Rewrite The Stars

Chapter 19

Silence...

    All I can remember from that moment is complete silence.

    “W-what?” I muttered.

   “You heard me.” His voice broke down and he looked away. When I didn't say anything, he continued, “They wanted me to do chemotherapy; I disagreed.”

    “W-why...?”

   “Imagine if someone told you that you only have one year left to live and the chances of chemotherapy working and saving you is only thirty percent.” He said. “What would you have done?”

    “I would've taken it–!”

    “–NO, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE!” He shouted, breaking me off. “You wouldn't have.” He continued more calmly, “You wouldn't have agreed, because thirty percent is a very low odd. What if I took the chemotherapy and it failed? That means I would've spent the last year of my life in a hospital, in pain, and weak and disgusting!” He stopped when he felt like losing his cool again.

    My knees started shaking, so before I could give in and fall, I dropped myself on the couch, looking anywhere but at his face.

    “I told my parents I didn't want to do it. But they insisted on it and wanted to force me into it.” He said, sitting on the armchair. “So I ran away. I came here to Frank to stay with him for a while and then borrow some money from him to travel around. I wanted to make the best out of my last year. And I knew my parents wouldn't even call Uncle Frank to see if he knew where I was; because Frank had cut all the connection with the entire family years ago. And then I met you.” He continued and I finally looked up at him. “All my plans fell apart when I saw you. So I decided to stay here, with you.”

    “Why?” I whipped away a tear.

    “Because I love you.” He said, his voice as gentle and as silk as silver, burning in passion.

    I shook my head. “How could you do this to me?”

    He just blinked at me. “W-what?”

    “Why didn't you tell me this in the first place?” I muttered, the world becoming blurry again to my teary eyes. “How – how selfish can you get!? Do you have any idea what your parents are going through right now!?”

    “You're not allowed to tell me that, when you've run away as well!”

    “That's different!” I shouted. “They know me! My parents know that I'll come back home eventually! Your parents must be going crazy not knowing where you are now and whether you're even alive or not! And... you didn't even say goodbye to them? You have every right to say you don't want to be in pain for a year, Zach. But if you die, that would be all for you! But every single person who loves you would die every day again and again after you're gone! Were you planning on doing the same to me?”

    “What do you mean–?”

    “–Would you have not said goodbye to me either?”

    “What difference would it have made!?” He shouted. “You were going to leave me in one month, anyway!”

    “What difference would it have made?” I scoffed. “It was going to be way more different, Zach! We would've been in touch, we would've called each other every day until I was done with high school and moved here to New York. Then we could've been together again if you ever decided to come back here from your travelling!” I jumped off my seat in a quick motion, sobbing. “How can you – how can you say it's no different!?”

    He kept quiet for a few moments before whispering, “I'm sorry.”

    “Well, it's too late for that!” I snapped. I started crying and so Zach stood up as well and brought me into a hug.

     I knew it wasn't his fault. I knew he wasn't the one to blame. But I couldn't help myself.

    “Let go of me!” But he didn't.

    He held onto me, his usual vanilla scent filling my nostrils, the beat of his heart giving me warmth.

    “How can you be so selfish?” I muttered, struggling to breathe as my tears completely blocked my sight.

    “I'm sorry.” He repeated himself.

    And then I just held him closer to me, crying him a river.

    I couldn't think at that moment, but all I knew was one thing:

    Only love was to blame.