What is more important

Letter

Rajveer looks into the same cloth and finds another letter. This latter has a few stains on it. Just like all the other letters, the pages of this letter are pink. Rajveer rubs his thumb on the stains and then smell it to guess what it is. To his surprise, he smells an oud. He opens the letter and starts reading it. The letter goes like this:

To,

Dear Amma,

Hello,

I will start this letter by apologizing. I am really sorry for yesterday. I was unable to complete that letter despite the fact that I wanted to write and write and write. I wanted to fill pages about what I felt and what I am feeling right now. However, dad could not stop calling me and I knew that I would get busy and would be unable to complete the letter; therefore, I delivered all what I wrote. I wanted to tell you everything and wish to tell you all.

Amma, my heart literally skipped a beat and my brain stopped functioning. I was unable to hear and feel anything. Nothing was supporting and body deceived me. I was stunned at how one’s body betray them. How can it act like that, Amma? Why? How? I am still unable to comprehend that, and I think I will never be able to do that. Where did I leave yesterday? I was going to talk about her decency and delicacy again. Sorry, I will tell you what happened next. When I went in my room, I tried a lot of cloths but all of sudden they all felt bad, and nothing was suiting me. Can you imagine that all the clothes in which I used to look great, at least this is what I think, were not looking good on me. In other words, I was not looking good in them. I tried a lot of clothes and then sit on the bed in annoyance. I was frustrated, confused and anxious. I closed my eyes and then something hit me. Something someone told me once: “Real people do not look at the clothes you are wearing, they look at the souls. Also, people see their reflection in others. If they are good, they will see the good in others and if their evil part is dominant then they will see that.” I got up and wore a white sweatshirt and jeans. I also put a golden, leaf shaped brooch on my shirt. I wanted to look simple, yet myself. I put on my favourite perfume and went down. That was the moment, her smell struck me again. It felt like her smell engulfed me in a hug. I must say, I was carried away by that. She smelled like flowers and dreams and fresh air and purity. I tried to compose myself, went inside and Mrs. Luthra gave me a know smile. A smile that said she knew it all. I was truly embarrassed. I thought my face and ears were full red. I was acting like a teenage kid who ran into their crush. It was becoming difficult for me to compose myself with every passing second. To settle myself down, I picked up a piece of chocolate cake and started eating. I tried to make small talk with her. She was saying something, in fact a lot of things but I was unable to hear them all. I do not know whenever I am around her, I cannot hear anything. I was looking at her and trying my best to fake that I was listening but all I did was to look into her hazel eyes. They were full of the same fire that I saw in them ages ago when she was six. At that moment, I was afraid of her. I thought that she would slap me, and I that was the moment I regained my consciousness.

However, after a moment, things changed, we all had a disagreement over something, and I left the room in ager. I tried to not be rude to anyone or to misbehave. I am still ashamed of the fact that I talked back at Aunty. For all these years, she had loved us three like her own kids and all I did was to talk back on her. I am sorry, ashamed and guilty of my actions. I went to my room again, sat on the bed and started playing with my basketball. Yeah, the basketball. I never played cricket in all these years in hope that one day a friend who promised me to teach me cricket will return and tell me how to play it. Also, for all these years, I played basketball in hope that one day I will teach my friend one thing she ever asked me. I wanted to teach her the best; hence, I started to play it every single day. I never realized how basketball became my favourite sport and my life. I used to love cricket and I stopped playing it the day she said that she would tell me some cricket tricks. But at that moment, I thought everything had changed and I was nothing in her life. At that moment I felt as if my life was shattering. Why would she like someone who talked back to her mother? I was scared and I did not realize that a tear rolled down my eye. I had not cried in years but at that moment I was disappointed in myself, and I thought I lost myself as well as her. After a long time, I felt what fear felt like. I was devastated, angry, disappointed and heartbroken.

When I was young, Mom used to tell me stories about angels and miracles. I never got their concept at that time but now I am sure about what that concept was. Aunty is like an angel. Yesterday after an hour or so, I do not know how long I sat there alone since I lost the track of time the moment I entered the room, she came to my room. She talked to me in the politest way and taught me the lessons that I needed to relearn. She made the concept of life easier for me since she explained the ground realities without giving me false hope. She also told me to talk to Laleh. She did not tell me anything about her daughter. However, she did say that the final decision would always be hers and I totally get that. It is her life; hence, it is her choice, she is the one to decide everything about it. I will always value her decision and will never violate or try to breach any of her boundaries. I do not know how aunty reach out to me every time I am at my lowest. She became my mom more than my actual mom. She values my suggestion, listen to me, talk to me, teach me life lessons and bring the best in me. When I was a kid, I wanted her to be my real mother. However, now I realized that Laleh deserves her more as she is the best and she deserves the best.

I know it will give you a rush of adrenaline if I say that we did talk a lot. When the three left, we sat in lounge for a long time. We tried to make small talks and I know that each one of us was putting a lot of effort into it. I showed her the library, and she was stunned. We talked about books and interest when we had a disagreement over the concept of love. It became a bit heated, and she revealed something that she had not told to anyone. Mrs. Luthra is dying. She has cancer and Sameen is the only person who knew. She learned it unexpectedly when her mother was talking to her sister. My heart stopped and I felt as if I were empty. However, seeing the hurt in her eyes, my heart sank, and my body was as cold as ice. I felt as if the world had stopped revolving. She looked so broken and weak at that time. at that moment I had a fight with myself. Finally, I moved forward and hugged her. She trembled at the touch, and I can tell that it was her first ever touch. I tried to hold her little trembling figure against my chest, and I could hear her heartbeat. Amma, that was so pure that I can not even tell you. I think she would have noticed my trembling body as I was on a vibration mode. I felt as if my soul left my body. However, I do not wish her to know that she is also my first hug. Amma, I wish I never see her in that situation again. I knew she was fierce and strong but today I saw her at a very low point. I do not want to see her again like that ever in my life. I am afraid now; I can’t lose aunty. We can’t lose her. I am so sad for her and the family. After a few minutes she got away from me as if a bolt of lightening hit her. I do not know what happened but all she said was sorry and that she did not mean to do what happened. I was ashamed too. Amma, she hates love and I do not know what happened to her. I can feel that it is not only about her mother. I felt hurt at her sudden change, but I also saw hurt in her eyes. I wish she can open up to me and tell me what she went through. She had some rough time in her life, and no one knows. She is a fighter and a lioness, and I know it would be the most difficult part of her life to open up to someone. I am sad and mad at the same time. However, I have good news too. She still has the brooch that I gifted her in 1972. She never left me, Amma. She always remembered me and wants everything to be recovered. She explained her reasons regarding stopping writing the letters and that was understandable. At least I got my friend back and that is the happiest part of my life. Amma, she told me that no one took or would ever take my place in her life.

Amma, she gave me hope, life, butterflies, emotions and feelings. I wish I can be her safe house one day. I know it is a very long latter, but I still have a lot to tell you. I wish you to stay happy, healthy and safe because I want you to see that she is still Laleh (scarlet.).

Take care of yourself and everyone else. I will stop here since this letter is getting very long. I cannot stop myself from writing when I am talking about her. I can write tons of pages and I still think that it is not enough. I also cannot help stopping smiling when I am talking about her. I am smiling even now when I am writing this. I will take my leave now before someone catches me smiling to myself and writing pages like a lunatic. I will write to you again and I hope my such long letters will not bother you. Take a lot of care of yourself and of those around you.

Regards,

Your happiest son,

Vijay