Thoughts Never Intended to be Explained

X, Y, Z & J

To know where she is; you have to understand where she came from. An affluent family that lived in the slums the first half of her younger days and then her teenage years in the suburbs. The drastic change of her parents becoming millionaires in real estate building from nothing causes her to understand the world around her differently. Though she can have the world handed to her with a simple referral from her family; she knew that if she didn’t work for it herself- it wouldn’t be the same reward. Little did she know her parents weren’t so peachy clean with their real estate dealings. Blood on their hands and drug money paying for their way of life. Getting older and uncovering the secrets of your family can either do one of two things- 1. Make you do the exact opposite or 2. Follow in their footsteps.

“Well folks, it going to be another hot one in Ocala today. Let’s take a look here: heat index around 115 degree Fahrenheit and a high of 103 today. Guys stay cool out there; drink plenty of water, matter fact go take a dive in a pool if you can., just remember sun block! Back to you Karen”

“Thanks Tim; our meteorologist on the heat warnings and a message to make sure you put on that important sun block if you’ll be in the sun today. Want to make sure…”

Yvonne waved to her two other brothers and X to follow her to their bedroom.

“Come on; my room.” She whispered to her siblings. She casually walked to her room waiting for their arrival.

X, Zavier, and Julian glanced at one another with questioning in their eyes but followed suit. X first then Kayden with the always late Julian.

Von hurriedly waved her hand at Julian as he slowly walked towards her bedroom.

“Kings do not walk in a hurry ma’dam!” Julian boasted. He was in his phase of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings so deep that he had convinced himself he was a king and ruled over the rest of us in another life but when he committed the ultimate crime he was sent here to get us to the castle safely.

“Here we go…” Zavier looked up at the ceiling with his arms folded. Impatient at his brother’s slow and long steps; Julian held his head high in an almighty stance gracing the floor as of he had on the longest most luxurious robe known to man. “You know Ma is not going to let us go if he don’t stop this King of Farts over here gliding across the floor…” Zavier said to X; X just shook her head in disapproval.

“I can hear you peasant; hush as I enter!”

Julian slowly graced the threshold, waved in his presence to be noticed and took the Superman pose in the doorway.

“Hush now,” Von snapped at Zavier; “yal keep this up we not going anywhere. Yal know if we don’t clean this house Ma gonna be mad. So we need to clean up our room;” she points to herself and X; “and yal two guys room too.”

“Who is this ‘two guys’ you speak of Lord Yvonne?” Julian touted in his best Medieval voice.

“Julian I’m not playing you know Ma will ground us if we do not straighten the house. I get tired of getting in trouble and covering for you when you never pick up after yourself.” Von started to raise her voice as she remembered she had just gotten grounded for 2 weeks and her PlayStation taken away because Julian didn’t clean up.

Julian knocked off the act and sadly said, “Okayyyyyyyyy you’re right; I guess.”

“I am right. I just got in trouble for you. And! The living room too. Pick up your little dolls too. Come on X.”

“ figurines…” Julian mumbled under his breath and hit Zavier after he chuckled. Zavier pushed Julian. Von heard the shuffle and turned around abruptly. Julian and Zavier stood at attention and stared back. Von turned back around and grabbed X’s hand.

“Let’s go; we only have one hour. Let’s start on the living room.” X and Von skated off.

Unlike Julian, Zavier was cooler than a ceiling fan. ‘I’m too cool for school’ written on his screen print tshirt; he had little time for Harry Spotter or what ever his name was. He was into sports. Just like his sister Yvonne. She took up soccer one summer and never stopped. Zavier always admired his sister being a girl and playing harder than the boys. He didn’t play about her. Their relationship was different. It was of mutual respect and love. Zavier knew that if she didn’t go pro, he would. Him or her first but then bring the other along. That was their forever pinkie promised plan.

Xiomara was a short and chubby 8 year old girl that was the typical “girly girl”. She loved her pink half of the room she shared with her older sister Yvonne that was 12. Von wanted to appear to be older than she was. She wanted less ‘childish’ things in their room so her side of the room was purple. Xiomara had convinced her that the two colors would make them happy seeing it everyday and Von fell for it. X only wanted the room to be her two favorite colors, pink and purple. Von obliged because their mother promised her she would designed in a way that it didn’t seem so plain purple and pink. The curtains had an ombre that bled from purple to pink. They each had one accent wall. One paisley pink and the other paisley purple. Highlights of sunset orange; organization cubicals on each side of the room - one labeled X and the other labeled Y; and pictures /trophy’s of all their accomplishments on their shared dresser. Their room was pretty much cleaned once they picked up a couple of clothes and shoes. They had straightened and vacuumed the living; they quickly brushed over their room and proceeded to plan how they were going to ask their mom to take them to the neighborhood water park Splash Suns.

