Ever since I moved in with Larry, my mum had been on at me ‘cause she hadn’t met him yet. So I was going to ask her round, but Larry said we should take her out somewhere. Somewhere proper. So we took her for afternoon tea at the University Arms hotel. Larry thought it would be a nice place to go. I thought my mum would probably rather have us round for tea in her front room, but Larry said he wanted to take her out proper.
I liked that idea because it was like he thought we was proper, you know? Like, not just f*****g. So I told Mum where we was going, and she said “Bleedin’ hell, that’s posh! Do I have to buy a bloody hat?” but I asked Larry, and he said we wouldn’t need hats or nothing for afternoon tea.
So that afternoon, Mum got them to let her work a split shift at Sainsbury’s, and
