There's A Place For Us

Chapter 17:Hugo

I never wanted Timothy to experience what I did with Seth. From what he said, it was nowhere near as bad and he even got to kick Seth in the balls but the intention and shame were still there. He sputtered awake a couple of times in the night, I didn’t know if he was having nightmares or if he was just a restless sleeper. Maybe I just never noticed because I had my own space in the bed and right now I am cuddled up with him on the couch.

I woke up at nine after the last time he woke up. At least he didn’t attempt to scuttle away like I did from anyone or thing constricting when he woke up those times. I felt him stroke the back of my hand and kiss the top of my head each time. I kept still and pretended to be asleep, I didn’t want him to think he was bothering me, because, after the incident with Seth, that’s all I was, a bother. When they got annoyed and couldn’t handle the fact that their son might have done something wrong I was the one who suffered. I didn’t want him to suffer and be alone the way I was. Nobody should ever feel or be as alone after something like that as I was.

It showed how broken the system was, not even just the foster system but society in general. It shamed victims of s****l assault and r**e into thinking it was their fault, that they somehow asked for it or deserved it. It degraded the people and made them feel tiny and insignificant and society often protected the perpetrators, they often had all the power, and they could pay off the victims instead of doing time and getting exposed to the public. The victims often did nothing but be present in the moment of the incident and often after their silence due to all of this. It damaged them, kept them from trusting others and getting into relationships, and it hurt their mental state sometimes to the point where one could think about ending it.

Timothy’s phone started ringing. It was behind his head on the table next to a lamp. I lifted my head and huffed in annoyance at it. I climbed up closer and reached past him to see who was calling him. It was the social worker. Rather than wake him, I answered.

“Is Hugo there?” she asked.

“Speaking,” I replied quietly and carefully got up off the couch without waking him.

“Okay, we looked into Samantha Erin, with how remote the place she lives is, I think you’d fair better and get the help you needed if you stayed in Maine better. Transportation would be less on us, too…” I didn’t hear anything after that.

I wasn’t going to stay with Sam or be anywhere near Timothy. It sounded like I or the social worker was underwater. Her speech was clouded by the distorting waves.

“Hugo, are you there?” she asked when my head finally broke the surface.

I thought about saying yes and continuing the conversation and faking it being okay for her sake. But I’d done that my whole life, I just hung up on her. I wanted to throw the phone against the wall but it wasn’t my phone to break. I set it down on the kitchen counter gently and went back to Timothy. I crawled back onto the couch and snuggled up next to him. I hugged his sleeping figure gently.

I knew this could happen, I didn’t know why I was surprised. I understand that she wanted what was best for me but Timothy was part of that. I knew that could change easily if we got in a fight or broke up and maybe she was also considering that but for now I needed Timothy and after everything, he seemed to need me as well.

The phone started buzzing again and this time it woke Timothy. He moved to answer but I didn’t, stopping him from getting up.

“Hugo?” he questioned when I didn’t move.

“It’s the social worker calling back because I hung up on her,” I replied quietly.

“What did she say?” he asked quietly sensing the shift.

“They want to keep me here,” I answered. “I want to go with you.”

“Did they say why?” he continues.

“They’re worried about the remoteness of Hampton I won’t get the help I need and they’re concerned about travel costs when the trial starts,” I reply.

“Aunt Sam could drive you, it’s only a couple of hours, if there aren’t any therapists in Hampton you could always go to Manchester, it’s a bigger city and it's only half an hour away,” he reasons.

“Tell her that,” I mumble.

The door buzzer rang then. It was probably Sam.

“I have to get that,” he mumbled quietly into my ear.

I lift myself off of him and he gets up and goes over to the intercom to see who is at the door.

“Who is it?” he asks.

I curl into a corner of the couch.

“It’s Aunt Sam,” her voice comes through the intercom.

Timothy buzzes her in and comes back to sit with me on the couch after unlocking the apartment door.

He rubs my arm trying to comfort me.

“I’ll come back, I promise, Hugo,” he whispers leaning his head on my shoulder. I feel the bridge of his nose behind my ear.

“You’re all I have,” I murmur.

“She said she’d find you a family who would help and understand your situation. She wants to help you. I’ll come to visit you, you won’t be alone, okay?” he continues trying to reason with me.

“No, I don’t want to live with anyone else, I want to stay with you and Sam,” I exclaim.

I know it’s childish and I shouldn't have expected any less from the foster care system. They screwed me over once, why wouldn’t they do it again?

I feel tears on the edge of my eyes.

“Okay, shh, shh, it’s okay,” Timothy mutters quietly in my ear hugging me tighter.

Nothing could go right for once in my life. I thought Timothy was a step in a new direction but now he was being ripped away from me, too.

“Timothy?” Sam calls opening the apartment door.

Timothy cradles my head close to his chest as if trying to hide my vulnerability.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Sam asks quickly when she sees us.

“The social worker wants him to stay here,” Timothy replies.

“You think they’d want him as far away from Seth as they could get him,” Sam mutters.