Von to X; “so I was thinking we go start helping Ma with cleaning the kitchen and ask if we can go for the day while she gets dinner ready. She let us go last time.”

“Yep, think she’ll let us go again?”

“Do you have your allowance still or did you spend it X?

“I got mines; all of it. Plus Daddy gave me some before we left yesterday!”

“You got enough for me? Von asked nicely. “Jacob is gonna be there today too.”

“Ok. If Ma let’s us go- I’ll pay for you but you gotta talk to Jacob for me.”

“Jacob and Xiomara sitting in a tree! K - I - S - S - I -

“No I’m not. I’m not paying your way Von!

“Okay okay. Just joking. I’ll ask him to eat lunch with us.” She winked at X and nudged her with her forearm.

“Don’t embarrass me. Seriously!” X seriously glared at Von in her face.

“I got you sister. I’m going to make sure it’s all kissy boo boo!”

“- Stop it. I really like him.” She rolled her eyes at Von and walked off.

Von laughed under her breath and walked towards the kitchen. X was always so sensitive when it came to boys. She didn’t even understand that they only held hands that one time at the skating rink that didn’t mean they were in love. For her sister though, she would make sure Jacob showed his face because his older brother Rich was whom she had her eye on. Rich and Jacob always come on Thursdays and that’s why she congregated with her siblings to go today. She had the entire thing planned out to a T! Now to go slay the Mom Dragon. That was the last piece of the puzzle.

X followed behind Von but decided to was sit on the couch; Von pressed toward the huge kitchen that took up the entire left side of the house.

Their mother was an amazing mom. ‘Vet’ short for Victoria, She cooked, she cleaned, she packed their lunches, braided their hair, spoke life into then, she loved her children but most of all she raised them to be just who they are. Strong, Educated Black little girls and boys who can do anything they set their mind to. She loved to read to them about the inequalities of their ancestors and how they can find loopholes in the real world by simply paying attention and educating themselves. She had lived a different life before having children but once you’re a mom; the kids see nothing else but mothering. Physical abuse in prior relationships, living in the ghetto, scrapping for money, and living in her car just to name a few; but her children- they were little individual shinning lights that saved her. They were all their own little human she raised. She manifested success in their life. She knew since she couldn’t make herself into the woman she wanted to be- her kids would be of the Greats of the world. No one and no amount of money could tell her different.

“Ma, you’re hair is so pretty today. What did you do to it?” Von always started with a compliment as she sneaked around the kitchen island.

“Oh really! Thanks suga bear. You know I just put some of that curl cream and a protein treatment in and it brought me back to life! Twirl! Twirl! Fierce Girl! You are!” Vet tossed her head back in forth in the wind holding an invisible mirror up to her face on her hand, primping her hair around. She seemed to always do that with her Soros when they came dressed in the same two colors. Von brushed it off but dug deeper.

“Well it looks good momma!” Von continued. “I mean you could have the whole day to yourself too. Because we can like go and you stay here.”

Vet heard the set up a mile away, “what chu want little ma’am?”

X peaking around the corner watching in fear; “Ma you can stay and let us go to the park that’s right here. It’s right here Ma.” Von pointed out the window toward the park.

“What park Yvonne Alicia Moreles?”

“Spaaaa Suuuu” Von mumbled.

“Little ma’am, we don’t mumble when we speak. We speak with confidence even if we’re unsure. We speak in full and complete sentences. You came ‘round here wanting something so spit it out.”

“Can you take me and my brothers and sister to Splash Suns Park. We have our own money! We really do. Don’t we X!?

Von peered over to X peaking around the corner. X jumped out excitedly, “Yes Ma! We do!”

Vet looked inquisitively at her two girls. They were always the two masterminds putting something together. She stopped washing dishes, dried her hands and came around the corner to the living room. To her surprise, it was clean. They even turned on the faux flickering candles on the coffee table.

