After All This Time

Did you do that to yourself?

Dear me,

I honestly don't really know how to feel about the fact that my best friend is my girlfriends ex girlfriend and my girlfriend can't stand my best friend cause my best friend broke my girlfriends heart. I don't ever want anyone to break my baby's heart. She means so much to me and I don't ever want her to feel any kind of hurt. Chloe says it doesn't bother her that I became such close friends with Brooke but I know it does. I know it bothers her but I don't blame her. It must be weird to have a girlfriend who's best friend is their ex girlfriend. It's all very confusing and it's still not really clear what happened between them and why Chloe hates Brooke so much. I hope they don't make me choose between them cause I could never choose between them. Chloe means the world to me but I've grown so close to Brooke too and Brooke actually does stuff that I like, like watching Harry Potter. Chloe has suggested to watch it but we never really get to it. Anyways I'm rambling now. I love Chloe with all my heart, Sincerly me.

It's been a couple of days after finding out Chloe dated Brooke. Chloe is out with her friends now again and I'm sitting alone at home. Brooke is hanging out with one of her friends that just got back into town so I'm all alone. Not that I'm complaining. I kinda like being alone for once. My whole life I've been so alone and suddenly I was around Chloe and Brooke all the time. It's nice to have some alone time.

I wish me and Chloe could spend some time together though. In a week, school starts again and then we will barely have time to hang out. I miss her. I miss being around Chloe like I was when we were in London.

I miss London. I wanna go back some day. Maybe only with Chloe. That would be amazing, we wouldn't have to worry about Sherley and Jack finding out, we could just be together. I hope that day comes someday, that we won't have to worry about someone finding out.

Brooke knows, she said she would keep it a secret. I'm scared she'd spill something though. Brooke is a good friend and all, I just hope she can keep this secret even though she's a talker. She could talk on and on without a pause and maybe something would slip out.

I'm currently listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack as I'm painting something. Yes I'm painting. I don't usually paint, I'm not good at it. I just suddenly felt the motivation to do it. I don't know why exactly. I'm painting a landscape with trees and a river. It already looks like a mess trust me.

As I'm in full concentration on the painting my with the music playing in the back, my phone suddenly starts ringing. I slip out with my painting brush making the painting even worse than it already was. "God dammit." I mutter to myself. I grab my phone that was laying next to me and look at the caller ID. It's Chloe. "Hey." I say sighing a little looking down at the painting that's now completely ruined.

"Hey babe, something wrong?" She asks. She probably could hear in my voice that I was upset about something. "No it's fine. What's up?" I ask her as I move my brush around the paper to try to fix the painting but really just making it worse. "Are mom and dad home?" She asks me. "No they are shopping with Steph I think." I say. "Why?"

"I'm on my way home, thought we could hang out and be together because I miss you." Chloe says. Awh what a sweetie. Suddenly my grumpy mood about the painting goes away as I'm excited to hang out with Chloe, alone in the house. Just us two. "Yeah for sure, I miss you too." I say happily.

We talk for a little more and then she hangs up. 5 minutes after the call someone comes in my room. I turn away from the painting that I was still trying to manage to look good and face Chloe. She sits down next to me and she stares at the painting.

"Looks great." She says a little sarcastic. "Shut up." I say laughing a little and pushing her shoulder. "I thought you wouldn't be home until late tonight?" I ask her as I clean up. I made a lot of mess with this stupid paint that I can't manage to work with properly.

"I missed you so I left early." Chloe says. "I missed you too." I say and give her a kiss on her cheek. "Do you mind if I shower? Because look at me, I'm a mess." I say laughing. "Nah you're adorable covered in all that paint." She says wiping my cheek and getting some paint off of it. I blush and look down in embarrassment. "Stop being so unsure about yourself, you look very cute." Chloe says holding my chin up with her finger. She leans in closer to me and kisses me deeply and I kiss her back.

"Chloe." I moan a little in between kisses. She wraps her arms around my waist as she keeps kissing me. I put my hands on her waist. Gosh her kisses make me melt. It starts to get a little heated as we start to make out. She starts kissing down my face and keeps kissing my neck. Her hands go down to the bottom off my shirt. "Can I?" She asks me as she stops kissing me asking me if she could take off my shirt.

I nod shyly and a little nervous. She has never seen me shirtless or anything and I'm scared when she'll see me. Maybe she'll get freaked out about all the scars and rethink this whole thing we've got going on.

She takes off my shirt and starts kissing me again. She roams her hands around my back flinching a little every time I feel her touch a scar. I get a little distracted by the worry of what she'll think when she actually sees it and stop kissing her. "What's wrong?" She asks me. "I'm nervous." I tell her in all honesty. "I know, I can feel them and I know you're nervous that I won't like you because of it but nothing can make me not want you." Chloe says and I smile. She always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better but I can't help to still feel nervous about it. "You're beautiful in every way possible." She tells me before she starts kissing me again.

Somewhere through the kiss she takes her shirt off too and I also notice a scars right under each other on her hip. Those can't be done by accident. This was on purpose. I can tell. They're not just scars, I can tell that it were cuts from maybe a year ago. "Wha- what's that." I ask a little scared. Maybe she has hurt herself. I don't want her to hurt herself like that.

"You're not the only one who has had a hard past." Chloe says and I look at the scars. I couldn't help but ask. "Did um you do that to yourself?