Ruin Me, Biker Alphas

Thinking About Them

~Valerie~

The clock on the wall says it’s almost midnight. The heavy, suffocating crowd has finally thinned out, leaving behind a mess of spilled beer, cigarette ash, and the lingering scent of men who haven't showered in days. My feet are killing me in these heels, but I don’t sit down. I can’t. My pulse is still thrumming, my skin feeling too tight for my bones.

All I can think about is Ronan and Evander.

I’m moving around the bar room with the rest of the staff. This is the part of the night where everyone drops the act. The strippers, the whores, the waitresses, and the bouncers all grab mops and rags. We’re a team for an hour, cleaning up the filth before we either crash in the staff quarters or head home.

The chatter around me is loud and crude. People are laughing about drunk customers or bragging about their tips. But then, one of the dancers, a tall girl named Lexi with glitter still stuck to her collarbone, leans against a stool and let out a long, shaky breath.

"God, I’m f*****g exhausted," Lexi says, but she has this massive, smug grin on her face. "But I’d do it all over again. I just got down from the President’s office."

The room goes quiet for a second. Every girl in the place stops what she’s doing. My heart stops, too. A sharp, hot spike of jealousy jabs me right in the gut.

"It’s you now. No way," another girl gushes, dropping her mop. "Ronan called you up?"

"He didn't just call me up," Lexi says, her voice dropping to a low, husky whisper. She looks like she’s still dazed. "He bent me over that desk and absolutely destroyed me. He’s got a huge c**k, guys. Like, seriously huge. I can still feel it in the back of my throat, and my p***y is so sore I can barely walk straight. He’s a total animal. I’m already counting down the minutes until he wants me again."

The other girls start giggling and gushing, talking about how they want their turn with the President. They’re all acting like it’s some prize, some badge of honor. But I’m standing there with a rag in my hand, feeling like I’ve been punched. I hate her. I hate every single one of them. I wish it was me upstairs. I wish I was the one whose p***y was sore because of him. I wish I was the one he was using to blow off steam.

"Valerie? Hey, Valerie."

I blink, realizing Rikky is staring at me. She’s got a concerned look on her face.

"You okay? You look like you’re about to bite someone’s head off," Rikky says.

I force a stiff smile and toss my rag into the bucket. "I’m fine. Just the first day, you know? It’s a lot."

"Yeah, I get it," Rikky says, though she doesn't look like she believes me. "Come on, let’s get out of here. I’ll give you a ride."

We finish up the last of the tables and head out. The cool night air hits my face, but it doesn't do anything to stop the heat in my blood. During the ride, I don't hear a word Rikky says. All I can hear is Lexi’s voice. Huge c**k. Sore p***y. Destroyed me. I keep thinking about Ronan’s office, imagining it was me instead of Lexi or anyone at all.

Rikky pulls up to my house and I wave her off. "See you tomorrow, Rikky."

I walk inside, and the smell of gin and stale smoke hits me immediately. My mother, Vivian, is slumped on the couch in the living room. She’s half-drunk, her eyes glazed as she stares at a TV that isn't even on. Even in her state, she looks younger than she should. Her blonde hair is straight and flat, unlike my brown curls, but we have the same pale skin and the same shape. She looks more like my sister than my mother, but she’s always been more of a burden than either.

I try to sneak past to the stairs, but she hears me.

"Where the hell have you been, Valerie?" she slurs, her head lolling back against the cushion.

I stop on the stairs and look down at her. Disappointment is a familiar weight in my chest. "Nice of you to come home, Vivian. Has it been a week? Or a month? I lost track of which guy you were staying with."

"Don't you talk to me like that," she snaps, sitting up with a stumble. She grabs a cigarette and lights it, taking a long, shaky puff. "Answer me. Where are you coming from at this hour?"

"Who were you f*****g this time?" I counter, my voice cold. "Was he younger than me? Or were you being a mistress to some married guy again?"