My Secret I Never Knew

Why me

Nicole’s POV

I walked into the Clubhouse kitchen after everyone left to gather their things and look for the materials needed to clean. Man this place needed a deep clean, I can tell the others haven’t hung out here much since I left almost a year ago. They only started to hang out here because of me, so it made sense they wouldn’t come here as much if they didn’t need to. I often felt like I was a burden to everyone, yes they were my friends but I felt they went too far out of their way for me. I was the youngest and the most troubled, it’s the truth and I accept it.

No me, no wasting time in The Clubhouse to keep me company, sane and safe I guess. I know they worry for me but I’m fine. I don’t need babysitters. I can handle myself. After making the kitchen squeaky clean I walked to the master bedroom upstairs, my bedroom. 

I looked around at all the dust that was collected and began to wipe it off the walls and surfaces. If they loved being here as much as they say they would’ve kept better care of this place. I sighed. 

~FLASHBACK ~

I was 8 years old running as fast as my little feet could take me. I was running away from my foster family, those people are the definition of evil. I had subconsciously run to Candice’s home. It was my safe place but I couldn’t stay there because they’d find me. I grabbed Candice’s bike and left a purple paper rose in its place so she would know I had it. I rode as fast as I could going towards the A.S. since the sanctuary was the only place people wouldn’t go too deep into. Well most people, when my parents were alive we loved to venture as far into this place as we could before the sunset. I loved it and I missed them, I needed to be close to them and here I felt close. I peddled into the A.S. as fast as I could dodging low branches and trying not to fall. Suddenly the front tire lost air and I got off the bike to check it, a stupid twig punctured it. Great. I looked around for a tree to hide and sleep in when a baby bunny hopped to me. I pet it then two more bunnies popped out from behind bushes, I think they were the parents, and they all began to hop deep into the A.S. I picked up all my stuff from the basket connected to the bike and I followed them even when my legs began to ache from walking so long. I have never been this deep into the Sanctuary and I’ve been deep, this place is huge as big as a city.

 Finally, I came to this old cabin with broken windows and broken wooden steps. I pushed the door open and no one was in here. I quickly came to the conclusion it was abandoned, it was completely empty in every room and dust was everywhere. I walked up the creepy creaking stairs and looked around each room until I found the master bedroom. It was the biggest and had a bathroom connected to it so I decided I’d stay here. I wouldn’t have to leave this room for anything until I was ready. I rolled my sleeping bag out onto the floor before grabbing a bottle of water and a snack bar out of my backpack.

I ate and then went to get a good look at the bathroom and it was HORRIBLY disgusting, mold all over. I walked out, closing the door behind me. I’ll clean that later I thought as I walked back near my sleeping bag. I took my shoes off and stood on top of my bag so I could change into my PJs without touching the floor and getting dirty. Once I was done I climbed into the bag and drifted off to my first peaceful sleep in seven months.

The next morning I snuck into a couple of the cabins for the guides that worked at the A.S., and grabbed cleaning supplies, food, and a walkie talkie. I headed back to my home and began to clean everything, even the moldy bathrooms. The bathrooms were old and out of date especially the tubs, they were giant wooden tubs lined with tin on the inside. I remember reading about tubs like this. I would have to boil water on the stove then bring it up to fill the tub. Hmmmm, that’s not going to happen. The toilets had pull strings to flush them. I cleaned the entire house thoroughly, it took all day, and I was proud of myself. The house was dark now and I had to use a flashlight to see, I walked through the house again noticing candles on the walls in holders. There was a fireplace in the living room that I could light in the winter when it gets cold, as well as to cook since there was no stove. There wasn’t even a refrigerator, just an old ice box that I cleaned to store a few food items.

Three weeks alone until I saw her, Candice, she was sitting on the ground alone and crying. I walked up to her slowly.

“Candy Cane” 

“NIKKI OH MY GOODNESS NIKKI YOU’RE OK!” She cried while hugging me

“What are you doing out here, are you crazy.”

“I went to your foster home so we could go to the movies but your foster dad told me you were out shopping with your foster mom, I knew that was a lie you hate shopping. I went back home and saw my bike gone with your purple rose there instead. I looked at all the places in town you like to go to but couldn’t find you. Then I remembered the Sanctuary and your parents bringing you here all the time. I’ve been coming every day to try to find you until it gets dark, then I go home. I found my bike two weeks ago. Why did you run away I was worried” 

“Come on, I have a new home now, but it’s a secret. I’ll show you.” I showed her around my place and before leaving she promised she’ll be back soon. The next day she came back with a red wagon full of stuff, including an air mattress and multiple pictures of us together. A few pictures had Neesh in them as well. 

