Fragile strength

Chapter three;Dean pov

I was exhausted.

The school team had been training throughout winter break, yet we still looked so disorganized.

Not to mention the fact that I was running on an empty stomach, training had been taking up most of our lunchtime, and the rest of the school was scattered up in the cafeteria, which just pissed me off. I don’t play about my lunch time.

My lifestyle and the goal I was trying to hit required me to eat healthily and at appropriate times which I was currently not getting.

My jersey was heavy against my back with sweat as we pushed through another drill. We’d been on the pitch for less than an hour and I’d already come into close altercations with two of my teammates.

I blame it on their sloppy behavior on the pitch and towards rugby.

Rugby was my life. The pitch was one of the only things that made me feel alive, there was this weird comfort in it. I’d centered my life around it, around trainings, schedules, what I eat, what time I sleep, what I do with my free time, all of it tied back to rugby. I’d become so invested in it that at the back of my mind, I feel I may not know who I am without it.

I didn’t need to explain myself, my body did that for me. Off the field, I was just another with grades that slipped and relationships that didn’t matter. So it really freaking pissed me off seeing these guys play with it like it’s nothing and it didn’t matter.

With the absence of the few decent players that we had from last year's squad who have now passed on to college, my concern for our chances and performances was growing larger by the minute.

We needed at least twenty-three decent players to excel to actually achieve the goal we were working towards and this just isn’t doing it.

My closest friend for example Ryan was the best flanker known to man, but for him, rugby wasn’t his life. He'd happily trade a session of rugby practice with night parties and girls within a heartbeat.

However me, I made sure to cut that all off, girls, parties they existed somewhere outside the pitch, blurry and unnecessary. I didn’t need any of that drama when I needed my full attention on the pitch and on my goal. I have indulged in a few flings and strings because it doesn’t bring drama and I always make sure whoever was involved wasn’t in the same school as me. It filtered out less drama that way. I didn’t need that.

I’d watched what happened to players who slowed down, whose fire burnt out and I didn’t want that for myself so when playing last season and I got tackled and landed uncomfortably on my knee, I didn’t let that stop me, it didn’t seem like a bid deal at first but it’s always there reminding me that I should’ve taken time off but I couldn’t risk it.

Watching the team fumble yet another free pass, my annoyance grew even more. Coach blew his whistle , redfaced. “Dean, enough standing there! get in here and show them how it’s done!”.

“Yeah, lead”. Muttered Jax, my annoying teammate who I can’t stand, rolling his eyes, tossing the ball between his hands. “Maybe show us the perfect pivot, captain perfect”.

I shot him a glare. “Shut up and run the drill”.

Ryan snorted behind me, clearly entertained by my irritation. “You really hate being here as much as you make it look, huh?”.

“They’re just full of s**t and wasting time”. I snapped pivoting sharply feeling the stab of pain in my knee flare. “This isn’t a playground”.

Coach barked again. “Focus! Spring season starts next week!, remember scouts are watching, if you mess up it’s on you, ya hear me lads?”.

I rubbed the side of my knee briefly, letting it throb in silence hoping none of my teammates saw that.

I had no problem loosing a match because were genuinely bad but what I couldn’t accept was loosing because were so freaking unprepared.

I was perturbed beyond all rationality when my eyes catches on three girls running across the pitch.

Irritated, I fixed my gaze in her,anger bubbling up in my chest because apparently other students don’t even care that we train on this pitch.

Several of the other guys yelled at her to get off, I was just done with this whole day, can’t even get peace on the pitch man.

The drill fell apart again.

The ball slipped through Ryan hand this time, skidding aimlessly across the grass. Groans ripples across the field but no one made an attempt to fetch the ball.

“Unacceptable!”. Coachs gaze locked unto me. “You’re the captain dean, if you’re sloppy they are”.

I clenched my jaw, I’ve been running around all day trying to get this team to work but no I’m the sloppy one.

“With spring season starting next week, I expect more than this”. Coach continued.

I nodded once through my irritation, trying to keep my cool from being benched.

“Maybe if captain doom stopped being in a pissy mood, morale would improve”. Jax said lightly.

A few of the guys snorted but I ignored it.

“Run the drill”. I said instead.

Jax raised his hand slightly. “Relax, I’m just saying, you look like you could pop any minute”.

My knee throbbed as I shifted my weight, the brace tightening uncomfortably. “Ball”. I said sharply.

Jax tossed the ball toward me but it was thrown in a way it bounced and almost hit me.

“Careful, wouldn’t want to spoil your pretty face now, would you?”.He said grinning.

That did it. I couldn’t stand this eejit anymore and he’s gonna get what he’s asking for.

“Say that again”. I said quietly

Jax leaned closer. “All that pressure, all those scouts, it’d be a shame if you cracked before the season even started”.

I don’t know what got over me but I just reacted, I dropped the ball and kicked it hard aiming for his crotch. I completely missed, my aim has been pretty effed up these days.

I was loosing my s**t on this pitch, I was supposed to be the teams captain but I was acting like a total child.

Coach spoke up.“This year is an important year dean, your academic grades also matter, it needs to tally with your athletics too, don’t lose your— s**t”.

“What is it coach?”. I said startled. Following his gaze and all of my teammates, I saw the ball crumpled at the far end of the pitch.

“Oh f**k”. I said trying to make sense out of what I was seeing.

The girl running around laughing across pitch was now on the ground with the ball beside clutching her arms in pain with two other girls crouching next to her.

Horrified, my feet started moving without my accord, I ran towards her my heart pounding against my chest.

“Hey hey hey, are you okay?”. I asked the girl in concern, I really did not need this.

A soft female groan escaped her lips as she tried to get up but slipped again due to the muddy floor.

The girl looked up at me confused, her face contorted in pain as she tried to register what was going on. “Was that your ball?”. She said

I was so struck down by the way the light shone against her face that I just nodded like a freaking fool. “Uh yeah it is my ball and I’m so sorry about this”. I said trying to make up for it.

She groaned again, “My clothes all dirty and I don’t have a spear, what am I going to do”. She said looking all over her muddy attire and I just felt so guilty.

I scanned her quickly,my gaze catching on the scrape along her arm, red and already quickly swelling. I sighed internally that it wasn’t worse than that.

“You’re bleeding, come on let me fix you up”. I said trying to make up for what happened.

She was hesitant then nodded letting me help her up. She was lighter than expected, very small even, barely reaching my chest.

As we walked towards the equipment shed, all I could think about was the girl beside me and the fact that I’d almost hurt her because I couldn’t keep my anger in check.