Of Fangs And Fury

Chapter Eight part one

Delara

Lounging across the new couch brought into the study, Cade lazily reads through some of my old papers with one hand, while petting Catarina with the other. I’d been a little self-conscious at first, but if it could go through my peers, my Advisor, and be published by The University, I have nothing to be potentially embarrassed about. Truthfully, I’d been worried he might not grasp certain concepts, but so far, if he’s had questions he just asks.

At the desk, I start a new tactic with Cade’s blood. If healing doesn’t work, what about hurting? It seems, with is separated from Cade’s body, it doesn’t have defense mechanisms in place. So, with a new sample, I’ve been testing different types of poisons.

“Hey, bellissima?”

I instantly beam and turn to him, “Yes?”

“I have a vastly unrelated question for you.”

I turn in my chair, “All right.”

“Have you ever been courted?”

Wow, sort of out of nowhere, “Ahh… I’ve dated a few males in the past,” I reply cautiously.

“You mentioned…. But have you ever been courted?” this time stressing the word.

I scratch my temple, “Well, I don’t think so…. But I am not really sure what that means.”

He swings his legs down from the armrest, sitting straight against the back. One ankle over his thigh, his right arm is long against the couch. “Have you ever been officially asked to be courted? Properly,” he carefully chooses his words, “a male would ask if you would want to be pursued and have an exclusive relationship… usually,” his wrist twists, “with the intent to marry.”

I burst with laughter. “No. Definitely not then. No, I have never been asked such a thing in any such way.” Shaking my head, I cannot help but be amused. “That’s like… finishing school stuff. That’s like if I’d been a debutante. No… no, the relationships I’ve had have been nothing like that.”

He nods thoughtfully, his eyes sliding to the side. “Well… all righty then.”

I turn back to my work but a moment later face him again, “Why?” Is that important to you?

“I was just curious.” He notices my expression. “I was just curious… but a Scholar, that’s a bit of a different lifestyle, like you’ve said. Perhaps it’s an outdated tradition… so, yes, I was just curious.”

Did he want to ask me? “Well, it sounds like a very lovely tradition… full of romance and respect. Perhaps… it shouldn’t be outdated,” I hint carefully.

He nods, the lays himself back down. “Perhaps not.”

Caderyn

“Mayhap, Sir, we could speak with the owner, and he could close early. That way it would just be the two of you in the restaurant. That would take care of what you are concerned with and seem more romantic.”

Thinking over Jasper’s suggestion, I point to him, “We’ll pay, of course.”

He bows his head, “Of course, Sir.”

Rubbing my thumbnail against my bottom lip, I just want this to be perfect. Voglio darle il mondo. “If I’m going to ask… it all needs to be just right.”

Jasper, who has stepped in strategically in the past as a father figure, gives me that look. “Where you go, what you do, it really doesn’t matter in the end. What matters is that you are caring enough, respectful enough, to ask her for her hand. It’s the emotions that matter, the action, not the things.”

Of course, he’s right. “I do care for her very deeply.”

The elder male smiles softly, “I know, Sir.”

“Well, when the time is right, let’s talk to the owner then. I don’t want to get in the way of her work.”

“Of course, sir, whenever you’re ready.”

There’s not just a knocking at my door, there is a pounding. Stumbling out of bed, I slam my right hand against the wall and use the left to open the door. “What?” I growl.

It’s Tahir. Of course, it’s f*****g Tahir. Muscles flexing, fists shaking, fangs out, his chest is heaving. “Guess what a little f*****g bird told me?”

I stand straight and sigh, “That your wardrobe makes you look like a dandy? … what?”

He shoves me back with one hand, stepping into my room. “That you,” he pushes again, “are planning on,” he pushes me, “asking Delara for courtship,” in this last push, I’m up against a wall.

Trying to keep my own aggression in check, I know his reaction is more of a response than rational feeling. “So?”

His hand goes for my throat, “No.”

The line he’d just been toeing, he leaps right f*****g over. Both hands against his chest I shove with every drop of strength. He goes crashing into my bed. Standing over him, I snarl, “Watch yourself.”

He stands up, toe to toe with me. “You are absolutely insane if –”

But I grab his chin. “Listen to me very carefully, little brother, I asked Scholarra Delara Dilan Dyad if she has ever been courted. To which she responded ‘no’, and that she had no idea what the etiquette was.” I dig my thumb knuckle across his jawbone. “When I explained that someone would ask for her permission and her hand,” I jolt my hand forward, “she said definitely not. So, before you get on that f*****g high horse of yours,” I spit through gritted teeth, “maybe you should speak with her.”

