feel something (Campus Playlist Series #1)

Chapter Seven

Iana's Point of View

Tinakpan ko 'yung pinirito kong daing na bangus na minarinate ko kahapon, pati na rin 'yung fried rice at scrambled eggs sa mesa. Sunday ngayon and second day na nila dito. Yes, dito na natulog sina Quia, Trudis, Artemis at kuya Apollo after noong inuman. Siguro ang nalasing no'n ay sina Trudis, Artemis, kuya Apollo, kuya Uno at El.

Plano na talaga nila na uminom nang sobra kaya dalawang sasakyan lang ang dinala nila, sasakyan ni kuya Red at kuya Apollo. So yes, kuya Red dropped the two guys off to their homes while the remaining four stayed here. Tulug na tulog agad silang apat sa kwarto, buti na lang I have an extra mattress sa kabilang kwarto na nilipat namin sa kwarto ko para sama sama kaming lahat. Noong kinaumagahan umuwi sila to get some stuff from their home then after lunch bumalik din sila then noong gabi na we went out para mag dinner.

And—it was actually fun.

U-Week this coming week, so maluwag lahat ang schedule namin so these four decided to stay here for a week. I honestly like it that they're staying here, I'm happier and naiiwasan kong mag isip ng kung anu-ano at ma-anxiety. When we're with our friends naman talaga we tend to forget some things, right? Basta masaya lang.

Nag sulat muna ako sa sticky note at idinikit ko 'yon sa ibabaw ng pang takip ng pagkain. I left them a note saying, in case na hindi na mainit ang food initin na lang nila sa microwave.

Tiningnan ko muna ulit ang itsura ko sa salamin, I was wearing a white shirt na tinuck-in ko sa black denim shorts, a pair of sneakers and a sling bag, naka-sukbit naman sa kabilang balikat ko 'yung camera ko.

Paglabas ko ng pinto sakto namang tumawag si kuya Uno.

"I'm already here, labas ka na." Then he ended the call without waiting for my answer, napapikit na lang ako because he didn't change at all. Mabilis akong naglakad palabas ng village, hihingal hingal pa ko nung tumigil ako sa tapat ng kotse niya. Huminga muna ako ng malalim bago ako sumakay sa passenger seat.

Pagsakay na pagsakay ko hinagisan agad niya ko ng bottled water, buti na lang nasalo ko agad. Napairap na lang ako sa kanya at tsaka uminom as he started driving.

"How's Artemis?" Napatigil ako sa pag inom sabay naningkit 'yung mata ko sa kanya. Uhmm, kuya Uno and Artemis are very close with each other, parang Quia and kuya Red's relationship. It's just that Artemis likes kuya Uno and she's very vocal about it. But we don't know if he likes Artemis as well, though he's normally sweet and caring to her. Ang totoo, sweet naman talaga sila sa'min, sobrang bait pa pero may difference pa din how kuya Red treats Quia, how kuya Uno treats Artemis and uhh yeah— how El used to treat me.

"Bakit bigla mong naitanong? Magkaaway ba kayo?" Tanong ko sa kanya, eh parang nitong Friday lang ang okay nila so parang imposible naman na magkaaway sila, Sunday pa lang at isang araw pa lang ang nakakalipas.

"Uhh—no?" Napatingin ulit ako sa kanya, bakit parang hindi siya sigurado?

"Why does it seem like you're unsure about it?" I didn't take my eyes off of him.

"I am courting her best friend." Daretsong sagot niya, na nagpakunot ng noo ko.

"Best friend? As in si Trinity?" Tanong ko ulit. Trinity is her best friend since elementary, kilala namin siya but we're not close to her.

"Yes." Sagot niya ulit, I took my eyes off of him. Napatingin ako sa daan at napaisip ako.

"Does she already know?" Tanong ko nang hindi tumitingin kay kuya Uno.

"Not yet." He answered.

"Are you planning to tell her?" Mabilis na balik ko sa kanya.

"Am I supposed to?" Bakit ako 'yung nasaktan sa sagot niya? Nasasaktan ako para sa kaibigan ko.

"Hmmm—I don't know." Naguguluhang sagot ko, ang totoo hindi ako makaisip agad ng sagot. Then he gave me a look as if he's telling me to tell something about it, more of like an advice. Napatingin din ako sa kanya as I touched my forehead and let out a sigh.

"Give me a few seconds." Sabi na eh, naisip ko na that there's something off when he asked me last night na sumama sa kanya to take some pictures of his mom when he could give me any photo na lang for her portrait.

Papunta kami ng mall ngayon, may book signing ang mommy ni kuya Uno and he wanted to make it special so he asked me to personally take some photos of his mom and choose the photo that I'll use for her portrait.

Uminom muna ako ng tubig bago nag salita, "Hmm, if 'yung relationship mo naman with Artemis ay same lang sa'min, I guess it's not necessarily needed to tell her. I don't know how you see her, if you see her as your little sister or just a long-time friend or what but I know she's someone very special to you and you are very special to her—" Nilakihan ko pa 'yung mata ko nung sinabi ko 'yung last phrase to emphasize it.