 Candice never told anyone where I was. She would even bring my homework so I wouldn’t fall behind in school. I was living alone for four months until I was caught in one of the cabins taking a shower. Usually I was great at timing when a cabin would be visited by a guide but this day just happened to be the first day of the new guide’s shift, her name was Rebecca. She asked my name and who my parents were but I wouldn’t speak, she asked if I was lost and what I was doing there and I said nothing. After a while I was taken to the station where I was immediately recognized. They tried calling my foster parents but got no answer so they called The Lees and The Blanks, the parents of Neesh and Candice, to come to the station. Then an officer was sent to my foster home. I wanted to cry but I didn’t. I wouldn’t let those evil bastards see evidence of weakness when they came to the station.

Once the Blanks and Lees arrived we were placed into a room so they could talk to us together. Neesh honestly didn’t know anything. Candice on the other hand did and wouldn’t stop crying when she was asked questions. Ha, that’s why she’s Candy Cane. She's too sweet and doesn’t like anyone upset with her. She’s terrified of everything including authority but she’s sheltered, too sheltered and too sweet this is why I couldn’t tell her why I ran away. Three hours they had us for three hours before deciding to take a break, the Lee’s were able to go since it was clear they didn’t know anything. Candice and I were left in the room while the adults went to get food. 

“You have to tell them, Nikki, you have to tell them that you’ve been out there the last four months. What happened, why did you run away.”

“Candy Cane I’ll tell you if you promise to stop crying whenever they ask you something ok”

“Ok I promise, if you tell me everything I’ll be strong for you”

“Ok, I….. I…… I ran away because they’re evil people and I can’t live there. I can’t tell the grownups because they said they would kill you and Neesh if I said anything. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you guys too. I can’t say everything from my mouth but I can say it all by showing you my back. Lock the door please.” She slowly walked to the door locking it and I stood up turning my back towards her, slowly lifting my shirt.

I was expecting to hear her crying loudly and uncontrollably but I didn’t hear anything, I turned around to see her wide eyes pained and holding back tears. She was trying to be strong, be strong for me and I could see her tiny fists balled together her arms shaking in anger. Her eyes wanted to cry but the rest of her was furious, I couldn’t help but smile at her 10 year old angry self. She’s always been so delicate and I’ve been the protector even though I’m younger, now the roles were switched. She walked to me hugging me, comforting me she was comforting me. I realized my body was stiff while she hugged me and I relaxed into her hug, then we heard banging on the door.

“GO AWAY NOW” she screamed, she really screamed at adults ha I like angry Candice.

Unfortunately the adults had keys and an officer opened the door, two officers and the Blanks stepped into the room. All of their eyes held tears, all of them and looked at me with pity but I didn’t understand why. 

“How long sweetheart “ her father asked, reaching towards me, I flinched backwards automatically and he pulled his hand back. 

“What are you talking about “ I asked Mrs. Blanks then walked closer to me and reached for my hand, before I realized it I pulled back from her as well moving closer to the wall. Tears began to fall from her face and I couldn’t understand what was wrong with her.

Everyone started moving closer to me slowly and I felt like they were going to grab me and send me back to that hell hole with those monsters, I didn’t want that I started looking around for an escape route and saw an opening but before I could run a lady officer grabbed my arm, she was gentle but my reaction was unexpected.

“GET AWAY FROM ME, GO AWAY” I screamed but the woman wouldn’t she pulled me into a hug rubbing my back telling me it’s ok but it wasn’t nothing was ok. I began to kick and punch her so she would let me go, nothing worked so I bit her only earning a hiss in pain from her.

“LET ME GO, DON’T TOUCH ME. PLEASE JUST LET ME GO. I WON’T TELL I PROMISE LET ME GO!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried biting her again but it didn’t work, I was too weak. Just like I was weak in that foster home they were trying to send me back to.

“Please put her down.” A woman’s gentle voice said, I recognized it immediately from all the questions she asked earlier, Rebecca. “She’s suffering and confused. You have to release her. 