I let go of him, stepped back, and pointed to my door, “Now get the f**k out of my room.”

Delara

Having lost track of time in the study, I rush into my bedroom while taking down my hair. Cade is supposed to be coming to get me in about twenty minutes for some big surprise, and now I don’t know that I have time to fully bathe. “Oh! Hi, Melaena!”

Even though she’s head housekeeper, we’ve taken a liking to each other, and she makes a point to refresh my room herself. As she finishes fluffing the last pillow on my bed, she smiles, “Good evening, Madame, are you getting ready for your meeting with Tahir?”

In front of my wardrobe, I debate which floor-length dress to wear. “Oh, no, I’m seeing Cade tonight.”

“Really?” her voice is full of confusion.

I look over my shoulder, “Yes. Why? Does Tahir need to see me?”

She walks around the edge of the bed, “Well, I heard Tahir speaking with Her Highness about meeting with you about your relationship – about the progress of your courtship.”

I lower the dress in my hands, my brows furrowing. “We’re not – that’s not – no, I’m sorry, you’re mistaken.

“Tahir and I are not… romantic in any way.”

Nervousness creeps into her expression. “I’m sorry, Madame, but… well, that’s not what the household was told. Tahir has been keeping us informed of your courtship, making sure we have meals ready in time or keep the lavender in your room fresh… little errands to make sure you are pleased with him.”

I blink, “No. He never asked me…. I never said yes.”

She anxiously flattens her apron. “It was many weeks ago, but if I recall correctly, he explained to the head of the household, Jasper, and I, the Quintaday after The Festival Della Luci, that you accepted his hand. You two were talking about his eventual kingship and –”

I lower myself to the armrest of a chair, “Oh my Gods.”

“Madame?”

I lift a hand to my mouth. “Oh my Gods….” I rest my face in my palm. “Oh no….” I start breathing quickly, a panic rising in my chest. “No… no, no. That’s… oh no.”

“Madame, are you all right?”

Hyperventilating, I grip my hands around the chair. “I,” sharp inhale, “need….” But what do I need? What do I do? “I need Cade.”

“Madame?”

I stand up quickly, “Please, I need to speak to Cade right now, it’s urgent.”

She nods and rushes out of the room.

I toss the dress on the chair and lower myself to the floor. Back against the stone wall, I close my eyes. I need to get my breathing under control, but the room feels like it’s spinning. I can’t move.

I don’t know how long it was before Cade came running into my room. When he spotted me, well I’ve never seen that kind of terror on his face. He dropped at my feet and put his hands to my face. His warm palms are gentle on my cheeks. If I focus on his face… just his face. His face… him here….

“Lara? Lara? What’s wrong?” his eyes are searching my body for harm.

I reach my hands up to his wrists, “Tahir.” I start shaking my head. “Melaena said – she said… Tahir and I?” Oh Gods, I’m going to throw up. “Tahir thinks we’re courting or whatever? I didn’t,” but then the exact conversation comes back to me.

I start crying, I can’t help it. “I d-didn’t mean to s-say yes. I thought he was in love with someone e-else, and he s-said if he started courting n-now then he’d have plenty of time before the King… stuff.

“And I said ‘y-yes’ as a question! I asked him ‘yes?’ As in oh y-yeah question mark? And I said ‘that would be wonderful’ for him! For h-him and another girl – n-not me! Cade, n-not me!”

“I d-don’t want to be with h-him,” I sob. “P-please d-don’t make me be with h-him.”

Cade pulls me from the wall and curls me in his lap. I latch on to his shirt and wail into the fabric. One of his hands cradles my head against his shoulder, the other wraps around my waist… keeping me secure, protected.

This is the last thing I wanted. I like Tahir just fine, as a friend, but nothing more. And this is me, we’re talking about… I’m no one. A half-Human no one. I can’t be Queen! And as I sob into Cade’s chest, I realize I can’t be a Princess either….

I was discarded, left for dead. A Foundling. Raised by The University… raised as a logical, fact-seeking male. I don’t know anything about being a female! I didn’t go to finishing school with daydreams of becoming a Princess. I don’t know how to be a hostess, I don’t know how to be a mate then sposa, I don’t know how to be a mother! I stare at things under a microscope all day…. That is the life I’m allowed to have.