"—she likes you, like, we all know that and that's her best friend so I guess dapat niyang malaman 'yon, either from Trinity or you but I guess it is much better if sa'yo niya malalaman even if it would break her heart. It would really break her heart but if sa iba pa niya malalaman—mas masasaktan siya?" Patanong kong sinabi 'yung last part but I was actually so sure about it, he looked hurt. Siguro nalulungkot siya na masasaktan niya si Artemis pero kasi hindi naman pwedeng pilitin kung wala naman talaga siyang any romantic feelings for her. Sabi nga di'ba, mas okay ng masaktan nang dahil sa katotohanan kaysa okay naman pero puro kasinungalingan.

"It's okay, we're all grown-ups na. It would hurt her but she would understand." Habol ko. I ain't sure about it, do grown-ups easily understand and accept things even if it caused them pain? I don't think so?

He just looked at me but didn't say any word then nag focus na lang siya sa pagmamaneho.

We didn't talk about it na, pero nasasaktan pa rin ako para kay Artemis. Pero naisip ko na kung may gusto nga rin talaga si kuya Uno kay Artemis niligawan niya na 'to, super vocal ni Artemis about how she likes him like since Junior High pero never siyang nag take ng move so siguro nga kapatid lang ang turing niya doon.

After few minutes ay nasa mall na kami. Tahimik lang kaming bumaba at dumaretso sa ground floor. Siguro ay nag iisip pa rin siya hanggang ngayon, so hinayaan ko na lang siya.

Pag dating namin sa venue his mom saw us immediately so I brightly smiled and waved my hand to tita, she did the same as well habang may nakapila sa harap niya na mga magpapa-sign ng book, she looked so happy then sumenyas siya ng wait and then she continued signing again. His mom is an author of young adult fiction books. She's a famous author kaya naman hindi na nakakapagtaka na maraming tao ang nakapila sa book signing event na 'to.

We're like meters away from her kaya hindi kami pwedeng mag mini chitchat. So nag umpisa na lang akong kumuha ng litrato ni tita Danille.

"Saglit lang, bibili lang ako ng coffee. What do you want?" Biglang tanong ni kuya Uno.

"Iced caramel macchiato." Sagot ko nang hindi lumilingon habang patuloy pa din sa pagkuha ng litrato ni tita.

"Okay, wait here." He said then umalis na siya, I just continued what I was doing.

Until, almost 30 minutes na ang nakakalipas pero wala pa ring kuya Uno ang bumabalik kaya nagtaka na ko so I decided to stop since may ilang magandang shots na rin naman akong nakuha. Ang lapit lang ng coffee shop dito sa kinatatayuan ko kaya naman nakakapagtaka talaga na ang tagal niya.

Inikot ko ang paningin ko sa buong paligid then I spotted him few meters away from where I was standing. May kinakausap siyang dalawang tao but I couldn't figure out kung sino dahil nakatalikod ang mga ito sa'kin at hindi ko rin suot ang salamin ko but sure ako na si kuya Uno 'yong nakaharap sa'kin dahil sa suot na damit niya na color orange na kasing kulay ng Shopee logo.

Napairap na lang ako at naglakad patungo sa kanya, mukhang hindi naman niya ko napansin kaya lalo akong sumimangot.

"Kuya, ang tagal mo. Akala ko nalunod ka na sa coffee." Sabi ko noong halos two meters na lang 'yung distance, nilakasan ko talaga para marinig niya at nakuha ko naman ang atensyon niya.

Mukha siyang nagulat na parang kabado kaya napakunot ako ng noo habang nakasimangot. Nakatingin lang ako kay kuya Uno, I was trying to figure out why was he acting like that kaya hindi ko agad napansin 'yung paglingon ng dalawang kausap niya.

It took few seconds bago ko napansin kung sino 'yung kausap niya but it took one second para mag init ang mukha ko nang marealize ko kung sino sila, pakiramdam ko umakyat lahat ng dugo ko paakyat sa mukha ko. I was so aware that my face turned bright red but I still tried to look calm.

Thrice nagpapalit palit ang tingin ko sa kanila at kay kuya Uno.

"Iana?" He said and f**k my heart skipped a beat! Para akong nataranta but mabilis kong naitago 'yon and I f*****g even managed to fake a smile.

"O-oh hi!" Mabilis na naguguluhang bati ko with an awkward tone sa kanya at muli akong napatingin kay kuya Uno, he looked sorry.

Napatingin naman ako sa babae with her eyes still widened and both of her hands covered her mouth, she obviously looked surprised.

"Wow, you are Iana?" the girl said with her still-surprised-but-amazed-look at the same time. I faked a smile again.

"Uhh—yes po." I smiled again and I didn't know what to feel. f**k, ito 'yung situation na I only imagined once kasi ayokong mangyari but look nandito ako ngayon. Kilala ko siya but I was acting as if I didn't know her.