“They’re worried he won’t be able to get a therapist out in Hampton. Even if there wasn’t one there, you could go to Manchester. I honestly think it would be better for him to be with us, but what do I know? They’re worried about transportation costs during the trial, too,” Timothy continues.

“That’s understandable but they’ve never even met Hugo. It can be hard to get a sense of what a child needs from a distance. I’m going to set up a meeting with her. I’ll talk to her by myself and I think she should meet you two, too. I think she needs to see how much you mean to each other and as fragile as a relationship like that can be at your age, at least Hugo knows us. Familiarity plays into it. Hugo is less likely to run away from us than whatever new foster family he is placed with. There’s no guarantee what happened with Seth isn’t going to happen at this new place either, at least with us you know it won’t happen under our own noses and we won’t ignore it. I’m willing to fight for you, Hugo. I promise you that much, okay?” she exclaims.

I nod still upset.

“Have you boys eaten yet?” Sam asked.

Timothy shook his head.

“I woke up just before you rang,” he replied.

“I’ll make you boys plates,” she replied setting her purse down on the dining room table.

She walked into the kitchen and we listened to the clanging of plates, and silverware.

“I love you,” I murmured into Timothy’s neck. “I love her willingness to fight for me, too. No one’s ever fought for me.”

“We’ll always fight for you, I promise you,” he whispers.

“How often will you visit?” I question.

“If it comes to that, I’ll try every weekend, okay?” he replies.

“Okay,” I replied nodding.

I guess none of it was realistic in the beginning, staying with Timothy and Sam. Not if I wanted to get the help I needed and wanted to see Seth brought to justice. Love is often sacrificed for the greater good, even if you want love more than what is good for you.

I didn’t even really need to go to the trial. They had my testimony on tape. Unless they subpoenaed me. They might do that because as far as we knew I was the first victim. But the evidence was insurmountable. It wasn’t like if I didn’t go he’d get off scot-free either. He was going to jail, that was indefinite.

“Hugo,” Timothy spoke quietly.

My train of thought shattered and I looked up at him. Sam was lying two plates on the table with lasagna on them. I took one look and lost my appetite. It wasn’t the lasagna itself, I would have eaten anything normally, being homeless had ghosted my pickiness long ago due to low funds. It was the news honestly.

“Are you not hungry, sweetheart?” Sam asked.

I just shook my head, I didn’t want to be ungrateful for her hospitality but I really wasn’t interested in food right now.

“I think I’m going to lie down,” I say quietly excusing myself, I peel myself away from Timothy as Sam takes my plate back to the kitchen and places it in the fridge. I go into Timothy’s bedroom and spot his diary on his desk. I shut the door and approach the diary. Why was it out? Had Timothy forgotten to put it away? I sat on the edge of the bed, it kind of felt like getting the news my parents were dead all over again, it wasn’t as bad because I knew I’d see Timothy and Sam again or at least I could, it was impossible, even if I wanted to, to see my parents right now.

I could hear Timothy and Sam talking on the other side of the wall. I couldn’t make out words just the sounds of them talking. Timothy seemed sad, I felt bad for leaving him out there alone but I honestly didn’t want to talk to Sam right now or anybody aside from him and William.

I used to have a best friend growing up, his name was William, I hadn’t seen him in years, not since I got thrown into the foster care system. The first home had allowed me to call him but after I left there, I hadn’t heard from him. I wondered where he was now. It had been half a decade. We were completely different people now. I could still remember where he lived, I walked by it countless times when I became homeless but I was afraid he’d forgotten about me by then. I was still dealing with the shame of what had happened. When you don’t see people for years they often asked: What happened? I wasn’t ready to explain what had happened that night, not to him or anyone.

I wanted to see William, I was going to ask Timothy before we left or we could try and find him, but if I was going to be stuck here it would be nice to find him so he could be here for me when Timothy couldn’t be. I’d never said anything about William because he was from a lifetime ago. Who’s to say if we had kept in contact if we’d still be friends? People change, people move on, and fights happen. But I didn’t even know if he still lived in the same house. Everything was so complicated now.

I heard Sam leave after about half an hour. Timothy quietly opened the door, he looked at me for a few seconds before fully stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. He stayed leaning against the door.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“Don’t be, you’re upset. It’s understandable. I promise you I’ll visit. I’ll give you mine and the social worker’s phone number so you can contact either of us if the place they put you in doesn’t end up working out or they don’t treat you right, okay?” he tries to reassure me again.

“Okay, can you take me somewhere?” I ask quietly.

“Where are we going?” he asks.

“I want to see if an old friend still lives somewhere. I haven’t seen him in years. I figure if I’m going to stay here I need more than my social worker, my foster family and you, especially when you’ll be a few hours away. His name is William. We were best friends when we were kids. I haven’t talked to him since I was eleven. I don’t know if he’ll even remember me,” I explain quietly.

“Friends don’t just forget you. You can drift but that doesn’t erase the memories,” Timothy replies. “Let’s go.”