Chapter 18
1781 Words
It was awful. I went through a whole bottle of liquid foundation make up and it still showed. The damn scar still showed! I stare at it. It was ugly. Red, and crusty. A jagged line right down the middle of my cheek where the whole world could see it.
Bitter tears come to me. I hated this thing. I would never be as stunning as Tatiana or Brooke. Not to mention Whitney. Michael had been with so many stunning creatures he was going to dump me once he saw that this scar was not going anywhere. Not that I would blame him. It was nasty looking.
Tears come to me again. Making my body shake with anger at Toby for doing this to me. I take the empty make up bottle and junk it in the trash can near me. My hands rest on the sink. I was supposed to go do some shopping today with Sandra and Janet.
I was not up for it. I would be in the public eye. And right now, until the tour that was the least place that I wanted to be. Not until I had to. Pain shakes my body I am crying so hard. But in silence. I did not want Michael to wonder why I was in tears.
He would find me to be vain. It was a flaw in me that I always suffered with. Not feeling pretty. Hating my looks. Not being happy with myself.
Now this scar made it all worse than before. I take a deep breath. I had to wash all my make up off now. My tears ruined my makeup job. I hoped by the tour I would feel better. I hear a knock on the bathroom door.
"Baby, Janet and Sandra are here to pick you up" mentions Michael outside the door.
"Oh, can you give me a few more minutes' please?" I ask him.
"Sure, I can baby. Are you feeling alright?" he worries.
I pause a moment. "You know, I am not up for company. I am a little tired. Can you tell them I need more rest?" I say softly.
"I can baby. I am sure they will understand" he says to me.
I hear him walk away. I sigh as I sit on the toilet seat. I blow my nose in a tissue then toss it in the trash. I had to move past this scar thing. The doctors said that it maybe it would not even stay.
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Maybe it would go away in time. I held onto that hope. Michael knocks on the door causing me to jump again. I get up and wash the make up off my face before he could tell that I had been crying my eyes out.
"Baby they understand. Can I come in?" he asks me. "They left"
"Sure, come on in" I say once I was done. The make-up washes down the drain.
He comes up behind me. His hands land on my hips as he holds me from behind. 'You look stunning today. I love your hair all pulled up in that long braid. Very becoming" he says softly to me.
He kisses the side of my neck. I close my eyes. He always knew how to make me feel better. He turns me around to face him. His lips land on mine.
"You really did not want to go shopping in public right?" he asks me after he kisses me.
I nod. "I was not ready" I admit.
"I know how you feel. After that burn I had, I did not want to be seen either" he says to me. "Even with the wig on me"
I smile at him. "You did it though" I say. "You conquered that fear. Think I will?" I ask softly.
He places a hand right where my scar is. He smiles at me. He nods. "I know you will" he adds. I smile back. He kisses me.
"I hope it will go away. Soon" I sigh.
"If it doesn't want me to go out with my wig off?" he offers with a teasing smile.
I laugh as I shake my head. "No, you do not have to do that for me"
"I will" he swears to me. "I will for you"
"I know you would. But no" I say.
He laughs as he kisses me. "Renee you can make it through this. You are so strong. Courageous and I know you can" he reminds me.
"Thank you" I reply.
"Want to go walk around outside. Just the two of us?" he asks me. I nod.
"Yes, I would like to" I agree.
"Alright meet me out front. I have to go make a quick call really fast" he adds.
"Okay you have a date" I say.
He heads out of there. I feel pain cause me to want to cry. I could not shake this. I head over to my night stand. When was the last time I had my pill? I can use one more. Just one more to take off this edge.
I get a glass of water then pop a pill into my mouth. Then I head out of there to go outside with Michael. The day was bright out. Sunny. I wished I felt better so that I could enjoy this day. I wander over to Michael's favorite tree. One he would sit in and watch the stars sometimes.
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I feel his hand slip into mine. I glance over at him. He smiles. He kisses me.
