailed them on her skin, to her boobs, then her thigh. She led my hands into her skirt.

She wasn't wearing underwear.

Oh God.

"Jenna." I said grimly as she let out a moan. I pushed my hand out of her skirt.

"I want you Dean, fill me up like you used to." She said seductively, biting my ear. "Take me, Dean. Right now, right here on this couch."

She joined her lips with mine and that was when I snapped out of it. I pushed her gently to my side and stood up from the couch.

"Jenna, stop it. Our flings ended a long time ago." I said firmly. "You're grieving and you're not thinking straight. I can't take advantage of you."

"But, I want you Dean." She bit her lip seductively.

But it had no effect on me. It didn't drive me wild the way it did when Grace did it constantly.

"It's not fair to you, Jen. I have feelings for someone and she's all I can think about." I told her.

Hurt flashed through her eyes but she just smiled, "Really like her, huh?"

"I do."

"She's a lucky girl. You just turned down s*x for her, I never thought you had it in you." She said.

I smiled, thinking about Grace.

"Well, now I feel embarrassed." She laughed humorlessly.

"Don't. We're still brosephs. Besides--" A loud sound rang through the quiet house, shutting me up. It came from outside, it sounded like someone had toppled over a big item in the hallway.

I took my baseball bat from where I had kept it and said to Jenna, "Stay here. Don't move, I'm serious."

She nodded quietly.

I walked carefully to the front door and unlocked it. I opened the door and my eyes roamed around the hallway but I didn't see any signs of anyone. I was about to step back into my house when my eyes quickly landed on what lay closely beside my feet and my hold on the baseball bat loosened, causing it to fall to the ground.

I stared blankly at the clothing, folded neatly on the floor.

It was the jean jacket I had given Grace on Saturday night. She was here just now. She brought it back.

She really didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

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