“Umph” she continued to walk down the hallway to her daughters room. And again to her surprise, It was tidy. Shoes put away, clothes folded, the girls even made their bed. She laughed as she turned around and looked at them slowly following her.

“You ladies did well. But your brothers are the problem.” She proceeded to the boys room as Von took a deep sigh in agreement.

“Hi mommy!” Julian yelled as he scooted unfolded clothes under his bed.

Zavier walked out of the closet and closed it quickly, “Heyyyyyy mommy with the mostest!”

Vet squinted at Zavier. Glanced back and Julian and then bluffed, “I saw that- open up that closet!” Her vantage point couldn’t see the floor but she could see that their clothes were all hung- a almost never going to happen situation. She looked around the room. Though it wasn’t the A+ grading the girls gave, she did notice the boys even attempted to make their bed and there were no toys on the floor.

“Umph” Vet hummed. “I’ll call your father. I’ll report you have cleaned up my house accordingly. If he has plans; it’s a no- if not it’s a yes for me gang. Yal know I like a clean house and apparently yal been plotting on me to leave.” Vet looked at each of her children one more time and walked off shaking her head in pride.

“We going to the water park, we going to the water park!” Zavier threw his arms in a circle mimicking the Bankhead bounce. X joined in while Julian stood in his Superman pose. Von sprinted to her room. She knew daddy would say yes- let her tell it, she was his favorite. She ran to pick out her bathing suit and cover all. X and Zavier high-fived.

Julian spun his imaginary robe around his feet.“In this universe there will be one King. It is I- Lord Julian. Water has no fury. I will concur the water gods and goddesses once and for all.” He turned to his closet to get ready. X and Zay shook their head and went their separate ways. Today was going to be nothing short of amazing if all went to planned. IF-

“It’s a hot one out there to-“ Vet cut off the radio, “I can’t stand hearing them say the same thing over and over. Play some tunes Von.”

“MY music Ma?”

“Yes girl! I like your bidding bop bop boom clap music. Reminds me of a time I use to dance my cheeks off!”

The echo of ‘ew’ and confusion on their face make Vet giggle with enjoyment.

“Don’t test me now; this 48 year old can still get down with the best of them okay!” Vet snaps her fingers and checks the mirror; blows a kiss at herself and rolls her eyes at their shaming. “Let’s rock and roll Kiddies!”

A mother loves to remind her children that one day, some days long ago, before they were a little seed in her belly; she lived life. A life they can’t even fathom. Life with their father was crazy; exciting to say the least, but it wasn’t all blue skies and puffy clouds. Vet and their father has been together for 13 years; 7 of marriage; of extreme highs and bottom of the barrel lows. With no warning of their first year together- Yvonne arrived; one night of drinking turned into four days of non stop nausea which leads to the doctor asking if they were ready to be parents in 7 months. Vet peered over to her first born, she smiled at her baby girl growing up so fast; singing and playing her new favorite song. She was so proud of her. She turned around to glance at the other three. Each of them, a piece of their father and a piece of her. The twins by each window and X in the very back of their SUV with her legs stretched out across the seat. All in their own little world spinning around hers. Her little family was everything.

As they traveled to their destination, she felt a riding pain in her throat. It traveled down to her chest and sat in her stomach. She immediately assumed it’s that time again but then it went away. Exactly 3 minutes later her ears began to ring a very high pitched squeal as though something was attempting to make her wince. Her left eye began jumping and the sounds of the car ride began to drown out. She pulled to a stoplight and placed her hands over her face- she said to herself: “…inhala exhala Vet, inhala exhala you’re safe; you’re content. You’re happy, you’re in control.”

Honk! Vet jumped and noticed the light had turned green; she stepped on the gas. As usual there was always a long line at Splash Suns. It was the place to be for the neighborhood kids. The community they lived in had its own private pool engineered with a water slide that was too high for her taste but the kids loved it. The volunteer adults let the neighborhood kids come on particular days and give rest to the other parents once a week on Thursdays and in exchange they charge a cover for each child. $5 per kid for 6 hours of pool time and it included lunch and two snacks. The trade off was pretty equivalent; if your child attends you must volunteer for two weeks out of the summer. Vet always waited until the end of the summer when it was much much cooler.

The car drop off line continued to snail close to the entrance. Each child with their face pressed against the windows in anticipation of the Carpool volunteers to open the door; Vet called for their attention;

“Alright so do I need to give a run down of the rules?”

