Saving Moxie

Games

It had been an uneventful couple of days since I had started my job at the tattoo shop. For the most part, I was running the front desk: setting appointments and drawing up sketches for potential tattoo designs. I quickly found out that girl that I had originally met was named Carly and she was an apprentice, but still fairly new. I wondered if Jen knew how she talked to people, but I didn't really pick that situation apart much. It was nice working alongside Jen - she was almost as feral as I was and knew exactly what to expect from me. In a way, there was a silent respect between the two of us.

But the whole working situation was all still pretty new. There was still plenty of room for disaster.

Things at the house, on the other hand, had become increasingly more frustrating. Jamie was an angel, honestly, but it was so difficult to avoid him. Every morning consisted of breakfast and flirty witty banter, followed by a ride to and home from the shop. I wasn't really sure where he went after he dropped me off, but I assumed it was probably his day job. He never told me where he disappeared to until late into the night and honestly, I didn't really know if I wanted that information, but it didn't stop me from guessing. Every time had been wrong so far, but it was starting to become more of a playful banter than actual questions. So far, I had guessed drug dealer (which I knew was wrong, but it was interesting to see his reaction), tech guru (which had stemmed from his ability to tear apart the washer and fix it after it broke down), and door to door salesman. He actually laughed out loud at the idea of going from house to house selling goods - which also ruled out insurance salesman.

I always pictured Jamie as a doctor or someone that helped people for a living. If he worked long hours, it would have been my first guess. He was the type of person who helped everyone around him and was charming in a remarkable way. I always figured his friendship with me as kids was his charity case. Now that we were older, something was different between us. The way Jamie looked at me when I made coffee in the morning or the way his eyebrows pulled together when I came home and offered to help wash the dishes was different. It was almost as if he didn't recognize me. I wondered if he would always see me as the dirty girl who gobbled down her pancakes like a savage.

As I walked into the house, the glorious scent of food wafted toward me and noise from the kitchen made my eyebrows shoot up. Jen had given me a ride home because Jamie said he may be late to pick me up. I had told him not to worry about it, assuming I would beat him back to the house and probably fall asleep with my hand in a bag of chips again like I had a couple of nights before. Honestly, I was a horrible cook so the only time I ate a real hot meal was when I had the money for take out or the past few nights when Jamie had cooked for me. It had begun to feel pleasantly normal to eat a meal with Jamie after doing it every day for nearly a week. Everything seemed to be a little more normal to me as time went on. Rides to work were fueled with coffee and witty conversations and half played songs while dinners consisted of good conversation about small things like the weather and what we would name a pet, if we ever had one.

I noticed after the first couple of nights that Jamie always came to the big house to check on me before he went to bed for the night - probably to see if I were still there. My heart clenched at knowing that one of these times, he would check and I would be gone for real.

"Mox, is that you?" Jamies sweet voice called from the kitchen as I kicked off my shoes absently, taking in the old wooden game sprawled out on the table. The dining room had undertones of dust and old wood, which I assumed came from the old scrabble game being packed away for years in the attic. He must have dragged it down at some point while I was at work.

"It is still my house, right? Were you expecting company?" I called, peeking into the kitchen to see him emptying pasta from a pot into two bowls. "I can make myself scarce. I'm not a c**k block."

"What? No." He laughed softly, offering me a bowl of what looked like macaroni and cheese, but for grown ups. He seemed bewildered by my statement, as if the idea of having anyone over wasn't even a thought in his head. "I thought you may want to have a night in and hang out."

I sighed. Honestly, even though I was trying to avoid spending unnecessary time with this man, but since he made me dinner I figured I should at least do something to show I was thankful.

"You used to love scrabble so I figured..."

"Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind reminding you who is the reigning champ." He chuckled at this.

We both took a seat on beside each other at the table, just far enough away from each other to keep our letters secret but close enough to make my head spin as I caught a whiff of his cologne.

I shoveled forkfuls of pasta in my mouth as we took our letters and looked over how we could strategize our play. Jamie lead with the word 'exit', smiling like he had already won.

As I played the word 'slot ', he laughed out loud.

"You are the loudest scrabble player I've ever met." I couldn't help but laugh back with him.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from him as he considered which letters he could use to beat me. The way he worried his lip with his teeth and moved the wooden pieces this way and that, trying to figure out what words he could make. Half of me wanted to snap out some sly remark and poke fun at him while the other half wanted to reach out and run my fingertips over the thought wrinkles in his forehead and kiss his lips. I shook my head, forcing myself to push the thought out. He played the word 'lite' and I frowned.

