Finding the Abyss of Love

Regret...

Zoya’s POV

“Hey, what are you doing here Zoya? It’s Lucas’ birthday today. Where’s the birthday boy?” He asked with a strange smile on his face.

Since I was too busy gathering the broken pieces of my heart, I didn’t notice how he quickly masked his evil grin into looks of concern for me.

“Hey, are you ok?” as soon as he asked, I could hold back anymore. I cried and wailed until my voice gave up. He just held me tight and let me cry until I could not cry anymore.

“My house is just up the street. Let’s go. I will get you some drink and when you are ready, I will drop you home” he said.

“No, It’s ok. I need to go home as it is late already.”

“I will not let you go home alone in this condition. I will drop you off” Aiden insisted.

We sat with our drinks and I started to tell him all that had happened. I told him all that I saw, and all that Lucas told me. After a while both of us fell quiet. Suddenly I felt Aiden come closure to me. Before I could say anything, his lips came crashing down to me. I pushed him away, but he held on to me.

“I know this may not be the right time or place to tell you this Zoya, but I like you. I have liked you since the day Lucas first introduced you to me.” I was shocked when he said all this. I didn’t know how to respond to all this.

“Let me help you Zoya. I can make you feel loved and Happy.” Aiden once again put his lips on mine. I wanted to say ‘no’. I wanted to push him away. At the same time, I did not stop Aiden. I let him do what he wanted. In hurt. It hurt so bad that I couldn’t help but whimper as a lone tear slipped from my eyes.

I hated this feeling. I hated the hurt I felt with Lucas’ memories, with his words. I wanted to him. I wanted to punish him. I wanted to…, ugh! I don’t even know what I want anymore. Aiden was lying beside me. Content on what he achieved. As for me…, I felt disappointed. I felt guilty. Most of all I felt dirty. But it didn’t stop there. For the next 2 months, it was a cycle I couldn’t break out of. Aiden would call me, we’d meet, I ended up feeling worse than before we became intimate.

Soon I realised what I was doing. It was a cycle I had to break out of. I didn’t love Aiden. Aiden didn’t love me. I didn’t want him in my life. He already had a fiancé. I have to end this.

“So, are you just going to end it like this? Don’t I satisfy you? Or is it someone else?” Aiden asked, jealousy and anger evident in his voice.

“There is no one else. It’s me. I am stuck in one place and I can’t move on. I’m sorry Aiden. Besides, you have Anila. You two are engaged and soon to be married. Please, what we are doing is wrong. We have to stop.”

I walked away from him not looking back even once. I needed a fresh start. I am changing my school. I am leaving this city. A city that has not given me anything but hurt, guilt, and regret.