SPEED DATING WITH A MAFIA KING

15. ALL I NEEDED

AZRAIL’S P.O.V

The frustration of needing someone, but losing them with no idea on how to get them to stay.

There were so many things I wanted to say but I couldn’t, like ‘stay’.

I could not work, I could not sleep and I did not know what was wrong yet knew it all had to do with one person, just one person.

The way she affected me even when I did not want was maddening, hating giving away control like that yet at the same time, being away from her did not work.

My head said run with everything else telling me to call her, but call her and say what?

I felt pathetic, running my hands through my hair with me giving up.

The towel was thrown down, giving up the fight.

Many had said I would fall, many had said I would crumble and crush and I knew they were right. I just did not know a little tiny girl with a cute smile would be the instigator.

She left my bed and I would be damned for her to do all those things to me then just leave me cold and craving for more.

In my life I never liked s*x at all. From a young age, s*x had been accompanied with pain and suffering. I would watch girls being dragged screaming and begging with everything they had as men tore them apart in the Morgue. My brain had just turned that part off, barely engaging in the act myself but how wrong I was.

Masha wanted me to cuddle her while we watched a movie. I almost laughed at that, me, Azrail, cuddling. It was not going to happen but what was going to happen was me making her mine, all mine.

If she thought she could escape then she had another thing coming.

The car was parked right before her house, the outside lights bright.

My hands sweat and I would never admit this but I was nervous. It was one of the few times I just found myself so nervous.

I jumped out of the car, the flowers in hand to rush up the steps and ring the bell.

The door opened, my eyes staring ahead with her smile just one that had me curse in my head because I was more than fvcked. I found myself using words I would never use, what was she doing to me?

Masha stood with the door wide open.

Her smile just had me questioning if this was real or if I was in a crazy dream. My body tingled. My body and tingling, it should have not been in the same sentence together yet there I was.

My eyes wrecked through her face, not able to tear my eyes from hers as she seemed as stunned as I was but I could hide it better. Masha was an open book when it came to me, one look and you knew everything you needed. I liked that, in the world of murder I was in, she was just a breath of fresh air.

My girl was stunning, my eyes running and taking in that little sexy dress she wore. She made everything look sexy, and let us not start on her formal wear. My s****l hunger was awoken and I wanted to devour her.

“ Masha.” I said, calling her because her name had been irking me all week long and I could finally just say it out loud without cursing myself.

I watched her face burn, her skin turning red as she blushed so hard I thought she would faint.

Masha, she was something else, wasn’t she?

“ Azrail.” She said back, recalling how she had moaned my name.

My suit suddenly seemed a bit tighter.

It was not the time, having a lot to do. I was going to make the night special for her. I was going to just take out everything I could come up with and hope it was enough. We walked into the house, she leading me to the kitchen where her parents were.

Her father, I did not know what to say about him. He was a man I admired and saying that meant a lot. I admired him in terms of his family. He really loved them. They were his weakness but besides that, he really made something beautiful.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Could I provide that for Masha? I was not sure where I would even have to start.

“ Here.” I gave her the flowers, us walking in the kitchen where her parents were. Her father was cooking with her mother just watching him.

Masha had grown up in such a beautiful environment. I could not do that for her, I could not just laugh, dance and giggle with her. Our home would be filled with….I was not sure but it would not be as warm as her family home was.

The doubts began chirping in and I hated it.

She made me this way, having me second guess everything and why were my hands suddenly sweating?

We all greeted each other. I was not the most liked person in that house but I understood. Too much had happened between me and Masha, the environment hostile.

I asked to talk with her parents in private. Her mom frowned, but her dad, Vlad understood and we were soon walking away to their study.

My hands sweat even more. I knew it was going to be hard but nothing worth having is attained so easily. I would kidnap Masha if I had to, there was no way she was escaping us at that point.

Yet, why the sudden need for her?

Was it because of the night we shared?

Why did I feel as if I could not even breathe without her?

If it was the s*x, then….

Shit.

The door closed and I knew this was my last chance.

“ Mr. and Mrs Vasiliev, I do want to thank you so much for what you did for me back in Mexico.” I started, not a man to not pass thanks where it was well deserved, they were truly great people and I had been messing with their daughter in the worst way possible.

Did Masha deserve a broken man like me, totally not, then why did I think it was fine for me to hold her down like this?

“ We were helping family, we always help family.” Mr Vasiliev said, holding his wife as they stood staring at me. They knew that was not really why I had asked to speak with them in private and I was not one to keep anyone waiting.

“ I would like to ask for your blessing to ask your daughter to marry me.” I just threw it out there.

