Realization
1424 Words
Soon, I made a decision.
I wasn’t going to get used to him. That was the plan.
A very simple very reasonable plan.
Because getting used to people meant expecting them to stay and I had learned, in the quietest and most inconvenient ways, that people didn’t always do that.
So no. I wasn’t going to start relying on the way he showed up outside my class.
Or the way he saved me a seat without asking.
Or the way conversations with him felt… easy.
I could enjoy it.
I just wouldn’t depend on it. That was the difference.
At least that’s what I told myself.
“You’re thinking too hard again.”
I blinked and looked up. Of course.
He was already there dropping into the seat beside me like it belonged to him.
I hadn’t even noticed when he walked in.
“I’m not,” I said.
“You are,” he replied immediately pulling out a pen and spinning it between his fingers. “You do this thing where you stare at nothing like it personally offended you.”
I frowned slightly. “That’s not a thing.”
“It is. You’re doing it right now.”
“I’m literally looking at you.”
“Exactly.”
I sighed and looked away, opening my notebook just to have something to focus on.
“Good morning to you too,” he added.
“…Good morning.”
“You sound thrilled.”
“I just got here.”
“And you’re already tired of me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I pressed my lips together, trying not to react.
It didn’t work.
“You talk too much,” I said quietly.
“And yet you keep answering me.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“It definitely means something.”
I didn’t respond to that. Because annoyingly, I didn’t have a proper argument.
Class started and for once he actually stayed quiet.
Well… mostly.
There were still small things.
Like the way he nudged my elbow slightly when I zoned out Or how he tilted his notebook toward me when I missed something on the board.
He didn’t say anything about it.
He just… did it.
And I noticed.
I noticed everything.
Which was the problem.
Halfway through the lesson I felt something lightly tap against my arm.
I ignored it.
Another tap.
I kept my eyes on my notebook.
Then..
A small wrapped snack slid into my line of sight.
I stared at it.
Slowly, I turned my head. He wasn’t looking at me.
Again, But there was a slight curve to his lips that gave him away.
“…What is this?” I whispered.
“Food,” he whispered back, like that explained everything.
“I know that.”
“Then why are you asking?”
“I don’t want it.”
“You do.”
“I don’t.”
“You didn’t eat this morning.”
I paused.
“…How do you know that?”
“You look like someone who didn’t eat.”
“That’s not a real answer.”
“It is to me.”
I stared at him for a second trying to figure out if he was being serious.
He didn’t look like he was joking.
“…I’m fine,” I said, pushing the snack slightly back toward him.
He didn’t take it.
Instead he nudged it right back.
“Take it.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I said no.”
“And I said yes.”
I exhaled quietly glancing toward the front to make sure the teacher wasn’t paying attention.
“You’re being annoying.”
“You’re being stubborn.”
“I don’t need it.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is?”
He finally looked at me Really looked this time.
“The point is,” he said softly “I brought it for you.”
I froze. The words weren’t loud.
They weren’t dramatic But they landed heavier than they should have.
“…Why?” I asked before I could stop myself.
He shrugged lightly, like it wasn’t a big deal.
“I just did.”
That answer again.
Simple. Uncomplicated. Completely unhelpful.
And yet...
I looked down at the snack again.
Then slowly… I picked it up.
“Thank you,” I muttered.
His smile was immediate. “You’re welcome.”
I didn’t eat it right away.
I just kept it on my desk, staring at it occasionally like it might disappear if I looked away for too long.
It was such a small thing.
A snack.
Something simple But it didn’t feel small.
It felt… intentional. Like he had thought about it.
Like he had noticed something about me and decided to do something about it. And I didn’t know what to do with that.
After class, I packed my things a little slower than usual. I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe I was thinking too much again Or maybe I was just… aware.
Of him.
Of everything.
“You’re doing it again,” he said.
I glanced at him. “Doing what?”
“Thinking too hard.”
I rolled my eyes slightly. “You say that like it’s a crime.”
“It kind of is.”
“It’s not.”
“It is when it makes you overcomplicate everything.”
I zipped my bag and stood up. “I’m not overcomplicating anything.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You’re literally arguing with me about it.”
I paused. “…Okay, maybe a little.”
He grinned. “I knew it.”
I shook my head and started walking toward the door.
He followed of course.
The hallway was busier than usual, filled with overlapping conversations and movement.
I instinctively moved a little closer to the wall, trying to avoid bumping into anyone.
He noticed.
He always noticed.
Without saying anything he shifted slightly just enough to walk on the outer side, creating a small space between me and the crowd.
I glanced at him.
He didn’t look at me. He just kept walking like it was nothing.
Like he hadn’t just done that.
“…You don’t have to do that,” I said quietly.
“Do what?”
“That.”
“That what?”
I hesitated. “…Never mind.”
He smiled slightly but didn’t push.
And somehow, that made it worse.
We reached the stairs and for once neither of us spoke.
It wasn’t uncomfortable.
Just… quiet but not empty.
“Did you eat it?” he asked suddenly.
I blinked. “What?”
“The snack.”
“Oh.” I shook my head slightly. “Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“You should.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“Later.”
He nodded like that was acceptable.
“Okay.”
That was it.
No teasing.
No pressure.
Just… okay.
And for some reason, that made me feel lighter.
By the time we reached the courtyard the sun was a little brighter, the air warmer.
Everything felt normal.
Except.....
It wasn’t Because now there was this small, unfamiliar feeling sitting quietly in my chest.
And I didn’t know what to call it.
I sat down on the same spot near the tree, setting my bag beside me.
He sat next to me again.
Not too close.
Not too far.
Just enough.
I pulled the snack out of my bag, turning it over in my hands.
“You’re really going to stare at it again?” he asked.
“…Maybe.”
He laughed softly.
“It’s not that deep.”
“It is to me.”
He looked at me for a second, then smiled gentler this time.
“Okay,” he said. “Then take your time.”
I didn’t expect that answer. I didn’t expect him to just… let me be.
I looked down again, unwrapping it slowly. Took a small bite.
It was simple.
Sweet.
Nothing special.
But somehow… It felt like more than just food.
I glanced at him.
“…It’s good.”
“Of course it is,” he said lightly. “I have excellent taste.”
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t stop the small smile that followed.
And just like that
Without realizing it
I broke my own rule.
Because I was starting to get used to him.
And that was exactly what I wasn’t supposed to do.
- Writer