“I’m not trying to hurt here I’m trying to comfort her”

“She’s not a newborn needing to be coddled, she’s a child that’s been abused. Touching her against her will is making her feel like she’s back with her abusers. The things she just said, the panic in her eyes, movements and voice. Surely you understand she’s scared and forcing yourself on her even if it’s to calm her is terrifying her more. Please place her down and leave the room” Rebecca spoke so calmly and the officer released me. Once my feet touched the floor I ran into a close corner and placed my knees to my chest wrapping my arms around them and placed my head on my arms.

I heard the door close and footsteps coming close to me but I didn’t move.

“Nicole, honey it’s ok. I won’t hurt you. I won’t touch you either without your permission. I just want to talk, and I want you to know you’re never going back to your foster home again.” Her words caused me to lift my head and stare into her eyes that were an ocean blue and full of understanding.

“Do you see that big mirror over there Nicole? Well that’s called a two way mirror and well in the room on the other side of it the adults there heard and saw everything you said and showed Candice.” My heart began to race

“Don’t worry Nicole, you're safe and they can’t harm you or your friends. They are in custody, in jail sweetheart and they’re not getting out. Not with everything they have done to you and the other children.”

“What do you mean? They only hurt me”

“No, no sweetheart, we found two of their daughters in a cage downstairs in the basement, one was in a dog cage and the other tied to a table. There was also a boy upstairs with a chain on his leg connected to a bedpost.”

“Oh no, it’s my fault. It’s all my fault”

“Calm down sweetheart nothing is your fault, it’s their fault they are horrible adults and that’s their fault.”

“No, if I wouldn’t have run away the others wouldn’t have gotten my punishments, they’ve never been punished before they can’t take that. It’s my fault I shouldn’t have run. I didn’t think they’d hurt their real children, I’m sorry I’m so sorry”

“Hush no it’s not your fault you have nothing to be sorry for, you were trying to protect yourself and your friends.”

“ I should have told someone I shouldn’t have kept a secret. They wouldn’t be hurt if I didn’t keep a secret.” I cried and lunged forward grabbing Rebecca by the neck hugging her tightly, like I’d float away or something if I didn’t hold on tightly 

~End Flashback ~ 

I went to live with Rebecca that day and I found out two days later while over hearing a phone call my foster siblings had died from their injuries. If I didn’t keep that secret things would’ve been different. I quickly wiped a tear that I felt making its way down my cheek. I finished cleaning then walked to the porch to wait for the others. Ophelia swooped down from a branch she was on and caught a mouse as I opened the door. 

“Well at least one of us is enjoying a meal” I said to her with a smile. I sat down and wondered if anyone would tell Candice about the animals, it was the only secret I kept from her. It’s a secret that wouldn’t hurt her and doesn’t involve her like it does everyone else in town, so I figured I wouldn’t bother her with it. Sometimes though I feel like she’s connected to Athena and she should know the secret but then I remember how she found Athena as a cub when she was only 12. My thoughts were interrupted by rustling of bushes to my left, I slowly reached down into my knife holster I had on my ankle pulling out my knife. I was very skilled at knife throwing, Rebecca taught me when I came to live with her.

“Come out now whoever you are, or I’ll hurt you” I said with confidence. I’m 16 but I’m pretty deadly with weapons. Just as I was about to throw the knife a chunky white fluffy bunny jumped out of the bushes.

“Levi, ha, is that you? Dude you’ve got BIG little guy” I told him as I walked over and bent down to pet his fur, this was the baby bunny that helped lead me to my home. He would visit me everyday except during the winter when he went into hibernation. Even when I lived in the North cabin with Rebecca, I had grown so used to being in nature and I couldn’t sleep at her house in town without night terrors. She decided to move us into the cabin and once a week we would sleep at her home in town, so I could start getting comfortable with sleeping in town again.

