Go Full Circle

3

3

Harlow was still getting over what Ryske had said about her returning to Rupert when Ophelia appeared around the end of the couch. Strolling along, she was loose and sighing like a woman in the clutches of new love. Although, in truth, what she was going through was far from new. Ophelia had wanted Ryske for as long as she’d known him.

“I often wonder,” Ophelia said, continuing her glide all the way to the fireplace where she traced a finger along the mantel. “How do you feel when you see me with him?”

Harlow looked up just as Ophelia turned to show her subdued, yet curious, smile. Ophelia was great at talking about herself and that was usually the context in which she brought up Ryske. She’d mentioned her feelings, and what she thought of Ryske’s, but she’d never been so direct in asking Harlow about her perspective.

“What do you want me to say, Ophe?”

“Do you ache when you see him?” Ophelia asked.

Harlow knew what answer she wanted to hear and imagined it would give Ophelia great pleasure to see Harlow broken and begging for mercy.

Instead she muttered, “Yeah, I never did get over that yeast infection.”

Penzance laughed, but Ophelia huffed, taking great offense. “You’re so rude.”

“I’m rude?” Harlow said.

Ophelia sucked in a breath and stormed away, slamming into the hallway, leaving Harlow alone with Penzance. There was no real hurry for either of them to be anywhere. At least, there was none for her to be anywhere. She appreciated Penzance not getting up to run away; he was the only thing she had resembling a friend nearby.

“You are a little bit rude, you know,” Penzance muttered out the corner of his mouth.

With a smile, she nudged her elbow into his ribs. “Do you blame me when there are so many assholes around here?” she asked and then rested her head on his arm. “Except you. You’re not an asshole.”

He slapped a hand to his chest. “Oh, you wound me. I’ll just have to keep trying.”

“Please don’t,” she said and closed her eyes.

Dropping her guard wasn’t usually an option. Even in spite of her trust in Penzance, Harlow wasn’t wild about the idea of him knowing she was gathering herself. It helped that he couldn’t see her face in this position. Sometimes she got so tired of being alert all the time. Napping meant giving someone the chance to catch you unaware, so she wouldn’t let herself do it.

“Wish I’d got to see more of you two together,” he said. “You’ve got some history. I could tell there was something weird about your relationship the night we met. You were like… connected. Even when he was flirting with Kylie and you weren’t even looking at each other, there was an awareness about you… I don’t think he meant what he said about Marlowe.”

Penzance had dated a friend of Harlow’s sister. Through that relationship, Penzance had learned quite a bit about the Sweetings, including Harlow. Without her telling him, he’d also known that she was once engaged to the guy who impregnated Lena. The wedding was being planned as they spoke. Not that Harlow could be a part of it. She had missed all of the planning while stuck at Ophelia’s.

Her new life involved some strict rules. Phones and the internet were off-limits. Harlow guessed Ophelia feared her calling Ryske, or reinforcements. Even if she had to order food or clothes for Ophelia, she wasn’t allowed to place the order on her own. She had to write it down and give it to Brash, who enjoyed having power over her life almost as much as Ophelia did.

“It was all planned,” she said. “Ryske told me to go back to Rupert and I was going.”

“Why?” Penzance asked, genuine incredulous curiosity in his voice. “I remember Lena talking about how you and Marlowe weren’t happy. You left the guy because you didn’t love him. Why go back?”

Breathing in, she thought about that time, which felt like so long ago. “Because it was him who helped me when I thought I’d lost Ryske,” she said. “Ophelia and I came up with the plan to go in half each on Pothos. It was part of our grander scheme to avenge Ryske, who’d been shot by Animal on Jarvis Hagan’s order.”

She almost laughed. Back then, rage and resolve coursed through her in equal measure. In retrospect, it seemed incredible. Though, if she found herself in the same position again, she’d probably act in the same way.

“How did Marlowe help you?”

“He gave me the money,” she said. “A half a million dollars, no questions asked.”

“And the bargain was you go back to him?”

Sitting up straight, she smoothed her hands down her skirt. “Yep,” she said. “He was good about it and didn’t pressure me. The point was to do what I had to do, and then go back to the life he’d wanted us to have.” Realizing her mouth was working without the backup of her brain, Harlow turned quickly to grab his hand. “Lena doesn’t know. No one knows, except Ryske and the guys. I—”

“Your secret’s safe,” Penzance said, touching the end of her chin. “Don’t think I’ll be talking to Emma again any time soon anyway.”