"You're so cute when you think hard."

"You're just trying to butter me up so I don't kick your ass as usual." I said with a laugh, remembering how often I used to beat him playing scrabble when we were younger. "That should be considered cheating."

"Yeah right! Tell me about one ass you've ever kicked. Have you ever even been in a fight?"

"Um, yes. I'll have you know I'm the best butt kicker." I gave him a small but genuine smile as I reached out my toes and pushed back his chair playfully. "Jennifer Brown in the sixth grade."

"Isn't that your boss?" The look on his face was completely priceless. I giggled to myself, nodding as I took another large bite of pasta. "You two used to be double trouble in school."

"We fought over a boy. And I beat her ass. Then we got drunk on peppermint schnapps in the locker room together and made up."

Jamie looked both shocked and entirely captivated by my admission. As his hands raked through his hair, he pushed his empty bowl across the table and moved his chair closer to me in a not so subtle way.

"And who was this boy? Do I know him?" The Cheshire Cat grin on his face was almost too much. I would never admit that the boy we fought over was Jamie himself. I had been entirely in love with him and Jen had wanted to ask him out since I refused to make a move. She asked him out, despite my pleas not to but of course, Jamie politely declined. At the time, I had taken it to mean that he had feelings for me too, but now I knew that it was because he was too focused on school to date. He'd told me so personally when I asked him about it.

"He was my first love." I admitted coyly, the blush creeping up my neck.

Smirking across the table, I placed my word 's*x' down.

Instantly the atmosphere in the room changed. It was as if someone had made the room a little hotter and a little more uncomfortable. Jamie sat stiff in his chair, no longer happily shuffling his game pieces.

"What? Do you have a problem with the word s*x?" I demanded, pulling my hair off my neck and tying it in a bun on top of my head.

"Nope. Not a problem with the word. Just didn't expect you to lay it down."

I shrugged, sliding the pieces around that I had to attempt to make another word to outsmart him, but my attention was lost. "Well, I'm a pro, so I have to show off." I smirked and leaned back in my chair in the most cocky way I could manage.

"I'm sure you are. You were never very shy about how much of a pro you were. I never expected it to change." He snorted and as I looked up, I saw nothing but disgust written on his face. I knew that look all too well. All at once, I realized that he meant my s****l exploits. Sure, I hadn't denied the colorful stories of all the men and women that claimed to have slept with me, but I thought he of all people knew better. When has he started believing all the stories about me? I ignored the stab of heart in my heart at his words. I expected everyone to assume I was a slut, but it felt different coming from Jamie.

"I meant at scrabble, you f*****g dick." I whispered, trying to mask the emotions in my tone. I winced when Jamie shifted closer to me, moving too much into my personal space. I jerked myself back, forcing my shoulders to become tense again and my face to go blank, as if the moment had never happened. All at once I was no longer hungry.

"Mox-"

"Save it. Do you realize I started letting boys feel me up at thirteen just to know what it felt like to have attention?" I nearly screamed.

"I gave you attention! I showed you love!"

"I didn't want your pity love!" You could have sworn I slapped him with the way Jamie's face dropped. "I never needed you!"

"I just want to know what happened to you! You won't even tell me what it was like after you left with Jack!" The look on his face made me want to cry. "You used to tell me everything!"

"What? Do you want me to tell you it was horrible living with him?" I smirked, shaking my head as I jumped out of my chair to move away from him. "My parents' faces never lit up when they looked at me, but you were like the little golden boy they never had. People crave being touched if they can't have real love. You wouldn't even know, Jamie, because your mother loved you. Everyone loves you!" I let out a maniacal laugh that made me jump a little. "You're perfect! While I was out being pushed around and looked down on and forced to do illegal s**t, you were here being loved and perfect!"

I looked him steadily in the eye as a conflicted emotions of anger and sadness crossed his face, forcing the ice in my heart to grow a little colder.

"Forced?" He asked slowly, piecing together the puzzle that I let slip. "What are you forced to do, Moxie?"

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You know what I mean." I sighed, shaking my head again. "When you have a reputation like mine, it's hard to do legal things. It's hard to be a good person."

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it once again as I shook my head and turned away from him.

Something flickered in his eyes as I walked away, escaping to my loneliness.