After petting Levi for a few minutes he began to jump while spinning in circles, that was his way of telling me to follow him so I obliged going behind the my home and deeper into the woods. I was familiar with the A.S. because of how much time I spent here practically growing up out her, we were heading towards a cave that had a beautiful cherry tree not too far from it. Levi stopped at cave entrance and laid down, I sat down next to him. We sat there for a bit then I started to hear a low purr, I stood and started walking into the cave trying to stay in the light as much as possible. “Hello, you can come out I won’t hurt you” I said into the cave. After a moment a beautiful Black Panther came forward purring, I sat down on my knees bowing my head to hear. I felt her lick my forehead and I lifted my head looking her in the eyes, I rubbed her head noticing a patch of white fur on her forehead in the shape of a star. “That’s a cute little birthmark” I said to her and she purred rubbing against me before she began to whine in pain, I looked over her body and realized she was pregnant. “Ok I let’s see wants going on here, where’s your den mama.” I asked and she began to walk deeper into the cave and I followed her, with my hand placed on her back so she could guide me in the dark. After awhile and a few stops for her to get over the pain she was feeling I began to see light again, the closer we got the more I saw that is was coming from another opening. We walked through and it was as if we were in an oasis inside of the mountain, it was beautiful but I couldn’t take the time to fully enjoy it with this soon to be mom in pain. I followed her into the grassy field along the inside of the mountain where I saw her climb into and opening right near a puddle of water that had steam coming from it. A hot spring, I couldn’t believe this was all here and I never found it. “Ok mama let’s see what’s happening with your baby, can you lay on your side for me” I asked her and she did. I wasn’t surprised at all since I’ve always had a way with animals, they always seemed to understand me even though they couldn’t speak to me the way people do. I had delivered so many animals in the sanctuary even without Rebecca that I was able to immediately tell this baby was positioned wrong. I quickly assist the panther with the birth of her little one, a healthy baby girl with the same white star patch like her mom. “Beautiful Bella”, I said while holding the cub as mom proceeded to chew the cord. I looked at mom in the eyes and told her good job. Then I took off my shirt since I had a tank top underneath and placed baby Bella down near her mom. “If you ever need me or just want to come visit you can use this to find my scent if Levi isn’t around.” I said to her as I bowed, “I need to get back, I’m pretty sure my friends are probably looking for me”. 

Just as I began to rise I heard a loud roar, I turned quickly and saw two lionesses stalking towards us. I lowered myself to show them I wasn’t a threat, “please go away, we mean you no harm”. The Lionesses continued to stalk forward growling, then behind me Bella’s mom growled back at them in warning. It was an empty threat, she was too weak to fight and they knew it, but these animals didn’t respond to me. I was basically an animal whisper keeping the freaking peace if need be and helping heal wounded animals but these two were different, they didn’t respond to me like other animals did. I kept my eyes on them as one started to go to my life and the other to my right, stalking, damn they were going to attack me. Then that would leave the Panthers as their next prey, before I could think of what to do the Lioness on my right jumped in towards me with her mouth open and claws out.

Eric POV

“I don’t get it where she could have gone, she wouldn’t just leave without telling us.” Candice cried while pacing back and forth. Geez this girl cried a lot, I love her but she doesn’t handle bad things well at all.

“Candy Cane calm down, she's fine she’s probably just out for a walk” Neesh said trying to calm Candice but nobody believed that. 

We’ve been back at the Clubhouse for over an hour and Nikki isn’t here, I was immediately worried when I saw the front door open. Nikki always locked the doors, ALWAYS. My brother and I grew up working with our dad and uncles at their construction company, so we knew how to do so much at a young age. That’s how we were able to make the renovations to the Clubhouse, Nikki always called this place her home so we fixed it up to make it more homey. At first this place looked like it was stuck in the 1800s so Anthony and I went to work on it using leftover materials from our dad’s sites. Rich people in the city always ordered too much and the leftovers would get taken to the dump, why waste good materials. I installed all the locks myself, and Nicole ALWAYS made sure the doors were locked. If someone accidentally left a door or window unlocked she would check the house top to bottom three to four times just to make sure no one was in here that shouldn’t be.I never really understood her paranoia, I know something horrible happened but to her as a kid but no one ever went over the details and I had respect her wishes not to share. Besides the door being opened there were cleaning supplies on the floor near the bottom of the stairs, it’s clear she had cleaned but she usually put away everything when she’s done. Something was definitely wrong.

“We should have made her come with us or one of us should have stayed,” Candice cried, it’s hard to believe that this girl is so popular in school sometimes, you would think the crying fits would push people away but nope. People just comfort her and a lot of people walk on eggshells around her, well except the Monroe sisters and their friends. Everyone loves Candice because she’s different and has such a kind heart. This girl is just as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside, going out of her way to help people. The crying drives me crazy sometimes though. Although in this situation I can understand her being upset, Nikki was her best friend since she was a toddler and she could be hurt somewhere.

“How about we split up and look for……” before I could finish my sentence Nikki opened the door covered in blood from head to toe

“Help me” was all she said before collapsing on the floor 

“WHAT THE HELL, NIK” I yelled running to her