Fragmented Us

전 종 석: He (2)

"I'm not entirely here,

Half of me has disappeared."

-The Neighbourhood, Daddy Issues

열셋 (Thirteen)

Jeon Jong Seok (전 종 석)

February 21

There was one thing for sure. Jong Seok had never, ever, in his entire 17 years of living, met a more annoying female in his entire life. Not only was she a loud mouth, she was also troublesome, someone who somehow managed to get herself into trouble whenever he was nearby. Couldn’t she have picked times when he wasn’t around? It was starting to get frustrating to always be blamed for things he didn’t initiate in the first place.

Too bad, Jong Seok thought, pressing his car’s key fob as he scanned the parking lot for his car, she had quite the pretty face. A subtle beep reached his ears, reminding Jong Seok that he had parked over by the right end corner of the parking lot. If only she wasn’t such a tempered b***h.

He twirled the car keys around his finger as he made his way towards his Sedan. Soon, the recognizable black automobile came into his sight, which he deliberately drove as fast he could away from the medical centre. He thought maybe steering clear of Chae Min’s way could possibly get rid of some of his problems, which mostly consisted of Chae Min’s troublesome aura.

“What a drag.” A tsk of displeasure escaped Jong Seok’s lips as his eyes scanned the busy streets that were quickly filling up with traffic, a situation Jong Seok had been trying to avoid as he wanted to hurry home as soon as possible. The mob of people jamming the sidewalks were also increasing within the minute, most possibly because it was starting to get late. He rolled his eyes; could he even be more unfortunate? Jong Seok let out a sigh, signalling left on a U-turn, when a car sped past him. The brake he made was as irritated as the long-drawn honk they received from him.

God, what is up with people? Was there something wrong with him getting home early? Was that too much to ask for? Goddamit. All he wanted was to finally get peace after having to deal with that awful woman. His patience progressively thinning, he decided instead to stop for a drink and clear his mind, after all, he was in desperate need of quietude from migraine and “Stay in your f*****g lane, you stupid asshole!”.

There was a boba shop that he discovered just a week after they moved into the city. It was noticeably fancy, but they managed to deal with his customized drink, so it began to grow on him. Plus, it being fancy didn’t matter to him anyway, with him being Jeon Jong Seok.

The shop was jam-packed, even at this time of the day. Warm golden colors illuminated the cars that were parked right outside the windows, and it also filled Jong Seok’s car as he took a spot someone had just go out of. Blue skied morphed into reddish-yellow hues in a steadfast pace up ahead.

Jong Seok breathed out. Alright. He grabbed his backpack from the backseat, digging about diligently to check his belongings as he thought he could at least get ahead with the homework they had been assigned with while he was inside the shop. Laptop: check. Moving the gadget out of the way, Jong Seok continued on. Chemistry book: check. Notebooks: right here.

Leaving a finger clasped between the zippers of his bag, uniform pockets were examined next. Wallet: check. ID: check. Phone . . .

Hands patted backsides; nothing. The usual rectangle lump was nowhere to be felt. Jong Seok slid his fingers into his side pockets, stopping only in confusion when none other than a handkerchief and pocket lint reached his hands.

Phone, he tried again, as if calling it in his mind would make the gadget appear. Phone? Jong Seok felt his pockets once more. He patted and patted; he had even ransacked his bag until he has all but emptied its contents onto the seat. Crap, crap, crap. Where the hell was his phone?!

Series of loud thumps are heard as bag was thrown onto the passenger seat and forehead meets steering wheel. These were soon followed by evident groans of frustration. Jong Seok thwacked his head a few more times against the steering wheel, cussing as his memories tried to refrain him from remembering where he last placed the damned device.

“Okay,” Jong Seok declared out loud, steadying himself. He sat up straight, staring directly at his own eyes through the rear-view mirror with clear determination. “Okay. So I took it out at the ward; I even used it as a mirror.” His eyes briefly scanned his busted lip. “And then that blabbermouth started screaming, and I . . . I . . .”

Visions filled his eyes, and Jong Seok whacked the poor steering wheel in frustration as the memory hit him. “I left it in that stupid bed! Godfucking dammit!”

To be honest, Jong Seok losing a phone wasn’t really a problem. Considering how he could just go and buy a new one right now, it was the least of his troubles. But then remembering Chae Min was enough for his brain to go skidding towards the wrong direction, and it threw all sense of clarity and common sense in his head out the window.

Slamming the keys back into the ignition, Jong Seok revved the car into a sudden start with much fury. That blabber of a woman better still be in that ward when he gets there.

_ _ _

(.7)

Jong Seok didn’t know how or why a senior prom seemed so nostalgic, but this one definitely was. There was something wistful about the aura that enclosed the magnificent ballroom illuminated by flashing lights. It felt kind of sentimental—beautiful, even, and though Jong Seok was only hanging out by the tables with Jane, he couldn’t shake off the sappy feeling that had been bothering him around since he entered the room.

However, the pleasant expression of amusement he received from Jane Wilson threw his worries out when he told her about it.

