My Therapist

3.AMELIA STOP

(warning )

CHRISLEY

" Amelia? " i look at her

" Amelia what is this" she comes down from the bed , making her way to me. She is wearing red lingerie . Everything is red , the bed, the floor not forgeting to mention the smell of roses in the whole room. She really did go out of her way. She finally reaches me and she puts her hands on my chest , i drink in her scent and she smells artifical, her old smell forgotten

" welcome home baby " she smiles

There was a time that used to be something that i waited for , long back when things used to be beautiful. when life used to be chocolate and roses between me and this woman. She kisses my lips, her kiss is cold. So has it been since i dont remeber when. I kiss her back hoping maybe the spark, the connection can come back again. I always wish for that but as usual i feel nothing. How can someone go from something to nothing.

" sigh" the flashbacks have started creeping in.

" Amy not again i you should stop before you put her in harms way" i remeber always telling her

" Dont worry baby its nothing serious she will just be okay" she always answered nonchalantly. I loved Amelia but i hated how iresponsible she could get . I wish she had listened more , maybe that day would not have happened. She was was an adrenaline junkie , one of the reasons why i fell in love and also one of the reasons why we fell. She came from a rich family, always pampered and Mr Miller's princess. She could get away with anything , she was unwavering and soon as i saw that she was my match i did not hesitate . I never knew that the reason why i fell for her would become the reason why i loathe her this much.

Red is all i saw. A fter i had warned her so many times about her carelessness . There i was her pain, her wails everything unfolding in my eyes .

" Amelia what the f**k " i could not say anything after everything

" This is all your fault , where were you , you should have been here earlier ! " she shouted at me , as if that would have made any difference. I laughed bitterly

" like this could have saved her from you"

Red, still red everywhere . Her cries , her pain and the guilt , not forgrtting the stench of regret very strong and very foul. She broke me in a way that i never would think she would.

" dont put the blame on me , youre just as much of a murder as i am" and till now those words echo in my mind, still engraved and never forgotten. f**k the stench of guilt on regret. The stench that i carry everyday but not mine to clain. Again i ask how can someone who meant everything mean so nothing now. But even so , even after everything , ever dark and dangerous that happned here i am , with the same woman, The same cause of my misery riding me as if there is no tommorow. Her wanton moans fill the room as she has her eyes rolled up in the sky as her other hand grabs my shoulder.

" uh please , Chris im about to come" she screams loudly as she comes from her high , me barely satisfied . Finally regaining her breath she gets off me and lays on the bed. As a gentlemen i get up and clean both of us up . She tugs my shoulders as she stands up kissing my neck

" we can go again , i can tell younare far from done baby" she says seductively . i refuse her offer making my way to the bathroom

" maybe another time , i am tired from work i just want to lay down and sleep"

" but babe...." before she speaks i interupt

" please Amy " i walk away to the bathroom

" you are doing this again Chris , running away from intimacy , eversince that day you have not..."

" i am not having this conversation with you Amelis especially not tonight , go and sleep" my voice come out rough and authorative and taking the hint she sighs and starts dressing up.

I enter the bathroom and i get in the shower, letting the cold water hit and cascade through my back. i watch as it goes down the drain. I wish some of my memories would go down the drain like that. The fact that i am still here after everything she put me through. I am not a person who overthinks things a lot . I had forgotten everything that happened in the past , but everything she does always seem like she is trying to repent and reflect onher mistake and it ticks me off . Its frustrating because it does not fix anything at this point . I have le it go and i have let her go as well but for now i will refrain from telling her that , not because i care for her feelings, i used to but not anymore but its because i still need my needs met and im not in the right state for any daddy drama. i can play pretend happy family family for now, any hope for real happiness with her is gone, not in a million chances will it happen.Enough about her now. My mind drifts off to my session with Miss Surlem . The thought of her already sends my member going up. She is my real rival, her fierce , stoic expression she plays. Her sinister smile that never seems to falter and the way she carries herself . I already feel aroused. I am a p*****t . I would want to deny it but the next minutes i spent in the shower getting off to my thoughts of her, Imagining all the nasty things she can do to me are enough to prove that indeed i am a p*****t. Finishing off to her thoughts i take a deep breath and dry myself getting out of the bathroom. I beg the lucky stars for Amelia to be asleep but luck is on my side because as i enter she turns to me. The lights are still on and she is sitted on the bed, eyes red and puffy , her makeup is sudged from all the crying she was doing. Used to the acting i refrain from saying anything and just wear my sweatpants getting myself ready for bed.

"do you even love me anymore Chris and if you dont why dont you just let me go " i sigh

" I already mentioned this before, i do not want to talk about this i want to sleep" i already know where this conversation is headed

" No!" she shouts " I can not have you treat me like this , just because of something that happened a long time ago , heal and accept it already she is gone"

" I said go and sleep Amelia! " she is taken aback by my tone but like the little brat she is , she does not back down but continues to anger me further

" stop getting defensive Chris that thing is long dead, long gone just accept it " now she has done it. She has tested my waters. How i got there i am not sure , i just know my hands have gotten on her neck pushing her on the cold hard flooe. She tries to cry and scream but i immediately stop her

" I will say this once and never again and neither will you try defying me woman, i have dealth wih your brattiness for too long, your actions have not gone unnoticed and practially i will never forgive you for what you did.Just because i have not mentioned it does not mean that i am over it.I am not lying Amelia when i say i will beat you up, i will beat you up you will not recognise your own face , whatever you did was a , a crime that you have not been punished for. One sentence from me you will be rotting in the jail cells and daddy dearest will not be able to pull up the strings for you to see the daylight and i will make sure of that. i suggest you stick to being the good little wife that you are when you are not running your little mouth and behave because beleive me i do not make empty promises my wife . Is that clear?"

she sniffs

" I said do i make myself clear !" she immediately nods

" good, now stand up and go to bed and i hope you shut up about this i do not want any call from your family members about any of our marital problems do i make myself clear" she nods and without another word she nods and goes to bed. now i need another ciggarette . I go to the balcony and stare in the air as i smoke. That pretty marriage that people used to admire is now this rotten , so filthy . i wait on the balcony and only after my thoughts had died down do i gp back to bed. I switch off the lamp and the only thing that is heard in the darkness is the sounds of her sniffs that later die diwn as she sleeps.