Rewrite The Stars

Chapter 4

Everybody needs air to live, but I, on the other hand, had music for that. I woke up every day with my headphones on, I ate and did my homework while listening to music, and went to sleep to the sound of my favorite singers or the most relaxing instruments.

     So as I sat there in a cab, on my way to the Julliard School's campus, I felt as if I were living in a never ending music-video, staring up at New York's magnificent skyscrapers from the car's window and listening to my songs until we finally reached Julliard School.

     Standing by the campus' sign, I called Lauren's number which I had memorized. Fortunately, she was on break after her first period. I asked her to meet me at where I was. And so after a few minutes, I heard someone squealing my name from behind.

     “ZOE!” turning around, there stood Lauren, with her blonde hair in a tight bun as always. After a bone-crushing hug, we talked our way through the campus, going to the dormitory building.

     I couldn't help but smile. It felt as if I already knew that place. Like I'd been there before. Lauren managed to sneak me into her dorm without anyone noticing me. Her room was as tidy as it had been back in New Jersey, and as it seemed, she didn't have a roommate and thus there was a spare bed ready for me.

     “Look, I really have to go now. My class starts in five minutes.” Said Lauren, giving me a apologetic smile.

     “I'll be fine.” I smiled in return. “You go.”

     “Sorry. Bye.” She waved at me and started over the door.

     “Lauren.” I called, making her stop. She turned around to face me and so I paced toward her, bringing her into a hug. “Thank you.” I whispered.

     “Aww. Anytime, kid.” She messed up my hair and then left me alone in the room.

     After five minutes or so, I finally snapped out of my daze. I dug into my backpack, taking out my ballet shoes. I put my phone down on bed after playing a song from my ITunes. I tried to forget everything as I danced. I tried to live the moment with every move, with every beat, and with every breath. I was trying to run away from the thoughts that were trying to hunt me down.

     I won't allow them in, I thought as I danced, and as I kept dancing until the sun spread fire across the horizon and dawn came upon.

***

     “So what do you wanna eat?” Lauren asked after she came back from her classes.

     “As if you even have to ask.” I scoffed.

     “Pizza?”

     “You know it.” I winked and so she called and ordered peperoni for me and vegetarian pizza for herself.

     Lauren opened her laptop and we started watching Stranger Things on Netflix from the beginning for the third time.

     Lauren was the typical obsessive fangirl, with the slightly difference that she liked every single fandom out there, from Marvel to Harry Potter to Doctor who, to Sherlock Holmes, and so on. Stranger Things was just the newest project.

     Finally, our food arrived and if you had seen our faces, you would've thought we hadn't eaten anything for months.

     “I hate your kind.” she started, taking a bite of her pizza.

     “What?” I raised a brow.

     “Some A-holes like you eat and never get fat! Like what's up with that? I exercise extra every single day and keep a diet. Where does all this food you eat go?” She spoke in disbelief. “I mean... how many times a day do you go to bathroom?”

     “Ugh. Did you really have to bring that up?” I laughed. “Besides, you never exercise. What are you talking about?”

     “Shut up. It's the thought that matter.”

     I shook my head. “And put that aside, what kind of a diet are you on, exactly?”

     “Eat healthy, be healthy?” She shrugged. “Screwing diets, is the best diet there is. I mean, look at all these fries! It's like a diet for my soul!”

     Lauren and I talked our way into the night, but it didn't take long for Lauren to pass out from exhaustion on her bed at nine o'clock. Because apparently, when I'd called her the previous night, she hadn't been able to go back to sleep anymore.

     A deadly silence reigned the shadowy room as I sat there by the window, staring through the dark. To this day, I still have no idea what came to me at that moment. Because in a matter of seconds, I quickly stood up, picked the keys to the room, and went out. I walked through the campus and sat against the first tree that I came upon. I leaned my head back on its trunk and closed my eyes.

     I remembered how the kids in my class used to laugh at me whenever I said I wanted to become a famous ballerina, unlike others who wanted to be doctors or lawyers. I remembered my mom, whom respected me as a dancer and supported that thought, but yet never believed in me to make it. I could remember her telling me countless times that dancing couldn't take me anywhere, and that I would one day get tired of it and give it all up. But also I could remember the motivation. The motivation to prove them all wrong. I could remember the feeling of hope, and how marvellous it felt; the same hope that now was shrinking into nothingness.

     The truth is, the fear of failure is worse than failure itself.

     What if I couldn't make it? What if I couldn't get accepted into Juilliard? What if I failed?

     I could hear my classmate's laughter inside my head and I could clearly picture my mother's face as she told me 'I told you so'.

     I shed a tear, my eyes still closed. It hurt. It burned my soul. It tortured my mind to think that if I failed, all I'd went through would've been in vain. And that hurt me the most.

     But I had to remain strong, I kept telling myself. I had to.

     At that point my silent tears had become unstoppable, and my throat had started burning. “God,” I whispered.

     I took my phone out of my pocket and looked down at the time, but just then, an idea bumped into my head. I needed distraction from my own thoughts. I needed to escape them. And so, I started texting the newest number I'd saved into my phone:

     Hey there. It's Zoe. Up for a cup of coffee now?

     After a few minutes, my phone vibrated and I looked down at its screen, smiling as I read the reply-text which said:

     I don't know about coffee. But I always have time for ice-cream :)