"Ready for the walk?" he asks me. I nod.
We walk together. Hand in hand. We do not talk much. That did not matter. It was nice just being with him. Walking past all his rides. Then out to the huge field.
The beautiful sky went on for miles. I loved it. It was peaceful. Breath taking to see. I feel him squeeze his hand lightly in mine. We take a moment during the walk to sit together on a grassy hill. I lean my head on his shoulder.
"I am glad to have you all to myself today" he admits to me.
"Oh yeah?" I giggle. "I feel bad for not going shopping" I sigh.
"I would rather be with you now when you shop. I worry about fans mobbing you too" he points out.
I shake my head. "No, they could care less about me. They would not give me a moment's thought. But Janet yes they would mob her" I giggle.
"Come on now. Do not sell yourself short. I had four magazines call here today wanting you to give them an exclusive story on how you caught Toby" he tells me. "They want to know more about you Mrs. Jackson" he brags.
I feel my cheeks blush with pleasure. "Not me" I laugh. "I am not ready to speak to the press"
"I know. I told them that" he promises me. "I know you well" he reminds me. He smiles.
His hand rests on top of mine as we sit there. "Renee?"
"Yes Michael?"
"Are you sure you want to come on the tour with me? If you really are not up for coming with me say the word. You can stay home" he offers to me.
I glance at him. "I want to come Michael. I want to support you. I always have come on the tours" I say.
"I know you have baby. I am only worried about you" he promises me.
"Again, I want to go. Okay? I will be fine" I point out sternly. "I just needed some time"
He nods. He sighs. "Alright. I did not want to fight about it. I was just putting that out there"
"Thank you, Michael," I say softly.
He gets up. "Ready to head back?" he asks me. I nod. He holds out his hand for me to take. He helps me stand up. When I do a dizzy feeling washes over me. My vision spins before me. I lose my balance. He places a hand behind my back to steady me.
"Baby what is going on with you?" he worries over me.
"I stood up to fast. That is all. I am fine. But we better head back" I lie. I did not want him to know I was still taking my pills.
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He would want to know why. And ask if I really needed to stay on them. Right now, I needed them to keep this edge off of me. It was the only thing that helped me.
He places his hand on my back. We walk back together. I would stop taking those pills. Any time. But right now, they helped me. I needed all the help that I could get these days. I only hoped Michael would see things that way.
If he found out that I was still taking them. We get back into Neverland. I was sitting there watching tv shows. A documentary on someone who was having plastic surgery. I began to think about that. I mean Michael had a nose job a few years back because he hates his nose.
Why could I not get my face fixed if the scar did not go away? Maybe Michael would help me pay for the surgery! I watch the show with a new hope in my heart.
Surgery!
That was what I could do!! Then my face would be back to normal once more! While I was watching the shows, I was not sure how long I had been sitting there for. Michael comes in. He hands me a plate full of food. Chicken penne noodles. White cheese sauce. My favorite! And garlic bread. With a side salad.
"Did you order take out Michael?" I ask him.
"No, I made this while you were watching tv baby" he laughs as he sits down with me to eat.
"Michael you are so sweet!" I gush. "My favorite too!"
"I wanted you to feel better baby" he says with a smile. "So, what are you enthralled with on tv here? What were you watching Renee?" he asks me.
"This plastic surgeon out in Hollywood. Michael can I ask you something?" I say before I take a bite of my dinner.
"Ask away!" he says.
"If my scar does not heal do you think I should get surgery on it? They could remove it?" I ask. "I could have plastic surgery"
"Renee I never heard you talk about things like that. Just wait and see I bet that scar will heal up on its own. Try not to worry" he warns me. "You will not need surgery"
I sigh. "Maybe" I mutter.
He changes the channel to something else on tv while we eat. I could not stop thinking about surgery. I wondered how long I should give for this ugly scar to heal up. Because if it did not go way, I would get surgery. With or without Michael's blessing.
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- Writer