“No ma’am!” They replied as a unit.

“Look a here now; if I get a call; if I hear through the parent group; if I feel a tingle in my scalp of yal out here showing both of ya cheeks and embarrassing me I promise you’re not going to like it my children. I will be down her quicker than instant grits and on your ass like white on rice.”

“Ooooo u cursed us mommy!” Julian felt compelled to interject.

“-she knows that Julian!” Zavier boasted.

“Right. I know what I did. I have to because I want you to hear how serious I am. Is that understood?

“Yessss Ma; we will not embarrass you. Or ourselves. We will say yes ma’am and no sir; we will wait in line;” Von turns to her brothers, “ and we will clean up after ourselves. Isn’t that right guys?”

“Sure thing” Zavier blew it off.

“Yes My Lord Von” Julian bowed his head

“Yes mommy we will!” X excitingly clapped as they got closer to the door.

“Okay my babies. I’ll be 5 minutes up the road at home. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be back right at 3 o’clock. I love you!”

“To the moon” Zavier yelled as he jumped out the car.

“And back” Julian sat forward have his mom a kiss and jumped out the car following his brother.

“And to the moon again mommy” X said cautiously as she squeezed between the two seats from the back and hopped out behind her brothers.

“And beyond Ma. Thank you bringing us!” Von leaned over, pecked her mom on the cheek and glided behind her team of siblings.

“Thank you Mrs. Morales! We’ll take good care of them. Are you still volunteering for the last two weeks of August? I want to finalize the schedule?”

“Sure thing Joey! I need some sun on these legs of mine!”

“Perfect. Thanks Vet. See you at 3!”

Vet drove off back home. She picked up the phone to call her husband. She had other plans in mind.

“My beautiful wife…” he answered

“Sounds like you’re in a good mood baby…”

“Anytime my wife calls me to tell me how much she misses me and could go on a day without me is a good day! Hathalashawa thank ya saints- speak words to me.”

“Bahaaa! Stop Tony, you always starting some mess with me!”

“Oh you love it!”

“Oh how I do… so I just dropped your kids off at the pool. Momma is free until tree!”

Hold on let me count; one two tree you say?”

“Damn right! So is there anyway my big daddy can come home for lunch?”

“Lunch you say; ummmm. What’s on this lunch menu you speak of?

“OMG you should just like Julian! Both of y’all get on my nerves! Haha”

Tony chuckles, “Like father like son Vet, those are the seeds of my lionés Vet, how could you not love it Vet!”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Back to my question…”

“Yes baby, I’ll be home a bit after 12. Is that okay?”

“Yep! That’s all I need to hear.” Bet does a little dance as she walks into their 5 bedroom home.

“Okay babe let me finish this and I’ll be- but Mr. Johnson that makes absolutely zero ounce of intelligence, absolutely not! Babe, I’ll call you when I’m on the way, love you…”

“Handle business baby, Love you too.”

How could it be possible? Vet being so in love with a man that she completely turned into a housewife. She grazed around the kitchen in awe. She slowly trickled her hand over the marble counter tops. If this is what love was, she wanted it for a million more days off her life. She ran her fingers over the smooth wood cabinets thinking about how a man whom scrapped the bottom with her and is now building a legacy for their children. How appreciative she was of the sacrifices he made for her; how much love he gave their kids; but most of all the undying and unwavering love she received from him was sometimes unbelievable. There, in her solitude of the safe boundaries of her kitchen, she’d make him a meal with all the love he’d given her. And so she went to work prepping all the things she’d need to have set up so she could at least take an hour and a half to get all dressed up for her husband. Flour, Salt, Sugar, Yeast then EVOO and warm water- Vet kneaded the bread until it was completely in a perfect shaped ball, placed it aside and let it sit to rise. She then proceeded to grab the T bone steak she let sit out to thaw out about an hour ago to see if it had completely unfroze and luckily it was. She threw it in a bowl and added some love to it- EVOO, Rosemary, garlic, Sazón, onion powder, Worchisire, red wine vinegar and steak seasoning to top it off. As she messaged the blend into the meat her phone rang,

“If that’s those kids… boyyyyy! She mumbled to herself, “Hello?”

“Where my grand babies?”

“Well hello to you too Mother… so you don’t care about your daughter I see…”

“Now that’s not what I said. What I did say was that I know them kids are out of school and you needs to keep them busy. It’s almost 11 o’clock in the afternoon and you sound sleep!”