Oh Gods, what am I going to do?

Caderyn

Carefully, I slide a sleeping Lara into her side of the bed. After all the sobbing, stress, and yelling about Tahir, it’s no wonder she is exhausted. If I had known all of it would explode like this, I would have put a stop to it when I first heard.

It had been selfish of me to wait… to try and figure this out without her in the know. If this shows me anything it is that I need to always be honest with her, no matter what. She didn’t deserve to go through such hardship tonight.

Closing her bedroom door quickly, I can’t help but shake my head. Tonight had been the night I was going to ask her about courtship…. I’ve been going through a cycle of emotions myself – being furious with Tahir for multiple reasons, including ruining tonight; to throwing everything out the window because I was so concerned about Lara; to wondering how long I have to wait until I can ask her, (and if she’d even say yes).

Amidst all the upset, she repeated quite a few times how she wasn’t raised traditionally, that she didn’t go to finishing school, that she’s a masculine scientist. She even went out to say that she’s didn’t want to disappoint her future mate and marito. Once she even brought up having younglings and how she doesn’t think she would be a good mother.

When a female is upset like that… it’s best to let them get it out of their system. We all have fears – male and females alike – about the future. We all have fears about mating and marriage and offspring…. It’s natural, it’s nature. I just know, when the time comes for any next step, I want to hold her hand and tell her we will figure it out together.

Well… if she’ll have me, that is.

Delara

For the first time, I let Melaena momentarily enchant something in my room. Making it so the bath would stay perfectly warm for however long I’m in the tub, I slide in and soak. I am so exhausted in a way that I’ve never been… having extorted so much energy and emotion yesterday. Completely drained, really, not able to feel that much anymore.

Being rather emotionless allows me to navigate the logical pathways of thought with ease, however, so at least there is that silver lining. I can understand clearly that I have become too emotionally attached and confused, which has inadvertently hindered my work. If I was back at The University, well these sort of distractions wouldn’t exist. Sure, I don’t live and sleep in the lab, but most of my time is spent there, and the rest in my private cabin.

I need distance. But, given that I must stay with the palace walls, well….

I massage my eyes softly. I do enjoy my bedroom and bath; I am used to the study and being so close to the library. Moving rooms would not be beneficial, which leaves only one other option – I need to tell Jasper and Melaena that I am not to be disturbed until further notice.

Jasper can bring me sustenance, Melaena can turn over my room, and if I need anything I’ll ask them. Obviously, Her Majesty is the only exception, but she has not requested a face-to-face thus far and I do not anticipate that changing. It really is the only option.

When my emotions come back to me, distance and solitude will allow me to understand them better and help me understand how to proceed, however I wish to proceed that is.

… I care for Cade so deeply, I do. I enjoy his company, he’s not just pleasant but compelling. We are able to have an intellectual conversation, he challenges me, but we can also talk about literature and art, things that spark and demand emotion. We have both faced adversity and have bonded over it, we both understand what it’s like to be other. And Gods, am I so viciously attracted to him. On paper, we are so perfect together… but on paper does not account for future expectations.

I’ve probably scared him off, anyway. Finally, out of the tub, I wrap myself in the plush robe Melaena left for me. Then, sitting on my bed, I realize my three mistakes: one, getting distracted; two, looking at the big picture instead of its parts; and three, getting overwhelmed by the future when there are an impossible number of outcomes and too many moving pieces. It’s time for me to take a deep breath, center myself, and get back on track.

Caderyn

Back from one of the longest runs I’ve ever taken; I don’t miss a beat and go straight into punching and kicking anything that can handle it. It’s not exactly that I’m angry or want to break something. Truthfully, I’m afraid. And fear is not something I cope with very well.

I was not surprised when Jasper informed me that Lara was doing another no-visitation stint. However, after a week, (how long she’d done it last time), I started getting concerned. It’s one thing to want to stay away from Tahir, it’s another to want to stay away from me. Right?

I had been the one she called for when she was upset. I was the one she asked to stay with her while she cried. I was the one she fell asleep against once she calmed down enough.

Sono diventata la sua fonte di forza. Ero la pioggia rilassante, la stella guida, le mie braccia il suo castello, il mio cuore il suo cielo.

Now it’s two weeks later. Jasper and Melaena are annoyed with me by now, though still reply every time I ask that she is in fact okay - that she is eating, drinking blood, and sleeping well enough. I thought about writing her a letter even, I’m so freaked out, but I don’t want to upset or distract her or do anything that turns out not to be helpful.