“How come though?” Jane’s hair is styled into soft curls that framed her face and accentuated the shiny make-up she had on her collarbones. Jong Seok had actually been unable to stop ogling at Jane’s collarbones ever since he noticed them—his eyes would occasionally peek before looking back up at Jane’s face. “It’s a prom dance. We’re pretty much almost like having a calmer version of those formal parties our families organize.”

Oh, it was calm, alright, if calm meant a bunch of rowdy teenagers partying under the surveillance of chaperones whom, as a matter of fact, were nowhere to be seen. Just moments ago, Jong Seok spied seniors exchanging money for weed just two feet away from them, and he was pretty sure someone had bribed the waiter serving drinks to spike the punch with alcohol—but it wasn’t as if he would dare contradict Jane’s words. “I don’t know. Just forget about it, will you? You’ve been bothering me about it as twice as much as it had been bothering me for quite a while now.”

“Cause it’s stupid! Who even gets sentimental at proms?” Jane’s bracelet fell back from her wrist when she picked up a glass of punch from the table they were staying at to avoid the wringing bodies that were jumping around.

Everyone, Jong Seok thought, but again, decided against arguing back. Arguing about stupid things was something that Jong Seok usually got annoyed with, and arguing with women even so. They’re just too much to handle. “Fine, fine. Now can we drop it?”

“Okay, okay.” Brown locks were swept away from her face as Jane brushed them away from her sight. “Here, come closer.” She skidded her seat closer and dabbed her ring finger on her lower lip. Then leaning forward, she brushed the finger on Jong Seok’s lip. It was something Jane did out of habit, a quirk Jong Seok had learned to appreciate, like every little thing she did. He watched as her lips slightly gaped open while she poured all her focus on getting the shared dab of lip gloss across his bottom lip. Jane then leaned back, popping her lips open and close as a gesture to tell Jong Seok to do as she was doing. He did, pointedly rolling his eyes as he did so to make it as if the gesture was nothing but a waste of his time. Jong Seok took a lick of his bottom lip when she turned her head away though—he could taste peach-flavoured lip gloss.

"You should get that licking habit thing of yours away.” Jane rearranged her gown so that it was out of her feet’s way. It was midnight blue and strapless, showing the slightest of cleavages. “It’s kind of rude. You don’t lick lip gloss.”

Jong Seok chose to ignore this. “Seriously, peaches? Couldn’t you have gotten something else, like, I don’t know, watermelon or strawberry?”

“Quit the act. I know you like it.”

“Nuh-uh.”

Jane gasped. “Liar! You fell in love with that peach almond snack I gave you a week ago!”

“That was food. It’s different!”

“It’s literally the same flavor!”

“Okay, fine! Whatever.” Jong Seok sighed in defeat, but he secretly grinned as Jane’s face lit up with his confession. She leaned forward, happily staring into his eyes as she pinched his nose in a playful manner, which Jong Seok automatically nudged away.

Then, as if it knew the timing was perfect, the flashing overhead lights dimmed into soft glows of blue lights. This was accompanied by the fading of the pop music into a pleasant timid melody, followed by the crooned proclamation to pair up for slow dancing, an announcement a lot of couples had gladly took up even before the statement was made.

Jong Seok pointed a thumb at the swaying pairs of bodies gathered on the dance floor. “Wanna dance?”

“I don’t know . . . “ Jane eyeballed the crowd, seeming hesitant. “What if I come across Jay?”

Scoffing, Jong Seok stood up, his hand out as a gesture for Jane to take it. “Jay’s an i***t. He broke up with you. It’s fine.”

“But I’m dating you now.” Jane took his hand. She brushed her gown as she reluctantly stood up from her seat. Even with her high heels, Jong Seok was still taller. “Isn’t there that rule to not date your best friend’s ex or whatever?”

“Who cares?” he said, dragging Jane with him while they stumbled backwards onto the lit side of the dance floor, her giggling with his silliness as they pushed past the jumble of students. The area Jong Seok was eyeing was alight with a bluish glimmer, and he was sure Jane would be radiant under the shine of the lights, a theory that was proven true when they reached that part of the dance floor. Jane’s gown glittered as it span along with her, sparkling as Jong Seok twirled her around. He marvelled at the way the lights shone on her, the beauty of it against her skin, and how pretty she was crackling up with how he messed with her as they danced around.

“People are staring,” Jane mumbled when they'd calmed down enough to take their surroundings in. It was no surprise to notice the glances and judgemental stares they were getting; they were, after all, the youngest students to get into senior prom just because their parents funded it. It basically showed how much power money had, and how the rich could control things around. Jong Seok was quite used to it, but Jane was still new to all of these things.

“I know.” He pressed her face to his chest, careful not to ruin her hair. “Don’t mind them. They’re just jealous. I think.”

Jane chuckled. “You should hear yourself say that. You sound like an incredibly silly boy.”

“Yes, silly boy is me,” Jong Seok uttered back. “ Stupid, silly boy . . . “

He pulled her from his chest, curving a finger underneath her chin, then raising it up so he could see Jane eye to eye. Her irises looked unimaginably splendid underneath those fake lashes she had on. They glinted from the blue lights, and yet they seemed to swallow the shadows that passed them, almost as if they were contradicting each other.