"Ah—Iana si Penelope, Penelope si Iana." Mabilis na pag singit ni kuya Uno and I smiled again but this time kay kuya Uno na ko nakatingin as I gave him a confused look as if I was trying to ask him 'what's going on?' but he just gave me that sorry look again.

"Oh my god, hi!" She cheerfully said, which made me even more confuse. Hindi ba dapat cold siya sa'kin?

"Hi." Sinubukan kong pantayan 'yung level ng pagka-cheerful niya but I failed.

"They told so many things about you." She was smiling as she said those words, pinigilan ko naman ang sarili ko na tumingin kay El na nakatingin sa'kin.

"Ohh." I honestly didn't know what to say because I never thought that this day would come. But again for the nth time I still managed to let out a smile and tried to hide my confusion and shock.

"You know what, kakasabi ko lang kay El na I want to meet you rin. I was so curious about you, kasi di'ba parang nakakasurprise na maging friends and in good terms ang mag ex after a break up but look! Oh my god, you really look nice like what he said." Sabi niya habang nakaturo at nakatingin kay El na ngumiti lang sa kanya. I didn't know what to feel but I kinda felt sad that she looked and sounded so genuine. Like, I never thought na maririnig ko 'yon sa bagong nililigawan ni El. At tangina, sobrang totoo niya, hindi siya mukhang umaarte lang na mabait or plastic.

My friends are right, mabait nga talaga siya at para nga talaga siyang santo sa bait. Sino ba naman kasing babae ang masaya pa na makilala ang ex ng nanliligaw sa'yo?

"Oo nga eh, kahit kami nung una nagulat din na after few months of being together they decided to call it quits and become friends na lang. After nga no'n parang hindi naging sila kasi okay pa rin 'yung friendship nila." Kuya Uno lied, the three of us were looking at him. Maybe he said that to make her feel at ease that I ain't a threat. Tahimik pa rin si El pero from time to time napapatingin siya kay Penelope.

"Tsaka were too young back then, puppy love nga lang siguro 'yon, maybe that's why and we're really good as friends." I smiled again habang naka-ngiti rin at nakatingin sa'kin si Penelope.

"You know what? I honestly don't feel any ill feeling towards you, feeling ko mabait ka talaga." Daredaretong sabi niya na para bang malapit na magkaibigan kami na nagkukwentuhan lang.

I noticed that she's undoubtedly so straightforward which made it weird coz we're talking about my past relationship in front of El and kuya Uno na as if they weren't existing at that moment.

"Thank you." Maikling sagot ko ulit but this time I let out a sincere smile and then she smiled back. Ang totoo wala talaga kong masabi dahil para bang hindi nagfufunction ng maayos ang utak ko. So I looked at kuya Uno at pasimpleng humingi ng tulong to get me out of the situation, na naintindihan naman niya so I let out another genuine smile.

"Commercial break, pasensya na Pen kailangan na namin umalis ni Iana may gagawin pa kasi kami eh." Kuya Uno made an excuse.

"Uh—ya sorry we have to go na." Pag sakay ko sa excuse ni kuya Uno as I looked at her and El.

"Ang sad naman but next time let's go out, feeling ko we will be friends rin!" She excitedly exclaimed, napangiti na lang ulit ako.

I actually know some things about her, sa dami pa lang ng kwento ng tatlo kong kaibigan kilala ko na siya. Ang alam ko same age sila ni El, so she's older than me.

"No problem." Sabi ko then I looked at El, "Mauna na kami." Dugtong ko.

She waved and smiled from ear to ear bago kami nag lakad palayo ni kuya Uno, I did the same. Inabot naman ni kuya Uno sa'kin 'yung coffee ko habang naglalakad kami.

Hindi ko naman napigilan ang sarili ko na maweird-an, kasi parang okay—siguro mabait talaga siya pero bakit parang ang comfortable naman niya masyado sa'kin?

"Bakit parang ang okay okay niya sa'kin?" Sobrang curiuos ko kaya tinanong ko na siya nung medyo nakalayo na kami.

Humigop muna siya ng cold coffee niya bago siya sumagot. "It was El's request when he started courting her, not to make her feel threatened about you kasi alam naming lahat ang kwento niyong dalawa, lalo na nung nakilala at nakasama na rin namin nila Artemis si Penelope. Quia made that story, na naging magkaibigan kayo ni El after ng three-month-romantic-relationship niyo nung Junior High pa lang kami. Tsaka hindi na rin naman kasi bago 'yung gano'ng case na from lovers turned to friends. Isa pa, Pen doesn't know na bigla ka na lang nawala, ang alam niya maayos kang umalis." Napahigop na lang rin ako ng iced caramel macchiato. Lies.

Ang totoo? Senior high school student na si El nung naging kami and our relationship lasted for three years bago ako biglang nawala. At hindi naman talaga kami nag hiwalay—pero 'yon nga lang, iniwan ko siya.

But that doesn't mean hindi ko na siya mahal no'n kaya ko siya iniwan, I had my reasons why I did that.