Starting to finally feel like I pushed myself well past exhaustion, (and therefore I may be able to sleep), I head out of the training room. As I walk the empty halls, that’s another thing driving me up a wall… after having her in my life so consciously, so actively, and so often, I’ve come to realize how alone I am. She’s the first Summer season in my Winter life. Without her… I shake my head.

I’ve tried hanging out with the very few friends and acquaintances I have, but it’s just not the same. Those experiences used to be enough for me, making me feel whole. But now? She simply eclipsed them. One hour with her is worth years of the other relationships.

A loud clatter shakes me from my thoughts, and I look around. Tahir has stumbled in from outside and his body slammed against the wall across from the door. Usually perfect hair a mess, usually pretty face bruised and with a split lip, proper and princely clothes torn and filthy, yet he’s laughing. Gods, I can smell the alcohol from here.

At least I am taking this whole Lara thing better than him, I think while I help my little brother up from the floor. Though this is not the first night he’s gotten black-out drunk, this is the first night he apparently got into some sort of physical altercation.

The tables have turned ever so, haven’t they? I wonder as I help him to his room. It actually makes me quite sad for him…. In these two weeks since Lara found out about Tahir’s courtship, he’s actually confided in me that it wasn’t just business or because Mother thought it would be helpful, he had fallen for her, too.

“She’s just so different, you know?” he’d said to me the night before last. “She’s so, so smart… and she’s never worried about, like, being proper and s**t. She’s just so herself.” He finished off his drink and rubbed his face, “Every female I’ve been with, they care so much about if they’re doing the right thing and it’s either so boring or viscously annoying.” He started laughing and then patted my arm. “You know – you know when she laughs a lot, how she snorts? It’s so cute! No other female would dare do that around me….”

But I don’t think he loved her, not really. As the days pass, it seems he loves the idea of her and was enamored with her uniqueness. But I know him… I know what he wants for his future, as much as he says he prefers Lara, she’s a novelty he would get frustrated with; he would want to change her. In the end, he wants the prim and prissy mate who can be just as perfect as he can.

Which I don’t. I don’t want her to change unless to be more herself. To be smarter, to be healthier, to be more genuinely her. … which leads me to wonder where I fit in.

Delara

Summer arrived in all its glory, bringing longer days, pastel sunsets, and some of my favorite foods (strawberries, tomatoes, and fresh lemonade). How-f*****g-ever comma, the heat is borderline unbearable. The University is farther North than the Palace Of Onyx so I am in shock. Even with the windows and doors open, with large mechanical fans spinning on the ceiling, and wearing as little clothing as possible, I’m drenched in sweat. Even the enchanted bath isn’t cool enough, the night not dark enough, or the fruit not fresh enough.

The heat is sending my body into a panic I cannot ignore. I need out. I need a reprieve. It’s, unfortunately, making me face the things I’ve been running away from because I cannot stay in these three rooms any longer.

When Jasper brings in my blood for the week, I desperately ask him to inform Tahir I request his presence whenever he is available. On his way out, Jasper informs me that Tahir is out for the day, but as soon as he returns, he will be informed. I nod, “Thank you.”

Caderyn

Coming out from the training room yet again, I’m dropped into a conversation with a surprisingly sober Tahir and Jasper. Keeping my distance, I eavesdrop.

“Prince Tahir, I’m so glad I found you.”

“Ah Jasper, how are you tonight?”

“Good, Sir, thank you. I have a message for you.”

“Oh?”

“From Scholarra Dyad, Sir.”

“What? What is it?”

“She would like to speak with you in her study, sir.”

“When? Now?”

“As soon as possible, Sir.”

“Thank you! Thank you, I’ll go right now.”

Jasper passes me without a word, and I stealthily follow Tahir. Trying not to listen to the irrational part of my mind that says because Lara wants to talk to Tahir first, he’s the one she chose, I just keep slowly breathing. For all I know, she could just need another blood sample.

Still a bit down the hall, I lean against the wall, close my eyes, and listen. Tahir is first to speak, in the doorway, “Delara, hi.”

“Tahir!” she sounds spooked. “Hi! It’s so late… I didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”

Gods, I haven’t heard in her voice in so long. It instantly overwhelms me, calming me like a weighted blanket. My heart melts and my mind quiets… I miss her so much.

“Should I sit?” Tahir asks.

