My Life My Choice

Chapter 3

Chapter 3We arrived at the party by taxi just before 8:00.It was being held at the apartment of Professor Giovanni Biasin, near the University of Florence. It was as she said; it was a small group of intellectuals and artists. The apartment was large, at least three bedrooms. The walls were decorated with paintings, and the furniture was antique. All in all, it had a very comfortable feel.

Before long, I was drinking a martini and feeling comfortable with this group. I walked over and set my drink on a small table and took a seat in a chair next to it. After a time, a writer, Jack, came over and sat in the chair across from me. He introduced himself, and we begin talking about writing styles and favorite authors. He picked up his glass and took a sip of a green liquid.

“What is that you’re drinking?” I asked him.

“Absinthe.”

“Absinthe, isn’t that what Hemmingway’s character, Robert Jordan, drank in the book: For Whom, the Bell Tolls?”

“That’s right; would you like to try some, Warren?”

“Sure. Thanks, Jack. Do I add a little water like in the book?”

“If you want.”

I drained my martini glass, and Jack filled it half full of Absinthe from a flask in his pocket. Just as I was adding a little water, Maria walked up.

“Warren, are you sure you want to drink the green devil?”

“I thought I would try just a little.”

That was the last I remember about the party.

The sun coming through the window and shining on my face woke me. I lay there a few moments, trying to figure out where I was. God, I was hungover! I was lying on a bed in my underwear, trying to remember what had happened, where I was, and how I got there. I eased myself up to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. I sat there a few moments with my eyes closed, waiting for the room to stop its slow spin. I opened my eyes and saw my clothes folded neatly on a chair in the corner of the room. I got up and managed to get dressed, then eased myself out of the room and into the world.

I started down the hall, and as I got to the kitchen, I realized I was in Maria’s apartment. Maria was sitting out on the balcony reading. I walked out and sat on a chair across from her. Setting down her book on the table, she said, “Good morning, Warren.”

Before she could go on, I raised a hand to stop her.

“Maria, please let me first apologize. I’m so... so sorry. I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much in front of your friends. I don’t remember anything after I started talking to a writer, Jack.”

Maria took my hand, and with a look somewhere between being sad and disappointment said, “Warren, you were fine. Everyone was impressed with you, and you never got out of line. We left while you could still walk, and you didn’t pass out until we got here.” After a pause, as she was putting together the right words, she looked at me with deep love and sadness and said, “Warren, you can’t drink her out of your life. That kind of love is forever, and there is nothing that will make you forget her and what you had together.” Then looking me straight in the eyes said, “I know, believe me, I know.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. After a few seconds, Maria said, “Something to eat, Warren?”

“I don’t think I can keep it down right now.”

“Let me make a coffee and a toast. I have something you can take, and you’ll be fine in an hour.”

She got up, leaving me sitting alone with my thoughts. Maria was right; life goes on. Still, I keep thinking about Cindy. When we first fell in love, she was married with children, I wouldn’t be part of destroying a family. For the three years we were apart, it was different. She was someone I couldn’t have; I would think of her every day. It gave me comfort. The second time coming into my life after her husband left her for another woman, she had no small children; two of them were off to college, and one spent the summer with his dad. We entered a relationship together. This time when she left, I lost something very special that I had, and that is very different than something you couldn’t have; it has been very painful. I am not resentful. In fact, I understood why and supported her decision. Still, it is very painful. I remember waking up the first morning with her lying naked next to me, breathing so gently. Lying there looking at the ceiling, thinking of the lyric from the song, I’ve Got You Under My Skin, written by Cole Porter and sung by Frank Sinatra. Like the song, I knew from the start the price I would pay and that it would not end well, but not after only a few months. Just then, Maria appeared.

“Here, Warren, eat this toast and have some coffee, then take this pill and go back to bed for a while. In an hour, you will be fine.”

I ate the toast and took the pill. After a few minutes, I got up and took my cup and plate into the kitchen. There I found Maria finishing up the dishes. I washed mine and handed them to her to dry and put away. I reached over and took her hand. She looked up and into my eyes with such need and longing; I took her hand and led her into the bedroom.

We undressed and laid down on the bed. It felt so good to hold Maria in my arms. Looking into her eyes, I said, “Maria, I am not sure you want to get involved with me right now. I am pretty much a damaged person at present.”

She gave me a small smile and replied, “I am a big girl, Warren; I can take care of myself.”

We made love and fell asleep. After a few hours, I was feeling pretty good. Maria looked over and said, “How do you feel, Warren?”

“Good.”

“Do you want to do something today?”

“Yes. How about we go to lunch and walk the city. Better yet, let’s have a picnic on the banks of the Arno.”

“That would be great, Warren. I know a deli close. We can have them make lunch for us.”

If you spend a lot of time alone, you close off emotionally. Your world becomes smaller, and you become a recluse. Being with her yesterday and around people at the party made me realize that was where I was headed. To think I didn’t want to come. It was only keeping that promise to her that I came. I realize now how important it is to your well-being to be around people. Today I want to just spend time with her and be around people.