Jane gave him a look. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“You’re so weird.”

Silence. They swayed along to the delicate tunes that filled the atmosphere, but no one else said a word.

Jong Seok couldn’t help but feel sentimental once again. He brushed his thumb across Jane’s skin as he gripped her hand tighter, pressing his cheek on the tip of her head as he did so. Eyes are shut close, ears are listening, skin was feeling. Jong Seok could pick up the smallest hints of the vanilla essence Jane always used in baking. It was an aroma he could recognize from anywhere, another one of those little things he learned to love, just like how he became accustomed to the soothing waft of fresh-baked bread, or the snug heat of the morning sun on his skin as it seeped through the window.

Melancholic.

It felt so f*****g melancholic.

Why though?

Jong Seok didn’t need wonder. The shots that were fired were enough to answer his question.

He couldn’t even process it. All he could feel was a numbness in his ears, almost as if h had gone deaf. There was an ear-splitting ringing in his ears—shrill enough to pierce his head into two and make his ears bleed—looping like microphone feedback, disorienting both his hearing and vision. It was the most painful thing; he wasn’t sure if his hearing was disappearing or if it was some sort of sensory overload, but, f*****g hell, f**k, f**k, f**k, he couldn’t even fix his own thoughts. Jong Seok clutched Jane closer to his chest, his heart ramming rapidly. f**k me, f**k me, what is happening?

The screeching in his ear was making everything spin. What was a bunch of seniors dancing around them became utterly alarmed faceless smudges of colors that stared at him in horror. The music had disappeared—maybe it was because all he could hear was the ringing inside his ears—the lights were on, everything around them was spinning into glittering colors. Somehow, Jong Seok knew everyone was staring, but why, why, why are you all still staring? The screeching was still in his ears. The eyes are still staring on. His fear held on. Jong Seok pressed Jane into his chest even tighter. What are you looking at? Stop it, stop it, stop it—

He felt Jane’s knees go weak. f**k. He peeked at her, his hands leaving her head to catch her under the arms. Her arms that were once around him went limp, and Jong Seok struggled to keep her standing. His palm briefly caught his eye as he moved it around. There was something dark on it.

They were still staring. Jong Seok knew why. His hand felt sticky, and he was watching a red stream flow down from Jane’s neck to her shiny collarbone. It was moving ever so slowly, unlike the other streams of red that dripped down her ear to her shoulder; it felt as if it had been hours when Jong Seok finally saw it run over the mole Jane had on just above her chest.

People were running. Everyone was screaming. A stampede was happening. And still, still, still, Jong Seok couldn’t move a muscle. He couldn’t feel a thing, he couldn’t hear a single sound apart from that deafening ringing in his ear, his feet stayed rooted on the floor until the chaos of bodies pushed him over to the floor.

He looked into Jane’s eyes.

Her unwavering glossy eyes stared right back at him.

_ _ _

열넷 (Fourteen)

February 21

“I’m telling you,” Jay said as Jong Seok watched him pull pans from the dish rack unto the stove from where he sat, “just buy a new phone. You probably will never see her again.”

Jong Seok grunted from his position on Jay’s grey couch, hands crossed on his chest with his knees tucked underneath all the pillows Jay had in his living room. He looked extremely furious to the point even Jay couldn’t bribe him with his leftover double cheeseburger. It was also sweltering underneath all those pillows, but Jong Seok couldn’t bring himself to take them off.

Instead, he surveyed Jay as the elder took out a Tupperware of chopped garlic from the fridge. “But it’s a bother to buy a new one,” Jong Seok whined, burying himself even deeper into his blanket if pillows. “I hate that woman.”

Jay clicked the stove on. “I’m willing to bet anything that she hates you as much as you hate her. What kind of jerk do you think goes around slapping people with twenty bucks as a compensation?”

“Can I just borrow your phone again? Just once more time?” Jong Seok was now completely submerged under the pillows. He stayed there in the darkness until he heard Jay’s footsteps coming closer and the pillow he was covering his face with was taken off. Jong Seok groaned when Jay gave him that don’t-be-stupid-and-get-up look.

“She won’t answer. Ever. Haven’t you been trying to call your phone the last two hours? You should’ve been able to get that from the response you’re clearly not getting back.” Jay began returning the pillows back into their proper places, puffing them in order, then smacking one on Jong Seok’s head. “Go buy a new phone.”

“I hate her.”

“Yeah.” Puff, puff went the pillows, microscopic-like dust moving like stars underneath the lights.

“She’s a bitch.”

“Hmm.”

“f**k her.”

“Okay.”

Jong Seok sat up. His eyes followed Jay as the other rushed back to the kitchen to stir his garlic. The aroma that filled the apartment was salivating, appetising enough to almost bring Jong Seok to his feet, except he remained stubbornly seated on the couch, nose scrunching as he inhaled the delicious scent. “Are you cooking something?”

“Chicken.”

“Can I have some?”

“No.”

“Aww. Come on.”