Á Deux

1

“…Job,

asking none from Heavens,

just merging with the night

for life and death...”

J. Brodsky.

From “School Anthology”

- Why are you silent?

- I don’t know… It just so happened. Although, silence, so they say, is the best way to get in touch with you. But it was not my intention. I have nothing to say.

- There are silence and silence. Yours looks like a passive revolt, not unlike a hunger strike

- No, that would be too much of an honor for me. I am telling the truth. No complaints, no requests.

- …

- Do you need to talk?

-…

- In words?

- Any which way we would be able to.

- Do I know whom I am talking to?

-You do. I do know too.

- What’s the topic?

- Silence.

- I really do not know what is so special about it. Yes, I did talk before. Not much, just as much as I managed. Once in a while I hoped to hear something in return – not from people, they have responded at times. It was a naïve wish and has passed. But there were many others, quite a lot, who was able to say much more, and a great deal more powerfully than I could. They deserved undoubtedly some wave of return. And this response should have become apparent to all of us. Instead, I watch certain dissolution, decrease in creative energy, and I do not understand whether you have been distracted, or we have switched off you – which seems impossible considering your might. But those, the preceding ones – they are whom I grieve over. I realize though that you might have reasons for your unresponsiveness. As to a hunger strike… A few days back I have fallen apart completely and got angry, and tried to lay out to you my bewilderment. Perhaps that might be considered a rebellion. But it looks like my wrath was not strong enough and has not reached you. Well, all that is rather childish. Try to recall when was the last time you responded to our resentments. Of course, in your eternity these millennia mean nothing. But we have a mere sliver of time and have to count. So… But you already know all this. I am still at loss of what you are asking about.

- I do know. Some of what is known, require special attention. You have mentioned reasons for my unresponsiveness. What in your opinion might these reasons be?

- Oh, no. Sorry. We pretend that we are talking in a human tongue. But trust me, I have enough of fear of the Lord, the awe of the majesty and immensity of the Creation – all those Behemoths, all Leviathans and rejoicing of morning stars… I cannot describe your impossible and unthinkable circumstances with my obscure mind.

- Well, then they would remain unclear for me either.

- Why unclear? They are already in effect for more than one generation in a raw.

- There might be some omission, a gap. Do not rely on words if it troubles you. Try a different path – an example, a hint.

- Something mythical?

- I’d go for mythical.

- There is a talk that we are not the only ones in your realm. Perhaps you are thinking simultaneously of many different variations of the universe – some better, some worse… Some of them might fail your expectations, cannot cope with themselves, so to say, and become gradually extinct. They achieved the image, but unable to obtain likeness. And since their fate is exempted from your direct involvement or correction, the only way is to leave them to themselves. That might be our case. It is sad that so many efforts have been spent, so much beauty produced for the sake of the Creation. And it seems that all this labor has enormous value and can stand for itself – at least no one of those artists lamented, as far as I know. But the fact that response to their devoted service turns out to be a universal withering is somewhat unexpected.

- So, you are standing up for them?

- They wouldn’t let me. Who am I? Therefore, as you have duly mentioned, I hold my tongue. If you managed to notice that, you might have reasons for that too.

- Is the withering so obvious?

- You are not serious.

- What am I saying is: if we are still within the mythological frames, do those ten Sodom’s righteous ones not exist any longer?

- What can I say? They do. Well, if you remember there were less than ten even then. However, there are many now. But it looks like they are worried mostly about themselves. They manage somehow to get away, to slip from the common fate. At best, they help others to follow. Maybe they have also picked up something and implement your intention to pull the plug on this project. I am not saying that it is your intention, I cannot know. And neither can they I believe. They do not profess it directly, but their followers are ready to grasp the idea. I must say that all of them are very sincere and convincing but looking for consolation rather than fervor.

- …

- I do not allege that the situation is as I have just described. You asked what reasons for your unresponsiveness could cross a human mind. So, I laid out one of them. There might be another, and not one. But this one is good enough for me.

- It is strange. I am talking righteous ones. I figured they do a good job. They try to bring your attention to a dangerous dependence on the mind, which has developed so strongly that it obtained excessive self-reliance. It bites off more than one can chew and messes with your ability to recognize who you really are. They are trying to “switch you back on” – using your expression. Maybe they lay too much stress on this, but I don’t think they opt to “slip away,” as you put it. “Unburden yourself from such an eclipse, fill inner freedom, and then you will find out what to do next” – isn’t that what they are suggesting?

- That is what they say, yes. It is certainly the first necessary step, so-called “leap of faith.” Something still bothers me. They are not the first ones who call for that. It started at time immemorial. But everyone who, this way or other, obtained that inner freedom – as if he learned “what to do next” – started to teach the same first step. And the rest of us meanwhile… I cannot rid myself of the impression that at that blessed moment all of them lose true interest in our perishable world. And if so, then it is a step aside. An escape of sort. They run to you, to the light, but in some sense from you too, since you have not created this word so that we can abandon it eventually. Or have you?

-…

- Or to drive it to perfection?

- You sound as if there were some third way.

- I do not know. Should be.

- But who might know?

- You know everything.

- …

- Here you are. I keep silent about nothing. If you have something to be silent about see for yourself.