“I’m not sleep Ma”

Well what you doing then because when you answered the phone it sounded like you was sleep. And those kids don’t need to be sleeping all day. Get em outside or something!

“Mom, they aren’t even here. They’re at splash suns. It’s Thursday. Remember they go every Thursday as long as we’ve had a good week. You don’t remember me telling you that?”

“I didn’t ask what you told me Vet, I asked where they at?”

“Mom, they are at Splash Suns.”

“I ain’t never heard of no Bash Run! Da hell is that! And why are your kids doing bashes!?”

“Lord I swear; is this the mom you really wanted me to have? This one?”

“Yes it is because anybody else would have thrown in the towel long ago with your spoiled ass! Now back to this bash, it’s a party? Open the door I can’t find my key!”

Vet hangs up the phone and walks to the garage door and open it, “Splash Sun Spla Spla with a S Ma Splash Suns and no it’s not a party.”

“Well you ain’t got to yell about it!”

Vets mom Beatrice was such a southern bred woman. She set her purse on the table, grabbed a bottle of water and began her inspection. Beatrice was always in her mind collecting things to fuss about. She heard what she wanted to, she prayed about everything, and took everything personally. Despite her uncaring attitude, she did love her younger of two daughters Vet. She just couldn’t always understand soft love. Her husband, their father, had passed from Prostate Cancer 6 years prior. If he did nothing else he worked all his life at the mill factory and became VP of operations and left them a fortune. At age 72 he has accomplished a lot for their family so when they first found out the news, Jo, short for Jonathan, put together LLCs and trust to protect their money inheritance. He sat down with each of them and explained how it was going to work. He had a masterful mind when it came to saving and understand how to play the “white mans game”. Though he was an astonishing business man, love didn’t come quite so easy. Vet could remember how her mother slaving all day in the kitchen just for him to come home, eat his meal, watch TV, and go to bed like ritual. No thank you, no I love you, no how was your day, none of that. He was a cold man, hated everything about this world- the systems of oppression on his people, becoming a success even though he was destined for the fields- it took a toll on the black man in America that never wanted anything other than to use them up until they were dry. Sadly, It trickled into her mother as a woman. She often barked her words at her kids, whooped them when they were out of line, and never spoke ill of their father. Their father made a life for them even though she never felt loved by him. Back in those days you found a woman that could take care of home because you were required to go work as man. The strain caused love to vanish by the time Vet was a teenager. And that’s all she noticed. How much her father didn’t show her mother love. She vowed to never have that in her marriage but being aware of that, she always took it a little lighter on her mom. Vet glanced over to her mom, paying her absolutely no attention as she started putting up dishes out of the sink. Vet didn’t say anything to stop her because cleaning was her love language. She did it because that was easier than saying I love you. She was conditioned this was and Vet just tried ignored her as she did it. Once she had done her share, she took a seat on the bar in front of Vet,

“What kinda steak is that? And why you put all that stuff over it? Is that a stick of grass?”

“T-bone, because it taste better seasoned, and no, it’s rosemary Mom. Anything else I may oblige you with?”

“Don’t oblige me with s**t. I’m grown. I put your dishes up but that’s not why I came here,

“Thank you for that Mom”

“- yeah so as I said I came here to see my grand babies but you done off and kicked em out the house and your cooking so ain’t nothing for me to do. I’m going back to the country where I don’t have to hear cars driving all fast at 1000 miles per hour.”

“Mom i doubt they are going 1000 miles per hour but the kids will be here at 330 or so if you’d like to come back.”

“Now why would I do all that. I mean maybe.”

“You could go to Hobby Lobby like you love to, stop by the bank as you told me you needed to yesterday, go pick up some steaks and I’ll grill them tonight when Tony’s off.”

“Well that don’t sound bad. And I been meaning to get over to Shoe Carnival to get me some more church slides.” Beatrice begins to smile and look at her legs, “you know bishop Bruce said my legs looked nice the other day at church.”

“We’ll go get you some knee highs for them sexy calves!” Vet joked.

“Oh stop it. It’s church. You can’t be all up on nobody at church. The Lords eyes are everywhere chile! But I’m yea imma go and swing back around 4 or 5. I’ll get about 10 steaks. Okay?”

“Ok Mom. I’ll be here.”

“Ok See ya!”