Masha’s father turned darker where he stood. He grind his teeth in his mouth, seeing his face just merge with frustration and disapproval but just seeing that made me certain that even if they said no, that would not stop me.

Masha’s mother opened her mouth to close it. Her hand ran through her hair only for her to breathe out.

“ Does she know?” Masha’s mother asked with me shaking my head.

“ She does not know.” I said out.

“ I don’t understand this relationship of yours. You hurt her too many times and frankly I think she needs to move on but the heart wants what it wants. You need to change. Masha is precious to us and we are not going to let you just keep tossing her around to your pleasing.” Her mother said with me nodding my head.

The tension was high up and I was usually at the other end yet how the wheels turn.

Her father just stared at me with such angry eyes I thought he would shoot me and put me out of my miserable life.

“ I do not approve, but…” Her father trailed away, shaking his head.

“ It is Masha’s decision. She is the one that will live with you and build a life with you. I don’t think you are good for her. I don’t think you should be proposing to her, or doing anything with her but she is the one that has to decide for herself.” Masha’s father said with me nodding my head. I respected that.

Was he right? Should I be walking away?

The silence spread, nothing else to be said, seeing no other reason to linger around.

I thanked them, turning around and us making our way down the stairs.

Masha was waiting and we were soon walking out of the house after saying goodbyes.

The doubts just hit ten times more.

I knew Masha wanted to know what we had talked about but I could not tell her and I frowned because it did not sit well with me not sharing information with her. I suddenly wanted to tell her everything. One thing was for sure, Masha was the only person I could trust and rely on. She was the only person I would….My head shook even thinking about it. I would give up everything for her which just shocked me to realize.

We slid in the car and I could not help but stare at her.

“ Hi.” I said, not knowing what else to say. It felt like a new start with her.

“ Hi,” She greeted back.

The nerves made space for the excitement. It was going to be a good night.

I grabbed her closer and just claimed her lips in all that excitement. If she knew what was about to happen. I was sure she would faint. That nearly had me chuckle, the way she loved me, it was something else and I did not understand why she loved me so much. Couldn’t she see the monster I was, couldn’t she see that I would be the end of her?

My hands lay on her waist, tugging her up because I needed more and more of her. I did not even want her in that s****l way, I needed her in my life. Her tiny body grind over me and I thought I would lose my mind. She would be the death of me and suddenly, after all these years, I had a weakness.

We stopped, saving all that s****l energy for later. My eyes just took her in and I felt such peace fall over me. I could hold her there forever.

The silence spread, me just taking in every inch of her skin.

“ How was Spain?” She suddenly asked, her voice! I wanted to just listen, keep listening.

“ Okay. You did not sign my papers.” I said back, my brain could not even think of anything else besides her. See how a man can just be brought to his knees by just one woman.

“ I did not know what it would mean. I don’t know what we are? I am perplexed on what is happening with us and you are confusing me.” She said back but she did not have to worry for long. I was going to do right by her.

The car stopped, us walking out. We went up, making a pit stop in the bathroom.

She held me so tightly and I loved that. I hated being touched but suddenly found myself craving her touch.

We sat down, the rooftop decorated to the best of my romantic abilities. I did not hire anyone, did it myself and I was proud. I wanted to put in the effort and I did and she loved it.

We ate dinner, her favorite artist playing all thanks to her brother chirping in with the information. We were good, everything was going great and I could feel the box just poke my skin on my chest.

Minutes were ticking away and it was time.

My hands got a bit sweaty, the evening and music just getting more romantic.

Could I do it?

I could barely even speak. My brain was just short circuiting. We walked out to the edge of the roof top with the chopper soon flying in the sky.

My heart was at my throat, so many voices just talking all at once in my head, discouraging and encouraging but we were there and I had to do it.

The words were soon spread on the sky, asking her to marry me. My hands slipped from her, she not even noticing. I took a step back, pulling out the box to kneel on one knee.

Me, Azrail, kneeling.

Wow, how things change. I opened the box with the ring sparkling out.

There was no dealer I had not called. Thousands of diamonds had been laid out for me and I needed only the best for her because she was worth more than any expensive diamond to ever exist. She was worth the world and I could not give her the world but I could give her the best I could find.

She turned around, shocked with tears on her eyes.

“ Masha Vasiliev, will you marry me?” The words were said, not even sure how I had spoken.

I looked up at her, literally pouring everything out.

“ It represents the struggle we have been through and still to face together.” The red large diamond had just spoke out to me. Masha and I had been through a lot and through it all she was there; she cared, she loved and gave her all to me. The way was still dark but with her by my side, there would be nothing that would stop me.

