Remember Me This Way

Chapter 20

Napatanga lang si Logan habang pinagmamasdan nya ang pag-alis ni Hanna. Napabuga sya ng malalim na hininga, feeling as if he'd just been kicked in the stomach. Bakit ba hindi nya naisip yon? All the signs were here. That quiet look of hurt in her eyes...ang peklat sa kanyang pisngi, at ang hindi nya pagkabagay sa lugar na ito. He'd seen for himself that she was caring, efficient nurse. Pero hindi man lang nya pina practice ang pagiging nurse nya sa pamamagitan ng pagtrabaho sa isang hospital. Hell, iyon dapat ang sagot sa kanyang mga katanongan tungkol kay Hanna.

Mula sa kanyang kinatayuan ay nakikita nya si Hanna na naghihiwa ng karne. Ipinikit na lamang ni Logan ang kanyang mga mata, and shook his head.

Slowly he walked into the kitchen. Nakita nyang napalingon sa kanya si Hanna, tas pinagpatuloy pa rin nito ang kanyang paghihiwa.

Napasandal naman sya sa pintuan ng kusina at pinagmamasdan si Hanna.

"I should have known...iyon ba yong sinasabi mong car accident?"tanong nya sa malumanay na boses."at ang dahilan kung bakit nagkaroon ka ng peklat sa mukha?"

Tumango si Hanna bilang tugon, but she didn't turn to face him. Ipinagtimpla nya ng kape si Logan, but still she didn't turn around.

"It's been five months"she murmured."Everyone says I should be over it by now. Siguro naiisip rin nila na nababaliw na ako dahil mag-isa lang akong nakatira dito."

"Of course, You're not crazy. You're the sanest person I know."he said, and laughed softly."But then...ikaw palang naman ang taong nakilala ko sa ngayon."

Hanna's laugh sounded more like sob. Whe she finally turned to face him, nakita ni Logan na merong namumuong luha sa kanyang mga mata.

"Hindi ko sinasadyang masasaktan ka sa sinasabi ko. I'm sorry...I'm really sorry for being so insensitive."hinging paumanhin ni Logan.

Hanna's chin trembled. She blinked her eyes against the pain in her chest, trying to push away the tears.

"Hey"sambit ni Logan.

Humakbang naman papalapit sa kanya si Logan at niyakap sya nito. His hand cradled her head against his chest as he murmured soft words against her hair.

Pilit nyang itinulak si Logan, pero mas niyakap sya nito ng mahigpit, dahilan sa paglambot ng mga tuhod nya at paghina sa natitira nyang kontrol.

"Okay lang naman ang umiyak."he said, habang yakap-yakap pa rin sya nito."God knows if anyone deserves a good cry, you do. Minsan gusto ko ring umiyak...I haven't cried since--"

Pakiramdam ni Hanna naninigas ang buong katawan nya, at kumalas na sya sa pagkakayakap ni Logan. She was no longer thinking of herself or her loss, but of him, and the puzzled look in his eyes.

"Since when?"tanong nya."Sabihin mo sakin kung kailan ka huling umiyak."

"Noong twelve years old ako."he said blankly, holding his sore ribs. Umupo si Logan sa silya roon at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. A quiet look of wonder on his face as if he were a child trying to recite a memorized poem.

"Nalulong sa bawal na gamot noon ang mama ko. Kaya Maraming adik ang labas-masok sa bahay namin dahil doon nila ginawa ang pagpa-pot session. At yong ka live-in partner ng mama ko, pati yon ay nalulong rin sa druga."

Hanna wanted to go to him. To touch him...hold him while he remembered this thing that was so obviously painful to him. Pero hinayaan na lamang nya si Logan baka biglang maglaho ang alaala nito pag mag interupt sya.

"Wala ba silang ginawang masama sayo?"tanong ni Hanna.

"Wala naman silang ginawa sakin. Sinabihan lang ako ng ka live-in partner ni mama na gagawin daw nila akong drug runner...Tumawa lang naman si mama na parang walang pakialam...kaya tumakbo ako. And that was the last day I ever spent in that place."

"Logan"bulong ni Hanna sa pangalan nito. Tears filled her eyes and she took a step toward him.

Alam nyang parang gusto ring maiyak ni Logan sa mga oras na yon. But then with a lift of his brow, he stood up. She could see his clenched jaw and the hard look in his eyes.

"Well,"kibit-balikat na sabi nito."Kaya hindi nakapagtataka kung bakit ayaw ko ng maalala ang aking nakaraan, diba?"at pilit itong ngumiti.

Pinahid naman ni Hanna ang kanyang mga luha."Naalala mo na ba ang lahat?"tanong pa rin nya, knowing that it sometimes happened that way with amnesiacs.

"No"sagot naman ni Logan."Not all of it."

"Siguro yan muna sa ngayon, wag mo ng pipilitin ang sarili mo na makaalala. Ipagluluto muna kita ng breakfast.”

"Sorry, pero nawawalan na ako ng gana."bruskong sagot nito, bumalik na naman ang dating pagka sarkastiko ni Logan.

He didn't look at her again as he pushed himself away from the table and took a slow step into the hallway.

"Kailangan kong maglakad-lakad, nababagot na akong palaging nakahiga sa kama. Do you mind if I look around?"he asked, nodding toward the rest of the house.

"No, go ahead"tugon nya. Kailangang labanan nya ang pagnanais na mahawakan ito. Instead, she wave her hand toward the house. At hindi na lamang sya nag abala pang sundan ito.

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