Not a Nerd Protagonist

First days are CLICHE, including mine

100 things why I don't have a bestfriend.

First, I am lazy. Second, I am a lazy texter. Third, I am lazy when it comes to going outside. Fourthー Wait, WHAT?! Why does my reasons always involved with the word "Lazy". I'm too lazy with this matter so let's cut it off. I won't be having a bestfriend if I'm just here thinking this s**t.

Well, Why am I even thinking this? I once had a bestfriend and thatー wait, NOOO. I had a three bestfriends before and ALL of them diedー in my memory. Okay kidding, I know that joke is not nice. Anyways, I won't repeat it again. BUT, I won't make any promises. I can't control my mind and what I am thinking. That word just slipped out of my mind and all of people experienced that just atleast once in their whole life. Don't act innocent, my dear. But well, not me. I am experiencing that just atleast several times a day. Yeah, that's right. I'm not a good girl compare on what others always think about me. I can't be good all the time. Duh.

So, back to the topic! I had three bestfriends in my whole life. My first bestfriend was back when I was in grade school. She's a typical nerdy type of a girl. She has braces, thick glasses, big backpack and all of the nerdy stuffs you know. SHE HAS. Oh and before i forgot, she also has a big forehead that screams "I'm smart". When infact she's really smart. Unlike meー a totally dead kid and loser back then. I don't know why she likes to be friends with me. I'm a total loser.

So we did what bestfriends do. Hangout and do stuffs together. We even bathed together. Study together. One thing that we didn't do is to share our deepest secrets. Yes we share some secrets but those secrets are not important at all. Infact those secrets can be shared with a normal friend. I was so jealous back then when I was watching some movies about the life of having a bestfriend. Like bruh, those movies are awesome! They know each other very well and looking back at what my first bestfriend and I have gone throughー we were just like normal friends. Like we didn't know each other very well.

But have you ever thought about why she became my ex-bestfriend? Well it is partly my fault. Maybe my entire fault..

She's so clingy and wants to kiss me everytime we meet becase she said that I am cute. It's just, I feel so harassed. I mean that time. I don't know why. I'm not used on getting hugs on others, even my parents doesn't hug me. What more kisses? Right? I don't think she's a lesbian and been taking advantage on me, It's just that I'm too easy to judge back then and I have a bad memory among gays and lesbians but nooo I'm not a homophobic. In fact I have a lot of gay friends when I became high school.

So that day came, It was our camping. I got angry at her over a small thing. Actually that was just an excuse. I needed to take a break on her so I pretended to be irritated and I scolded her in the middle of our team building activity. That doesn't went well of course.

We didn't speak until the last day of camping. It's been soooo awkward. I didn't expect that we won't be talking until then. Christmas comes. New year comes. School Year ends. Each of us didn't know how to confront each other. That's why I really regret it.. It still bothers meー but it's okay, I don't mind. I didn't tell this to anyone after that.

Years passed by and my friend from school talked to me about my first bestfriend. My ex-bestfriend's saying sorry to me through chat and I didn't know how to respond so.. Again, this is my fault. I didn't respond at all. It's just that I'm thinking that time that if we will stay the way it isー things won't get hard. So I didn't respond. Yeah, I'm the bad guy. I know. But I just can't avoid it until now, I keep overthinking and asking myself. What if? What if I didnー*

"OUCH!" What the hell! I looked at the guy who just stepped on my legs and almost tripped on it. He looks so tired from running away to someone? I think? I stopped on writing and turned again to talk to him this time but he runs away fast.

"That was so rude!" I said. I saw a bunch of guys passed by me and chasing that guy who stepped on me. Luckily those guys didn't stepped on my foot.

Does all rich people acts the way like that?

Now what should I do? I don't know how to continue again what I am writing. That's why I don't want to be disturbed by anyone. I rolled my eyes.

My legs are hurting but I didn't saw any bruise or something at it. Guess I'm okay.

I especially picked this place because it is quiet and I can think freely in this place. But I never thought that people also goes in this way. Now I want to find a new place againー Where no one goes.

I stared at my blank notebook. Maybe words will come out again so I just stared. Stared. Stared. Stared. Now I'm chanting the word "Stared" in my mind. Fudge this! I'm going crazy.

"Aaah! This won't do!" I said out of nowhere.

I looked to my left side as fast as I can when I saw someone besides me in my peripheral vision. I shrieked.