When he put his arm around her and pulled her against his side, Harlow let him take her, getting the sense that he needed some comfort of his own. “Do you ever miss her?”

“Em?” he asked. “No more than I ever miss any of them. We weren’t… you know.”

He’d tell her it wasn’t real. Maybe it wasn’t. Yet, it seemed there was something more to how the relationship ended than he was letting on.

“Relationships suck, don’t they?” she asked.

“Not yours. Ryske’s just being a guy. He wants to be between you and trouble. While you’re here, he can’t be… He does love you.”

Harlow didn’t doubt that, but that didn’t mean his words couldn’t hurt or that he wouldn’t mean them. At the same time Ryske told her to go back to Rupert, he’d been in love with her. He hadn’t told her then, but he’d since told her. Loving her hadn’t stopped him faking his death.

Breaking her heart was a side-effect; collateral damage to making a unilateral decision about what was best for her. Penzance couldn’t know any of that, but he was right about one thing, Ryske was being a guy… a jerk of a guy.

Harlow knew her man. She didn’t know how Penzance had reached his conclusion. “How do you know that?” she asked.

“Because I’ve known Ryske a long time.”

“You’ve known all of them for a long time.” Easing their bodies apart, he peeked down at her. “Yes, Ryske and I do talk… I know you’re from the neighborhood.”

He nestled her to his side again. “Some of the things he told you just amaze me,” he said. “Ryske doesn’t trust anyone.”

“He trusts his crew.”

“All of them are suspicious assholes.”

“That makes you one too,” she said. “You ran with them. Learned with them… That stands for something… Means more than even someone like me.”

“What does that mean?”

She sighed. “Sure, Ryske loves me. But his ability to trust me has always been in question.”

“If you f****d around on him once—”

“I’ve never f****d around on him,” she said, but released some of her bluster and sagged. “If I had, maybe I’d be able to understand why he feels it’s so necessary to hide things from me. Every time I think I’ve gotten through to him, I find out something new… I don’t know if we’ll be able to hold up to it again.”

“I guess he feels the same way, which might be why he’s telling you about his plan here,” Penzance said. “Honey, I can’t tell you what’s going to happen with your relationship or any of this s**t. An old friend of mine used to say something that’s helped me out plenty of times. Get what you like and like what you’ve got. Means—”

“I know what it means,” she said and smiled. “It means we’re in control of our own actions and that we have to make lemonade no matter what fruit we’re given…”

“Dover trusts you too, huh?” Penzance said. “Floyd used to say it all the time when one of us was bitching about something. Sometimes life gives us s**t we don’t want. But if we’ve got it, we might as well get used to it and find a way to make the best of it, because it’s not going anywhere.”

Opening her mouth, she pulled in a breath. “You’re right. Dover’s right. Floyd’s right…” She sat up again and ran her fingers through her hair. Taking some time to compose herself, Harlow got her head back in the right mindset to face the day. “Why can’t someone tell Ryske that?”

His smile became a grin as he stood up and grabbed her hands to haul her onto her feet. “Honey, no one changes that much. No one ever told Ryske anything he didn’t want to hear.”

That was the truth. Harlow could tell him one thing and he’d hear the opposite. Like when she’d told him she wouldn’t sleep with him or that they were breaking up. Ryske wasn’t fazed, he just contradicted her and let it bounce off.

There was little comfort in that truth. If he was out fighting every night, he wasn’t letting it bounce off this time. His rage was something he was always in control of. He made a point of that. His father had been violent and he didn’t want to follow that example.

This was a difficult time. Knowing she was doing it for her crew helped to push her through it. But Ryske felt helpless. Harlow could identify with that feeling. She’d feared being in his position when they thought Ophelia was going to claim him at the card game.

Time dragged while she was under Ophelia’s command, but she had plenty to keep her busy. In contrast, Ryske was at home. Even the refurbishments at Floyd’s wouldn’t distract him from knowing she was out in the world and possibly in peril.

Harlow needed him to trust her. She was going to do this whether she had his support or not. But at the end of it, she didn’t know what would remain of the life she’d left behind.