Masha shook as if she would collapse. I thought she would faint again only to frown as I realized her reaction wasn’t one I had expected at all.

I saw grief cover her face, saw hurt and heartbreak.

Wait, what was happening here?

Maybe it was the ring but hell, I knew she did not care about such things. Maybe it was just me. Could she say no? She did deserve better, she did not need me in her life.

My mind just made up right then, she was right, her parents were right, I should let her go.

“ Ju—just tell me you love me Azrail and mean it then I am yours.” The words seemed as if they were choking her as she wept her heart out.

Dread filled me.

She wanted me to tell her words I had never said in my life. My brain was telling me to say them but those words did not even exist in my world. They were a trigger to me and I found them choking my throat. I could not say them, I could not say them out.

The panic hit hard and I just pushed all my emotions behind and shut down because I could not deal with them. I did not know how I got so vulnerable but it was scary, shutting everything down all at once.

“ Please, just tell me you see yourself happily spending the rest of your life with me, tell me you can not stand being away from me, tell me you think about me everyday when I am not there and miss me like crazy. Tell me everything feels right when you see me. Please, just tell me you love me.” She cried out and I felt as if I was losing my mind.

I could barely hear anything, everything cold and numb on my body.

My body pushed up. I was no longer there, I just wanted to leave and just breathe. I wanted to forget about this. I wanted to be heartless again. I wanted to shut down again and have no feelings at all. I wanted the me before Masha back.

My world was spinning. The box with the ring was shut, just not able to see her tears because once again I was the reason why she was crying and breaking apart.

How many more times until I stopped being selfish and let her go? She was not mine, never would be mine. I belonged in another world and she another one all together. Who was I fooling? Me loving someone and actually being happy? What was I thinking?

“ I think you should see other people.” She said, just knocking me where I was. I had not expected that from her, wanting to nod, wanting to end this once and for all. It had been my last chance and it was gone, I was losing her.

She walked away, her walk turning to a jog.

I slipped out my phone and told Samuel to take Masha back home.

One look at the singer had her packing her things and scurrying away. My hand ran through my hair, turning all around, not knowing where to go, not knowing what to say.

My body bent over, feeling so hot as I ripped the jacket off and threw it away. I was heaving, my throat closing, veins all over my face. My chest felt as if it was collapsing, wanting to scream, wanting to rip everything apart.

My hands clenched to unclench, needing to kill, needing to rip the world apart. The beast in me was awoken, a groan pulling from my mouth. My eyes reddened, wet with moisture. My phone was pulled out, not even having the time to type, too angry to type.

The number was dialed, the phone ringing once and twice with the person picking up.

“ Are there any prisoners that need sorting?” I asked, my voice as bad as I felt.

“ Yes boss, in the forth sector.”

The call was cut, the phone slipped back in my pants.

My body turned, taking one last look at the place, the place where a dream I had had was crushed. I took one look at the place where I would leave the last part of my humanity, shredding it and throwing it over the edge to crush and burn with the future I had once thought I had with Masha.

My feet stalked, blinking everything away and letting the anger, the hurt and pain carry me. I tried reminding myself who I was, reminding myself what I had been through, what had been done to me and what I had done.

I did not even take the elevator, running down the steps, my hands folding the shirt sleeves back with my head angling from side to side. My feet were fast, getting to the front of the building in no time, feeling more rattled, feeling more lethal and dangerous with a car waiting for me.

I slid in, not even saying the address, they already knew. My anger had no bounds, hearing screams in my head, seeing scenes I had lived through in my head, making me shake even more. I was a beast, I was a monster, I never should have forgot that, I never should have doubted that, never should have tried to resist that.

The location was reached in an hour, jumping out and rushing from the car. Any compassion was left behind with me walking through and under to our off-site holding facility. Bad things happened there, really bad things happened there, but the worst was about to take place.

My men made space for me, seeing that I was not there to chat.

I ran down, taking twists and turns. The worst of the worst were guarding such facilities. In training, all were trained with already a position in mind. These did not go to the Morgue. They went to somewhere deadlier; the wicked and twisted scums of the world, left to deal with those daring to go against me.

“ Is the room set up for me?” I asked as I walked into the lockers.

“ Yes Sir.” Asier said, the head of that facility.

“ Good.” I said, unbuttoning my shirt with him watching me, feeling his eyes and excitement of what I would do. I would put nothing but a show for them. I took out the box with the ring, staring at it only to slide it into the locker followed by my shirt. My shoes, socks and phone were next. I was not there to play. The locker was closed, my body turned, staring at Asier.

“ Take me there.”