“Ah… no, this will be quick,” there’s a slight hesitance and awkwardness.

“All right,” he sounds shaken.

“We are both aware of what happened. In a conversation some time ago, there was a tremendous misunderstanding between the two of us. When you believed to be asking permission for courtship and I said yes, I must clarify I had absolutely no idea. And for that, I apologize.

“Due to my upbringing, I was not familiar with particular customs and procedures. I naively thought you were speaking of someone else, a Princess or Lady or someone of your caliber, and you were sharing this information with a friend – me. All this time I believed we were friends and just friends.

“Please believe me when I say I am so excruciatingly sorry for all of this. I am so sorry to have led you on, I am so sorry for any pain this may have caused.” There’s a long pause. “I do… care for you platonically and selfishly” she sighs, “I hope one day you can be my friend.”

When her last word fades away, there is only silence. I can’t even hear the rustle of fabric. Concerned, I move along the wall and am able to look into the study. Lara is standing by her desk, her hands clasped in front of her waist. Just as logical and calculated as her words had sounded, is how logical and calculated her expression is.

She would make a great Queen; I can’t help but think. Unlike my mother, even in this state, she looks kind, and that she is truly remorseful.

And Gods, it’s been so long since I’ve seen her. Her skin is shades darker, and even though it goes against nurture and perhaps nature, I find it exceedingly beautiful. More gorgeous than ever, she has a little linen dress on, and her braided hair is layered on the top of her head in a bun. Her hair has lightened too! The lowlights of copper tones are brighter, and the highlights of gold are highlighted in the light from the setting Sun.

Suddenly, Tahir bows and makes an exit. Either he doesn’t see me or doesn’t care as he walks away in silence.

When Lara comes to the door, I catch her eye. The breath catches, her mouth parting slightly. But as her chest deflates, her expression softens. I open my mouth, but she shakes her head. Just as her eyes become glassy, she turns, looks down, and closes the door.

Delara

My Cade,

Three days ago, I broke your brother’s heart, and I am not sure he will ever forgive me. I did not mean for any of this to happen and I will understand if your mother sends me away. I do not know how many days I have left here… will you meet me? In our place under the canopy, among the wildflowers, in the breeze? All I ask is for one last memory with you, a perfect moment I will cherish forever.

Yours,

Lara.

Caderyn

Jasper handed me the note at the most perfect of times, just after I’d eaten but before I left for my run. Shocked, excited, nervous, happy, and all their synonyms is what I feel as I change into a presentable outfit and double-check my appearance.

Running into the forest like a spooked deer, I was not going to keep her waiting. I only slow when I find the last curve in the path, wanting to steady myself and my breathing before I see her. I need to be calm, collected so that she will trust me when I reassure her that she is not going anywhere.

Then there she is, haloed by a golden beam of Summer light. Mia dea. Lightened hair the shade of cherry wood falls loosely to the bottom curve of her back, the ends shifting slightly in the breeze. The breeze that brought the subtle floral scent mixed with her natural perfume.

Her well-built but curvy body is extremely noticeable in the small, short, linen dress. Her humanity showing in the shade of her skin, even darker next to the white fabric. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and never let go.

Now wishing I’d brought lavender or food or something, I twist my hands. “Lara?”

She turns and I can see her beautiful, heart-shaped face. “Cade!”

We meet in the middle, “Hi.”

She takes my hands in hers. Her smile is so wide, her cheeks so high, there are little wrinkles by the corner of her sparkling green eyes. “Hi.”

I slip one of my hands away, only to bring it to her face, brushing my fingertips across her cheek, “I missed you.”

Instantly, she hugs me. Arms reaching up to my back, cheek against my chest, Gods she is so small. “I missed you so much.”

When she pulls back, she gestures we sit on the blanket she’d spread out behind her. I lean up against the base of the tree and she sits across from me, her legs curled back and weight on one hand.

She sighs. “I’m really sorry. I hope I haven’t….” but she doesn’t elaborate.

I shake my head quickly, “Everything is okay. And you’re not going anywhere.”

But she frowns, “I’ve made so much progress with my work… I would hate for it all to be a waste because of this.”

“It won’t be. Everything is still as it was; you still have all the resources you could possibly need. You can stay as long as you like.”

Her expression softens. “I hope so.”

In the silence that follows a lot of things go unspoken. I am tempted to express how I feel – I desperately want to. But considering the fragile state she’s in… I have to accept it’s just not the right time.