"Do you plan to give me a heart attack?!" I almost shouted that to him. I can't help it. I was so shocked. I thought I'm the only one here.

and he only laughed.

I stared at him seriously trying to intimidate him.

"Okay, Okay. Quit killing me in your mind." He said while smiling

"I don't!" I replied

He just nodded and gave me something. I looked at it and Oh. It's bandaid. He didn't apologize but I appreciate this little thing. However, I didn't accept it and gave it back to him.

"Thanks, but I won't use it." I said

"Is it okay with you to leave that scatch open to bacterias?" He asked

"Huh?" I looked at my legs again but I didn't see anything. There's no scratch at all.

I watched him open his bag and pulled something out of his bag. Oh, It's alcohol. What for?

"Oh, no no no no. Wait!" I panicked when I realized it.

"Ouch!" Too late. He already sprayed it on my legs as I winced from pain.

"Now, there's no scratch?" He smirked

"I'm gonna kill you." I replied that to him as I intensely stared at him. I can't do anything about it so I just blow the part where I am hurting. He gave again the bandaid he offered a while ago and I almost unwillingly accepted it.

I carefully put the bandaid to where it is hurting.

"That's not where the scratch is." He said as he held my hand and guided me to where the "scratch" is without touching my legs. We've got a gentleman out here huh?

"You've got poor eyesight." He stated a fact

"How long have you been here?" I asked curiously. Just making sure. He might have seen me almost being crazy, It's embarassing after all.

"*I've been here a minute after you've got me out of sight."

"Are you kidding?" He's kidding right? That's too soon.

"Nah" He looks serious. He must have saying the truth. If that so, he must think that I'm weird.

I cleared my throat and looked away.

"It's just easy. After I turned right. I just hid behind the wall there." He pointed the corner in my right side. "then I came back to you"

I just nodded at him feeling embarassed.

"Why are you here? Vacant or cutting?" He asked

"Cutting." I just plainly said

"Nice one." I don't know if he's complimenting me or insulting me.

"I didn't expect that you'll be this honest." He added

"There are no profs who attends classes in first day" I stated a fact

"Why don't you make friends?" He asked

"Making friends is boring"

"You're the first person I've ever met that who said that."

"It's true though*."

"Why are they chasing you earlier?" I asked curiously. But it's not that I'm curious with his life. I'm just trying to make up a conversation.

"They are just jealous of me."

I nodded and didn't asked a follow up question. I don't want him to think that I'm interested with his life.

"You're not going to ask why?" He asked

I shaked my head timidly. "Nah."

"You have vacant or did you cut classes?" I asked

"Same as you." He said

After that reply, we both keep silent. It's kind of a bit awkward. We just minded our own businesses.

I wanted to pick up my cellphone in my pocket but I don't want to make things more awkward. We just both stared at nowhere silently. Not making any kind of sounds. Just having a relax with the calming sounds of the nature.

I decided to stand up and plan to go to my next class. It's a major. Maybe our prof will be present.

"I'll be leaving" That was what I only said and I continue to walked passed by him but I stopped halfaway. I got a clear view of his face in this angle. I thought he's staring at nowhere but his eyes were closed and he have his headphones wearing.

He probably didn't heard me. Since I am in a good mood right now I am making a note saying "Thanks." and I left it in front of him. I hope he reads it.

I continue to walked through my way to my room. It's not a long walk though and I like walking. I'm not an outcast. In fact, I did make friends in my classmates in advance. They were so active in social media and I already got to know some of them. However, I'm still hesitating to meet them. I don't know if we'll get close with each other in real life.

Okay so the room is sooo quiet bruh. I have a seatmate who's literally so quiet too, she even didn't looked at me just once. Her name is Taint. I talked to her once in online but now it's really awkward. So I did the first move.

"Hi! You're Taint right?" I said

"You've got a unique name there, cool" I added.

I giggled shyly to make the atmosphere more friendly and not so-serious type.

"Hello." She just replied with that.

"You might be busy. You're using your cellphone so much" I stated the fact

"Yeah" She laughed. " I have a strict boyfriend" and then she makes me read the text.

"Don't talk to boys, love."

"Wow bruh, you've really got a strict boyfriend out there" I laughed. I surely won't get a boyfriend like that.

I looked at the boy who just entered the room. He's familiar. I just can't remember when did I meet him and where?